How has mental illness affected your life?

I've always been a very 'emotional' person, you know if I'm sad I can't help but cry, if I'm happy I laugh. Because of this the deterioration of my mental state wasn't really noticed by anyone. Then last summer I overdosed on paracetomol (42 500ml tablets). Tried to go to sleep, couldn't breathe, panicked and told my mom. haha

It was crazy, I don't even know what came over me. I don't think I seriously wanted to die but then it wasnt a 'cry for help' because apart from my mom who took me to hospital, nobody else knows. Not my friends, school and I refused to cooperate with the physciatrists at the hospital. This really scares me, because what if it happens again?

This is really odd because I'm like totally happy, I just completely overreact to situations. I don't really know what to do. I've been in trouble at school alot, I'm not proud of it, but I've behaved in a way that makes people think I'm a manipulative, selfish, 'steel-hearted' bitch. And maybe I am? I just can't speak to them about it, I'd get laughed out. And my home-life is very middle class, mother with depression, father out at work.

I just wanted to know. Am I depressed? or what. Am I just being 'teenage' or should I actually get help? :/ It's all very confusing.

Take 50 nxt time troll

Reply 141

SOA Vamp

10

It ruined most of my teenage years tbh, but in some ways it's made me a better person. Once I found the willpower to try and get over it, I became determined to change my life and become the person I truly wanted to be. I'm not there yet; I don't know if I ever will be. I learnt however, that no-one understands depression unless they've been there themselves; friends, counsellors, parents, don't know **** about what having depression feels like and how to deal with it. Whether you tell them you have depression or not, in my experience they don't have a ****ing clue how to deal with it or what to do. Not entirely their fault, but gets frustrating at times. When it gets to the point when you want to die, and then suddenly I thought, '**** you life, I DO care.' I still have my horrendous days where I become someone I used to be, too depressed to function, and am just generally a horrible person to be around. Anyway, I hope someone's read this and realises that maybe their life can change, cos I believe it can. I found the willpower to get out of it, and am so glad I did because of the person I've (nearly) become :smile:

And my heart goes out to everyone who is living with mental illness or supports family/friends who have it.

Reply 142

Anonymous #12

Thread's gone a bit dead. :frown:

Reply 143

eaasy

2

Mental health problems meant I had to drop out of university to recover, it started with anxiety and alcohol abuse then lead into full on psychosis. It was the worst few months of my life in which I contemplated suicide and had horrible paranoid thoughts, hallucinations and delusions. Having fully recovered now or near enough i have much stronger relationships with my family and have learnt to live life to the full. When psychotic i had a sort of apifanny which has helped me to become a better person, i am much less bitchy and don't judge people as i would previously. Overall is was a horrific experience for me and my family, but you have to find the good things out of these experiences and move on, as there is no point crying over spilt milk.

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 144

Sylviana

Original post by ChaoticSkills

My mums got OCD and I suspect that she is a manic depressive as well she flips out so badly sometimes it's unreal I hate her for it sometimes but I try to remember that she has an illness. It's not in her hands, she takes pills everyday but they don't seem to work. My aunts got a similar thing minus the depression, her case is much worse though she's extremely superstituous and very cautious when it comes to things she can and cannot touch and what needs to be cleaned etc. I wouldn't wish this thing on my worst enemy, it literally destroys your entire life :frown:

I completely understand where you are coming from. My Mum has Manic Depression too, very severe to the point she is near constantly hospitalized, when she is out of hospital she flips out at everyone and is very abusive, but i always have to remind myself, it's not her, it's her illness. It's been extremely difficult for the family to deal with and i agree, it does destroy lives. My parents divorced over it and my family has been torn apart by her illness. She has done so many horrible things that one couldn't get away with being normal. There are so many aspects to my Mum's illness that on a good day is a drain, on a bad is horrific. I don't remember her ever being well, like properly well..but the one time she was on the road to recovery, she had a part time job and managed to hold it down for 3 months before spiralling back into illness. We have been fighting for about 15 years to get her the proper care she needs beyond hospital, she needs supported accommodation and can't be left on her own. But this costs a lot of money so we are at the moment evidencing everything so we can appeal with the mental health teams to get her the support she needs. As her daughter, There has been a role reversal. I've had to be her carer and it is extremely draining to deal with it all. I've had two and a half years of counselling whilst at University to deal with the effects of her illness and the impact it has had on us all.. but i'm a lot more forgiving and understanding now of her situation. I just want her to be alright at the end of the day, but i have realized nothing i can do can make her better, and i have tried so many things. She has to want the help and also be willing to comprimise and understand the decisions people make for her welfare. But she has spiralled so deep now, I don't think she will ever recover. I'm hoping long term she'll get hospital care constantly, as she is a much better person when she has proper care. It's complicated but i can see we will get her the support she needs.

Reply 145

OddThings

15

Original post by screenager2004

I had depression for five years, it wasn't major, psychotic depression but it was enough to make living not really worth it. I withdrew from my friendship groups, wouldn't leave the house for weeks at a time, ended up getting into fights and put into an isolation unit (which was essentially a cupboard without windows with a desk in it, where I'd sit from 9am until 3pm to do schoolwork alone) broke down into tears a lot during lessons and at work, got sent home, got referred to specialist educational centres for maladjusted children, my attendance dropped by half, scraped through A levels with few good memories, parents tried to persuade me into counselling which I finally went to at university but then ended up dropping out due to hopelessness about future.

blah blah

Anyway, one night I was laying in my bed thinking about how dull the prospect of spending the next 60 years of my life in this state of pointlessness because I'd never have the guts to commit suicide. (I'm sure many of you will know the feeling)
I woke up the next morning and it was just gone. It's like.... have you ever had a moment of epiphany where you suddenly realise you're completely over an ex? I literally woke up and that emptiness had just evaporated and I smiled and felt relaxed and contented in my nice warm bed with the sun spilling in through the window.

And so I've been feeling really great for the last five or six months.

Last week I got a terrible result in a mock exam (it wasn't even a passing grade). I cried when I got home for a good hour, then set out with a new revision plan straight away, put my all into it and saw myself improving immediately. Two days later and I had completely gotten over it, just felt like "Yeah it was a shock, but I'm doing this extra work and it'll pay off and I'm not scared about taking the test" That would have never been the case last year. I'm genuinely astounded how well I coped with it, if that had happened a year ago, it would have totally sapped all my motivation away.

They say we only use 10% of our conscious brainpower, so I believe the human mind does have the potential to pull itself out of depression, just it's a latent ability that we're unable to tap into intentionally. But the possibility is there, if anyone is feeling like they're in for a miserable 80 years on this planet and there's no happiness in the world, I urge you to carry on with the best of your ability and one day you might just wake up feeling like a complete human being again. It could happen to you next week.

I feel almost exactly the same as you do.I had really low self esteem/BDD and depression(although not really serious as you said) and it really mucked things up in my life,and then one day,it all seemed to make sense,how to feel better,the negative thoughts were easier to block out,it probs makes no sense to anyone reading this,but it was the best moment of my life so far.

Reply 146

insideedge

good evening guys,

I suffer from an anxiety disorder, which is basically that I am worried, anxious (derr!) pretty much all the time. It's pretty horrible and i've only had it for about 2 months.
It makes me worry about everything, I can't concentrate, my mind wanders all the time and I'm afraid all the time.
I've been told to pull myself together, get a grip and to be honest there's nothing more I'd like to to than to pull myself together! Nobody will understand what it's like to have a mental illness unless they have been affected themselves.

It's so hard and it's making me depressed.
I've been to the GP and they said they'd ring me and sort something out i.e treatment but they haven't yet let me know...every day that goes by is terrible and i just want to feel 'normal' again. :frown:

Does anyone else on TSR suffer from an anxiety related illness?

Reply 147

Anonymous #23

Depression for about 5/6 years now, only told a few close friends and my mum this year. It has wrecked my life, I'm shy and un-confident and keep slipping into relapses that sometimes result in me thinking silly things, including ending it, I've come very close to ending it several times...I'm now thinking about dropping out of uni because I'm hating the current one and its making me worse...so yeah :sigh:

DepSoc is always here if you need support, the latest chat thread is here

Reply 148

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by insideedge

good evening guys,

I suffer from an anxiety disorder, which is basically that I am worried, anxious (derr!) pretty much all the time. It's pretty horrible and i've only had it for about 2 months.
It makes me worry about everything, I can't concentrate, my mind wanders all the time and I'm afraid all the time.
I've been told to pull myself together, get a grip and to be honest there's nothing more I'd like to to than to pull myself together! Nobody will understand what it's like to have a mental illness unless they have been affected themselves.

It's so hard and it's making me depressed.
I've been to the GP and they said they'd ring me and sort something out i.e treatment but they haven't yet let me know...every day that goes by is terrible and i just want to feel 'normal' again. :frown:

Does anyone else on TSR suffer from an anxiety related illness?

Hi, I started the thread and can see where you're coming from. There are days when I simply can't leave the house which obviously isn't great for school...This is mainly because I can be scared of people, strangers in fact, just randomly making fun of me. I dont really know why because I actually havn't ever been bullied before tbh. I just feel like everybody's watching me sometimes.
But hey, be persistent with your GP, make sure they understand how badly this is making you feel.
And I'm sure you'll feel like your old self soon enough, it helps when there's family and friends there for you. Stay strong :smile:

Reply 149

Seba_Nile

9

Original post by Anonymous

bipolar. don't handle it, just sort of live with it and go with the flow

i have not yet killed myself, that's always a good sign

OR IS IT? WOE.

no but seriously... i don't handle it. i don't have coping strategies. or anything like that. it's bad, i should probably

I totally echo this post.
Some people have ways of dealing with it but I don't think there is ever a real to deal with it. You kind of have to accept it. I went for many years feeling the need to define it, to box it, to know how to 'cure' it etc etc. Medication didn't help. It solved the mood swings by basically zombifying me for large portions of the day along with the massive lithium headaches that accompanied each dose.

I think after a while you develop your own ways of making yourself feel 'better'. Losing myself in music is a favourite of mine along with intensely focusing so that I block the whole world out (however this often results in me being unaware of my surroundings and losing 15/20 sections of time without really realising - best done alone in the bedroom).

In terms of affecting my life, I think it basically becomes your life. Its made me very adverse to large groups of people (often reclusive). Its made it difficult for me to get close to people due a mixture of fear of telling them and the trust-issues that I have gained. I could go into the negatives for hours but I think there are positives that come with it. I work in theatre and the disorder has definitely played a large part in my creative side and I find that there are a large number of mentally-troubled people in the artistic world for this very reason. It has also made me deeply affectionate for the people close to me. By this, I think it makes you define your real priorities in life. Do I want to go out and try and sleep with everyone I can? No, because I've found saving your vulnerable and emotional side for the few people who matter are more rewarding. I suppose by this, I mean I've found a deep love in searching for meaningful experiences and not empty-ones (that may be fun while they last but you will eventually consider to be a waste of valuable time).

Therefore, I suppose it means it makes you think differently about life to most people and this has its pros and cons like everything in life. Don't dwell on it, although I know how easy this is to do, just try and find the pros and it makes the cons so much more bearable. Hell, I was suicidal for a very long time and 18 attempts later, I'm still here. Coming to terms with it not only has made me less suicidal, it meant I view my quality of life as significantly higher.

Hope that helped.

Reply 150

neiljeff123

14

Be interested to know if anyone has shared my problem: Im so desperate to find someone to talk to that I tend to scare them, freak them out and push them awake.
which is annoying when my depression is linked to lonlieness

Reply 151

dizzy09

I suffer from anxiety/depression, and have done since I was 14 (I'm now 26). This escalated during my early twenties, during which I was in an abusive relationship. He convinced me that no one could ever love me, and put me through physical and mental hell. When my son was born, he convinced me that I'd lose my son, so I struggled to bond. As he threatened to kill me if I ever left him, when I did eventually leave him, I developed social anxiety disorder. I still have days where I can't leave the house. I freak out when I hear the electric meter click in the middle of the night. If someone tries to get close to me emotionally, I'll push them away. Only two people other than my family, landlord and neighbours know where I live. I've had issues with self harm, and still suffer from trichotillomania. I suffer from recurring nightmares, which I get at least twice a week. Thing is, I can also hide how I'm feeling. My parents have a dim view on mental illness, so I can't tell them how I feel, or whats going on.

Reply 152

Anonymous #24

Original post by Anonymous

Hi, I started the thread and can see where you're coming from. There are days when I simply can't leave the house which obviously isn't great for school...This is mainly because I can be scared of people, strangers in fact, just randomly making fun of me. I dont really know why because I actually havn't ever been bullied before tbh. I just feel like everybody's watching me sometimes.
But hey, be persistent with your GP, make sure they understand how badly this is making you feel.
And I'm sure you'll feel like your old self soon enough, it helps when there's family and friends there for you. Stay strong :smile:

Hey I totally know what you mean - and there doesn't seem to be a cause which is more frustrating.
How long have you suffered with this for? Have you not had treatment? I dont know what treatment consists of really, I want CBT but it seems impossible to get or it's taking ages. GP's don't seem to know how it feels to be waiting waiting and waiting! :frown:

Reply 153

The_Lonely_Goatherd

20

Original post by neiljeff123

Be interested to know if anyone has shared my problem: Im so desperate to find someone to talk to that I tend to scare them, freak them out and push them awake.
which is annoying when my depression is linked to lonlieness

I do that. I subconsciously look for mother figures and do everything I can to get them to like me. Then I freak out and subconsciously do my best to push them away :yes:

Then if they refuse to let me push them away, I get annoyed :biggrin:

Reply 154

neiljeff123

14

Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd

I do that. I subconsciously look for mother figures and do everything I can to get them to like me. Then I freak out and subconsciously do my best to push them away :yes:

Then if they refuse to let me push them away, I get annoyed :biggrin:

Why a mother figure may I ask? JW because im exactly the same as this : )

Reply 155

The_Lonely_Goatherd

20

Original post by neiljeff123

Why a mother figure may I ask? JW because im exactly the same as this : )

Not entirely sure. My counsellor said it's coz I don't feel my mother loves me but even if that's true, I'm not sure where that all comes from.

Personally I suspect that my counsellor took things a bit far. I suspect I'm searching for unconditional affection and acceptance from someone because I didn't feel I was getting that from my mum. It's honestly a bit of a mystery. My mum knows that I do this but she's not sure either.

I've been told that maybe there was some childhood trauma that I don't remember and that I should have hypnotherapy :s-smilie:

Reply 156

insideedge

Hi, has anyone had CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) ? I have Anxiety, OCD and Mild social Anxiety and mild depression too. I am feeling pretty horrid lately and want to get it 'fixed'.

I'd imagine the wait on the NHS is very long, so would it be best to get treatment done privately e.g BUPA? It will cost a lot but I'm willing to pay, the level of care will be better and I imagine I'll be able to have a therapist who has recent success of 'curing' such mental illnesses...
Can't put a price on happiness hey...

I'd really appreciate replies here guys and of any experiences with CBT. :smile:

Reply 157

The_Lonely_Goatherd

20

Original post by insideedge

Hi, has anyone had CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) ? I have Anxiety, OCD and Mild social Anxiety and mild depression too. I am feeling pretty horrid lately and want to get it 'fixed'.

I'd imagine the wait on the NHS is very long, so would it be best to get treatment done privately e.g BUPA? It will cost a lot but I'm willing to pay, the level of care will be better and I imagine I'll be able to have a therapist who has recent success of 'curing' such mental illnesses...
Can't put a price on happiness hey...

I'd really appreciate replies here guys and of any experiences with CBT. :smile:

I had my first CBT session last Friday, though it was more continuing my psychological assessment than actual proper CBT stuff. I'm doing it on the NHS and only had to wait a month between them deciding they were going to offer it and the first session. I thought this was pretty quick, given what you hear about the NHS, but they were apologising for it taking so long!

That said, I really do believe it's a postcode lottery and that I'm lucky with the borough I live in. I'm doing my CBT with a lovely trainee psychologist and am having weekly sessions, indefinitely (as far as I can tell. At least six though, to be followed by a review) :smile:

Reply 158

Zebrastripes

13

Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd

I had my first CBT session last Friday, though it was more continuing my psychological assessment than actual proper CBT stuff. I'm doing it on the NHS and only had to wait a month between them deciding they were going to offer it and the first session. I thought this was pretty quick, given what you hear about the NHS, but they were apologising for it taking so long!

That said, I really do believe it's a postcode lottery and that I'm lucky with the borough I live in. I'm doing my CBT with a lovely trainee psychologist and am having weekly sessions, indefinitely (as far as I can tell. At least six though, to be followed by a review) :smile: