The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre

Hello,

Well I have been in a relationship for over two years now and most of it was LD, I've just got back from seeing her. We were planning on living in a flat together next year while I finish my last year of Uni. Now that it's getting closer to actually ending the LDR I'm not sure if I can take moving in with someone. I just feel like 21 is too young to be getting so serious and committed. I know that a LDR is a commitment, but it's quite different to moving in together. But we also both don't want to carry on in a LDR, so it's either move in together or end it really.

Any thoughts appreciated. Would I be crazy to throw it all away after being in an LDR so long? I mean, how common is it for people to move in with their final partner at 21? I'm scared that I'll regret not really "having a life" before settling down, whatever that means really.

Ok, so this might seem like a completely horrible thing for me to say, but whilst you're apart from your partner, how do you deal with other temptations? I'm not saying I want to cheat on him because I really don't, but all my friends are at uni (as well as him), I'm on a gap year at home and this guy who I was casually seeing for about a year is still at home and tells me he still wants to see me and sometimes I do see him as a friend. I don't want to go any further though because I like my boyfriend so much, but it is so frustrating being here by myself whilst my boyfriend is at uni and I'm just so lonely. How can I pass the time when I don't see him and stop temptation happening?

Ok, so this might seem like a completely horrible thing for me to say, but whilst you're apart from your partner, how do you deal with other temptations? I'm not saying I want to cheat on him because I really don't, but all my friends are at uni (as well as him), I'm on a gap year at home and this guy who I was casually seeing for about a year is still at home and tells me he still wants to see me and sometimes I do see him as a friend. I don't want to go any further though because I like my boyfriend so much, but it is so frustrating being here by myself whilst my boyfriend is at uni and I'm just so lonely. How can I pass the time when I don't see him and stop temptation happening?

I'm in a long distance relationship and my boyfriend is away for most of our next summer holiday (abroad). I'm happy he'll have such an amazing summer but I'm selfishly a little upset too because it's what I was looking forward to after our year of distance. (He's at uni, I'm at sixth form, both just started)

I just want to know how to deal with myself and my emotions in that period of time. One part of me is really jealous because my family can't afford that good holidays and I'm not going on one with my friends. I am going on holiday though so I can't complain.

Another part of me is like "damn all that time I could have spent with him, we're in an LDR it's hard enough already, how am I going to cope if we don't even get summers together now" and I'm going to be a mess because I get easilly paranoid and upset (if anyone has any advice for that that would be great). I also don't have that strong a friendship group (believe me, I'm sociable, I've tried) so I'm worried I'll be bored.

I know he wouldn't cheat, the other friends he's going with have girlfriends too and they're nice guys, but I always get really paranoid and six weeks apart...he might meet someone he likes more than me, but that's the same with any relationship or situation I guess.

I think getting a job would be a good idea and if I try and organise something with friends. But we'll have minimal contact and it's just a bummer really. Also please don't say "omg why is he choosing to be away from you?" because he's allowed these opportunities in life and in the future I want to go on amazing holidays with friends too.

If someone could give me some advice, that would be great

Two words:

Dildo.
Vibrator.

I am in a sort of similiar situation to you. I am on a gap year and my boyfriend is in his first year of uni which is over 3 hours away from where I live. We thought summer would be a great time to spend with each other however, I really want to go travelling for a month with one of my friends around Europe. It's something I've always wanted to do and I am still going to do it despite my boyfriend wanting to spend the summer with me.

So I can understand where your boyfriend is coming from and I know that I won't cheat on my boyfriend. To be honest, if you're travelling, there isn't a lot of chance to meet someone that you're going to want for a long term partner really. I bet he'll be thinking about you the whole time, too.

Just keep in contact as much as you can, text every day, just small ones to let you know you're thinking of each other. 6 weeks seems like a really long time, but its not. Plus, uni holidays are MILES long, so surely you'll be able to have some time together still?

With the "getting bored" thing, don't worry too much because I don't know how often you see him, but I see my boyfriend once a month so 6 weeks wouldn't be that far apart in my mind. Take up a hobby like I don't know, sailing, say, to keep you occupied for the summer, otherwise like you said, a job would be a really good idea. You could also make a new social life there, too.

Just have faith, don't think negatively, and it'll all be fine. Enjoy the time you do have together so that after the holiday, you'll be so happy to see him that you'll feel like the 6 weeks never happened...

Hi!

1st year at Univ.
I think I am homesick and very serious.

I can't concentrate on my work, studies and other things which some other guys are enjoying.
I thought, after sometime I'll be OK but it doesn't seem so now.
I have mostly tears dropping from my eyes, and I try to hide it from others. When I think about this, I don't really have an answer to myself as why am I crying.
I don't know what to do.

Any help will be really appreciated.

Sorry to break it to you but wrong thread, bro.

Hey TSR

I'm in upper sixth, that should give you an idea of my age, and I met a girl through a good friend (shes in lower sixth). After almost a year of chatting to her online and stuffs, she revealed her undying love for me (as you do), ditched her one month local boyfriend (who she resorted to dating due to believing i wasnt interested at all) and we met up again.

We are now 'in a relationship', my first in fact, as I have never been the luckiest of person with these things.

Im ragingly happy about it, dont get me wrong, shes beautiful, loves the same things as me, I trust her and enjoy her company immensely.

She lives down south and I live up in Essex. Its around 150 miles, which yes, is rather a long way (3 and a half hours by train)

Its only been a month but I havent seen her again yet due to exams, but have been worrying myself to death about how its all going to work out. I have told my parents and they dont really want to play a huge part in it all, but have no real problem (fair enough).

The things that are bothering me ...

Have I launched myself into a sealed deal relationship a little bit too early ... Should I have left it a little longer? A few more meet-ups to make sure I am ready for a long distance relationship? Obviously I cannot really fix this now, as I am with her, but it bothers me....

How often should I see her? Should I make it a regular thing? I was looking at the 16-25 railcards and advanced train tickets and I can get a return ticket that is usually £60 for £28... so I can sustain visits, with EMA and savings.

And mainly, should I have a point in the future where I can see this all going? I mean like, somehow me being closer to her?
(I will be going to uni in september, hopefully in london, which means I will only be an hour away opposed to the current 3 hours)

I know this seems all a bit early doors, but it is bothering me already, which obviously is not a good thing, so would seeing her more regularly help this? Or does it just become harder and harder everytime you see them then leave them again..... (hope not)

I have tried to just lightly touch a few issues like this with her but shes, very much into me, apparently has been for well over a year ... so she gets pretty upset rather quickly.

So basically, looking for some words of wisdom from some experienced LDR'ers, on how you cope, what its like in general etc.

Thankyou, it helps to get this stuff out somewhere, even if it is anonymously on tsr :P oh, and sorry for the length, im feeling rather conversational for such an early hour .... :P

I was in and LDR for around 6 months before I moved to where my (now) wife is. I know from experiance that the more you realise you love someone and know you cannot live without them, the harder it is when you have to see them for a short while. It almost tore me and my wife apart, but we had to persevere and just know that although it was painful, things would get better. One important thing you need to consider is do you honestly see yourself with the person in 5 years time. Can you see yourself settling down and having a family with them?

When I asked my wife out, we were living 250 miles away and there seemed like there was no way we would ever be close to one another. On the that night I made a promise to her that with 5 months I would move up to live with her. Now on the basis if that promise she said yes and I kept that promise and moved up within that time frame. I was prepared to uproot myself and move up to be with her and I have never regretted my decision. I am one of the few, where my LDR has been successful. You need to be sure that you truely want to be with her and that you mean it when you tell her. For all the pain of your breif meetings, it will only get harder the longer you are together whilst being apart.

I was not saying that you did not move your partner. What I was saying that with LDRs, the amount of pain that the distance causes, especially if you only get to see each other infrequently, can be unbearable. I am 25 now and I have been with my wife for over 3 years now, so I wouldn't be considered old by anyone's standards. What I was saying is that if you are not expecting the relationship to be serious or if you do not want a serious relationship, an LDR is very ill advised. His girlfriend quite clear gets very upset when he has to leave. My wife did the same and even though as it came nearer the time for me to move up, it became harder and more painful every time we parted. She may find it gets easier in time, but conversly she may not.

I'm in year 12 at the moment and my other half is a year above and is going to university in september. We have been together a year now; at the moment it looks like they're going to a uni that is about 150 miles away. I keep saying how I will make it work and come and see them every week or every other week... and they joke about saying how it wont work and how we should quit whilst we're ahead.. but I'm not sure if there is actually any truth in what they're saying. I said I could go a year without seeing them if it meant being with them after that. And they say that they couldnt do that.. they cant be without me. When i apply for uni i want to be near them.. I know it will only be hard for us for about 10 months. I'm just worried about drunken uni times could lead to cheating and I just wish the next year was over already.
Has anyone been through the same thing and survived or have any advice?? x