This discussion is now closed.

Check out other Related discussions

The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre

Scroll to see replies

I've recently been starting to worry about the prospect of a LDR with my boyfriend of a year when we both go off to uni in september/october time. He'll be at UEA (most likely), Cardif or Keele and I'll hopefully be at York. We have some similar choices so it could be that we do end up at the same place but still.

I love him so much and I don't want to break up just because we're going to be in different places, we're too good together for that.

How did people find it going from seeing someone pretty much everyday to a couple of times a month (depending on finances etc)?

If you love them as much as you think you do then generally speaking you will find a way :smile:

I am still utterly and completely in love with my boyfriend despite the distance - we'd been together for over a year when we left for uni and i'm a fresher so it's still early days considering we're both on four year courses but apart from the sadness due to the fact that you miss them it is worth it for staying with them and when you see them again. Skype is a great great help as you can just leave them on and pretend you're in the same room - although obviously you can't get a real hug from them.

Reply 5581

(Online)

Original post by Melting Sugar.

If you love them as much as you think you do then generally speaking you will find a way :smile:

Thank you for the reply, it was very helpful :smile:

Yes, I am counting on things like skype, I've asked him for a webcam for my birthday :tongue:

How far apart are you and your boyfriend? We'll most likely be a 4hr train journey away.

I guess we'll just have to make the most of the long summer ahead of us before we really start to think about being in a LDR.

Reply 5582

Melting Sugar.

Original post by (Online)

Thank you for the reply, it was very helpful :smile:

Yes, I am counting on things like skype, I've asked him for a webcam for my birthday :tongue:

3.5hr journey by train - yet an hour by car :nothing:

(neither of us are allowed cars in our first year but he's bringing one to uni next year :h:

)

and yeah that's what we did, breaking up was never even discussed we just see how things panned out :smile:

Reply 5583

WelshBluebird

Original post by Melting Sugar.

3.5hr journey by train - yet an hour by car :nothing:

I know the feeling.
With my gf it is around 2 and a half hours by car, but as neither of us drive it is 5 hours by public transport (2 trains and 2 buses).

Reply 5584

MiaJKettel

Hello everyone,
my name's Mia and I'm new on Tsr...I saw this group and it's just perfect for me as I just started a LDR with my boyfriend of four months ... and I'm feeling sooooo down today :frown:

We were together and it was great -although it took me a lot of time to learn to trust him, because of my previous boyfriends...but now Im crazy about him :colondollar:

and he seems quite into me as well... one month ago I had to move to Italy, and he lives in England, so it's going to be really difficult to see him more than once a month (hopefully once a month :s-smilie:

)

I still have the same feelings for him, but I'm wondering if it was a good idea to keep this relationship going now that I've moved away, and if it may end up frustrating him or me in the long run...as I said before, it will be difficult to see him, even in the summer, because he will be working and will live with his family...

I don't know what to do :frown:

sorry guys :frown:

Reply 5585

Anonymous #315

Hey guys

My boyfriend and I went to different universities and we worked for the majority of university (only broke up because we became more like best friends).

You have to understand that your partner will be going out with new people and sometimes wont be able talk when you want to talk and vice versa, you will be going out and having lots of fun with other people. I was not even tempted to cheat because I knew I loved my boyfriend and I knew he loved me. Because we trusted each other we stayed together and made the most out of university.

After university I started going out with a guy even though I had plans to go travelling for 8 months a few months later. This did put us off but we knew we really liked each other so decided to see how it went. By the time I left we were really close and knew we wanted to stay together.

I fully believe that any relationship can work long distance if you and your partner want it to. I did see relationships break up but that was because that person did not want to be with their partner anymore and wanted to have "fun". Well I had lots of fun - bungee jumping, sky diving.. etc. Yes it was very hard because I missed my boyfriend and he missed me, but we talked as often as we could via skype and email, and eventually when I came home, we were stronger than ever. We have now moved in together and are looking towards the future.

So do not worry about long distance!! It will work, it may be hard at times but it will be worth it in the end if that is what you really want :smile:

Reply 5586

Anonymous #316

Kinda long, but i really am unsure what to do. This guy is in love with me and i feel like a bitch.

Basically when i was 14 i got in touch with a guy online. We were basically identical in most aspects. He lives in Canada, i live in the UK.
My mum started speaking to him, she spoke to his Mum and me and him spoke virtually every day until i started 6th form.
When he was 16, he tried to come visit me, he borrowed 2k for the plane ticket, got detained and sent back to Canada because he was a minor flying on his own.
I stayed out relationships during the first few months of University because i felt guilty.

When I was 18 at the end of the first semester of University, i went and visited him. I wanted to see Canada anyway and always had wanted too, so thought i might as well.
We got on really well and the whole week but pretty magic. Caught up in that, we decided to start a LDR relationship. The intention of him coming to see me in easter and then perhaps me going to see him in the summer. 9 months later, i decided it was kinda silly. I hadn't seen him and felt i was missing out on a variety of aspects of University as well as relationship experience. I'm a bit of a knowedge seeker and want as much experience in every aspect possible. I kept my v-card and to be honest have always felt the pressure of it quite badly in University life where many constantly talk about sex and ask questions.

I'd never had any sense of normality in my life until i came to University. I had a very messed up child-hood and a mental Mother who'd constantly lean on me. I really just feel the need to be free. To not have people depend on me, and not to depend on others. I feel i just need time to do that. I constantly just felt in limbo, like i wasn't in a relationship but couldn't progress into one...it was pressure.

So i told him i wanted to break it off. He quickly acted having found a job of recent and booked a flight to see me. He travelled across the world to come and see me.

This summer i'll be working but he wants me to go to Canada instead. He's even said 'im working and earning a lot of money atm, i'll even give you 10k so you don't have to worry about money over the summer, just come to Canada.

The thing is, i like working, i want to work. I want the experience of working and the job i'm getting is directly related to what i want to do when im older. I want as much experience as possible. I don't want to get out of University having realised it isn't going to work with him and find i've wasted my summers in a relationship rather than doing all these things i want to do.

But i feel like a complete bitch, he's completely in love with me, perhaps there's even an element of obsession in there which i'm a bit cautious about.

After i said about breaking up and him coming to visit me last week...i just feel so bad. He'll do anything for me. He's one of the most cuddly guys i've ever met and i constantly would notice him looking at me with a look of 'i can't believe i have you, i can't believe i'm here with you'. I'll be doing work and he'll come over and kiss me. I had so much work to do when here and needed to go the library to do it. He came with me and spent the 10 hours in the library, never complaining once. I just feel so unappriciative that i have this amazing guy, but can't capitalise on it.

I also just don't feel i can reciprocate his love and affection either. I struggle to feel the emotion of love which stems from my child-hood. I just feel like relationships are inconvenient(I have adhd also and apparently i t's quite common for people with adhd to feel this), i'm happy being alone and free. I feel he should be with someone who could return what he gives.

I want to be able to fall in love, i want to be able to feel and care for another human but i'm not going to develop this ability again when i'm in a LDR with someone.

When i saw him at the airport having not seen him in months, he felt like a stranger. A week into his visit i began to feel a bit more for him but of course by this time, he was off home. It doesn't help also that i'm just not physically attracted to him and he also doesn't seem to get my very sarcastic sense of humour and sometimes thinks i'm serious and takes offence and gets hurt.

I feel sightly trapped because he's so determined to keep the relationship going and is so in love with me and will do everything he can. I feel selfish by not continuing.

I suggested perhaps seeing where we both were after Uni, but he doesn't seem to like this idea at all...I can't remember his reply to this but it was something along the lines of 'but what if you or I find someone else?...I cant wait for you'...but i don't want him to wait for me when the next 3 years are so uncertain.

So yeah, i suppose random mumblings...but i really am unsure what to do =/...any advice would be appriciated x

Reply 5587

-megan-

i am not going out with anyone! but there is this lad and me and him are really close, he lives a hour and a half away and i really want to tell him i like him nut don't know how too :/ any advise?

Reply 5588

ItsaNameAndIUseIt

I'm going to be starting a LDR soon :/ I've been with my fella for nearly a year and a half, but I'm going to Uni this year pretttttttttty far away and he's staying on for a third year.

It's just getting to a point now where I worry about it so much that it just feels like when it actually happens, I'll never be able to handle it.

What do you guys do to make it easier? :/

Reply 5589

Enn Jay

Original post by ItsaNameAndIUseIt

Try and plan out when you'll see each other, this makes it easier for you to look forward to the time you will be spending together, and you'll appreciate it more. I also find that Skype really helps when I'm getting lonely and missing my boyfriend, being able to see them makes it easier in my opinion. Good luck!

Reply 5590

MiaJKettel

what do you do when that day comes that you can't help but wondering "is this worth", and you feel him so distant, and you feel so sad that you can't breathe anymore :frown:

Reply 5591

beckyrelwof

I'll be starting a LDR this October. I've been with my lovely chap since Feb '10, so it'll be about 19 months when we have to move away -
He's going to Kingston University , and I'll be at Bath or Exeter (hopefully) or possibly Loughborough.
We are definitely going to stay together, because I know after Uni it will be worth it, to be able to spend every day with him. Just figuring out how to cope with it :s-smilie:

he's been away for 6 days around here and I already miss him so much - it's going to be so hard
how do you guys cope?

Reply 5592

helpnowplease

Original post by beckyrelwof

he's been away for 6 days around here and I already miss him so much - it's going to be so hard
how do you guys cope?

this.

Reply 5593

Melting Sugar.

Original post by ItsaNameAndIUseIt

Have them on skype in the background to pretend they're there in the room :p:

and focus on the next time you're going to see them again :smile:

Original post by MiaJKettel

what do you do when that day comes that you can't help but wondering "is this worth", and you feel him so distant, and you feel so sad that you can't breathe anymore :frown:

Remember why you started this in the first place, you obviously love them else you wouldn't do this - if you don't love them and don't want to be with them then you end it like any relationship.

Reply 5594

Anonymous #317

Urgh. We've been in a LDR for 6 months, been together 2 and a half years, and I just don't know if I can do it anymore. We broke up for a couple of weeks back in November because I got fed up with feeling like I make more of an effort than he does. He begged for another chance. Now I'm just feeling irritated with lots of things he says and does. We see each other every month/month and a half (we are in different countries), and I've just found out I'm going to be going to another country for the whole summer for a job so I just don't know if I can handle even more LDR. The only way we're ever going to actually be non-LDR is if we actually move in together when we graduate next year. If that isn't going to happen, there's no point.
I just feel really irritated at him. I'm not sure if it's because I've realised we are going to be apart for a lot longer than I thought (cos of my new job), but it's just making me reconsider. I HATE skype, I hate feeling like I have to have something interesting to say when in real life we could just hang out together even if we had both been really boring all day, because just spending time is nice. It can't be like that when we're apart. I'm just sick of it. LDRs are awful.

Reply 5595

mr.cole

Ok so my friend and his roomie came up north for a few days and we hit it right off! it was sooooooooo good... my friend totally knew we liked each other and although was a bit shocked, approved :smile:

now however, the whole long distance part has really hit home and found it really difficult saying goodbye.
we have spoke every day since and are doing really well i think.
only other problem, they sayed over one night and my parents didnt aprove, said they wouldnt really have to stay again... but i am very much involved already!

Reply 5596

Rancorous

Original post by MiaJKettel

Hello everyone,
my name's Mia and I'm new on Tsr...I saw this group and it's just perfect for me as I just started a LDR with my boyfriend of four months ... and I'm feeling sooooo down today :frown:

We were together and it was great -although it took me a lot of time to learn to trust him, because of my previous boyfriends...but now Im crazy about him :colondollar:

sorry guys :frown:

dove stai studiando in italia? stai studiando?

Reply 5597

Anonymous #318

Hi
Ive been with my bf for a year and a half now. I'm studying at college in my final year and have applied to university, my bf has also applied to university. We both have got offers and are soon going to be deciding where it is we want to go. He's wanting to study law and im wanting to study music, so we have applied to different uni's. I love him to bits and think he could possibly be the one. However lately ive been worrying about what is going to happen when we both start university and that if our relationship will still be the same. He's told me that he would still like to be together and we both agreed that we would put the effort in to go and see each other at uni either at weekends or over the holidays and still keep in contact.

i havnt told him about how i feel as im worried he might think im being a bit too paranoid or over the top..

any help about long term/long distance relationships at uni would be great (we would only be an hour to 2 hours away living apart)

thanks

Reply 5598

emilymay

Hey, I could really do with some advice off you guys!
I'm on a gap year, but in September I'm going to Leeds to study medicine, which is a very intense five year course, I'm not going to be able to come home very often.
Me and this guy had been together since New Year last year, although officially only since valentines day. He broke up with me at the end of January this year, and I completely fell apart, I got very upset, and he didn't seem to be able to make his mind up whether he'd made the right decision about breaking up, and we both ended up saying things, but we agreed to be friends, except I was still waiting for him to come back to me, I was trying to get over him but really couldn't, in the end I texted him to say I couldn't do it because I wasn't strong enough to watch him living a life without me, and I deleted him off facebook. He gave me this heart on a stick ages ago, and I couldn't bring myself to throw it out, and I couldn't keep it, so I put it through his door with a little note on saying goodbye, and walked away in tears. But he came after me, and I went into his house and he just held me and I stayed at his for 5 or 6 hours, just talking, some of it general chat, some of it talking about us. We ended up kissing.

Basically he wants to get back together, and hes been thinking about it a lot, but he knows I'm going to Uni in September. He works so he won't be going to Uni. He's done long distance before and it hasn't worked, and that seems to be the one thing stopping him. He's thinking about it all atm, but I think we're going to have to seriously talk about it soon. I get where he's coming from because I don't want him to feel tied to me when I'm an hour and half away. I don't want him to put his life on hold for me. But at the same time I'm desperate to get back together and stay together. I need to talk to him about it, and I need to find out just what long distance is like. I need to convince him we could make it work. Does anyone have any advice about what I could say to him to get him to see that we're so special and need to at least try?

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 5599

Gemma16

hey does anyone class 3 hours by train long distance? my boyfriend lives in liverpool and i live in barnsley, this other site i am on says its not long distance but to me is. yeah people are in relationships and live in other countries but to me thats severe long distance and i'm in a long distance.
whos in a long distance thats 2-4 hours by train and how often do you see each other? :smile: