Girlfriend told her parents that she's constantly cooking for me.

I live with my girlfriend so we usually do the shopping and have meals together.

I've found the kitchen to be a major problem in our relationship. There have been several occasions, where my girlfriend would be upset about the lack of cooking on my behalf. In my defence, I'm a terrible cook in comparison to her, and she tends to have much higher standards of food. I have in the past thought it'd be a good idea to mix some food together, only to receive looks which suggests "uhh... no thanks."
No big deal. She's been cooking longer than I have, so probably has a better idea of what goes together and all that. So I've sort of fallen into a role of pretty much just helping out with the cooking, doing small things like whipping the egg, mixing the food in the saucepan etc, rather than coming up with the dishes.

Recently, her parents asked her whether she cooked for me. "Yes, most of the time." and whether I cooked for her... which was "not really". Her parents advised her not to do it so often since I'd take it for granted, which is fair enough. I can totally understand where they are coming from, and I'd even agree with their assessment. But something kind of bothers me about this.

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I hate that my girlfriend feels the cooking is unbalanced. Sometimes, it makes me feel like saying 'You don't need to cook for me as well.' but that will only be taken badly imo. I'm sure she does it because she wants to, not because she expects me to cook half the time as well. But, still the pressure exists.

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I thought when I was helping out, that at least it'd be a case of "Oh, he helps out with the cooking" not "I do most of the cooking". Perhaps, it's true that when I help out, it's not really helping out that much but still, it feels like she doesn't really acknowledge the fact that I'm helping out, and that it is still 'unbalanced' in her eyes.

•

This one is probably minor. But, I'm pretty sure that the answers given to her parents doesn't reflect well on me. I would rather prefer if we did our own cooking, and she told them that "nah, we usually do our own thing" than "I do most of the cooking, he doesn't do anything"

While part of me thinks that it'd be a good idea to actively cook for her. Another part of me thinks it'd also be a good idea to seperate our cooking, so that she doesn't just cook my proportion as well when she's making stuff. But, like I said previously, I get the feeling that suggesting we do things seperately will just end badly.

"I'm okay. You don't need to cook for me all the time."

Maybe it's a case of just preparing food other than rice, gradually increasing the amount of 'alternative food' I make. But if I'm also going to be eatting rice, there's literally no way to avoid the fact that we'll be creating dishes to go with it (and then comes in the idea "we might as well share the meat/vegetable/egg/whatever dish" in that case)

Ugh... I need solutions...

**** reading that!

Do you both work? I'm just asking out of curiosity, sorry about not being able to help you.

Learn to cook.

Seems only fair you should split it 50/50 assuming you both do uni/work/whatever... you only have to learn how to cook like 3 or 4 meals

Reply 5

superwolf

18

Get her to teach you how to cook. It's really not that hard to cook pasta and sauce, or an omelette or soup.

Reply 6

Smoosh

13

Ask her if she can teach you how to make some meals, or buy a cook book and learn a few recipes.

Reply 7

Fabtastic

Learn it - it's seriously not that hard.

Otherwise - do something different that helps her out - doing the washing/cleaning up etc

Reply 8

Vozhak

9

cooking is not some mystic art that can only be done by some it is practice and trial and error, learn to cook.

Reply 9

JIRAIYA-ERO-SENNIN

19

how is this even a problem? so what if she cooks more than you, things are rarely evenly split in relationships. if this is such a problem for you then try to compensate by doing other stuff for her. this is just silly.

Reply 10

0906079

I'm possibly the worst cook ever so if I were to live with a girl I'd make sure she knew who would be in charge of cooking...

Unless she's prepared to eat burnt toast 3 times a day lol.

Reply 11

daedalos

2

Better to cook your own meals if she's giving you that no thanks everytime you do the cooking.

Reply 12

M1F2R3

14

Woman + kitchen? Nuff said.

Reply 13

green chica

2

Original post by Anonymous

I live with my girlfriend so we usually do the shopping and have meals together.

I've found the kitchen to be a major problem in our relationship. There have been several occasions, where my girlfriend would be upset about the lack of cooking on my behalf. In my defence, I'm a terrible cook in comparison to her, and she tends to have much higher standards of food. I have in the past thought it'd be a good idea to mix some food together, only to receive looks which suggests "uhh... no thanks."
No big deal. She's been cooking longer than I have, so probably has a better idea of what goes together and all that. So I've sort of fallen into a role of pretty much just helping out with the cooking, doing small things like whipping the egg, mixing the food in the saucepan etc, rather than coming up with the dishes.

Recently, her parents asked her whether she cooked for me. "Yes, most of the time." and whether I cooked for her... which was "not really". Her parents advised her not to do it so often since I'd take it for granted, which is fair enough. I can totally understand where they are coming from, and I'd even agree with their assessment. But something kind of bothers me about this.

•

I hate that my girlfriend feels the cooking is unbalanced. Sometimes, it makes me feel like saying 'You don't need to cook for me as well.' but that will only be taken badly imo. I'm sure she does it because she wants to, not because she expects me to cook half the time as well. But, still the pressure exists.

•

I thought when I was helping out, that at least it'd be a case of "Oh, he helps out with the cooking" not "I do most of the cooking". Perhaps, it's true that when I help out, it's not really helping out that much but still, it feels like she doesn't really acknowledge the fact that I'm helping out, and that it is still 'unbalanced' in her eyes.

•

This one is probably minor. But, I'm pretty sure that the answers given to her parents doesn't reflect well on me. I would rather prefer if we did our own cooking, and she told them that "nah, we usually do our own thing" than "I do most of the cooking, he doesn't do anything"

While part of me thinks that it'd be a good idea to actively cook for her. Another part of me thinks it'd also be a good idea to seperate our cooking, so that she doesn't just cook my proportion as well when she's making stuff. But, like I said previously, I get the feeling that suggesting we do things seperately will just end badly.

"I'm okay. You don't need to cook for me all the time."

Maybe it's a case of just preparing food other than rice, gradually increasing the amount of 'alternative food' I make. But if I'm also going to be eatting rice, there's literally no way to avoid the fact that we'll be creating dishes to go with it (and then comes in the idea "we might as well share the meat/vegetable/egg/whatever dish" in that case)

Ugh... I need solutions...

it kinda sounds like you're making up excuses for your laziness and unwillingness to learn. have her teach you! it's really not that hard...

Reply 14

Drumzilla

6

i always figure it should be the best person at cooking should cook most of the time,

i mean if a burglar breaks into the house i'm not going to go, "can you deal with it love, equality and all that", i'd do it because i'm better at it.

Reply 15

KvBhasgotabigwilly

2

Communication dammit. how hard is it. If I were you I'd get a recipe and surprise her with a real fancy meal. Candles and everything. It might taste **** but the point is just to impress her with the effort. Then explain to her that you do make effort by helping her cook and you'd love for her to help you cook a meal as you don't have a clue what goes with what. Say to her your never meant to make her feel unappreciated its just that you thought it would be best to leave the cooking for the expert but that you'd love to join in more. If you don't wish to join in more then lie just for the sex you'll get after

Reply 16

vickie89

1

in fairness i think she could have phrased it better to her parents, yes she probably does most of the cooking but could have said something like "i do most of the cooking as he isnt great at cooking, but he does help me out while i cook" or something to that effect.

you could learn a few basic things that you know she will like then you could cook for her sometimes, try and get her to show you what she is doing and you will pick it up so will eventually be able to help her more, maybe if she sees that you are willing to learn from her she might not feel as annoyed at doing all the cooking all the time. if you really dont know what goes with what then get a studen cookbook, i have 3 that are very easy to follow and have some very good stuff in that is pretty easy to cook, you could try one recipe out every week or so, explain to your girlfriend you are trying to learn and she will probably be pleased you are making the effort for her, and if you dont already then you should probably tidy up afterwards, as if she is spending all the time and effort cooking for you both then maybe you should tidy up afterwards, seems fair :smile:

im similar in that when i lived at home my mum is a better cook than me and basically just takes it upon herself to be the one that cooks most of the time, but i like cooking as well so i would also help out with some parts of it and would watch what she is doing sometimes to pick up bts here and there. i would also make us all tea every couple of weeks so that she didnt have to bother cooking when she was at work all day. also with me being fussy, not fancying that they were having all the time (like the whole jacket potato every tuesday and fish and chips every friday,etc) i was more than happy to sort my own stuff out a lot of the time, you could explain it to your girlfriend gently that she doesnt need to cook for you all the time, and that you dont mind sorting your own food out sometimes, however do this carefully if it is likely to cause problems.