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Are my parents OTT?

Is it reasonable, if at the age of 21, your parents still try to suppress you using their authority as parents?

Maybe a few details of my life will help in making my question clearer:
1) I use MSN without my parents knowing because otherwise they will be watching over me whenever im online to see who i'm talking to and about what.

2) I have a ''secret'' email account, because my parents made me give them the password of the email account I originally had, which they go on to and check at their own leisure.

2) I have a phone, but I have to put it on silent as soon as I get home from uni, because if it rings, my parents will expect me to tell them in detail who called, why they called etc.

3) Once my dad borrowed my phone because his wasn't working or something. I got a text from a friend at the time, (my dad isnt very english literate), and so he wrote on a piece of paper what the text had in order to ask my mum or someone what it meant later (incase i delete the txt after). I only knew this coz i found the piece of paper in his coat pocket when i was asked to get him something from his coat.

3) I drive my dad's car to uni.
Once im back, he checks the mileage to see if I have been anywhere other than uni - and if the mileage does differ by a couple of miles, they LIE to me that someone called them to say they saw me 'somewhere' and demand to know where i went other than uni, when infact I only went down the road to get lunch and then had to drive around the parking lot for a while trying to find a parking space. - I can't tell them this, because they expect me to buy lunch from uni canteen only.

I'm 21, is this happening to me because i'm being too scared of my parents, and they are taking advantage of that.
I have no privacy, and i don't know what to do about it. Privacy is something i should expect to have by now right?

Move out. simples

Screw that.

You need to discuss with your parents why their boundaries are so strict and negotiate with them, or yeah, move out.

I couldn't deal with that.

Reply 3

reisen

the ****? that's crazy. Did they not want you to move away or in to halls?

1, 2, 2, 3, 3.

I assume that you are asian??

well, all you can do is either move out and end up with a rift between you and your parents....

get married and use that as an excuse to move out....although your parents will probably choose her as well

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by JaggySnake95

1, 2, 2, 3, 3.

Haha, trust someone to notice that. Don't know what happened there! But yeah....I do know my 1,2,3's :redface:

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Original post by urmyeah

Move out. simples

That would ruin the relationship with my family forever, as they will never allow me to move out until i'm married. I still love my parents, so I don't want to hurt them by moving myself out. I just don't know what to do to make them behave like more ''normal'' parents.

Original post by infernalcradle

Yes, i'm asian, i'm also a she btw, so umm, yeah, they are probably expecting to choose the guy i marry, but I have a long-term boyfriend (which they don't know about ofcourse) and I don't want to move out with him until I absolutely have to because I don't want to hurt them. :frown:

I love them, but i also want them to give me my privacy.

Reply 8

WelshBluebird

Original post by Anonymous

That would ruin the relationship with my family forever

Tbh, from the what you have said, there is no relationship there.
Any relationship between adults (be it a friendship, one between family, or a romantic one) needs to involve respect and trust.
Personally, if my parents were like yours, I would have told them to **** off out of my life.

Reply 9

lizlaz350

Well, you either confront them and tell them you want them to change their behaviour, put up with it, or move out. I personally would just move out, but still.

Reply 10

ella37

that's sounds very intrusive of them. sorry to hear about that. they treat you like a kid, and one who they don't trust at all!

just let them know how you feel i guess. tell them you're old enough to have your own privacy. you can move out as some people have suggested, but possibly reason it with wanting to be independent, etc (and of course, only if you have enough savings/job to accommodation yourself!).

Reply 11

humble_bumble

Original post by Anonymous

You're Asian, and i know it might be hard to confront your parents about this, but i'd recommend it tbh. Talk to them about this, ask them to not be so controlling. You are 21 after all. Do they not trust you?

I am asian, but my parents are not this bad..If i had do, i would always ask them to give me my privacy. And they happily would.

Give it a shot, Otheriwise move out? But you said you love them too much? So somehow gain trust from them, and then they will stop being so controlling.

x

Reply 12

Ewan

What do you want us to say? I've seen threads like this countless times before and they never end well.

How do you get out of this situation? Move out? Tell them to **** off? I'm sure neither of which you're willing to do.

I'll never understand why people take so much crap from their parents. There needs to be a mutual respect there, and trust, otherwise this is not a relationship.