Year 12s: what will be the first way you research your future options? >>

By boyfriend has a crush on another girl, what do I do?

Anon or delete please.

I'veeen with my boyfriend for 18 months, we've had a somewhat strange and stressful relationship.. He has a track history of going from girlfriend to girlfriend but before me, his longest relationship lasted 3 months. During our time together I've had to learn to shelve my insecurities as he's very popular with women and is extremely flirtacious. He often sees exes (for dinner/ nights out) but I'm OK with that (on the surface at least), because I have to try to trust him, otherwise our relationship is doomed.

He's lied to me in the past about some quite important things, and he always seems to be pretty secretive. I've listed all the bad things but he does tell me all the time that he loves me, his friends tell me he adores me and things are great between us when we're alone. In front of girls though, he can be quite standoff-ish and a little rude towards me. It's very subtle though, naturally I pick up on his strange behaviour in certain social senarios. He's gone as far as to mock my degree in front of a group of his girlfriends before.

Here's my point: There's one particular girl he pays a lot of attention to. They go on nights out and get drunk alone, and even on one occasion when I asked to come along (my friends had flaked out of our night), he flatly said no, even though there was a ticket going spare. She is ALWAYS on his facebook page, making jokes, being quite flirty, and he's flirty back. By contrast, he never responds to anything I write to him on Facebook at all anymore. I couldn't make a certain event last weekend so he went without me, lo and behold dozens of pictures go on facebook afterwards of him with this girl at said event, his arms around her and looking really happy.. They really did look like a couple. :frown:

He brings her name up in conversation several times a day (again, unusual - alarm bells), and goes on about how cool she is because she's into motorbikes (as is he), how he wants to go on a motorbike trip around Europe with her, and they've been to the same places on holiday et cetera. I walked into his room whilst he was on facebook and in the 3 second glance I got before he closed it all down was at least 2 private messages from her.

I'd say he's secretive with stuff like his phone but he's always been secretive with it..

It all might come across as insecure but his behaviour really has changed. I've never even hinted that i'm worried about this, if I say anything at all, I want to do it with a clear and logical head.

Any advice would be excellent, thanks. No childish replies though please.

Scroll to see replies

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

I should probably also mention that the night he said I couldn't join them, he was pictured holding hands with her in the club.. :/

Reply 2

MilkyC

Come out with me to get even at him.

Reply 3

Tommyjw

He goes for dinner with, and drinking alone with, his ex's?

Wow he's got you wrapped around his little finger..

Reply 4

RahRah09

He sounds like a vain, insecure, disrespectful little boy. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. I think he's taking you for granted, he sounds like a chronic liar. Do you think that he thinks he can do anything to you and you'll stay with him? That's what it sounds like to me.

I really think you should break up with him. It'd be a shock to his system. Maybe then he'd start to appreciate you once he's realised what he's lost. Or if he doesn't then you're much better off with out him.

I realise that you probably don't want to break up with him because then you think it'll give him permission to be with this girl, but I think they're ****ing already I'm afraid.

I'm really sorry, your situation sucks, ridiculously so. You need to break up with him.

Reply 5

thewiseone

Original post by MilkyC

Come out with me to get even at him.

I agree.

Reply 6

Harry.C

Why do an awful lot of girls seem to have absolutely no self-respect? Why are you still with him if he acts like this?

My sister was with a guy who fits that mould, and he ended up cheating on her, and leaving her.

Grow some balls.

Reply 7

thewiseone

also OP, if your boyfriend is bi, you should be glad that he only has a crush on another GIRL.

Reply 8

J_90

You spelt bi wrong :awesome:

Reply 9

w04andia

That is NOT acceptable, you have gotten sucked into his little games hun.
Think about it, if this was one of your friend's boyfriends, would you not warn your friend away?
You need to step back and take a little persepective...what he is doing is NOT right.
I can't tell you what to do, but you have to seriously consider what this relationship actually is.
Best of luck x

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 10

w04andia

Also did you mean 'MY boyfriend' or 'BI boyfriend' in the title?

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 11

*Dreaming*

GET RID. He's shagging her, I'd put money on it.

DUMP. Definitely.

Oh, sod it, I didn't see that.. I can't edit it now because it's anon, it was meant to read "My".. Apologies.

Reply 14

tinywings

Get some self respect and stop letting him walk all over you. Give him his marching orders and find a guy that isn't a total cad.

Reply 15

Cariie

Original post by Anonymous

Any advice would be excellent, thanks. No childish replies though please.

Are you getting anything out of this relationship anymore? :frown:

It doesn't sound like he does any of the things he does with this other girl with you :/ He sounds like the kind of guy who is cheating in every way except ahem physically, he's dragging you along but if you confronted him he sounds like he could deny anything you accused him of. Putting up with this for so long you're obviously a decent person, but you have to decide if its worth staying with this guy, he treats you like you're replaceable and no one needs that!
(Oh and this girl sounds like a bitch going after your guy and clearly not feeling guilty about it. Guys and girls can hardly ever just be mates, just ask any guy with a girl best mate and ask if he would do her and it would be a yes every time)

Reply 16

lechi.man01

Dont listen to them... ime sure he loves u.... they just jealous of the beauty u too share. keep it up you will be together for long. dont worry he will never cheat on u. things like that never happen of course :P

Reply 17

Anonymous #2

Urgh. How did I know Facebook was going to get a mention. What's wrong with all these immature douchebags who use Facebook?

Seriously, grow up.

Reply 18

Miss Communication

Stop tolerating him! Seriously.

You deserve someone better -- someone who will be honest with you, who would want to spend time with you without being clingy, who will be proud of your achievements and will encourage you to aim more, and who will not be flirting with other girls just because you're not with him that time!