Can you hate and love someone at the same time?

My boyfriend of over a year broke up with me a couple of months ago, since then he's been umming and ahin giving me hope and not making his mind up. 2 weeks ago I went to his house to talk, it was like nothing had happened, we ended up kissing, and it would have gone further but I said that if we were going to get back together we had to take it slow, and if we weren't then we shouldn't do this. He said he'd think about everything, and still didn't give me a definate answer. Today he told me he didn't want to get back together. I asked why. His only 2 reasons were that he doesn't find me attractive anymore and he got bored of me. I gave him everything, my first kiss, my first boyfriend, my first love, I gave him my virginity, he was amazing and I love him still, even after everything he's said (theres so much but it would take hours to write it all down) he was the centre of my world and out of the blue he just ended it. He's hurt me more than anyone else in the world. He's made me feel worthless and right now I feel like ****. But I just want to go find him and bury my face in his chest and let him hold me while I cry and I want to say I'm sorry (but I don't know what for) and I want him back. How is it possible to feel those 2 emotions, so strong and so deeply, that I love him nad hate him at the same time.

2 questions, do you think it is possible, and secondly, does anyone know what I should do?

Reply 1

DeepStar

Yes, it is possible. You know the saying that we hurt those who are closest to us the most? Well, it works both ways - those closest to us, those who we allow our barriers down for, hurt us the most too.
I can understand how hard it has been for you to accept his unreasonable explanations of why he ended your relationship when he was the centre of your world. But, this is where you made a mistake - you made him the heart of your world, when he clearly only thought of you as a part of his.
You should not be sorry because you have done nothing wrong, you should not feel worthless or cry for him because he clearly is not worth it.
I can't tell you what to do but personally, I would see the experience as a learning process - don't cry because it has ended, because good things end so better things can fall together - very cheesy right? but its true :smile:

Indulge in some you time, go shopping, spend time with your friends, have a girly night in and have fun. Time will heal how you are feeling and you will realize that letting him go was the best thing you could have done for yourself.

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 2

shygirl135

It's true that you can hate and love someone at the same time. I'm experiencing it myself, exactly the same situation as you except we were only together 4 months and after he cheated on me, I forgave him, but he still dumped me on Christmas Eve (after a few weeks of "clearing his head") A few weeks after, he said he still had feelings for me, but he 'didn't know what to do'. He gave me hope, but then he lied and said he still wanted to be friends, and since then whenever I see him at work he ignores me and acts like I don't exist.
I'm now on anti-depressants, but I still cry myself to sleep each night, and can't stop myself from thinking about all the good times we shared.

Everyone says that time will heal the pain...but it's been months, and I don't feel any different. I guess the trick is to keep yourself busy, and try and move on. See your friends, go out. Don't stay at home and isolate yourself. Cut him from your life, he isn't worth the pain, no matter how good he made you feel.

Good luck, I'm failing miserably right now :wink:

Reply 3

emmi_lou

Original post by DeepStar

Yes, it is possible. You know the saying that we hurt those who are closest to us the most? Well, it works both ways - those closest to us, those who we allow our barriers down for, hurt us the most too.
I can understand how hard it has been for you to accept his unreasonable explanations of why he ended your relationship when he was the centre of your world. But, this is where to made a mistake - you made him the heart of your world, when he clearly only thought of you as a part of his.
You should not be sorry because you have done nothing wrong, you should not feel worthless or cry for him because he clearly is not worth it.
I can't tell you what to do but personally, I would see the experience as a learning process - don't cry because it has ended, because good things end so better things can fall together - very cheesy right? but its true :smile:

Whoah, that's some pretty deep stuff there ^^^

But reading it, seems to make everything make perfect sense.... If you let someone else take over your world then too right it's gonna hurt more when they up and leave.....
I don't know about the OP but i have definitely found this helpful.... you should write a book haha i know it's probably just common sense but when you're blind to the most obvious of things, someone to point you in the right direction is exactly what you need :colondollar:

Reply 4

chuck

We all lose when it comes to affairs of the heart and its true there is thin line between love and hate . The thing is the more you want him back the more you will be humiliating yourself everytime he dismisses you , there is something messed up in the human psyche about wanting something that we cant have but when we get it we dont want it no more. In the case of your ex boy friend it appears he knows very well he can twist you round his finger because your too easy.Romantic love is fine while it lasts but in isnt finite, things fall apart its natural its the real world , life isnt a cinderella movie .So I am afraid your gonna have to wash that man right out of your hair and get back on that horse , have some fun, a dirty little affair or something , then when the time is right look for something more serious and the cycle of romance and heartbreak will begin once again .

Reply 5

Goody2Shoes-x

Original post by Anonymous

I have been in a similar position - it's been the worst kind of pain I ever experienced in my life. To put someone in such a position of trust and have them hurt you so deeply is awful.

But also good. Because you can, and do get over it. It takes time - lots of it, but it WILL happen. You need a grieving period, where you do your crying and venting, and use up every second of time replaying the good and bad times, analysing every situation, wondering where it all went wrong and how it could have been salvaged.

And it gradually fades. You'll still think about it, and still feel sad, but the moments happen less and less. You don't think about it all the time, but in fits and spurts. And eventually the anger and sadness will fade.

Of course, you'll always feel a bit sad, and dissapointed, and even angry, but that's natural. But the deep, all consuming bitterness WILL go away. Right now, your friends will be your rock. Talk to them about it, explain how down you are and that you need to vent. If they are good friends, they WILL make time to listen.

And then you'll be able to focus on other things to take your mind off it (again, friends will help here). One day, mad as it sounds, you may even be able to be friends with your ex, but for now, cut contact.

Blacklist him on facebook, block his number. Stalking his facebook statuses and sending drunken texts (which can happen surprisingly often) will only prolong your misery and make you feel like utter crap.

Remember, time heals everything. Think of this seriously imature and selfish sounding guy as a starter - you've gone through a relationship with him, learned what's good and bad, and are prepared for something far better next time. :smile:

If you want to talk about this any more, PM me. I'd be happy to speak to you about it.

Reply 6

thisisnew

Definitely... I love my mum when she makes me a sandwich, hate her when she doesn't do my washing.

Reply 7

DeepStar

Original post by emmi_lou

It does make sense, when you think about without being biased. Love does weird things to us and sometimes even the craziest things seem logical when we are in love. I think the worst thing about feeling like that is the fact you know you can't love someone without letting your barriers down, but when you do, you are vulnerable to so much paid. Yet, still so many people choose to love someone, I guess the pain outweighs the experience of being in love.
I know because I have been there, done it all and seen it all. (gosh I sound old, but I promise Im not :tongue:

) Its one of those things that people can tell you all about but unless you experience it yourself, you don't really know what they mean.
Im glad my post has been of assistance to you :biggrin:

I don't know about writing a book but I will continue to write on TSR and hopefully it may point someone in the right direction one day :smile:

Reply 8

chuck

There is nothing unique about you when it comes to feeling like this .Judging from your post , in your heart of hearts you know its all over . The thing is , as you go along in life and relationships there will be occasions when you are the bad guy and have broken someones heart.WE ALL PLAY AND GET PLAYED. Its all part of the game in the world series of love .If you dont want to play the game and your happy being alone all your life because love hurts too much thats your perogative.

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

Thanks for all your help guys, I've been talking to my friend about it all, she knows everything pretty much lol, right from the start. She thinks theres something seriously up with him like depression or something. This is why she thinks this:

*He randomly flipped from being in love to breaking up
*He's stopped seeing his friends
*He's fallen out with his best friend who lives down south
*He's not the kind of guy to do what he's done to me
*He won't meet up with me, even today with all the texts I continually asked to meet up and he wouldn't do, he insisted on doing it all with texts
*He's been constantly contradicting himself when it comes to me
*His texts don't make sense and some of the reasons he gives don't make any sense on any level, and when I point that out he doesn't text back.

Thoughts?