Need some help thinking this through before I make a tit of myself.

Sorry for the length of this post, I'm trying to set out my thoughts. Summary of post at bottom.

Basically, I've been with my boyfriend about a year. We get on fantastically and most of the time everythings pretty damn brilliany. His job means he can only usually come home at weekends, so I tend to see him at least one day over the weekend, although as I am currently unemployed and money is tight I will quite often spend the weekend at his and see him around what he's doing, going out with mates, football etc. This has worked perfectly in the past year or so, but I have found that since graduating/becoming unemployed I have started to look forward more and more to the weekends, because I have to day I'm not doing a lot else at the moment; I can't afford to get out much/most of my time during the week is spent volunteering/with housemates, who although are lovely, I don't have a great deal in common with - I moved about two hours from my hometown where mot of my friends are still based.He doesn't really hang out with my mates (he likes his guy time to be just that, this is his first 'real' relationship and as such likes to keep it separate from his (mainly single) group of mates, in a lot of ways he is very 'shy' about relationships. He has stated in the past that he is not keen on a few of my friends, which makes group socializing difficult.

This week, my boyfriend was back all week. I spent the beginning of the week with him as I was free, then spent the rest of the week doing my own thing. I would have been happy to leave it at that, as I really try not to monopolize his time, (being aware that I have a lot more of it than him!) and that a lot of his mates are single so he wants to spend time doing stuff that doesn't involve the mrs. However he contacted me and asked if he could come and see me at the weekend because after that he was going to be away for three weeks. To cut a long story short, he ended up ringing me at the very last minute, very hungover, basically saying he wanted to go out drinking with mates instead, because he didn't want to trek over to mine.

Now comes the bit where, clearly, I seem to have read this in a totally different way to him. I was slightly put out by the fact that, as I saw it, it was him that had made plans with me, despite me not wanting to 'monopolize' his time, yet on the one occasion that he had to make the journey to me, when he'd been out the night before and also planned to go out on saturday, and despite knowing he wouldn't see me for three weeks after this, he cancelled on me. To be fair, I did raise the issue of feeling like I make more effort and he was apologetic, saying that he knew he didnt make effort the other way round, but that a number of factors ( I have often come to his before and seemed happy with it, he lives at home so enjoys 'luxuries' like sky and a well-stocked fridge that are notably absent at my student house) made him overlook it. However I can't help - irrationally I know) being a bit sad about it.

I am well aware that my life, at present, is a lot less 'full' than his; he has a full time job, lives at home in a village with all his friends, has lots of outside activities, whilst I am essentially a skint volunteer who spends all my time jobhunting or talking about jobhunting, living away from most of my friends, and having little money to socialize. I guess I'm just voicing my fear that either (a) this imbalance is starting to negatively affect our relationship in the sense that I'm relying on him far too much, or (b) that compared to his life mine seems really dull, and that he is starting to lose interest in me as a result. I guess I'm just looking for advice on how to handle it. Normally he is as excited to see me as I am to see him, but recently I have kinda noticed a lack of interest in sex, plus a decline in him doing the things that he'd 'usually' do; drunkenly come round after a night out with the boys. The time we do spend together, we don't really do anything, although i'm aware that my financial situation doesnt allow for much, and I dont like the idea of him paying for me.

Really sorry about the long post guys, I appreciate you taking the time to read it.

tl;dr - I'm unemployed and 'boring' - sociable, busy boyfriend, worried that he'll get bored. Worried that I'm relying on him too much.

Reply 1

Poppy020

eurgh. This could be me. I know exactly how you feel.

Reply 2

-honeybee-

How are you affording rent etc. if you're not working? If you moved home would you be closer to him? And you'd be able to see your friends more.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Not sure what this has to do with anything but Im paying my rent with savings. (Although not for much longer if this continues!) And no, he lives about 45 mins on the bus from me now, but works at the other end of the country during the week. Im not actually concerned about seeing more of him, but actually the opposite almost...not seeing him and being ok with it.. if that makes sense?!

Reply 4

-honeybee-

Original post by Anonymous

I just meant that if you were closer together you would be able to see each other more easily so he wouldn't have excuses not to see you. If you lived at home you would be able to see your friends more and therefore have more to talk to him about. If you're happy about not seeing him that much then what are you asking? I thought you were worried your boyfriend was making excuses not to see you because you think you're boring? In your first post you say you don't want to monopolise his time and that you look forward to weekends when you see him but now you're saying you don't mind not seeing him that much :confused:

On first appearances it seems like you're trying not to monopolise his time but maybe he doesn't feel the same. Also you wouldn't need to 'try' if you had other things to do. I know you know this but that's the only solution I can see.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by -honeybee-

Sorry I didnt explain myself very well at all in my first post. 'Back home' is where I'd consider my 'best' mates to live, but moving back is out of the question as theres sod all job prospects, plus I'd never see him if I moved back. I guess I'm just feeling **** because I feel like I have nothing going for me and looking at myself through his eyes I just seem really boring. I guess its just the case that I seem to be a fair bit more invested in this relationship than him, because I have so little else to do atm, and I'm really feeling the imbalance. But as you say, the simple answer is to get a flippin life, which is difficult at the mo. Pah. Thankyou anyway :smile:

Reply 6

-honeybee-

Original post by Anonymous

Oh ok I see what you mean now :smile:

Tbh it's probably not that bad, it just seems it from your point of view. Like you said in your first post it might just be convenience that's stopping him visiting you more regularly, not him thinking you're boring.