Love/attraction advice desperately needed

Hey (short version is at the end)

first of all please dont hate me for what im about to say- you really cant understand how stressful it is unless you have been in the same situation.

Im in my 20's and I have been with my boyfriend for a few years now. The problem is I am just not physically attracted to him anymore- and to be honest I never really was. We had been friends for a while when he asked me out and i thought why not give it a go. So i went out with him, and it took a while but attraction came to me. However, it was never a huge amount of attraction and didnt really last long.

Now the past 6 months- a year i have just lost all attraction. We dont do anything sexual anymore. The idea of it makes me sick. I can look forward to seeing him (we are long distance) but then when he touches me i just coil away and hate it.

This is really really getting me down, because his personality is PERFECT. We are so perfect together in every other way. I just really want to be attracted to him.
Its really getting me down, because i know this lack of sex life is getting both of us down, but i cant physically bring myself to do anything with him.
I thought at first it could be my depression affecting my sex drive, however recently i have find myself looking (NOT touching) at other men. I dont want to feel like i have to look at other men. I just want to be attracted to my boyfriend.

Any advice would really really be appreciated.

Shorter version: I love my boyfriend in every way but am not physically or sexually attracted to him but cant bring myself to leave.

Reply 1

ZizziHikaru

Then there's no difference between this and friendship. Get out of it.

Reply 2

NPhere

oh no! It's a shame that your not physically attracted to him! It seems that you must really love him....
Maybe your supposed to be just friends, like really good best friends, i think people often confuse friendship and mistake it for love. You probably actaully love him and care for him as a friend but there's nothing more too it??
I think there's got to be something there for a good relationhsip, like some chemistry!

Reply 3

Teveth

What does he look like? Is there anything he can do to be more attractive (eg. is it a weight issue?)?

It's odd that him touching you makes you feel repulsed.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by ZizziHikaru

Then there's no difference between this and friendship. Get out of it.

well thats kinda the point. I dont wanna get out of it, because in ever other way i want to be with him forever.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by NPhere

Thanks

well yeh, thats the problem. But neither of us could ever just be each others friend and see the other 1 with someone else. I want to love him as a boyfriend, i really do :frown:

I could live with him forever as just friends, but i dont want to just be 90% happy, i want us both to be 100% happy in every way :frown:

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by Teveth

What does he look like? Is there anything he can do to be more attractive (eg. is it a weight issue?)?

It's odd that him touching you makes you feel repulsed.

Yehh...No its not a weight issue, its not really anything :frown:

i guess i just never fancied him from the beginning and i thought it would come but it never. im trying so hard to fancy him!

and about the repulsed thing...we kinda had a massive awful argument last year involving dangerous situations/cheating etc on both parts, and im not sure if im still holding grudges about that. I dont really know :/

Reply 7

ZizziHikaru

Original post by Anonymous

well thats kinda the point. I dont wanna get out of it, because in ever other way i want to be with him forever.

How did you have enought will power to stay for so long without attraction? Stay best friends with him, that's basically what you are now without the sex.

Reply 8

NPhere

Original post by Anonymous

Thanks

well yeh, thats the problem. But neither of us could ever just be each others friend and see the other 1 with someone else. I want to love him as a boyfriend, i really do :frown:

I could live with him forever as just friends, but i dont want to just be 90% happy, i want us both to be 100% happy in every way :frown:

aw... you can't make yourself love him... or maybe you already do but u just don't realise it? Yea there's no point settling for 90% when u can be fully happy!

Reply 9

idontthinkso

You can't created sexual attraction. Breaking up is the only way to. It's not gonna be easy but the sooner you do it the better off both of you are. It's not fair for either of you continuing with that situation.