Should I go cold on her?

I've been talking to this girl for over 2 months now. I like her, and she's shown signs of interest in me. I've invited her to a few events, even offering to pay for her ticket for a gig she said she wanted to go to but had no money, which she declined. I feel I've been playing it a bit too cool.

Now she's been speaking to this other guy at College the past week or so. Literally everything on Facebook she posts, including posts on the walls of mutual friends, he comments on, and she seems to be enjoying the attention a lot, inviting him to join her and her mates in the canteen even though he didn't have lesson til 1PM.

So I thought maybe I should be more attentive to her, see what happens. This evening I sent her a text asking her how she was, if she'd started her coursework and if it was due in this week or next. The reply was dismissive, it basically said "Hey, I'm good thanks! Nope not started yet! It's due in next week, not next week! See you Friday! X". Meanwhile, the "new guy" had commented on yet ANOTHER post of her's on Facebook and she was being more chatty.

A few people have said that the best option is to just give her the cold shoulder. If she starts being more talkative, then good. If not, the chance has passed and it wasn't meant to be.

Thoughts?

It's due in next week! See you Friday! X".

Be more specific. What has she done EXACTLY that has given you the impression that she likes you?
Usually horny teenagers like yourself completely misinterpet pleasantries and politeness as an indication that said female immediately wants to pounce on you.
If the winking smiley hasn't made an appearance in texts/online chats, remain cautious.

I think it is.

Never say never and all that, but the current situation is damn bleak.

You offered to pay for her tickets, you seemed nice to her.

Why do you think you have not been attentive enough?

Apologies, I missed this post out.

Because I rarely ever comment on her Facebook or text her.

Unlike the new guy who practically spams her wall...

The other guy is on overkill mode though. I don't think you appreciate how annoying it is to have 1 person commenting on everything; it just smells of desperation.

Think of it like a long distance race - you're pacing yourself well, not going too fast and will eventually finish. The other person has gone off alike to a madman, and will never be able to sustain the pace.

He is the Mayfly in this equation.

I was just thinking this - he is coming across as desperate.

However

She is very animated and chatty in response to his constant posting, with flirtation thrown in and the like.

She's also posted on his wall once, trying to strike up a conversation.

Although they are still in the "getting to know you" phase, maybe his seeming desperation will grate on her? I don't know.

I don't think the text she sent you was that dismissive?
If she likes this guy more than she likes you, your behavior won't change that. It's easy to think that if you either play it cool or be attentive, you will "win her over", but it's not like it's all about the game you're playing (being 'friendzoned' and all that crap), most of the time it's because personalities don't match.
First of all, playing it cool does not mean cutting contact, it's more about the attitude you have. Meaning you're a relaxed, confident guy who talks well to women and can carry a conversation without sounding clingy. Of course it sometimes show results to back off a bit, but that is only if the person already is interested in you. That you wait a little bit before replying to a text and all that, but for her to get curious and impatient, she has to be interested first. Otherwise you're only that guy who stopped talking to her for whatever reason, which will just make her spend more time with the other one, who shows interest.

Ok... You've shown too much interest and made it not interesting for her. Ever heard of cat and string theory? A cat is interested in a string until you drop it and give it to them... then it's boring. You gave yourself to her and that made you boring. You need her to work for your attention if you want any chance.

This doesn't mean stop talking to her, but just change the way you talk to her. You need her to get her to qualify herself to you, not the other way round. Maybe next time you're with her, talk to her friends a while and tease her in front of her friends, maybe she has a funny habit. Get them to notice it, but don't be mean or it will just come off as you being a dick. But you have to show her that you don't need her and you're the cool guy that people want to hang around with. Its about having social value and you need to demonstrate this. Never ever ever offer to pay for anything for a girl till you and her are an item. This just lowers your value. Instead maybe you and your friends are doing something cool, give her a ring and say you're off to do that in a bit and she can tag along... if she doesn't its cool, you're still doing stuff and she'll realise you're fun to be with.

You need to negative compliment her... throwaway compliments that don't come across as horrible, or jerky on your part, but make her want to prove herself... think about it, most people if someone shows them up in the tiniest of ways don't want to look bad. For example, you spot she is wearing fake nails... say 'nice nails. are they real? she says no... and you reply with oh... well they're still nice anyway.

Once you've got her trying to prove herself to you, you've got her. Work on making yourself seem more attractive, so she wants to be around you... then make her prove herself to you... and you've got her working for you. By the sounds of it, that's what the other guy has going for him right now. You did wait too long... and she probably put you in the nice guy friend category, but by using a few tips like this, you'll set of her hardwired attracted signals and she'll be after you... All this info came from a book called game by neil strauss... have a read of that for more detail. (FYI he became the number one pick up artist using this stuff and used it on paris hilton and britney spears to great effect)

Good luck. One last thing... if she isn't interested anymore... who cares there are other girls... and thats what will keep them interested is knowing you have other options.

This could indeed make her annoyed in time, as it may come across as needy. But if she likes him, she's gunna be loving the attention. Especially if he is saying the right things, like teasing her a bit.

The only thing you can do... and it's tough is to show her you've got higher social value than the other guy. That's something you've got to work out what to do. But the other thing you have to watch out for is if you are after her, this will show and wont look good for you. So the best thing I can think of is to find someone else, someone that interests you... this could either be a potential replacement or maybe just a good friend (as long as she is seeing it that way too its fine). This will show the girl you're after you arent too bothered by her, and as long as you keep her in your loop and keep making her work for your attention, you could have a good chance of getting her back.

I've been with my gf for almost 18months now... looking back I attracted her to me by doing exactly above. At work a girl she was with called me over and I had break with them, hardly talking to my now gf, but talking loads with the other, telling stories (higher value) and teasing my now gf. At lunch I then sat with others proving my social circle and again high value, before spending a bit of time with them again. It wasn't till the end of lunch I paid my gf a bit of attention, just enough to spark her interest before we went back to work. She later told me that when we first met, she thought I didn't fancy her and she wasn't good enough for me, but wanted to be. She started to go for my attention and was working for me to choose her not the traditional girl chooses guy. I did all that without realising it till I read game and saw that's how it all happened.

Good luck though, women are hard to understand. But I can't emphasise enough by not wanting her, she wants you.

This could indeed make her annoyed in time, as it may come across as needy. But if she likes him, she's gunna be loving the attention. Especially if he is saying the right things, like teasing her a bit.

The only thing you can do... and it's tough is to show her you've got higher social value than the other guy. That's something you've got to work out what to do. But the other thing you have to watch out for is if you are after her, this will show and wont look good for you. So the best thing I can think of is to find someone else, someone that interests you... this could either be a potential replacement or maybe just a good friend (as long as she is seeing it that way too its fine). This will show the girl you're after you arent too bothered by her, and as long as you keep her in your loop and keep making her work for your attention, you could have a good chance of getting her back.

I've been with my gf for almost 18months now... looking back I attracted her to me by doing exactly above. At work a girl she was with called me over and I had break with them, hardly talking to my now gf, but talking loads with the other, telling stories (higher value) and teasing my now gf. At lunch I then sat with others proving my social circle and again high value, before spending a bit of time with them again. It wasn't till the end of lunch I paid my gf a bit of attention, just enough to spark her interest before we went back to work. She later told me that when we first met, she thought I didn't fancy her and she wasn't good enough for me, but wanted to be. She started to go for my attention and was working for me to choose her not the traditional girl chooses guy. I did all that without realising it till I read game and saw that's how it all happened.

Good luck though, women are hard to understand. But I can't emphasise enough by not wanting her, she wants you.

He's quite a sociable guy though. He gets along well with pretty much all her College mates, and I've noticed that recently he's been "liking" their Facebook posts more often...a sort of strategy, I would suspect.

Anyway. I'm in lesson with both of them tomorrow. Should be interesting.