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My boyfriend said he doesn't love me anymore

Anonymous #1

And then broke up with me. I still love him- we were having some problems, but I didn't think they were this serious.I understand that relationships end (particularly when you're 18), and I know in time I'll find someone else, but can anyone suggest something I can do to cheer myself up?

I'm really sad, he's my best friend too and I doubt things are going to be right for a long time :frown:

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Reply 1

int92

talk to him
no matter what has happened now, it doesnt change what you once had.

Reply 2

littlehobbit

I went through this in november, its horrible! right now, keep all your friends really close, spend loads of time with them, and remember its nearly easter so you can have some fun then! As well as this, cut the contact with him, there's noway you can talk to each other right now, it will be far too painful for you! keep distracted, and time really does heal :smile:

Reply 3

hanaalou

awww man

know exactly how you feel!this happened to me not so long back and I was gutted for sosoo long
best thing to do is cut him out your life completely
block him on Facebook.don't text or call him and don't have any contact
it's hard but you'll pull through!!

Reply 4

sil3nt_cha0s

Original post by littlehobbit

since when was Easter fun? :eyeball:

Reply 5

Don'tNod

Original post by sil3nt_cha0s

since when was Easter fun? :eyeball:

Eating discounted chocolate is not fun?

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

We've decided not to talk for a while until I get over him. I'm just really worried I'm going to lose him as a friend too, we'd been together for 3 years, it's hard to imagine being just friends now. I guess that'll get better in time though.

Any distraction ideas? :smile:

Thanks for your help by the way, I appreciate it!

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Original post by Ape Gone Insane

•

Stop acting like she's some weak girl. It says clearly in the OP that she understands this is how things usually work out, and she'll find someone else

•

Humiliation? Cruel and bitchy? So the implication that arises from your post is that you cannot leave your partner at all? Even if you don't love them? Because to do so is cruel and bitchy.

An extremely sexist and pretty ignorant point of view.

Thanks

Reply 8

penguin-

Original post by Anonymous

Thanks for your help by the way, I appreciate it!

Distraction ideas? ...Hit the gym!
Hope everything's okay though :smile:

Reply 9

OMGWTFBBQ

Don't you mean "ex-boyfriend"?

Reply 10

When will I know?

He's done you a favour, even if it doesnt seem like it right now...there is no point staying in a relationship if you dont feel the same way about eachother.

Dont stay in much contact if not at all for now..keep yourself busy, and meet other people to take your mind of it. You'll think it was the right decision when you meet someone else who feels the same way about you :h:

Reply 11

MovingOn

Get out with your friends and family as much as possible, just keep yourself busy so you don't have time to dwell.

Reply 12

~.~ Millie ~.~

Original post by Anonymous

Thanks for your help by the way, I appreciate it!

People will tell you not to talk to him, get some space and everything - and you'll think that the best thing is to talk to him, and try and sort it out. It happened to me back in November too.. Honestly, take those advice! Looking back on it, I'm glad i didnt contact him or anything. I also thought that we could be friends, but it just doesnt happen. It might - depends on him, but once you're over it, it won't matter to you if you're friends because you'll have plenty of other people in your life.

The best way to distract yourself is exercise - gym, or join some classes or something, and spending time with friends - it really helps!! All the best :smile:

Reply 13

Phil2202

Original post by Anonymous

I had the exact same thing, but the other way around, this February... :frown:

I asked my flatmate to recommend me some good films to watch, and I literally spent like 3 days on my own watching stuff to take my mind off of it. After that, I went back home for a few days and visited some old friends. Everything is much better now, but unfortunately, we're still not really talking; which sucks...

Reply 14

Chandra

Original post by Ape Gone Insane

So the implication that arises from your post is that you cannot leave your partner at all? Even if you don't love them?

Thanks, u got it right.
I hate the very idea of leaving one partner for another or just leaving. So when they just started going out together he loved her and now he doesn't?
Human relationship is lot more complicated than tha'. Girlfriend is not a cell-phone: the old one is not cool any more, I'll buy myself a new one.
When you start a relationship you should be most responsible, u shouldn't start anything unless you feel it's very serious.

The basic problem of our time and our civilization is that we choose partners for a period of time, following some vague inner desires or whatever. When we start a relationship we do not even keep in mind such a possibility that this partner might be with you for the rest of your life! And that is bitchy, yeah... From the very beginning you see the man/ woman only as a temprorary spouse, until not bored.

Reply 15

grape:)

My friend is in basically an identical situation (although they've been together for more than 3 years, more like 4). Just make sure you stay social with all of your other friends (they should be happy to spend time with you!). It's also okay to have a cry; cry if you feel like it and be miserable for a little while if you feel like it (everyone's human!). The chances are if he was your best friend before, you'll remain to be good friends at least, and because (by the sounds of it) you broke up in a neutral way... you could have a friend for life!

Pah. It seems like this is happening to everyone :emo:

Ahh well, make sure you have something to look forward to. When I feel down I make countdown timers for things that I'll enjoy doing in the future :smile:

Hope you feel better soon!

Reply 16

emilymay

Original post by Anonymous

I was in this situation just over 2 months ago. I've spent the last few months trying to get him back. 2 days ago he said some things to me that he knew would tear me apart, and then he said sorry and that he'd always be here. I'm confused by him, and so hurt, and yet I still love him, and I hate him at the same time! But I'm an idiot (I know it but I can't help it) Because if he begged for me back and apologised I'd take him back. I've been really miserable the last few months, and when I'm on my own I immediately think of him.

Here's what I'd do if I could do it again:
1. Cry. Let it all out. Don't be ashamed because you've been hurt so just cry, nobody will think worse of you for it.
2. Get back out there. Get your friends, organise girls nights in, girls nights out, cinema, bowling, watch movies (but not romances!), have bbqs, whatever you can think of!
3. Work, college, uni, whatever it is that you do, keep focused, make sure you don't let anything slip, be it your grades, your attendance, homeworks, essays, don't pull sickies, just keep it going, it will be a life save over the next few weeks.
4. Don't contact him. The more he replies the more you're going to get your hopes up, and if he doesn't want to get back together this is going to make it suck even more.
5. Make sure you don't let him know you want him back, act as if you don't care, if he texts you, reply with short messages, no questions, don't give him anything to go off to reply back. They say guys want what they can't have... it could work! It was the one thing I didn't try, and tbh by the time it occured to me to try it it would have been too late anyway, he knew I was desperate to be back with him so he'd have known it was all tactics lol. Wish I'd tried this first, maybe things would have worked out differently!

PM me if you want to talk, I know I needed someone to talk to, but the close friends I had still at home (the rest were at uni as I'm on a gap year) Hadn't really been through a break up before, after a few weeks I think a lot of them were just thinking 'get over him' though they never actually said anything, it helps to talk to someone who's been through it and understands. I know I never really got it before now when my friends went through stuff, I do now.

Em xxxxx

Reply 17

Phil2202

Original post by Chandra

Thanks, u got it right.
I hate the very idea of leaving one partner for another or just leaving. So when they just started going out together he loved her and now he doesn't?
Human relationship is lot more complicated than tha'. Girlfriend is not a cell-phone: the old one is not cool any more, I'll buy myself a new one.
When you start a relationship you should be most responsible, u shouldn't start anything unless you feel it's very serious.

The basic problem of our time and our civilization is that we choose partners for a period of time, following some vague inner desires or whatever. When we start a relationship we do not even keep in mind such a possibility that this partner might be with you for the rest of your life! And that is bitchy, yeah... From the very beginning you see the man/ woman only as a temprorary spouse, until not bored.

Oh, do shut up... You're making a fool of yourself.

I'll give you a personal example of why a relationship would end:

This February, I broke up with my girlfriend of around a year (actually, she broke up with me, but that's not really important. I just didn't want to give you angry feminist ammo). The reason we broke up, is because we were finding the long distance relationship incredibly difficult, and it was putting immense stress on our relationship. I've also been having some huge financial troubles recently; at one point, being unable to afford food. As such, we were unable to see each other for a rather long period, which was getting us both quite agitated. We started fighting quite frequently; not because we were angry at each other, but because we missed each other so much, and we were angry at the situation we were in.

After this long period without seeing each other, my girlfriend felt as though she didn't really have a boyfriend anymore; and said she didn't love me anymore. I don't think it's unreasonable for her to say that; and I can completely understand; as much as I wish things were different, because I still love her more than anything.

I think your ludicrous "if you love somebody once, you will love them forever; so people should never break up" idea is immensely naive, and ridiculously oversimplified. I think you really need to look at what you've said in this forum and have a really hard think about how you can justify that viewpoint.

Reply 18

Chandra

Original post by Phil2202

have a really hard think about how you can justify that viewpoint.

That's extremely sad, what you've just told, that's an embarassing story, you know.

And talkin seriously, it's not about this childish "he/she is the one' stuff, no. What I meant was, people today are irresponsible. One should just THINK, and we seem to have some problems with that now, don't we?

As for myself, I've never had a partner, though I fell in love for many times, and the feeling was mutual several times, but I was not sure starting those relationship was a good idea.

I knew that when the first in-loveness is over, we'll have to break up. I did not want to harm neither the person, nor myself, I DID NOT WANT TO HURT ANYONE, and yeah, I think, it was wise and responsible.

At the moment I'm living completely alone and I'm happy with that and don't want to change it. Being alone is much cooler than being a part of a couple.

I know, I'm not making myself absolutely clear, but...

Reply 19

bananabrain

Original post by Anonymous

Im going through a similar thing :frown:

it's hard and a sad time, but my advice to you now would be to spend as much time possible with your friends, honestly they will be able to cheer you up and being with them will take your mind off it all.
Also give it some time before you talk to him again. I spoke to my ex 3 days after he ended it, and although it was only general conversation it still really depressed me and I had just spoken to him too soon.
Give it some time, and talk to him about it. You probably have questions you might want answers to, and maybe after that you might work something out or you'll realise ending it was the best thing.
All the best.