Would you *ever* give up your ideal dreams/future/career for your perfect partner?
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Original post by newts2k
Just out of interest, what wrk do u want to get into?
I have a lot of interests so there's a lot of career paths for me. Whatever happens in my life I'd like to end up as an actress, or doctor, or medical journalist. My dream is to be any of the three.
Original post by im so academic
But why?
Have you ever been in love, it dosen't sound like you understand the strength of that emotion. It can make you blind to rationality. You'd do anything for someone you love.
When I was 13 and in my own world, gosh, then it was all about a partner and nothing else seemed to matter anymore. Then I grew up and got myself together, because it finally got to me that I was going to be an adult, a human being in this world, and that I have many years to live for.
Fast forwarding, 4-5 years later, the idea of throwing away a medical career over a partner is barbaric, considering how hard I'm going to have to work for and sacrifice - but Medicine is what I have in mind, and I have my fingers crossed. But honestly, I would really love to have an amazing, gorgeous partner - something I go home to, not something I come home from. But then again, it's just a job - if I lose my job, then maybe I'll be able to get another one. But if I lose my best, warmest, and happiest person in this world, then suddenly, nothing else may matter anymore..
How all these questions make me think, just always reminds me not of how much I've learnt, but how much I have to learn about life. I wouldn't like to make a list of my ideal partner, because I like things to just... happen; and I can't wait to be swept off my feet.... Sorry, I start talking funny like this when those kinda thoughts get to me.
I'd like to put my career ahead for now, and work my way towards there, and I really hope that I don't have to give it up, but instead, share it and enjoy it with that super special person out there. Life is a mess, and I'll get into one for sure in some years. But until then, I guess I'm happy, and now, I feel like really cherishing all the wonderful things around me, and just hope for the best.
Fast forwarding, 4-5 years later, the idea of throwing away a medical career over a partner is barbaric, considering how hard I'm going to have to work for and sacrifice - but Medicine is what I have in mind, and I have my fingers crossed. But honestly, I would really love to have an amazing, gorgeous partner - something I go home to, not something I come home from. But then again, it's just a job - if I lose my job, then maybe I'll be able to get another one. But if I lose my best, warmest, and happiest person in this world, then suddenly, nothing else may matter anymore..
How all these questions make me think, just always reminds me not of how much I've learnt, but how much I have to learn about life. I wouldn't like to make a list of my ideal partner, because I like things to just... happen; and I can't wait to be swept off my feet.... Sorry, I start talking funny like this when those kinda thoughts get to me.
I'd like to put my career ahead for now, and work my way towards there, and I really hope that I don't have to give it up, but instead, share it and enjoy it with that super special person out there. Life is a mess, and I'll get into one for sure in some years. But until then, I guess I'm happy, and now, I feel like really cherishing all the wonderful things around me, and just hope for the best.
Original post by T-Toe
To be absolutely honest with you, no.
Okay the scenario has changed, still no:
1. I'm quite selfish, achieving my dreams is the biggest self-satisfaction I could ever have.
2. I'd want to live my dreams in order for my future kids to have to best possible life. Children > Partner.
3. As long is he's not inept and he has a penis, I'll live. I'm not expecting a perfect partner.
4. Perfect partner BUT living on min wage, barely able to put food on the table and the kids will suffer? No thanks. I'm selfish but not that selfish.
Sorry but I'm being honest, shot me.
Okay the scenario has changed, still no:
1. I'm quite selfish, achieving my dreams is the biggest self-satisfaction I could ever have.
2. I'd want to live my dreams in order for my future kids to have to best possible life. Children > Partner.
3. As long is he's not inept and he has a penis, I'll live. I'm not expecting a perfect partner.
4. Perfect partner BUT living on min wage, barely able to put food on the table and the kids will suffer? No thanks. I'm selfish but not that selfish.
Sorry but I'm being honest, shot me.
In all honesty, this.
As so many people here have stated, your perfect partner wouldn't ever put you in the place to determine between your ideal dream/future/career but let's say if the situation dictated it (i.e. like they use to be from another country, and now they have to go back to that country to support their parents who have just discovered they have a brain tumour permanently).
For me, I'd do it without question if I knew that they were "the one". I mean my ideal dream/future/career atm, when I achieve it I'll feel fulifilled, but it won't ever be able to make me as happy as being with "the one" would be able to. Whatever money/prestige/whatever I could've had is meaningless. All it is is an allocation of societal worth, but who would care about whatever perceived societal worth when you have all you've ever wanted. Plus they could never get me to give up my ideal future, because it'd have them in it
For me, I'd do it without question if I knew that they were "the one". I mean my ideal dream/future/career atm, when I achieve it I'll feel fulifilled, but it won't ever be able to make me as happy as being with "the one" would be able to. Whatever money/prestige/whatever I could've had is meaningless. All it is is an allocation of societal worth, but who would care about whatever perceived societal worth when you have all you've ever wanted. Plus they could never get me to give up my ideal future, because it'd have them in it
Right, what do we have here?
Take it from someone who is much older then you (25), broken into my industry (computing), and has met so many people from different walks of life.
Money can buy you materialistic happiness, by that, nice clothes, a nice house etc etc. But what it won't buy you is a quality relationship, with someone who cares and loves you for who you are as a person. And it is not the big things I am talking about, the small things like:
"babe, let's have a romantic trip to Paris together, we can hold hands and explore the city together"
or general emotional support. "hun, I really want to get into Cambridge but I am struggling with the pressure right now".
Your partner:
"Don't worry babe, you will be fine just keep at it"
Followed by a kiss and a cuddle. This is what you will miss out on, but if you choose to live your life that way, that's up to you.
Money on the other hand will buy you one night stands, gold diggers, that kinda ****. Not high quality relationships.
What's the point of aiming for a job then?
See above, you don't NEED to give up your career for your partner. I certainly haven't nor has she. At worst we may need to make compromises here and there if say in the future we decide to start a family, and someone needs to look after the kids. Or when she needs to relocate with me, just started a long distance r/ship.
She can still work in the same field.
Which raises another point. Relationships are about teamwork. If you cannot solve problems as a pair together, then you are too self absorbed to be in one.
Why can't we all just drop out, revert back to how things were previously and living in this "socialised" (not referring to socialism) world?
See above.
A relationship is an extension of your reality, it does not define who you are. You can still be in one but get on with your own thing.
Are you saying that not having human contact is the be all and end all?
No, just lonely.
Don't you appreciate the fact some people actually like a bit of alone time here and then?
Even when my partner was here, we respected each other's space.
Who's to say that getting a good career means you won't have human contact?
It doesn't. And I never said that.
My point is that you can have BOTH.
I'm right until proven wrong.
Fair enough.
That's why I want to do with my life - pushing forward.
Well, my "strong romantic feelings" are not, and will never be reciprocated.
With the right person they will. And you will know who that is when they come into your life.
But it will never be reciprocated so there's something called "getting over it". I do not have a strong desire to feel wanted and loved. I do not seek the acceptance of other people.
Yet you experienced limerence? And say that experience went well, by that reciprocated you would not be so bitter towards the whole thing.
In other words, a long-term sex partner?
**** love. My feelings are not being reciprocated, I'm denouncing "love". I'm not revolving my life around unattainable men.
You sound bitter. It's ok, I have been there too. It changes when you meet someone who understands and truely appreciates you for who you are. And you will. Give it time.
Original post by im so academic
Why do you say I will be lonely?
So you're saying being career-minded means you will become lonely?
So you're saying being career-minded means you will become lonely?
Take it from someone who is much older then you (25), broken into my industry (computing), and has met so many people from different walks of life.
Money can buy you materialistic happiness, by that, nice clothes, a nice house etc etc. But what it won't buy you is a quality relationship, with someone who cares and loves you for who you are as a person. And it is not the big things I am talking about, the small things like:
"babe, let's have a romantic trip to Paris together, we can hold hands and explore the city together"
or general emotional support. "hun, I really want to get into Cambridge but I am struggling with the pressure right now".
Your partner:
"Don't worry babe, you will be fine just keep at it"
Followed by a kiss and a cuddle. This is what you will miss out on, but if you choose to live your life that way, that's up to you.
Money on the other hand will buy you one night stands, gold diggers, that kinda ****. Not high quality relationships.
What's the point of aiming for a job then?
See above, you don't NEED to give up your career for your partner. I certainly haven't nor has she. At worst we may need to make compromises here and there if say in the future we decide to start a family, and someone needs to look after the kids. Or when she needs to relocate with me, just started a long distance r/ship.
She can still work in the same field.
Which raises another point. Relationships are about teamwork. If you cannot solve problems as a pair together, then you are too self absorbed to be in one.
Why can't we all just drop out, revert back to how things were previously and living in this "socialised" (not referring to socialism) world?
See above.
A relationship is an extension of your reality, it does not define who you are. You can still be in one but get on with your own thing.
Are you saying that not having human contact is the be all and end all?
No, just lonely.
Don't you appreciate the fact some people actually like a bit of alone time here and then?
Even when my partner was here, we respected each other's space.
Who's to say that getting a good career means you won't have human contact?
It doesn't. And I never said that.
My point is that you can have BOTH.
I'm right until proven wrong.
Fair enough.
That's why I want to do with my life - pushing forward.
Well, my "strong romantic feelings" are not, and will never be reciprocated.
With the right person they will. And you will know who that is when they come into your life.
But it will never be reciprocated so there's something called "getting over it". I do not have a strong desire to feel wanted and loved. I do not seek the acceptance of other people.
Yet you experienced limerence? And say that experience went well, by that reciprocated you would not be so bitter towards the whole thing.
In other words, a long-term sex partner?
**** love. My feelings are not being reciprocated, I'm denouncing "love". I'm not revolving my life around unattainable men.
You sound bitter. It's ok, I have been there too. It changes when you meet someone who understands and truely appreciates you for who you are. And you will. Give it time.
(edited 13 years ago)
Original post by steph_anie_x
Have you ever been in love, it dosen't sound like you understand the strength of that emotion. It can make you blind to rationality. You'd do anything for someone you love.
Honestly? Well, technically yes as I would do anything for this person that I am in "love" with.
Sad fact of reality: I will never get him.
And **** me, it is making be blind to rationality.
If I can't have him, then why revolve my life around the potential to find another guy, who will never be as good as the current guy I would do anything to even have a hug with?
Original post by Kiirk
-A partner would satisfy way more than any intellect.
-You personally may feel you ambitions are to have a successful career, others however have different ambitions, so this is largly irrelevant as many have personal ambitions
-Meet new people, again a perfect partner would have friends, and to be honest work friends are nothing compared to real friends who have a shared interest rather than the only similarity in that your colleagues.
-If your not talking about co workers, these people you can meet with or without a successful career, remember it's quality over quantity.
-Finally if you have the perfect partner you have already met the best person you could meet, so why would you feel the need to meet new people. Again a perfect partner would have a social group which would become a launch pad into new friends.
-Why explore the world alone? That seems rather lonely, as compared to the perfect partner who you can share experiences. Remember if you go at it alone, you will not be able to talk about tales of your experience with anybody on the standard you could with someone who went.
-Indepedentcy? I feel that is achieved when you move out for the first time and start to become self reliant.
Please remember that this is the perfect partner, rather than any partner. You keep bringing up arguements only applicable to a general partner.
- You would not get bored
- You would not feel suffocated
- They would have friends you can meet
This feels like a thread of where we are trying to persuade you to have a partner.
-You personally may feel you ambitions are to have a successful career, others however have different ambitions, so this is largly irrelevant as many have personal ambitions
-Meet new people, again a perfect partner would have friends, and to be honest work friends are nothing compared to real friends who have a shared interest rather than the only similarity in that your colleagues.
-If your not talking about co workers, these people you can meet with or without a successful career, remember it's quality over quantity.
-Finally if you have the perfect partner you have already met the best person you could meet, so why would you feel the need to meet new people. Again a perfect partner would have a social group which would become a launch pad into new friends.
-Why explore the world alone? That seems rather lonely, as compared to the perfect partner who you can share experiences. Remember if you go at it alone, you will not be able to talk about tales of your experience with anybody on the standard you could with someone who went.
-Indepedentcy? I feel that is achieved when you move out for the first time and start to become self reliant.
Please remember that this is the perfect partner, rather than any partner. You keep bringing up arguements only applicable to a general partner.
- You would not get bored
- You would not feel suffocated
- They would have friends you can meet
This feels like a thread of where we are trying to persuade you to have a partner.
You're still making assumptions.
I don't need to be convinced of wanting to have a partner, due to my own current experiences. Yes, of course it would be so amazing to spend the rest of your life with your perfect someone - God, I'd do anything for that.
Well, nearly anything. I'm not giving up on my dreams for anyone. I know my perfect partner wouldn't make me do it, but, if I had to choose - my career above everything else.
Original post by fat_hobbit
Money can buy you materialistic happiness, by that, nice clothes, a nice house etc etc. But what it won't buy you is a quality relationship, with someone who cares and loves you for who you are as a person. And it is not the big things I am talking about, the small things like:
I'm not living my life for money. I really do not care if I'm poor for the rest of my life.
"babe, let's have a romantic trip to Paris together, we can hold hands and explore the city together"
or general emotional support. "hun, I really want to get into Cambridge but I am struggling with the pressure right now".
Your partner:
"Don't worry babe, you will be fine just keep at it"
Followed by a kiss and a cuddle. This is what you will miss out on, but if you choose to live your life that way, that's up to you.
or general emotional support. "hun, I really want to get into Cambridge but I am struggling with the pressure right now".
Your partner:
"Don't worry babe, you will be fine just keep at it"
Followed by a kiss and a cuddle. This is what you will miss out on, but if you choose to live your life that way, that's up to you.
Oh please, you make it seem I'm not missing out on anything really.
Money on the other hand will buy you one night stands, gold diggers, that kinda ****. Not high quality relationships.
Don't want my life to revolve around money.
See above, you don't NEED to give up your career for your partner. I certainly haven't nor has she. At worst we may need to make compromises here and there if say in the future we decide to start a family, and someone needs to look after the kids. Or when she needs to relocate with me, just started a long distance r/ship.
WOAH, wait a second! I am a girl. I don't want to have a family (as that would *definitely* mean by career is just gone). I'm not making any ****ing compromises. You call that something going "here and there"?
A relationship is an extension of your reality, it does not define who you are. You can still be in one but get on with your own thing.
I don't can if my reality is not extended.
No, just lonely.
No, don't make assumptions.
My point is that you can have BOTH.
I don't want both.
With the right person they will. And you will know who that is when they come into your life.
Stop trying to delude me. It just won't happen. What makes you think it "will" happen?
Yet you experienced limerence? And say that experience went well, by that reciprocated you would not be so bitter towards the whole thing.
I wish. But, going back down to reality, it never will.
You sound bitter. It's ok, I have been there too. It changes when you meet someone who understands and truely appreciates you for who you are. And you will. Give it time.
No, it won't. Stop trying to give me lies.
Original post by Harry.C
Original post by Harry.C
Why has this turned into a counselling session?
No it hasn't. The thread just got a bit off tangent.
Original post by im so academic
Oh please, you make it seem I'm not missing out on anything really.
Don't want my life to revolve around money.
WOAH, wait a second! I am a girl. I don't want to have a family (as that would *definitely* mean by career is just gone). I'm not making any ****ing compromises. You call that something going "here and there"?
I don't can if my reality is not extended.
No, don't make assumptions.
I don't want both.
Stop trying to delude me. It just won't happen. What makes you think it "will" happen?
I wish. But, going back down to reality, it never will.
Ok tell me one thing.
If the guy you have limerence with said to you one day:
"I'm so academic, I really like you but I am really shy, can I take you for dinner?"
and let's say it goes REALLY WELL, you end up cuddling, kissing, with him being totally what you go for in a man. But then say later down the line things become complicated due to career decisions, what will you do then?
Will you let go of him for your career or try to reach a compromise?
Original post by fat_hobbit
Original post by fat_hobbit
Ok tell me one thing.
If the guy you have limerence with said to you one day:
"I'm so academic, I really like you but I am really shy, can I take you for dinner?"
and let's say it goes REALLY WELL, you end up cuddling, kissing, with him being totally what you go for in a man. But then say later down the line things become complicated due to career decisions, what will you do then?
Will you let go of him for your career or try to reach a compromise?
If the guy you have limerence with said to you one day:
"I'm so academic, I really like you but I am really shy, can I take you for dinner?"
and let's say it goes REALLY WELL, you end up cuddling, kissing, with him being totally what you go for in a man. But then say later down the line things become complicated due to career decisions, what will you do then?
Will you let go of him for your career or try to reach a compromise?
That would not happen. Why?
Long story short, it would be illegal of him to do it.
I'm So Academics most successful thread ever...........and she STILL has more negs than pos reps on the OP 
Haters!
Haters!
Original post by Dude Where's My Username
Original post by Dude Where's My Username
I'm So Academics most successful thread ever...........and she STILL has more negs than pos reps on the OP
Haters!
Haters!
Well, haters going to hate.
Original post by im so academic
That would not happen. Why?
Long story short, it would be illegal of him to do it.
Long story short, it would be illegal of him to do it.
What why?
How old is this boy, and how old are you?
Original post by fat_hobbit
Original post by fat_hobbit
What why?
How old is this boy, and how old are you?
How old is this boy, and how old are you?
PMing you.
EDIT: Well tried to - please clean out some space, thanks.
Original post by im so academic
PMing you.
EDIT: Well tried to - please clean out some space, thanks.
EDIT: Well tried to - please clean out some space, thanks.
Try now.
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