I don't feel male or female.

That's perfectly normal. I would imagine you'll get transphobic abuse on this thread, but that is perfectly normal.

You don't have to identify as 'male' or 'female', and you don't have to say 'well, I have a female body but I feel male' or 'I have a male body but I feel female' either. There is far more to gender than the binary male/female split. You get people who are gender-neutral; who feel that they don't actually identify with a gender label, and that gender doesn't impact their self-image. You get people who are bigendered, so some days they feel 'female' and some days they feel 'male'. You get people who are third-gender, so they feel that they do have a gender, but it's not male or female. You get people who are genderqueer, which is basically a catch-all term for not fitting into the binary view of things.

Basically, look into communities of people who are genderqueer - the internet is actually a great place to do this. And don't be afraid to explore your gender identity. Who you're attracted to has nothing to do with your gender; a very masculine person who identifies as female, for example, doesn't have to be a lesbian.

Thank you for the first helpful reply.

I haven't heard the term genderqueer before, but I'll look it up on the internet, thanks. I think the neutral one you mentioned seems most to fit me, it's not that I dislike being female and wish to be male (which is why I believe being transexual would be like) but it's just I don't feel like either and don't see why I have to pick a box and fit myself into it. I've tried to do that most of my life and it feels wrong and makes me feel miserable.

I do know sexual orientation is nothing to do with gender, I only mentioned I wasn't a lesbian as I anticipated everyone calling me one for having short hair and wearing clothes I like the look of rather than ones that match my biological gender.

Glad to be of use I'm afraid TSR maybe wasn't the best place to raise this, as you're going to get a lot of people making lesbian jokes/sexist jokes/transphobic remarks etc. But hopefully some other people will add sensible things too.



Transgender people feel more that they are men, despite having a female body, and thus want to have the right body to match - it's not really about changing who you are, more about becoming what you already are. But to be honest, you don't sound like you want to change your body, more that you want society to accept you for who you are. There are plenty of people out there who don't feel 'male' or 'female' - gender-neutral pronouns (ze, hir) have even been invented for them Some people feel that they want to alter their bodies slightly to present androgynously - for example, some people who are XX may bind their chests in order to be taken seriously as androgynes, because they don't want to be obviously of one gender. But it's definitely worth looking into being genderqueer and gender-neutral (also sometimes called 'neutrois').



And I included the last bit mostly for the benefit of TSR as a whole, don't worry

Erm, girls are allowed to not want to wear feminine clothing...
I don't think your fashion sense or hairstyle particularly matters in the context of gender!

haha, wow I think you put that better than I did in my OP. That's pretty much exactly how I feel. I have quite big boobs and have bound my chest and taken pictures before and was really pleased with what it looked like but I'm not sure about going outside like that yet - guess I need to work up the courage still! What gets me is that if people are unsure of gender they don't use neutral words but will automatically call me sir which is a little weird.

Thanks for your help, I'll look up the stuff you said, see if I can find a forum where people are more understanding than here. Do you feel the same btw or is it just something you're interested in? Sorry if that's too personal, don't feel obliged to answer.

You're not transgender if you're happy in your woman's body. Gender identity, though, is a gradual line rather than a rigid boundary, is it not? Why not just be happy with your own particular place on that line? Given that you are lesbian at least some of the time (sorry if that sounds insulting - it's not meant to be), are you actually wishing people would say 'Ah, she could either be a lesbian or on the slightly butch side of bi.'? I think expecting them to decipher your more-sophisiticated-than-average sexual identity from your appearance is a bit too much to ask, but ultimately the confusion is theirs, not yours. If you don't do this already, you could do worse than make it generally known that you're bi - that way you'll establish your own personal sexual identity both in your own eyes and in the eyes of those around you and possibly feel happier as a result.

I have the same problem with binding - I'm a C luckily, not like an F as some people are, but it's still enough that binding has noticeable consequences (Do be careful with how you bind - some people use methods which can cause long-term damage. Using a dedicated binder is the best way of doing it, or if you can't afford that, wide sports bandages, with something under them so they don't cut into your skin. I tried with belts once when I was still very young and daft, and really, never again ) People sadly don't jump to gender-neutrality. If you prefer neutral pronouns (I prefer 'they' personally) you can ask the people close to you to use those - but sadly ignorance from shop assistants etc is going to become a part of life.



I wish I could recommend somewhere, but aside from tumblr I can't really - Google, I guess, is the best place to start I'm massively genderqueer myself. I'm biologically female, but my sexual orientation and my gender are very fluid; I've actually felt asexual for the past week, but usually the gender I feel like I am and the gender I feel I'm attracted to can vary on a daily basis. But even aside from my personal interest, I do think queer theory is fascinating.