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in love with my best friend...my male best friend

So here's the thing. My best friend, like my brother really, is someone who i feel like i could really be with. I've felt this way for nearly 2 years and it hurts. I think he's straight. He's had one girlfriend in the 2 years I've known him, but a few years ago when he was in year 9, there was a rumor he'd been having sex with a boy in year 12. i really like him. But i don't know what to do

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You're in Scotland and yet you refer to things as year 12 and year nine? And as you're in scotland i wouldn't say anything unless you know that he's gay otherwise things will get really uncomfortable or he may freak out and never talk again
Reply 2
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Top Dog
10
Original post by TheCaledonian
You're in Scotland and yet you refer to things as year 12 and year nine? And as you're in scotland i wouldn't say anything unless you know that he's gay otherwise things will get really uncomfortable or he may freak out and never talk again


What?
Reply 3
Avatar for emmi_lou
emmi_lou
I feel sorry for you, but i'd be careful how you go about it if you do tell him, could make things awkward between you from then on....

Kudos for not going anon though....
Reply 4
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0906079
Original post by Callum
So here's the thing. My best friend, like my brother really, is someone who i feel like i could really be with. I've felt this way for nearly 2 years and it hurts. I think he's straight. He's had one girlfriend in the 2 years I've known him, but a few years ago when he was in year 9, there was a rumor he'd been having sex with a boy in year 12. i really like him. But i don't know what to do


Callum???? Mate I'm straight... Soz
Reply 5
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Callum
OP
Original post by TheCaledonian
You're in Scotland and yet you refer to things as year 12 and year nine? And as you're in scotland i wouldn't say anything unless you know that he's gay otherwise things will get really uncomfortable or he may freak out and never talk again


my schools private - english curriculum and if i wanted to confuse anymore i'd call it by the real names. third form fifth form upper sixth form etc
Reply 6
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Callum
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Original post by 0906079
Callum???? Mate I'm straight... Soz


unless you go to gordonstoun i doubt i know you
If you feel really close to him, you could confide in him that you are attracted to other men... but not him. See how he responds. If he reacts well, then later you can tell him your feelings towards him.

I do remember when this happened to me two years ago. Eventually I ended up having to cut all ties with my friend. Quite tragic but I'm better off for it. I really hate being infatuated- it really weakens you.

Original post by Callum
unless you go to gordonstoun i doubt i know you


Oh my god I go to Gordonstoun! I'm in Year 11, what year are you in?
(edited 13 years ago)
Reply 8
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sherlllll
8
Original post by Callum
unless you go to gordonstoun i doubt i know you


Ooooooh Gordonstoun, lah di dah...
Reply 9
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Callum
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Original post by emmi_lou
I feel sorry for you, but i'd be careful how you go about it if you do tell him, could make things awkward between you from then on....

Kudos for not going anon though....


i know right

i don't know anyone on here so no point going anon
Original post by Top Dog

Original post by Top Dog
What?


i'm just saying if any of my mates said anything like that to me i'd freak out i'm not implying that this is exclusive to Scotland but we don't talk about feelings with other men and love is a feeling the Scottish repress and in my opinion unless the op knows that he is gay and that his friend is gay then the best thing to do i repress
Reply 11
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kayne94
That's a difficult situation....maybe think of how true the rumours seemed. Or if you're so close maybe bring something up in conversation about going with guys. I was in the same situation with one of my mates in high school and we were close and i just talked about it and got his views on homosexuality without saying anything to commit myself. Its difficult but i hope it helps..=/
Reply 12
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mirin?
So... you're gay. But the real question is, what kind of gay are you? Are you the type that prefers to give? The type that prefers to receive? Or are you the type of slut that doesn't mind as long as he is involved? Are you camp? Do you wear pink? Or do you prefer more masculine clothes and speak in a overly deep voice?
Reply 13
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Callum
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Original post by TheCaledonian
i'm just saying if any of my mates said anything like that to me i'd freak out i'm not implying that this is exclusive to Scotland but we don't talk about feelings with other men and love is a feeling the Scottish repress and in my opinion unless the op knows that he is gay and that his friend is gay then the best thing to do i repress


youre a bit die-hard Scottish aren't you.
Reply 14
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Callum
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Original post by mirin?
So... you're gay. But the real question is, what kind of gay are you? Are you the type that prefers to give? The type that prefers to receive? Or are you the type of slut that doesn't mind as long as he is involved? Are you camp? Do you wear pink? Or do you prefer more masculine clothes and speak in a overly deep voice?


bisexual, actually. and you make it sound like it's so specific. i play sport. i hang out with the lads. if you wanna box me you can but i don't see the ened
Reply 15
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emmi_lou
Original post by Callum
i know right

i don't know anyone on here so no point going anon


that's alright then :smile:

But back to your point like i said before i'd just tread very carefully, i know you said it 'hurts' that you love him so much, but what you've got to consider is if telling him is worth possibly losing him as a friend?
I don't envy your situation, I've seen it happen to my own friends before and whilst all seemed well to begin with it eventually deteriorated as the friend on the receiving end couldn't cope...
Know it's not probably what you want to hear, but it's just what I saw :s-smilie:

I think kayne94 makes a good point, find out how he'd feel about it first, say by describing a hypothetical situation, before telling him...
(edited 13 years ago)
Original post by Callum

Original post by Callum
youre a bit die-hard Scottish aren't you.


no not really i mean i don't hate gays or anything and i have no problem with them doing whatever to show their affection its just if i found out that one of my mates was gay and that he was interested in me then its a lot to process at once and tbh i wouldn't want to talk about it i'd probably pretend it never happened but things would never be the same. m
dont say anything to him unless you find out for sure if hes gay.
Reply 18
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Callum
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Original post by TheCaledonian
no not really i mean i don't hate gays or anything and i have no problem with them doing whatever to show their affection its just if i found out that one of my mates was gay and that he was interested in me then its a lot to process at once and tbh i wouldn't want to talk about it i'd probably pretend it never happened but things would never be the same. m


yeah i wouldnt flat out go IM GAY AND I LOVE YOU BE MINE. i'm not that pathetic. ahah
Original post by Callum
unless you go to gordonstoun i doubt i know you


Dude, I'm applying next year :smile:

and, Well I'm obviously a chick..... but I fancy my male best friend too :L he knows, he's known for yonks. But I guess he doesn't want that kinda relationship with me :frown:

I can't help you with yours as it's slightly more kompliziert....(german mode :L )

But bigging you up for no anon :smile:

Ellie :smile:

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