I don't feel male or female.

Thanks for the reply.

Well I sort of do see myself as a natural female (psychologically) with a male body. I'm pretty confused myself though to be honest because I also enjoy typical male activities. It's all very confusing so sorry I can't really answer that question. I sometimes feel like a transexual but then I don't fit the stereotype of that either. I'm very introverted and shy so maybe I just haven't found myself yet.

Ok, I guess this is a bit strange but I often look at girls and secretly wish I was them or had their bodies. Or I wonder what it would be like to be them. I know thats weird. Sometimes, I also look at girls and think they're pretty (not in the usual way of being attracted to them but by being a little envious and wishing I had their features etc). That must sound so strange? Do you ever look at men and wish you were someone else?

I also fantasise about having a woman's body occasionally. How it would feel to have a beautiful delicate body and what type of colours/ clothes would suit me, how I would dress/ look. I just think a womans body is beautiful. There is definitely a sexual element to this for me.

Just curious, but what sort of upbringing did you have? For me personally, I was brought up in pretty much a single parent family (Mother) because my Father was not around much. For me, I think this has had a huge influence on the way I am.

When I say I don't care what people think, that's not entirely true. Maybe wishful thinking!

Hi, ok, I was thinking about stuff and wondering if anyone else felt the same.

I don't feel female or male, just feel like me. I'm biologically female but often wear men's clothes simply because I like how they look. I have spiky hair because I like how it looks and how easy it is to maintain. I feel uncomfortable when people refer to me as "she" or "her" but I don't feel comfortable being called "sir", as has happened a few times, either. I don't think I'm a transexual as I don't actually want to be a guy I just don't feel particularly female. Is that transexual? I'm not a lesbian, I'm bisexual and will go for men or women I like the look of, not necessarily feminine men or butch girls but people from across all the spectrum.

Basically I'm feeling pretty confused and have been feeling confused for quite a few years. I'd like to just be me, wear what I like and have people accept that but I usually get the "must be a lesbian" comments. Is this anything anyone can help with or am I stuck with this confusion over myself for the rest of my life?


If you're going to be abusive or rude, please don't bother, I got enough of that in my life.

You probably watch television and listen to popular music and are indulged in popular culture?

Your sex is that which you were born with - wanting otherwise is to be mad (or rather you have a brain disorder).

There is nothing wrong with homosexuals or bisexuals - but transsexuals ... I don't know what they are - an entirely different species altogether?

Thanks for the reply.

I think I get where you're coming from but I think perhaps you misunderstood my post (my fault for going on a tangent about sexual identity). I don't really think my sexual identity is relevant to anything, I don't make an issue of telling people I'm bi, although most my friends guessed, because I see sexual orientation as unimportant to how people should treat me as a person. I guess I see sexual orientation like I see gender, I go for what I like whether that be men/women or short hair/baggy jeans without really considering what I'm "meant" to do. I do what's comfortable to me.

I'm sorry I think I haven't explained too well. Do you think the problem is just that people don't realise I'm bi and if more people did they'd be more willing to accept how I present myself otherwise? With this acceptance then leading to me feeling less lost?

Don't be an ignorant moron. We're all human and it's all natural. Its because of attitudes like yours that people can't act the way they want.

I've always had a strong female gender identity, so I'm not going to pretend to be able to understand.

That being said, look up Bed Nucleus of the Stria Terminalis (BNST). You aren't alone, and evidence shows the part of the brain that controls gender identity is different sizes in transsexuals. Its not a choice.

If you want to change your body, GP is always the best option. If not, change things slowly but surely till you feel comfortable just being yourself around people. Might be a good start to tell family/close friends how you feel.x

That's perfectly normal. I would imagine you'll get transphobic abuse on this thread, but that is perfectly normal.

You don't have to identify as 'male' or 'female', and you don't have to say 'well, I have a female body but I feel male' or 'I have a male body but I feel female' either. There is far more to gender than the binary male/female split. You get people who are gender-neutral; who feel that they don't actually identify with a gender label, and that gender doesn't impact their self-image. You get people who are bigendered, so some days they feel 'female' and some days they feel 'male'. You get people who are third-gender, so they feel that they do have a gender, but it's not male or female. You get people who are genderqueer, which is basically a catch-all term for not fitting into the binary view of things.

Basically, look into communities of people who are genderqueer - the internet is actually a great place to do this. And don't be afraid to explore your gender identity. Who you're attracted to has nothing to do with your gender; a very masculine person who identifies as female, for example, doesn't have to be a lesbian.

How is it normal?
Normal: male body --> male; female body --> female

What do you mean by "male body?" Sex isn't that clear-cut. There are so many components of sex: chromosomes, hormones, chemical influences, etc. And 'male' and 'female' are not the only options! Something like 1 in every 2,000 births is intersex (what used to be called 'hermaphrodites').

Furthermore, you're conflating sex (having a biological basis) with gender (a cultural construct).

Gender is the properties that distinguish organisms on the basis of their reproductive roles; sex is either of the two categories, male or female, into which most organisms are divided.

I do see that intersex people do exist, however I want to challenge the claim that being intersex is normal. 1 in 2000 isn't normal. 1999 in 2000 is normal.

You probably watch television and listen to popular music and are indulged in popular culture?

Your sex is that which you were born with - wanting otherwise is to be mad (or rather you have a brain disorder).

There is nothing wrong with homosexuals or bisexuals - but transsexuals ... I don't know what they are - an entirely different species altogether?

Strap on?

terminology varies by discipline, but a philosophical definition of gender does not include any properties. Rather, 'gender' is applied to social and psychological considerations, whereas 'sex' represents biological properties, including reproductive ones.

If you take into account the size of the world population, 1 in 2000 births represents a sizable population of intersex people: more than the population of Iceland, Belize, the Bahamas, or many other countries! Are you saying that Icelanders are abnormal? I rather like them, just generalizing, as a nationality...

I guess you could take any definition you wanted to fit your point. I chose a scientific definition, not a wishy-washy philosophical one.

I don't really see your point with the Icelanders. If you are born in Iceland, it is normal to be an Icelander. The issue we are talking about here is probably spread more evenly across the globe, therefore making it impossible to be normal relative to anything comparable.

"Wishy-washy philosophical"? how about "arbitrary scientific?" What is the conceptual justification for the distinction you gave between sex and gender? The point of the philosophical distinction is to emphasize the role of society and psychology in gender identity and performance, a component I don't see in the definitions you gave.

Being born homosexual, it is normal to be homosexual, but you're right, the Islander example was too concentrated to be a good analogy. I stand behind my point that 'normal' does not mean belonging to the majority under some measure, but rather, 'normal' means conforming to a standard that can be expected. So a more wide-spread example: Only 2% of the world population has green eyes (far fewer than are homosexual), yet we can consider green eyes 'normal' because there is a large enough incidence of green eyes for it to be an expectable pattern. And if you're born with green eyes, then it's certainly normal to be green-eyed.