Oh how i envy american students

Since it's coming up to the start of a new academic year I thought I'd
take this opportunity to explain how lucky you Americans are to have a
fraternity system.

English Universities are so dull by comparison. Like most students
in England I had to rent private accommodation for my second and third
years, but it never occurred to us to build a whole culture around
collectively renting a rather dilapidated house in Clapham. It wasn't
even single sex accommodation, so we couldn't engage in the fun and
games of para-homosexual activities - Girls just don't have the same
grip on your loyalties as your Greek brothers ;-). And while cliques
certainly form in English Universities, the are all much too boring to
come up with the idea of hazing. I fondly recall diving off a weir and
almost drowning when I was 12 because everyone said I was chicken. If
only it had been possible for me to gain respect in later life through
similar tests, and if these tests could have been combined with pseudo
Masonic rituals culminating in the awarding of a little badge, then
that truly would have made my time at University worthwhile. And while
I still have friends from University, these friendships seem so hollow
compared to bonds of fraternal brotherhood since they are not based on
solemn vows of fellowship, mutual sacrifice, group solidarity and
owning the same poxy little badge.
Then there's sheer joy alcohol seems to bring fraternity members..
By the time I went to university the delights of getting dangerously
drunk at parties had started to seem mundane. But to American students
in fraternities, the bravado of excessive alcohol consumption is a an
exciting new and illicit game where you can prove yourself worthy to
all your male friends and simultaneously circumvent college alcohol
policy - thereby proving what a rebel you are too. Gosh.
I am also rather fond of the references to ancient Greece.
It reeks of a history far nobler and grander than anything a British
University can instil its students with, and the wearing of togas
must make it seem as authentic as a ploughman's lunch.


I think what I am trying to say is that Fraternities give young
Americans the chance to grow up in their own time, and that it is
regrettable that no similar opportunity is afforded to European
Students. In particular, I find it sad that even some American
students forego the opportunity to wear togas and claim to be Greek.
Really this should be mandatory, so every graduate will be secure in
the knowledge that they have gained something much more valuable than
a degree from an American University - a little badge with some Greek
letters on it.


Although I am not American, I admire the system so much that I would
dearly love to become an honorary member of a fraternity. I have set
my heart on becoming an alumni of Theta Omicron Sigma Sigma Epsilon Ro
Sigma. I do so hope this is possible.

That fraternity spells 'Tossers' i bet they feel silly now.

Damn and there I was thinking going to university was about getting an education, a degree and then a decent job. But it's about the frats. Jeez what a waste my life has been.

I am being sarcastic by the way. Also your life must really be miserable if you think you've somehow missed out by not being an American Student.

I think you missed the irony.

Well, you've certainly mastered the ancient art of plagiarism.

It actually spells "thossers", as theta represents a (voiceless) dental fricative. The initial voiced alveolar plosive of "tossers" (/t/) is written with tau.

Rather spoils the joke.