I have this really Fat friend...

Scroll to see replies

basically, his size aside from it, you don't sound like you like him very much. so, why are you friends with him exactly?

hes weird around girls and gets a bit stupid when hes drunk and he is very emotional.
Hes still a very nice person, hes helped me through difficult times in my life and is a good laugh.
Everyone has their faults, his just happen to be in getting girls to like him when he wants a girlfriend most of all, like i said no one here knows him, know one who does no him will see this and if people are going to give proper advice they should know everything. My reaction to him would be very different if this was a thread about 'someone being a very nice person' or whatever, but its about him and why he cant get a girlfriend and the position im in with it all.
Friendship is a complex thing, im sure no one no matter how great can figure out why people are friends based on a subject thread.

Reply 41

Paint-a-Picture

dont tell him he is fat, tell him girls like musclar man and so he should hit the gym.

Reply 42

Jimbo1234

Original post by emiliee21

...like 26 stone fat, and he's lovely guy but of course most girls don't find him attractive. Which is a problem as he really wants a girlfriend.
He ''falls in love'' with girls really easy (once he had only seen a picture of a girl and said 'I want to shout my love for her from the rooftops), and the only relationship hes actually been in he proposed to her after 8 months (age 17) and she broke up with him.
Now hes coming to me asking me to set him up with my single friends, I've tried hinting that they wouldn't be interested but he cant take the hint and I can't tell him straight because he's over sensitive (he's attempted suicide and self harmed when hes been rejected in the past) but he is a really nice boy aswell so I don't want to avoid him/ really hurt his feelings. But hes put me in the really really difficult position of trying to find a nice pretty girl who would be interest in him.

How do I get myself out of this nice and cleanly ?

Any advice no matter how obscure would be appreciated!

Easy way to tell a guy to sort out their image is to tell them:
' When going for a girl it is the same as buying a car, you have to look at what you are offering the girl. Would a girl prefer a Ferrari or some crappy 20 year old rusty car? So what are you offering to girls which makes you so much more appealing then other guys? '
(Then when he realises he is a fat mess)
' So what are you going to do to help improve your selling points or what can you change to make yourself a better deal?'

If he does not get the hint with that then he is a lost cause.

Reply 43

poshbloke

sounds like a job for jeremy kyle.

Reply 44

Sound-of-Silence

Original post by PinkMobilePhone

basically, his size aside from it, you don't sound like you like him very much. so, why are you friends with him exactly?

If this person didnt like this person why would they post a thread about it stating many times that they want to spare their feelings and are trying not to hurt them. If s/he really didnt like like im pretty sure they wouldnt go to all this trouble to help them and spare their feelings.

Clearly someone doesnt know what the student room is for. :cool:

Reply 45

beepbeeprichie

I really don't understand how you can be seriously fat and not realise that this makes you extremely unattractive to pretty much all females (speaking as a fat person).

Reply 46

PinkMobilePhone

Volunteer Team

Original post by Sound-of-Silence

I've been on the student room for 6 and a half years, as opposed to you, who joined last month, and has 4 posts :rolleyes:

I'm fairly sure I have a better grasp of TSR than you, thanks.

And in regards to the OP, s/he has, in case you have failed to notice, said some pretty derogatory things about her 'fat friend'. If the friend in question ever DID see this thread, I can't see the friendship lasting. S/he's insulted his personality, his physical appearance, and his genitalia so far.

Reply 47

josh_v

He probably gets naked at parties because at least that way he gets attention. Id imagine day to day he doesnt attract much female attention or is just known as 'the fat kid'. He probably feels that people are laughing with him rather than at him when this happens and just feels happy to have 'friends'.

And id imagine that he has such little female attention in the past which explains his quite worrying displays of love. Getting attached that easily is probably more out of desperation than anything else and i would imagine he is lonely.

He obviously has an issue with weight. Going from 24 stone to 18 stone is not an easy task (as someone who has done it - its very difficult) Life is a lot more difficult when youre very overweight. And its a shame that he put it back on, which is very easy to do when you have issues with food. But he has the knowledge to do it again, all he needs is the willpower.

Im fairly certain he already KNOWS why he doesnt have a girlfriend. Its as obvious to him as it is you, he has to look in the mirror at himself every day. And as he appears to be so sensitive I dont believe telling him straight would be a good idea.

My suggestions would be:
Do you ever speak to his parents? His parents encouraging him to lose weight would probably benefit him a lot more than his friends telling him to do so. I doubt he wants to be thought of as 'different' by his friends. If a parent suggests it, it will come across in a more caring manner rather than his friends digging at him.

Alternatively, are there any other big guys you are friends with. Its unlikely that if you tell a 26stone guy to go to the gym that he will go alone and have a beneficial work out. Also. if you send him along with someone much fitter then that will just embarrass him. If you could pair him up with another big guy then its both encouraging and competitive.

Reply 48

Sound-of-Silence

Original post by PinkMobilePhone

I've been on the student room for 6 and a half years, as opposed to you, who joined last month, and has 4 posts :rolleyes:

Actually ive been using TSR for years, i created a new one because someone found out my password.
And no one else seems to have a problem with it, everyone else on here is being helpful, from what s/he has said on here about him is obv stuff which isnt a secret and it is helpful to gain a full picture of what the situation is.
Maybe you have your own insecurities so you feel the need to get all up someone else, but if you don't like it why don't you get loss and talk to some people who care.
I'm pretty sure you don't know the situation fully so I dont know why you are being so Judgemental. Grow up.

To OP:
And you answer the problem posed in the thread (which is why it is here) it might really hurt him to say hes too fat for the standards he has, but in the long run if it will help him find happiness by loosing weight maybe you should explain that to him. Loosing weight can be hard though so perhaps encourage him to try internet dating ? if he is a really nice guy then it will give a chance for a woman to get to know him without feeling put off by his appearance.
How old is he ?

Reply 49

TheRealDarthVader

He sounds like a useless person and your planet is better off without him.

Reply 50

PinkMobilePhone

Volunteer Team

Original post by Sound-of-Silence

You created a whole new TSR account because someone found out your password? Have you ever heard of just changing your password? Anyway, whatever, that's not the point.

The point is that she's supposed to be his friend, yet she's been nothing but completely derogatory about him on this thread. It's not really any wonder he can't find a girlfriend, if she speaks like this about him. I mean, she's not exactly giving him the recommendation of the century.

I don't think that I should be the one to grow up here. I have a completely mature attitude about this whole situation - my opinion being that if you're friends with somebody, don't slag them off behind their back! I am not really sure how you're interpreting this as me being immature, but hey, there we go.

I'm not even sure why I'm arguing with you to be honest, seeing as how you're coming out with nonsense.

By the way, "get loss" makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. That's not your only spelling error but I'm not going to be a spelling/grammar nazi right now, I just thought I'd point the "get loss" one out specifically because you've attempted to aim it at me as some sort of insult, when it actually is just drivel.

Reply 51

FrigidSymphony

The guy's a moron. He'll have to lower his standards or get on a fecking treadmill, no other ways about it.

Reply 52

oh-my-diddy

Original post by emiliee21

Ah what a coincidence. I have a really fat friend too.

Is his name Mr. Blobby? sorry if it's not, it's just a guess.

Reply 53

FrigidSymphony

Or, barring any real solutions, show him this:
http://cloudgirlfriend.com/1cky0

Reply 54

Inzamam99

Tell him straight off to shed some weight.

Reply 55

Arteta

Original post by PinkMobilePhone

I've been on the student room for 6 and a half years, as opposed to you, who joined last month, and has 4 posts :rolleyes:

I'm fairly sure I have a better grasp of TSR than you, thanks.

Original post by PinkMobilePhone

I'd say that you're right; you've been on TSR so long that you think you're taking the high ground because of somebody's spelling mistakes, which is not only incredibly geeky but also immature. Now you've contradicted everything.

You sound like you think you're a really nice person, but you're naïve.

The OP has come here asking for advice about a situation that isn't nice to be in. It's up to her why she wants to be friends with this guy. The very fact she's posting on here asking how to deal with this dilemma shows that she cares about the guy, otherwise she'd just call him fat and move on. You may not mind dating 22 stone men, but the majority of girls do and it does not make them shallow.
Posting about this situation is not bitching either. The guy probably knows he's fat and the OP's not even using it in a derogatory way, it would be weird if she set up this thread and missed out the fact that he was fat.

OP, it's a tough situation but you have to let him know as a friend. You could either tell him that your friends don't him attractive, and when asks why then let him know. Don't be cruel about it. He needs to hear this sort of thing so he can do something about it. Also tell him that being too open and clingy is a turn off for women. Telling him this may prompt him to make a change in his life that could lead to happiness, not telling him would make you a worse friend IMO.

Ignore posters like this pink girl, they're delusional and would have you believe you're shallow.

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 56

Ministerdonut

Time for some tough love if you really want to be his friend. Firstly tell him you are not his pimp you are his friend. You will support him in what he does but that it's unreasonable for him to pressure you like this. He either isn't all that nice or he has mental problems if he can't realise this.

Secondly tell him that if he wants a girlfriend he will need to get his fat arse on a treadmill ,he is so fat many girls would not even go with him for money and he probably would not enjoy it all that much either. Being as fat as he is, I expect his options are limited in bed.

Tell him that he wouldn't want a fat girlfriend either, so it's hardly unreasonable to want your partner to look fit.

Reply 57

adoringcarmine

suggest doing sports together as your "hot friend sarah" loves fit guys

or something along those lines

Reply 58

beepbeeprichie

Original post by FrigidSymphony

The guy's a moron. He'll have to lower his standards or get on a fecking treadmill, no other ways about it.

Or move to Thailand!

Reply 59

ByronicHero

Maybe they would like him if they met him - not everyone is shallow. It would be better to just have him meet people in a more natural and 'friend' situation rather than setting him up anyway.