He was the love of my life

My boyfriend of 5 years finished with me last night. We have never had sex as I am a virgin and had an extreme fear of my first time. He was upset and did it by phone, that annoyed me though as its seems cowardly. I understand why he ended it, it is a long time to wait and be patient and he tried to make me relax but I always put it off. I went to counselling but it was only 10 sessions and cannot afford to go to Relate.

It had got bad in the end where he no longer saw friends, was diagnosed with depression and his bedroom used to be immaculate and now it is as bad as How Clean Is Your House. I know all the signs were there and I feel bad I neglected him. It got to the stage where he was scared to touch me as the rejection made him repulse his self.

I am upset as I love him so much but this stupid fear took over my life and ruined it. One day I want children so will have to overcome this. I don't know if I will get him back this time as we have ended it before but this time he said we need to find the right people. Please help.

Reply 1

Deus Irae

Put. Out.

How'd you feel if someone rejected you contantly for 5 years? Fella deserves a medal for waiting that long. This seems very insensitive and I'm sorry, but you might want to let him go his own way and find someone that can help him get back his confidence in general, as..(again I'm sorry) it seems as you're the main reason for his depression.

Reply 2

a_t

16

lol what a frigid bitch you are

Guy deserves a medal for lasting 5 years

Reply 3

Oranges

Original post by Deus Irae

Put. Out.

How'd you feel if someone rejected you contantly for 5 years? Fella deserves a medal for waiting that long. This seems very insensitive and I'm sorry, but you might want to let him go his own way and find someone that can help him get back his confidence in general, as..(again I'm sorry) it seems as you're the main reason for his depression.

Basically this.

Reply 4

Tommyjw

18

That guy must of went through a LOT if tissues.

Reply 5

ArcadiaHouse

17

Original post by Anonymous

his bedroom used to be immaculate and now it is as bad as How Clean Is Your House.

I lol'd.

Reply 6

*Lollo*

8

How old are the two of you?

Reply 7

Ventura7

13

sorry but this seems like its your fault, you neglected him and wernt there for him. 5 years!!!!! maybe oyu meant 5 months i dont know, but if you did mean 5 years, my god that is sad

Reply 8

rylit91

3

Original post by Anonymous

My boyfriend of 5 years finished with me last night. We have never had sex as I am a virgin and had an extreme fear of my first time. He was upset and did it by phone, that annoyed me though as its seems cowardly. I understand why he ended it, it is a long time to wait and be patient and he tried to make me relax but I always put it off. I went to counselling but it was only 10 sessions and cannot afford to go to Relate.

It had got bad in the end where he no longer saw friends, was diagnosed with depression and his bedroom used to be immaculate and now it is as bad as How Clean Is Your House. I know all the signs were there and I feel bad I neglected him. It got to the stage where he was scared to touch me as the rejection made him repulse his self.

I am upset as I love him so much but this stupid fear took over my life and ruined it. One day I want children so will have to overcome this. I don't know if I will get him back this time as we have ended it before but this time he said we need to find the right people. Please help.

You'll get no sympathy from the scumbags on here. Without patronising you, good for you for waiting. Don't be pressured. He doesn't deserve you.

Reply 9

DH-Biker

14

You waited 5 years? Whilst that's impressive in itself, I think the only way you're going to get him back now is to sleep with him.

Or, you could REALLY piss him off and sleep with some random person tonight, and then tell him.

5 years waiting, and the first night free you broke it.

(I do NOT endorse the latter option here; if you want him back, try the former. If you want him back do NOT try the latter).

Reply 10

rylit91

3

Not losing one's virginity is not neglecting someone.

Reply 11

spocckka

14

That's so shallow, dumping someone beacuse they weren't having sex.

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

OP

We are both 24. I feel awful I have destroyed his confidence, I am trying to stay strong but I am worried he won't take me back saying I have promised to change too many times but haven't.

Reply 13

erklam

10

You will never in your life find a better person to lose your virginity for. Go and get him back. And **** him. You will like it.

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 14

Tommyjw

18

Original post by spocckka

That's so shallow, dumping someone beacuse they weren't having sex.

Not neccessarily.
It's a fact that sex really helps relationships, creates a new level of intimacy that sexless relationships cannot have.

Reply 15

a_t

16

Original post by mangoh

-rep very rude, why call sum1 else?

-rep pointless, not funny

On topic: hopefully the situation can only get better

Original post by rylit91

You'll get no sympathy from the scumbags on here. Without patronising you, good for you for waiting. Don't be pressured. He doesn't deserve you.

Original post by rylit91

Not losing one's virginity is not neglecting someone.

Original post by spocckka

That's so shallow, dumping someone beacuse they weren't having sex.

Sorry but reality check here, 5 years! He invested 5 years, its not shallow or selfish, sex is an important part of an adult relationship, and neglecting someone sexually and rejecting them for 5 years is appalling

Original post by Anonymous

We are both 24. I feel awful I have destroyed his confidence, I am trying to stay strong but I am worried he won't take me back saying I have promised to change too many times but haven't.

24? This gets worse and worse, this break up is 100% your fault

Reply 16

Salazar

1

Original post by a_t

Sorry but reality check here, 5 years! He invested 5 years, its not shallow or selfish, sex is an important part of an adult relationship, and neglecting someone sexually and rejecting them for 5 years is appalling

well boo hoo it's not like he died

I'm sure there are some girls that put out on the first date

Reply 17

Gemma16

12

you've already made the first step by saying 'was' the love of my life instead of 'is'
btw you don't know what you're missing tbh, sex is amazing & relationships NEED intimacy and effection. Otherwise it's just like being friends, see yes you both obv had stronger feelings then you would have with a friend, but how can you have them feelings and not act upon them and express them to each other. seriously sex can be sometimes exciting and fun but also its making love if you're with someone you truly love and care about.

Reply 18

Indian_Prince

15

if u still love him then i guess u should know what to do help him out before anything else then see how things go on maybe u could try get him back to how he was before help him clean his room or something =/ then see how things progress