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Worried to tell family I'm gay

Hi guys,
Basically I'm a 19 yo gay guy and have know im gay for a good number of years. All my mates know and I don't try and hide it around them but obviously I don't flaunt it in front of them. However, I havn't told my family yet and I'm actually quite worried about it. I keep meaning to but never have the bottle to go through with it. I'm just really worried that my brother and my dad will get funny about it.
I could really do with some advice about how to handle it or even some of your past experiences on how you came out.
Thanks!

Reply 1

'Shadowplay'

If you're unsure about how they will react, maybe you shouldn't tell them? Or wait until you know you're leaving your house and living by yourself or at uni (that is if you still live with them). If they don't take it well, there's not much you can do, they might change their opinion in the future... Try not to mention the subject so as to avoid any awkwardness if you see them on a regular basis.

Reply 2

ily_em

If you're worried about your brother and your dad, why not try telling somebody else in your family (mum?) first, so you can have them on your side.

Also, why are you worried about them? Have they ever displayed any homophobic tendencies/ made comments etc? Or are you just worried because they're straight guys and you think they won't understand? Chances are you won't have anything to worry about. :smile:

Good luck!

Reply 3

TheBlackMonster

why do you feel as if you have to tell your family that you're gay?
if you don't want to then don't feel like it's something that you HAVE to do just because you're gay. but if you want to bring your bf round to your family's house and introduce him or later on down the line, get married...then yeah, you may want to tell your family before any of those.

Reply 4

moomin-matt

my brother was awful when i told him.... but its been five years and now he rings me everyday and u wudnt know he used to take the p***.
my stepdad on the other hand is and always will be appalling, but i just ended up realising its really none of his business who i fancy, i dont judge straight guys for whom they choose to love or sleep with..

i guess it depends how you think about it. if u want to tell the folks because you dont like lying to them then i think you should do it.
if they dont like the outcome initially they will one day realise you are their son regardless and there isnt anything they can do.

Reply 5

yankeechic321

Hey hun,

Maybe start with a letter saying how scared you are to be honest with them and that this has been one of the most frightening things you've ever had to do and tell them how you've known for awhile but were unsure how they'd respond. Tell them you'd like to sit down and talk to them about this whenever they are ready. Leave them to find the letter on their own accord or even have your mother approach them with it... that way they'll have time to think things through before talking about it.

I've had some gay friends whose parents were amazing and others who had a very, very difficult time accepting the fact. I'd suggest you contact some NGOs or support groups that can tell you what they've gone through and what their best approach was as well. That way, if your parents have a hard time, you have a strong understanding support group who can help you through.

Best of luck! :biggrin:

Reply 6

moomin-matt

i wrote a letter to my mum initially, and she didnt really believe me, but i think she realised its my life and stuff. took her time though. as long as u have friends.

Reply 7

Cicerao

They probably already know. :X

Reply 8

MissCheese

I think if you have any family member at all who you think would be accepting, you should try telling them first. I came out pretty recently to all my friends and I was really worried that one of them would be really weird about it, but she was completely fine and was actually just upset that I thought she wouldn't be ok with it.
I came out to my sister and she didn't care and said she'd help me out when I want to tell my parents. I'm pretty worried about how my dad will react too, but you know it's just something you have to do eventually.
I would say don't wait until you have a boyfriend because I think that might be too much for them to take in all at once.
If you're really worried, I'd say don't tell them until you're not living with them, just in case. But you never know they might surprise you, like my friend did.

Reply 9

Harriet100

Original post by Anonymous

Hi there,

I'm actually working on a documentary for BBC and National Geographic and one of the topics we're looking at is people who are in the process of coming out to their friends and family. It would therefore be great to speak to you about the project and see if you might be interested in participating in some way.

You can contact me through private messages or harriet dot matthews at pioneertv dot come

Best wishes,

Harriet