Feel so unattractive :(

I'm well and truly fed-up of being the single one. I've never had anything you could call an actual boyfriend.

I just don't know what it is with me. I don't get approached by guys (no matter how much they've drunk), and whenever I ask someone out they run a mile. I got turned down 3 times before the new year and within the last month or so I've been turned down once and also stood up last week (that was lovely and embarrassing...)

I know it's not the worst problem in the world, but all my friends are either beginning to get engaged or are in very serious relationships; even at uni everyone's dating someone! It just kills me a little bit inside every time I have to go home on my own. It just makes me feel awfully lonely and ugly and annoying and undesirable I just wish I had someone I can love and be loved back!

Reply 1

vpsycho

7

Do you have any male friends? Maybe they secretly like you but don't have the confidence to ask you out?

Reply 2

DarkSenrine

14

Send me pics and I'll see whether it's to do with your looks.

Reply 3

Aishie

Mhmmm maybe your really shy??
tbh i doubt its your looks..you cant be hideous! everyone has a lil something special about their face :smile:

and
beauty IS in the yes of the beholder :biggrin:

tehehehe

Reply 4

Lil Piranha

OP

12

Original post by vpsycho

Do you have any male friends? Maybe they secretly like you but don't have the confidence to ask you out?

Most of my friends are male (I live with 5 guys, and the course I do is pretty male-orientated!) but I don't think it's that. A lot of them are already with someone, and the two (sort-of close) friends I asked out ran a mile like the others!

That said I don't just ask out randomers... When I ask someone out they're always a mate/aquaintance/friend of a friend etc. Not necessarily someone I know amazingly, but someone I chat to on at least a semi-regular basis.

Reply 5

username549578

13

Post a pic on TSR and then everyone will compliment you. Thats how it usually works :dontknow:

Reply 6

screenager2004

14

Focus on something else, a hobby, a career, a project. When you are happy, the right person will come to you. Don't live your life for other people.

Reply 7

im so academic

15

Original post by Lil Piranha

I'm well and truly fed-up of being the single one. I've never had anything you could call an actual boyfriend.

I just don't know what it is with me. I don't get approached by guys (no matter how much they've drunk), and whenever I ask someone out they run a mile. I got turned down 3 times before the new year and within the last month or so I've been turned down once and also stood up last week (that was lovely and embarrassing...)

I know it's not the worst problem in the world, but all my friends are either beginning to get engaged or are in very serious relationships; even at uni everyone's dating someone! It just kills me a little bit inside every time I have to go home on my own. It just makes me feel awfully lonely and ugly and annoying and undesirable I just wish I had someone I can love and be loved back!

But why?

Reply 8

ChaoticSkills

12

Someone will come along eventually don't try to rush these things :wink:

no woman's truly ugly so keep your head up.

Reply 9

Salazar

1

Original post by im so academic

But why?

Captain Obnoxious to the rescue

Reply 10

soundofsilence

Original post by im so academic

But why?

Good point. Why not just be in a relationship with a university you may or may not go to based on some vague preconception that everyone there must be incredible.

Reply 11

fibrebiz

10

I also feel like the only one not in a relationship at the moment.

It means that I will be in a position to not care when people get depressed after their relationships break up.

Reply 12

Lil Piranha

OP

12

Original post by im so academic

But why?

Well there are a lot of reasons really (though I'd have thought it's fairly obvious why someone wants to be loved!) I won't go into some of them, but I do struggle with feeling lonely, and I guess I feel like it's all is passing me by.

I've also been forced to take a lot of time off the social scene over the last couple of years (again, due to personal reasons), so it's not like I'm constantly on the dating scene!

Reply 13

Jennet

3

I agree, post up a pic so we can see, you can get some honest opinions.

Hopefully it's a run of bad luck. You don't sound obnoxious or anything!
I'm really sorry that you're going through this, lonliness is horrible. I don't have a clue why people don't seem to see you that way, it seems odd. Like I said, you sound nice.

It's no solution, but make yourself feel better by having a long hot bath, shaving everything, and pampering yourself a bit with whatever bath and body stuff you have. Makes me feel better when I'm clean and scrubbed.

Again, I'm sorry things are hard for you at the moment.

Reply 14

DanielleT192

13

I think you'd know yourself if you were unattractive or not, but it sounds to me that you're finding looks to be the only conclusion to why you cannot find someone. That, along with most of your friends having someone, puts more pressure in you finding someone.

The idea you are in a male orientated course and have numerous amount of male pals and flatmates shows me that you easily get on well with guys which is a great start! Maybe you're giving off more of a "friend" vibe than girlfriend material to these folk, since you obviously talk to lots of guys, when guys really want that chemistry.

If you have any female friends, ask them for tips. If you really like a guy, don't be full on as this could put them off, but just be yourself around them and try and find some common grounds with them. Much like girls, guys desire someone who have some common interests to be able to maintain a good conversation and be able to keep things interesting.

Also, don't ask them out so quickly - look for signs and simply hint you have feelings for them. Get to know some folk, as I'm sure those who you are really attracted to will soon feel the same way about you.

Reply 15

Lil Piranha

OP

12

There's a small pic of me on my profile, if you feel the need to see one, but I'm not going to do the posting-up-pics-fishing-for-compliments stuff.

Unfortunately I don't have time for a proper bath tonight... too much work to do!

Reply 16

Calanon

Don't worry about it, I've only ever had one girlfriend. Just act like you're not bothered by it, is what I do.
And it's definitely not your looks, and if it were then the men aren't worth the bother if they're shallow.

Reply 17

Lil Piranha

OP

12

Yeah I don't mope about it in public, if you asked my mates they'd probably tell you I'm a pretty cheerful person, it just really gets to me in private :frown:

Reply 18

Climbontoyourseahorse

9

It really, really, really isn't to do with your appearance. I think it might be to do with your taste in guys - if someone asks you out but you're not interested, you let them down nicely, not run a mile. These guys sound like arses. Be grateful they said no. Lucky escape. I honestly think that luck in love is largely about being in the right place at the right time. Whilst many of your friends are loved up in their relationships now, they will have had and could have in the future bad luck and heartbreak. And just as being single can come with a host of problems, so can relationships, no matter how idyllic they might seem.

Reply 19

Big Bad Woolf

Well looking at your profile pic if it is you. I say you look cute. But I have not alot to go on, so I go my own experience. Attractiveness is not just about looks a lot is to do with confidence and having a good sense of humour. As well as not taking yourself too seriously try to relax and smile. Smiling at people is very important. Try to be positive in your manner and conversation. Do not start talking about emotional baggage and any problems you have. If they have any try to sympathise or relate to them unless they are a loss cause.

You need to build a rapport with people you are attracted too and you need to look confident around people. If you are quiet it will not help you, being attractive and very quite people think you are aloof and unapproachable or just to shy. It is very difficult to help you on the internet as I have not enough info to go on. Explain to your female friends the situation and ask them to give you feedback. Plenty of people are still single so do not feel pressurised by your social scene.

Oops, to long to reply please ignore the above to certain extent. You have make sure you do not get friend zoned. I recommend reading about sexual body language but do not take it to literally. It does give insight who is attracted to you and how you can attract them.

(edited 13 years ago)

Feel so unattractive :(

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