Why is it bad to live for a relationship?

Keep anon or delete.
Basically, I'm 21, never had a gf. I've been told not to think about relationships, that it will happen when it happens. But nothing has exactly happened any different. I can't not think about it as I'm getting older and it's abnormal not to have had a relationship by my age, even my friends worry for me a bit. So maybe I should live for a relationship and instead of focussing all my attention on work, I should be making more of an effort to get to know girls and go out. This way I'm focusing directly on my insecurity.
What's the right thing to do?

Reply 1

WJM

Go out and have some fun !

Reply 2

Munchies-YumYum

The right thing to do is to get a prostitute.

Reply 3

Smoosh

It's wrong to live for a relationship because then when the relationship's over you're left feeling like you have nothing to live for, and you should never base your life or happiness on another person.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by Smoosh

Really? Because I also base my friendships on one best friend really. I'll only be friends with people he knows as we'll have the same circle and it works very well. But genuinly why is it that you should never base your happiness on another person?

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Guys, I really am lost on this one. Good answers would be appreciated.
Please don't spam the thread. :smile:

Reply 6

Smoosh

Original post by Anonymous

You should make your own friends. But my general point is that if you base your happiness on anyone else then you're not in control of your own happiness because these other people can leave whenever they desire, whereas if you place your happiness on something within your control, then you're a lot more stable. I'm not saying people shouldn't have friends or really care for them, because that's obviously important and having good friends is amazing, but I just don't think happiness should be solely based on them, because at the end of the day, they can leave and you'll feel like you're left with nothing. I think this is especially true for relationships. Honestly, you should have a balance of things in your life - friends, work, education, relationships, family, hobbies...whatever - that make you happy. Make an effort to talk to girls or to go out, have some fun, but there's no need to feel like anything has to be forced. You should be happy in your own life before you can expect others to be happy with you - they should be an addition, not a cause.

Reply 7

DeepStar

"Poor is the person, whose happiness depends on the presence of another".

Be yourself. Enjoy yourself. Learn to love yourself and cherish each moment of your life. When its time, it will happen.

Reply 8

s1xfeetunder

Split the two. It's possible to have a relationship and get top grades/climb the corporate ladder.

You should ask yourself - am I unbearably unhappy now? and will being in a relationship make me happy in the long term?

If the answer to those two is yes, spend time on relationships.

Reply 9

Anonymous #2

don't worry :smile:

my bf is 23. his first relationship was at 21. hes still kind of shy and not very experienced in relationships, but it will happen one day! :biggrin:

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

Original post by s1xfeetunder

I can't focus on two things at the same intensity otherwise I peform v.poorly, only one should have priority, which should it be??

Reply 11

Steezy

Because you'll end up boring and without character. Be yourself, always.

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

Original post by Steezy

Because you'll end up boring and without character. Be yourself, always.

But if I don't put effort into getting into relationships, I may never find one.

Reply 13

I'm_Unsafe.

Original post by Smoosh

This is true. However, it can still be difficult advice to live by. It's all too easy to just cast your lot in with someone and ignore how much you'd get hurt if they left.

Reply 14

hmon93

Because you'll end up getting shot in your own swimming pool.

Reply 15

Drunk Punx

When the **** hits the fan, you'll have nothing left.

Relationships should be considered as part of life, not as life.

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

Original post by I'm_Unsafe.

This is true. However, it can still be difficult advice to live by. It's all too easy to just cast your lot in with someone and ignore how much you'd get hurt if they left.

What do you mean difficult advice to live by??

Anyway, what is the core point, I don't know the answer here, v. confuddled.

Reply 17

I'm_Unsafe.

Original post by Anonymous

What do you mean difficult advice to live by??

Anyway, what is the core point, I don't know the answer here, v. confuddled.

I mean that you can try and stay grounded when you meet someone but it's easy to get lost in the romantics and just think 'what the hell' and as a result, kinda lose your own life a bit.

Regarding your original point...yes, to a certain extent people should just 'wait and see', but if no-one ever comes your way you can't expect that to change if you don't change your own habits. So maybe do things a bit differently - go places and meet people you wouldn't usually and see what happens.

Reply 18

TurboS

Original post by I'm_Unsafe.

This is true. However, it can still be difficult advice to live by. It's all too easy to just cast your lot in with someone and ignore how much you'd get hurt if they left.

So true. Especially when that someone provides more happiness than anything previous, it's very easy to forget and neglect things that came before them. It's a problem that I am actually having troubles with and still have no solution to.