Going to uni- break up or not?
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I was in the same situation, and I said yes to my boyfriend coming and living with me. We got a house together, and lived there through my uni course. It was great, and it was great living with him, he was an awesome guy, but I did miss out on some of the uni experience. I did make friends, but they had to deal with me AND him, not just me. Some of them he didn't like, which could make inviting them back difficult. Also, you're not as free as you would be - if you hang out with boys, be prepared for him to get jealous, and also to need to know when you'll be back at night when you go out. Another thing to be aware of is that although you will need to work a lot to do well on your course, your bf may feel neglected if you end up working every night, as the reason he wants to move in with you is to spend more time with you, so if you do it, make sure you set aside time for just you two. Lastly, not living in a student house is more expensive, as you do not get bills included. Although you will have your loan to rely on, because he has just moved, he may take a few months to find a job, and may need financial support from the money you're getting while he tried to get on his feet. Things will be tight, but you'll have to be there for him when he needs monetary support, as you're the one with the income.
Some things to consider, which came up in my relationship. I do kind of regret missing out on a bit of the uni experience, as I really enjoyed living in halls in college, and it was hard to not be able to get close to male friends, or feel free to experiment. Then again, me and my bf had so many amazing, fun times in that house, and looking back, I wouldn't trade it for the world. If you feel strongly for your bf, I'd say go for it. You will still make friends at uni, and if things dissolve between you and him, then you can always move into a student house with some classmates in the second or third years. Just be prepared for the various problems that come with it is all.
Some things to consider, which came up in my relationship. I do kind of regret missing out on a bit of the uni experience, as I really enjoyed living in halls in college, and it was hard to not be able to get close to male friends, or feel free to experiment. Then again, me and my bf had so many amazing, fun times in that house, and looking back, I wouldn't trade it for the world. If you feel strongly for your bf, I'd say go for it. You will still make friends at uni, and if things dissolve between you and him, then you can always move into a student house with some classmates in the second or third years. Just be prepared for the various problems that come with it is all.
Original post by ninjazz
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years, and things have been going really well. I'm going to uni this september, and he's not- but he's prepared to move with me if thats what I want.. but I dont know what to do! If he does come, I wouldnt be able to live in student accomodation and I would risk missing out on a big part of uni life, and maybe not make as good friends etc.. and a big part of going to uni for me is making some good friends. I definately dont want to do long distance, but I dont think I want to end the relationship. So I have no idea what to do. anyone else been in this situation??! Is it possible to still make good friends and have the same uni experience without living in halls?
How long distance would long distance be?
I think you should stay together, but have the halls experience for the first year, then move in your boy then second ^^
Original post by Jennet
Original post by Jennet
I was in the same situation, and I said yes to my boyfriend coming and living with me. We got a house together, and lived there through my uni course. It was great, and it was great living with him, he was an awesome guy, but I did miss out on some of the uni experience. I did make friends, but they had to deal with me AND him, not just me. Some of them he didn't like, which could make inviting them back difficult. Also, you're not as free as you would be - if you hang out with boys, be prepared for him to get jealous, and also to need to know when you'll be back at night when you go out. Another thing to be aware of is that although you will need to work a lot to do well on your course, your bf may feel neglected if you end up working every night, as the reason he wants to move in with you is to spend more time with you, so if you do it, make sure you set aside time for just you two. Lastly, not living in a student house is more expensive, as you do not get bills included. Although you will have your loan to rely on, because he has just moved, he may take a few months to find a job, and may need financial support from the money you're getting while he tried to get on his feet. Things will be tight, but you'll have to be there for him when he needs monetary support, as you're the one with the income.
Some things to consider, which came up in my relationship. I do kind of regret missing out on a bit of the uni experience, as I really enjoyed living in halls in college, and it was hard to not be able to get close to male friends, or feel free to experiment. Then again, me and my bf had so many amazing, fun times in that house, and looking back, I wouldn't trade it for the world. If you feel strongly for your bf, I'd say go for it. You will still make friends at uni, and if things dissolve between you and him, then you can always move into a student house with some classmates in the second or third years. Just be prepared for the various problems that come with it is all.
Some things to consider, which came up in my relationship. I do kind of regret missing out on a bit of the uni experience, as I really enjoyed living in halls in college, and it was hard to not be able to get close to male friends, or feel free to experiment. Then again, me and my bf had so many amazing, fun times in that house, and looking back, I wouldn't trade it for the world. If you feel strongly for your bf, I'd say go for it. You will still make friends at uni, and if things dissolve between you and him, then you can always move into a student house with some classmates in the second or third years. Just be prepared for the various problems that come with it is all.
thanks, that helped a lot, its nice to know other people have been in the same situation.
break up with him and get a hotter botfriend at uni.
Original post by gilesthewhale
Original post by gilesthewhale
break up with him and get a hotter botfriend at uni.
haha! helpful.. :P
Original post by Racheld25
Original post by Racheld25
If you don't want to not live in student accomodation
and If you don't want long distance, what choice have you got?
and If you don't want long distance, what choice have you got?
well I do have a choice, its just about deciding which way to go, or how to make a compromise
You'll be more likely to break up if he moves with you than if you do long distance for a year.
If he moves with you, he'll be leaving all his friends and family behind, just like you. However, unlike you he won't have that sudden influx of new people to meet that you will, what with you starting university. So either he'll tag along with everything you do, making you that incredibly annoying girl that has to bring her boyfriend along to everything, or you'll end up staying in with him, missing out on so much. Either way, you'll quickly grow to resent him, and you'll realise that you were better off leaving him behind than you were bringing him.
So whatever you do, don't bring him with you. Either try long distance for a year, or break up. If I were in your position (only the male version), I'd end it.
If he moves with you, he'll be leaving all his friends and family behind, just like you. However, unlike you he won't have that sudden influx of new people to meet that you will, what with you starting university. So either he'll tag along with everything you do, making you that incredibly annoying girl that has to bring her boyfriend along to everything, or you'll end up staying in with him, missing out on so much. Either way, you'll quickly grow to resent him, and you'll realise that you were better off leaving him behind than you were bringing him.
So whatever you do, don't bring him with you. Either try long distance for a year, or break up. If I were in your position (only the male version), I'd end it.
Original post by ninjazz
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years, and things have been going really well. I'm going to uni this september, and he's not- but he's prepared to move with me if thats what I want.. but I dont know what to do! If he does come, I wouldnt be able to live in student accomodation and I would risk missing out on a big part of uni life, and maybe not make as good friends etc.. and a big part of going to uni for me is making some good friends. I definately dont want to do long distance, but I dont think I want to end the relationship. So I have no idea what to do. anyone else been in this situation??! Is it possible to still make good friends and have the same uni experience without living in halls?
What are you TALKING about??
WHY on EARTH would he need to move to where your uni is? There are such things as trains you know...christ. 'Long distance' is not that bad you know. If your relationship is more important to you than your degree then go to uni close to where your boyfriend lives. If not, then stay together regardless. If you have a solid foundation and chances are you do, then you will overcome the distance. Besides, you'll spend almost as much time back home as you will do at uni. The holidays are much longer than school holidays.
I broke up with my boyfriend (2.5 years also) before I started uni because I didn't think it would work out, BUT that was because we had broken up several times before, were together that last time for the wrong reasons and were no longer very physically attracted to each other. So leaving home was sort of a 'convenient' time to end things. Even though it was not a healthy relationship, I was still kind of downhearted when I came to uni expecting everyone to be single and a LOT of people were in long-term relationships with people back home. One girl has just celebrated her 5 year anniversary with her boyfriend from home!
As for your final question/s, I am extremely upset than my uni didn't offer me on-campus accommodation for my first year and I seriously think it has hindered my social life. Everything is SO much more effort and I don't know half as many people as I would have done had I been on campus. Plus, I now don't have a group of people that I can live with for years 2 and 3 so I'm just living with one other person next year!
Seriously...step away from yourself and imagine your friend is saying to you what you are saying to us...and think about what you would say to her.
I dont know why my post came up as anon 
Also, the girl I mentioned in the 5 year relationship said that her parents wouldn't 'let her' go to the same uni as her boyfriend, and looking back on it she's glad, because she says having her boyfriend around all the time would mean she'd hang out with him/his friends more and wouldn't have made as many friends as she did otherwise, and she wouldn't have gone out as much. I'm sure she misses him a lot during term time, but he does come up to visit quite a bit, and they have a great relationship.
Also, the girl I mentioned in the 5 year relationship said that her parents wouldn't 'let her' go to the same uni as her boyfriend, and looking back on it she's glad, because she says having her boyfriend around all the time would mean she'd hang out with him/his friends more and wouldn't have made as many friends as she did otherwise, and she wouldn't have gone out as much. I'm sure she misses him a lot during term time, but he does come up to visit quite a bit, and they have a great relationship.
Original post by hellobonjour
You HAVE to live in Halls, you'll not have any friends otherwise, most of my friends I live with.
As someone who lives in halls herself, this is clearly *******s.
Original post by Cicerao
onoez teh "student experience"!!!
Yeah, most overrated **** ever.
Halls rates only slightly above bus shelter in my list of places I'd like to live in.
Yeah, most overrated **** ever.
Halls rates only slightly above bus shelter in my list of places I'd like to live in.
Really??
I live in private accommodation because my idiot of a uni didn't give me a room in halls, and I'm always thinking about how much better life would be if I was on campus. Yeah, I have loads of awesome friends and some great nights out regardless. But they seem to have such a good time, even just every evening in their kitchens, then with predrinking and then on a night out. All the different flats seem to mingle too. Even now, 2/3 of the way through my first year, I still think about starting all over again just to get campus accommodation, because I'll never be able to say "I lived in halls"...
I hope this isn't off-topic. I don't feel like it is.
Although there is a difference between living in halls and living in private accommodation with housemates, I feel like living alone with your boyfriend would be something different...I think people would be less likely to ask you out or come over to your place, and obviously you wouldn't have housemates.
Original post by missaphrodite
Really??
I live in private accommodation because my idiot of a uni didn't give me a room in halls, and I'm always thinking about how much better life would be if I was on campus. Yeah, I have loads of awesome friends and some great nights out regardless. But they seem to have such a good time, even just every evening in their kitchens, then with predrinking and then on a night out. All the different flats seem to mingle too. Even now, 2/3 of the way through my first year, I still think about starting all over again just to get campus accommodation, because I'll never be able to say "I lived in halls"...
I hope this isn't off-topic. I don't feel like it is.
Although there is a difference between living in halls and living in private accommodation with housemates, I feel like living alone with your boyfriend would be something different...I think people would be less likely to ask you out or come over to your place, and obviously you wouldn't have housemates.
I live in private accommodation because my idiot of a uni didn't give me a room in halls, and I'm always thinking about how much better life would be if I was on campus. Yeah, I have loads of awesome friends and some great nights out regardless. But they seem to have such a good time, even just every evening in their kitchens, then with predrinking and then on a night out. All the different flats seem to mingle too. Even now, 2/3 of the way through my first year, I still think about starting all over again just to get campus accommodation, because I'll never be able to say "I lived in halls"...
I hope this isn't off-topic. I don't feel like it is.
Although there is a difference between living in halls and living in private accommodation with housemates, I feel like living alone with your boyfriend would be something different...I think people would be less likely to ask you out or come over to your place, and obviously you wouldn't have housemates.
Fresher's was mildly entertaining. (Note: not the best week of my life, not mindblowing, not an epic experience etc etc etc.) After walking into the kitchen and seeing something resembling a bombsite for the 100th time, after having your door kicked in at 4 AM multiple times, after having to pay a fine because some dickhead tampered with the fire extinguisher, it just ain't worth it.
I only use the line "I lived in halls" when I'm criticising people hyping them up to be amazing.
(edited 13 years ago)
Original post by Cicerao
Fresher's was mildly entertaining. (Note: not the best week of my life, not mindblowing, not an epic experience etc etc etc.) After walking into the kitchen and seeing something resembling a bombsite for the 100th time, after having your door kicked in at 4 AM multiple times, after having to pay a fine because some dickhead tampered with the fire extinguisher, it just ain't worth it.
I only use the line "I lived in halls" when I'm criticising people hyping them up to be amazing.
I only use the line "I lived in halls" when I'm criticising people hyping them up to be amazing.
Heh...
I think I've stayed over in halls once, and that once there was a 3am fire alarm because someone had set god-knows-what on fire deliberately. That was annoying. And yeah I've heard when a few people have stayed in for whatever reasons, flatmates come back drunk and bang on their door etc. But then my housemates are prone to coming back drunk and waking the rest of us up anyway, and it seems louder in a house somehow. I guess there are a lot of pros and cons.
I suppose the biggest thing for me is I could have (supposedly) had one big group of friends for the first time in my life rather than having different friends all over the place from different friendship groups like I did at high school. And maybe I could have found a boyfriend...
Original post by missaphrodite
Heh...
I think I've stayed over in halls once, and that once there was a 3am fire alarm because someone had set god-knows-what on fire deliberately. That was annoying. And yeah I've heard when a few people have stayed in for whatever reasons, flatmates come back drunk and bang on their door etc. But then my housemates are prone to coming back drunk and waking the rest of us up anyway, and it seems louder in a house somehow. I guess there are a lot of pros and cons.
I suppose the biggest thing for me is I could have (supposedly) had one big group of friends for the first time in my life rather than having different friends all over the place from different friendship groups like I did at high school. And maybe I could have found a boyfriend...
I think I've stayed over in halls once, and that once there was a 3am fire alarm because someone had set god-knows-what on fire deliberately. That was annoying. And yeah I've heard when a few people have stayed in for whatever reasons, flatmates come back drunk and bang on their door etc. But then my housemates are prone to coming back drunk and waking the rest of us up anyway, and it seems louder in a house somehow. I guess there are a lot of pros and cons.
I suppose the biggest thing for me is I could have (supposedly) had one big group of friends for the first time in my life rather than having different friends all over the place from different friendship groups like I did at high school. And maybe I could have found a boyfriend...
Meh, I tend to find the "friendships" here are more friendships of convenience. I have much better friends that I didn't just happen to get placed with.
Original post by Cicerao
As someone who lives in halls herself, this is clearly *******s.
Well no it's not. I have around thirty good friends in my building vs smaller groups elsewhere. I did say later on that I tend to exaggerate, but it is in my belief that halls are a critical part of university life. You are going to find it harder to enjoy university and make less friends if you are not in the hub of it all - believe me I know some people from home who are in this situation and they hate university.
Original post by hellobonjour
Well no it's not. I have around thirty good friends in my building vs smaller groups elsewhere. I did say later on that I tend to exaggerate, but it is in my belief that halls are a critical part of university life. You are going to find it harder to enjoy university and make less friends if you are not in the hub of it all - believe me I know some people from home who are in this situation and they hate university.
I'm in halls and think they're a load of *******s, I know people at home who love it. Fancy that, people having different personalities. Halls are making it much harder for me to enjoy university, to the extent that my accommodation next year is a studio flat. "Critical part", what rot.
Then again, seems I have higher standards than you do - I don't even consider it possible to have 30 good friends. You'd go out to a club with them or joke around. To me, that isn't friendship, it's being friendly or having an acquaintence...something absolutely not confined to halls. And in fact, I'd say the people at home who make friends are at an advantage because they know their friends and really friends with them, and not just clinging to them because they happen to live in the same building.
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