Girlfriend doesn't sleep with me - shall I end it and find somebody else?

I'm basically in a situation. Been with my girlfriend for a while. There hasn't been any sex. Whenever she says she will one day, it's either because I want to, or it's just something said to make me believe there will.

In my heart of hearts, it feels like she doesn't want to until marriage, but us being different religions and ethnicities, I doubt we will be able to get married. The relationship has gone on for quite some time now.

It's not like I want the relationship to be all about sex, but I want sex to be included. And with her, I doubt it will ever be. At the start of the relationship, sex didn't even cross my mind, but now after so long, I guess it's sort of natural.

Whenever I ask her, she says she can't. Gives me no reason at all, just says she is unable to. I sort of have a feeling she does know why and she's lying about not knowing but that doesn't make a difference, at the end of the day, if she loved me as much as she claimed, she'd atleast be able to tell me the reason, if not have sex itself.

The thing is, I had a 6 and a half year ex before her and we didn't have sex for the first 3 years and then she went on the pill, so it's not unusual for me to wait so long, but even though this relationship is a quarter of that one, I feel like I love this girl so much more. Sex in my last relationship brought so much to it and made us both experience a side of love I had never felt before. I want that to happen in this one too, and though i've experienced some of that even without sex, I want the best of this relationship to come from the inclusion of sex.

So, shall I just end it? Perhaps, for the fact that there isn't going to be a future, as opposed to the no sex? Bit confused atm :frown:

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Reply 1

*Dreaming*

If you see no future at all then yeah, it's probably wise to end it. And if she doesn't believe in sex before marriage and you don't feel the same then I don't see how it can work really :s-smilie:

shes a lesbo

you made a account to ask this :confused:

Reply 4

username607202

Maybe she doesn't want to have sex because she secretly has a willy? Just a thought.

Edit: What the hell with the neg rep? People these days! :rolleyes:

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 5

DumpOrStay?

Original post by Wick3d

Maybe she doesn't want to have sex because she secretly has a willy? Just a thought.

My hands have been down there :facepalm:

Oh yeah, should have mentioned.

We've done everything else...she's even given me head. But why not sex? :frown:

Reply 6

username607202

Original post by DumpOrStay?

My hands have been down there :facepalm:

Oh yeah, should have mentioned.

We've done everything else...she's even given me head. But why not sex? :frown:

How about you ask her, and tell her this is a real problem for you. Just be honest and frank with her.

Reply 7

Gemma16

you're clearly not happy. tell her how you feel
the relationship isn't all about her, your needs have got to be considered too!
if nothing changes, then you know what do.

Reply 8

INeedToLoseWeight

Original post by DumpOrStay?

My hands have been down there :facepalm:

Oh yeah, should have mentioned.

We've done everything else...she's even given me head. But why not sex? :frown:

Ugh She sounds like one of these silly girls who will do everything buy actual sex to 'preserve their virginty'. They've already done sexual stuff, the innocence is gone!

Reply 9

DumpOrStay?

Original post by INeedToLoseWeight

Ugh She sounds like one of these silly girls who will do everything buy actual sex to 'preserve their virginty'. They've already done sexual stuff, the innocence is gone!

Haha, I know the type.

Why do they say they're not one of those, even when they are? :confused:

Reply 10

DumpOrStay?

Original post by Gemma16

you're clearly not happy. tell her how you feel
the relationship isn't all about her, your needs have got to be considered too!
if nothing changes, then you know what do.

But then it seems like all I care about is sex when really, as you can see above, I want it to be a mutual thing due to love. She just doesn't want it. I don't know what will make her change her mind, but should I really have to wait a year or so, after it's already been a year?

Reply 11

Gemma16

Original post by DumpOrStay?

if you've gone to extent to joining tsr and making a thread about it, it really is bothering you. every sane person wants sex, don't feel bad for it. if you don't want to wait, why wait, why suffer just to please someone else?

Reply 12

username564415

Cool story bro... youre almost on 5 posts

Reply 13

Georgiahoneybee

If she wants to wait until she's married, and you both don't see a future in the relationship then it's hardly unreasonable to talk to her about it. It's completely fair enough that you want sex to be a part of the relationship and although it may sound a bit of a taboo reason to break up with someone, I think it's reasonable in this situation. Unfortunately though, the only reason you're going to be able to sort it out is by talking to her. I would make it perfectly clear that you don't see a future in the relationship as it is, obviously you don't want to make it feel like "sleep with me or I'll dump you" because even just finding out more about why she feels she can't will help the relationship progress. Good luck!

Reply 14

No Future

If the relationship has No Future, move on.

Reply 15

Jellybean91

If you love her then stay with her :smile:

does she have religious beliefs that stop her from having sex? If not, sex for the first time is pretty scary for some girls and something a lot of girls only want to do when they are sure a relationship is going to be for life! as long as the rest of your relationship is happy and you love her, talk to her about your worries (but maybe leave out the dumping part)

Reply 16

johndoranglasgow

Original post by *Dreaming*

If you see no future at all then yeah, it's probably wise to end it. And if she doesn't believe in sex before marriage and you don't feel the same then I don't see how it can work really :s-smilie:

How about marrying her?
I mean he''s throwing the word "love" around in the thread. I guess it depends how much he cares about her?

Reply 17

*Dreaming*

Original post by johndoranglasgow

How about marrying her?
I mean he''s throwing the word "love" around in the thread. I guess it depends how much he cares about her?

He said he saw no future though :confused:

Reply 18

Carpediemxx

i think the bigger problem is the lack of communication

Reply 19

Rascacielos

Original post by DumpOrStay?

Ah, I was about to come on this post and rant about men demanding sex so early. I was wrong, you sounds like a considerate guy.

It's not fair on you that she can't give you a reason, neither is it fair on you that you can't enjoy the relationship like she can. It might be be fear of it hurting or for whatever reason, which I'm sure you can work through together. If it's marriage then you have to make your own decision on that. It could even be a medical reason, but I don't see why she wouldn't be able to tell you if it was.

So, I'd suggest you try talking about it one last time - she must know why she doesn't want/can't have sex and if she won't tell you, then let her know that that's unfair. You've been going out for long enough, she should know you and trust you enough to give you a reason at least. I know everyone says that you should never pressurise someone into having sex before they're ready, and that's true, but at the same time you should want to please your partner and make sure they're happy in the relationship as well. That's only fair.

If you feel like you can't be happy without being more intimate with her, and she won't be forthcoming when you try to talk, then I guess you have no option to end the relationship. It sounds like you've waited a long enough time, so there's nothing more you can do.