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should your partners past matter

keep anon please :smile:
basically I've been with my bf for about 6 months now. I trust him and I don't think he'd cheat. but before me he'd slept with around 65 girls (he'd lost count) and this bothers me. I don't know if it's silly to care about this and I should let the past be the past or not

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Reply 1
Avatar for -Neon-
-Neon-
He lies.
If they've raped, murdered, committed genocide, yes their past matters.

If they've had safe consensual sex with other adults, no.
Reply 3
Avatar for HaNzY
HaNzY
2
Original post by Anonymous
keep anon please :smile:
basically I've been with my bf for about 6 months now. I trust him and I don't think he'd cheat. but before me he'd slept with around 65 girls (he'd lost count) and this bothers me. I don't know if it's silly to care about this and I should let the past be the past or not


It really shouldn't matter and shouldn't bother you because it is in the past and all that, and it's his life....BUT, I think I would have to agree, it would bother me too.
Shouldn't matter, but it's one of those things you can't not think about sometimes.
Original post by Anonymous

Original post by Anonymous
keep anon please :smile:
basically I've been with my bf for about 6 months now. I trust him and I don't think he'd cheat. but before me he'd slept with around 65 girls (he'd lost count) and this bothers me. I don't know if it's silly to care about this and I should let the past be the past or not


Lol yea the past matters, it is what makes us who we are today... you surely know that right?

I mean, with someone who has slept with THAT many women... there's no way he respects women to a degree that you should be comfortable with...b ecause he is so used to sleeping around with women and having unemotional sex, it changed him as a person.
Original post by Keith Lemon

Original post by Keith Lemon
Shouldn't matter, but it's one of those things you can't not think about sometimes.


Don't you think your past has influenced who you are today?
Original post by Young Spade
Lol yea the past matters, it is what makes us who we are today... you surely know that right?

I mean, with someone who has slept with THAT many women... there's no way he respects women to a degree that you should be comfortable with...b ecause he is so used to sleeping around with women and having unemotional sex, it changed him as a person.


disagree.
some people can have a firm distinction between 'sex' and 'making love'
to said people, sex is a fun act with no emotional attachment, making love on the other hand can still mean a lot to said person.

a persons past can matter, but asking him what he views sex as etc. with you is a much accurate reprasentation of what the future may hold with regards to him cheating etc.
Reply 8
Avatar for trooper6
trooper6
6
My only concern would be that they are STD free.
To an extent it shouldn't, but it would be naive to say that it doesn't matter at all. If he's slept with that many, he probably has issues in some way....and has he been tested?
My boyfriend had slept with a lot of people before me (nowhere near as much as yours), and as soon as he had an STI test, I just tried to forget. I know quite a few people he's slept with, and it used to bother me a lot, but now its not a big deal. We've been together nearly a year and a half btw.
Reply 11
Avatar for DH-Biker
DH-Biker
14
65?

65!?

Does this man do anything other then have sex with women? :s-smilie:
I'd care,

but it probably only really matters if he has herpes.
It is hard having a boyfriend that you know has slept with a lot of people before you, but you have to remember it was BEFORE you. As long as you do trust him, that's all that matters.

He may not have thought much of these girls or even respected them but he's with you now and has been for 6 months. He obviously respects you and wants to be in a relationship with you.

Leave the past where it is, if it really bothers maybe speak to him and ask why so many girls. People change and the way we think about things change loads as we get older so maybe he thought it was ok when he was younger but now he realises that its not what he wants - which is obviously isn't because he's with you.
Original post by Anonymous
keep anon please :smile:
basically I've been with my bf for about 6 months now. I trust him and I don't think he'd cheat. but before me he'd slept with around 65 girls (he'd lost count) and this bothers me. I don't know if it's silly to care about this and I should let the past be the past or not


How old is your boyfriend? 65 is one HELLUVALOTTA people. I doubt its true. Very much doubt it.

I can understand that it might bother you, but the thing being - there's absolutely BUGGER ALL you can do about it. So let the past be the past because that's what it is - the past!
Well if I was you the first thing i'd do was make sure he gets tested. At the end of the day he's chosen to be with you, so long as you're not just another "conquest" then try to remember this.
Original post by Anonymous
keep anon please :smile:
basically I've been with my bf for about 6 months now. I trust him and I don't think he'd cheat. but before me he'd slept with around 65 girls (he'd lost count) and this bothers me. I don't know if it's silly to care about this and I should let the past be the past or not


Let it go, he's with you now.
No, it shouldn't matter. As long as he hasn't committed any serious crimes or anything then what's the harm?
He's with you now, and you don't think he'd cheat ... so why does his previous behaviour matter?
I slept with a number of guys while I was single but I'd never cheat when in a relationship.
Original post by steve collins

Original post by steve collins
disagree.
some people can have a firm distinction between 'sex' and 'making love'
to said people, sex is a fun act with no emotional attachment, making love on the other hand can still mean a lot to said person.

a persons past can matter, but asking him what he views sex as etc. with you is a much accurate reprasentation of what the future may hold with regards to him cheating etc.


Casual sex and love are two different things, yes, but someone who is just used to having casual sex... mentally they are in a different state than someone who views sex as something more; something important or intimate.
Original post by Young Spade
Casual sex and love are two different things, yes, but someone who is just used to having casual sex... mentally they are in a different state than someone who views sex as something more; something important or intimate.


You've missed the point. I'm saying that someone who has caual sex can still 'make love' and feel the same emotionally about it as someone who hasn't,
speaking as someone who's experience many ONS's and casual relationships in the past, and am now in a long term serious relationship with someone who I lve, the feeling doesn't compare. Past sexual experiences are forgotten, and may as well have not occurred.
They're two completely seperate things. Like, the difference between driving a 1991 corsa for most of your life, and then swapping it for a lamborghini, compared to someone who's only ever had a lamborghini. The person who's experienced the inferior at the start, appreciates the new model much mor than the person who's only ever known the new model.
Clumsy metaphor but you get my drift ;D

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