Boyfriend being self-absorbed

My boyfriend is very stressed at the moment. He doesn't have as much uni work as he makes out and he has a tendency to over-react, compare himself to others too much and also to stress excessively. I understand this and I'm there for him. Even when on the inside I'm thinking just man up and get on with it instead of wasting time stressing.

Problem is, he's wrapped up in his own little world. Moaning to me about his stress and his problems, rarely remembering that I have a lot of work aswell. He hardly bothers to ask me if i'm ok or what I'm up to or how my work's going. I just get text after text about what he's been doing and what work he has left to do and so and so has written more than him and what does that mean? It's exhausting and I feel like his mum sometimes rather than his girlfriend.

Even just now, he's text me asking if i'm around uni (first text of the day) i reply that i'm not, why whats up. he replies oh nothing just had time to kill. hanging out with someone else instead now.

And thats it. No how are you, no did you get your essay finished, nothing. I cba replying again, not that he's given me anything to reply to. May sound like I'm being dramatic but he's like that constantly. It's like he doesn't care tbh. I've had an ear infection for a couple of days now and haven't even really had the chance to bring it up so he doesn't even know. What can I do?

Reply 1

ApplePi

2

Just don't text him.

You'll just stress yourself out more being frustrated with him, leave it a few days because it will probably be easier for you.

Works for me :wink:

He needs:

Show him this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_rAI4dzwvUI

Reply 4

Hi I'm Vivi

Smoking doesn't reduce stress levels. :wink:

Reply 5

wactm

14

Original post by Hi I'm Vivi

Smoking doesn't reduce stress levels. :wink:

Smoking cannabis reduces anxiety.

Also, back on topic, one of my ex's used to complain I never asked her how her day was and do you know why? Cus she always had the same answer, 'It was ok/fine'. Maybe if you actually have something worth saying he would ask.

Just saying.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by wactm

Smoking cannabis reduces anxiety.

Also, back on topic, one of my ex's used to complain I never asked her how her day was and do you know why? Cus she always had the same answer, 'It was ok/fine'. Maybe if you actually have something worth saying he would ask.

Just saying.

haha maybe! but it's just considerate to ask lol. i always ask even though I know what the answer will be. and it's a bit extreme that I havent even had the chance to mention my painful ear infection because all he's done is moan about his work for the past two days

Reply 7

Alpharius

15

He sounds like a whinie emo.

I always am baffled to see why girls want to be in a relationship with guys that are more hormonal than they are.

If you really are a "model gf," you deserve a "model bf." Follows, doesn't it?

Reply 8

DiZZeeKiD

16

Standard response when he starts moaning "shut up, you're boring". Harsh but fair.

Reply 9

Broken_Circles

I think you need to have a good yell at him tbh. It will alert him to your feelings and relive some of your stress too, as this is clearly winding you up.
So go for it. Even if it just means putting all these feelings into a huge ranting text and sending it to him, at least it will be out there. :yep:

Boys can be dense and selfish (as can girls) but instead of stewing silently, let him have it.
Warning: This may result in a huge argument and possibly even break up, but on the bright side, make up sex is pretty awesome. :wink2:

Reply 10

joey11223

20

Original post by Smem

I know I sound like a bitch but I really am there for him - we've been together 2.5 years and I've been the model gf. But at the same time I want to screammmm MAN UP and deal with it!!!! But I do love him and I guess of all the flaws, being a worrier isn't the worst.
PM me if you want to continue the rant lol.

Reply 11

dinglemeister

Original post by Anonymous

My boyfriend is very stressed at the moment. He doesn't have as much uni work as he makes out and he has a tendency to over-react, compare himself to others too much and also to stress excessively. I understand this and I'm there for him. Even when on the inside I'm thinking just man up and get on with it instead of wasting time stressing.

Problem is, he's wrapped up in his own little world. Moaning to me about his stress and his problems, rarely remembering that I have a lot of work aswell. He hardly bothers to ask me if i'm ok or what I'm up to or how my work's going. I just get text after text about what he's been doing and what work he has left to do and so and so has written more than him and what does that mean? It's exhausting and I feel like his mum sometimes rather than his girlfriend.

Even just now, he's text me asking if i'm around uni (first text of the day) i reply that i'm not, why whats up. he replies oh nothing just had time to kill. hanging out with someone else instead now.

And thats it. No how are you, no did you get your essay finished, nothing. I cba replying again, not that he's given me anything to reply to. May sound like I'm being dramatic but he's like that constantly. It's like he doesn't care tbh. I've had an ear infection for a couple of days now and haven't even really had the chance to bring it up so he doesn't even know. What can I do?

Its not a brilliant situation to be honest.... he just seems to be more interested in himself than in thinking or caring about his girlfriend, which isn't right, and the fact that you feel more like his mu than his girlfriend really isn't right.

It sounds like he's taking you for granted and has stopped making the effort that every relationship needs, from both people, to make it work. You sound like a lovely, caring person but its understandable that you're losing your patience with him.

Ask youself this: (a) does being his girlfriend make you happy (b) do you get any emotional or any other kind of benefit from going out with him and (c) do you think you deserve to be treated with more care and respect?

You need to either get him to drastically change his ways, start putting you first and make a big effort to make it up to you, or you need to finish with him and move on, and find someone who will ask how you are and how you're doing and make the effort! Life's too short for putting up with a relationship that doesn't make you happy :-)

Reply 12

Hi I'm Vivi

Original post by wactm

Smoking cannabis reduces anxiety.

Also, back on topic, one of my ex's used to complain I never asked her how her day was and do you know why? Cus she always had the same answer, 'It was ok/fine'. Maybe if you actually have something worth saying he would ask.

Just saying.

Smoking Cannabis.. yes. Smoking Tobacco, no. And the former only in the short term. That's besides the various other issues it causes.

Worth it? Probably not.

Reply 13

Jellybean91

12

Talk to him about it! I always do this sarcastic thing with my boyfriend when he hasnt asked me about my day or anything where i ask myself how my day was and then reply as though im talking to him :smile:

works for me

Reply 14

wactm

14

Original post by Hi I'm Vivi

Smoking Cannabis.. yes. Smoking Tobacco, no. And the former only in the short term. That's besides the various other issues it causes.

Worth it? Probably not.

I was just saying because the picture posted was a joint.

And various other issues? Go to california, medical maryjane dispenaries on every corner. There is tons of research which clearly states it is one of the safest drugs around.

For example it is safer than caffeine (you can overdose on caffiene whereas with cannabis it is a physical impossibility). It has a benefical affect in treating numerous illnesses. Unless you have a heart condition or are ALREADY mentally unstable it is nearly impossible for it to have a negative affect on your health (i said nearly because im not an expert, however I have read alot of reports and studies when it comes to medical maryjane).

If you dont believe me or have some counter to what i stated let me just say one word, Google, you will be proved wrong.

Have a nice day :smile:

Reply 15

Hi I'm Vivi

Original post by wactm

snip

Just saw your post.

Sure, I have google. And I'm not against the use of Cannabis, for whatever reason one might want it. It's good to know it's not exactly the same as drinking milk, though. Safety first and all that shizab. :wink:

Here's google for you:
http://www.who.int/substance_abuse/publications/en/Neuroscience_E.pdf
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Long-term_effects_of_cannabis

Reply 16