Very unhappy at Oxford :(

Suicide rates in general are higher among students. Are they any higher at Oxford & Cambridge than at most other universities?

I'm thinking about leaving Oxford.

I've done two terms of my first year and have been unhappy from very early on. I am very lonely. I have no close friends and find my college very gossipy and cliquey. I'm friendly and sociable but most of the people in college are very indifferent to me. Some purposely choose not to include me. I find I go whole days without seeing a soul.

Sometimes I wonder whether the world I come from and my outlook on life makes me unappealing as a friend to Oxford students. I've been brought up in a totally working-class family. I'm one of few in my family that did A Levels and the first to go on to higher education.

Some little things that have happened are stupid but have really hurt me and knocked my confidence.
Once I was talking to an American student about Strictly Come Dancing and a girl standing adjacent to our conversation suddenly butted in and said "In England we say DARNCE not dance."
Another time I went to the college bar and ordered half a lager and the boy next to me rolled his eyes. He proceeded to sit down at the table I was sat at and make a speech about how girls should drink wine and how Carlsberg was the cheapest ****test drink he'd ever tasted. I've been drinking Carlsberg since I was 15 and funnily enough, I actually like the taste of it. But in saying something in situations like these maybe it just puts more people off including me rather than them realising that there is a world outside of middle-class London.

It makes me very sad when I see my home friends at other places having the time of their life. More often now when I phone them they are always too busy for a chat. I feel like I am relying on them and they don't really need me any more.

I am getting more and more depressed and downheared and I wish I had never applied to Oxford. Because once I got in I felt I couldn't possibly turn it down.

I made a few phonecalls and I have a place at the University of Birmingham if I want it.

Being honest with myself I know I would be much happier in the completely different atmosphere at Birmingham.

But at the back of my mind...and my parents... is job prospects. People are telling me no matter how miserable I am I can't drop out because its oxford.

I'm running out of time to tell Birmingham if I want the place. I have absolutely hated the time I have spent at Oxford but for job reasons only am hesitant to firm Birmingham. I don't know what to do.

Ah, but I never said you did. I was just pointing out that "running away" from problems, despite its negative connotations, can be the most sensible move.



Trust me, not everyone's that keen on Oxford. If family pressure is compelling OP to stay at Oxford, then you can bet that it family pressure contributed in getting her there. And more importantly, graduating from Birmingham instead of Oxford most likely won't stop her from pursuing what she wants to in the future.

Of course there's every possibility that the OP could hate Birmingham, but that's the risk you take. It's better to take a risk on your own grounds, rather than letting family pressure dictate your choices.




Please refrain from being condescending, if you knew the first thing about my attitudes towards partying vs. my attitudes towards education you'd feel positively retarded for posting what you just wrote.

Education and contentment go hand-in-hand- it's not about compromising one for the other. People who are content are able to muster the motivation and willpower to succeed in their education.

Just pull through it. You're strong enough.

Condascending? I was merely pinpointed your lack of experience if anything.

You know the OP?

Condascending? I was merely pinpointed your lack of experience if anything. You'll find that university life isn't always going to be enjoyable and this year being in the 4th year, it has been stressful and haven't had much time to go out as previously but when you have work to get on it whether or not you downed a yard of ale the night before is irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.

And you say it's not about comprimising one for the other. Well if I was to go partying every night and turned up to clinics and lectures looking like some drugged up hobo, I don't think I'd be getting the most out of my studies. Yeah it sucks not being able to go out but clubbing and drinking ain't the most important thing in the world.

Besides the issues highlighted by the OP are nothing new and many a student past and present have faced similar issues and dealt with them more often than not successful and gone onto fulfill or even exceed their potential. They are issues which can be rectified and I don't think uprooting to a different environment and being driven out by a select few is addressing the issue.

I'm thinking about leaving Oxford.

I've done two terms of my first year and have been unhappy from very early on. I am very lonely. I have no close friends and find my college very gossipy and cliquey. I'm friendly and sociable but most of the people in college are very indifferent to me. Some purposely choose not to include me. I find I go whole days without seeing a soul.

Sometimes I wonder whether the world I come from and my outlook on life makes me unappealing as a friend to Oxford students. I've been brought up in a totally working-class family. I'm one of few in my family that did A Levels and the first to go on to higher education.

Some little things that have happened are stupid but have really hurt me and knocked my confidence.
Once I was talking to an American student about Strictly Come Dancing and a girl standing adjacent to our conversation suddenly butted in and said "In England we say DARNCE not dance."
Another time I went to the college bar and ordered half a lager and the boy next to me rolled his eyes. He proceeded to sit down at the table I was sat at and make a speech about how girls should drink wine and how Carlsberg was the cheapest ****test drink he'd ever tasted. I've been drinking Carlsberg since I was 15 and funnily enough, I actually like the taste of it. But in saying something in situations like these maybe it just puts more people off including me rather than them realising that there is a world outside of middle-class London.

It makes me very sad when I see my home friends at other places having the time of their life. More often now when I phone them they are always too busy for a chat. I feel like I am relying on them and they don't really need me any more.

I am getting more and more depressed and downheared and I wish I had never applied to Oxford. Because once I got in I felt I couldn't possibly turn it down.

I made a few phonecalls and I have a place at the University of Birmingham if I want it.

Being honest with myself I know I would be much happier in the completely different atmosphere at Birmingham.

But at the back of my mind...and my parents... is job prospects. People are telling me no matter how miserable I am I can't drop out because its oxford.

I'm running out of time to tell Birmingham if I want the place. I have absolutely hated the time I have spent at Oxford but for job reasons only am hesitant to firm Birmingham. I don't know what to do.

That's the part that is condescending! If anything I've said is dubious, then point that out. It's very embarassing when you just say comments which are tantamount to "You're young, what do you know?!", because you assume that I fit your preconceived notions of young people and treat me as such. That's proven by the fact that the rest of your post is centered around alcohol, because you appear to assume that my definition of "contentment" is getting ****-faced all the time. It's really not.

Anyway, I won't pursue this because, like I said, we're here to help the OP.




Why does this post revolve around drinking/clubbing?! I never even mentioned those things? I said being CONTENT helps you pursue your studies. Obviously if things like drinking/clubbing bring you contentment (as it does for many students), then you need to balance that with your studies. However, if you're not content at all, you may simply wilt away all the free time you have because you lack the motivation to pursue your studies. A moderate social life actually HELPS your education. TSR H&R is clogged up with people who are doing badly in their studies because they're unhappy with their social situation.

No problems faced by ANYONE in this world are "anything new". People deal with things in different ways. The reason the majority is advising the OP one way is because it's clear what her desired option is, she is just afraid to follow it.

I hear what you're saying but my point is that I feel the OP would be wasting an opportunity by quitting Oxford when this is a problem that can certainly be rectified given time. Oxford is a large university with a diverse student population with lost of students from working-class background who may well be in a similar situation. Support is at hand. It may take a while for these problems to ressolve maybe longer than one academic year but they can be ressolved and only can be if the OP wants them to be ressolved.

The impression I get is that she is allowing herself to be driven out by these morons.

Now I appreciate the views of other users but I don't think simply telling her to leave and go to Birmingham is the solution to the problem. There will be many more obstacles to face in life in which university may well be the first of many.

She is afraid to follow the so-called desired option because she fears it may be the wrong decision. I haven't said that it would be. All I'm saying is that there are solutions to the problem that involve staying at Oxford and if academic results are not an issue then this more than any factor is a huge positive reason to remain at Oxford.

Not many people get to say they attended a university as famous or prestigious as Oxford and whilst that isn't the be all and end all, it is still something to be incredibly proud of. Birmingham whilst a great university cannot claim to match Oxford in terms of it's history and environment.

What the OP described about Oxford, it doesn't have to be like that if she doesn't want it to be. There is nothing to fear in countering the views of a snotty few. You are amongst equals and you as much as they do, also have a right to express an opinion. Dance or darrrrnce who cares? It's the same word, same meaning it's not like you're speaking in Ancient Greek or something.

Sometimes you just have to dig your heels into the ground, stand firm and show people that you mean business, that you have a right to be here and will continue to be here whether they like it or not and so they just have to learn to live with it. Also you will find that sometimes people will make comments without actually realising the hurt or distress it may cause. You could always approach them and tell them this and if they're decent human beings they will realise the mistakes they made and apologise.

It just seems to me that the OP's dreams are being dashed by a select few and sometimes if you really want something in life you have to stand firm and let that passion carry you onwards despite the obstacles.

It's not a case of thoroughly convincing, it's more that I don't see any concrete evidence that the OP is a troll, and if they aren't then it's important that they get serious responses that aren't mixed in with loads of spam and offensive comments. And even if they are, there might be other people who are unhappy at Oxford reading this thread who do need serious advice.

The only appropriate responses to this thread are constructive ones, which is why I requested that the spam be stopped, having already removed several posts from the thread.

Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. If it isn't, calling troll could be quite detrimental and the last thing the OP needs.

I got accused of lying about my health for a whole academic year and people only started backtracking when my health exploded and no one could possibly deny it any longer. Some tutors ended up getting serious guilt complexes over that, which haven't gone even now I've left

I'm thinking about leaving Oxford.

I've done two terms of my first year and have been unhappy from very early on. I am very lonely. I have no close friends and find my college very gossipy and cliquey. I'm friendly and sociable but most of the people in college are very indifferent to me. Some purposely choose not to include me. I find I go whole days without seeing a soul.

Sometimes I wonder whether the world I come from and my outlook on life makes me unappealing as a friend to Oxford students. I've been brought up in a totally working-class family. I'm one of few in my family that did A Levels and the first to go on to higher education.

Some little things that have happened are stupid but have really hurt me and knocked my confidence.
Once I was talking to an American student about Strictly Come Dancing and a girl standing adjacent to our conversation suddenly butted in and said "In England we say DARNCE not dance."
Another time I went to the college bar and ordered half a lager and the boy next to me rolled his eyes. He proceeded to sit down at the table I was sat at and make a speech about how girls should drink wine and how Carlsberg was the cheapest ****test drink he'd ever tasted. I've been drinking Carlsberg since I was 15 and funnily enough, I actually like the taste of it. But in saying something in situations like these maybe it just puts more people off including me rather than them realising that there is a world outside of middle-class London.

It makes me very sad when I see my home friends at other places having the time of their life. More often now when I phone them they are always too busy for a chat. I feel like I am relying on them and they don't really need me any more.

I am getting more and more depressed and downheared and I wish I had never applied to Oxford. Because once I got in I felt I couldn't possibly turn it down.

I made a few phonecalls and I have a place at the University of Birmingham if I want it.

Being honest with myself I know I would be much happier in the completely different atmosphere at Birmingham.

But at the back of my mind...and my parents... is job prospects. People are telling me no matter how miserable I am I can't drop out because its oxford.

I'm running out of time to tell Birmingham if I want the place. I have absolutely hated the time I have spent at Oxford but for job reasons only am hesitant to firm Birmingham. I don't know what to do.

I hear what you're saying but my point is that I feel the OP would be wasting an opportunity by quitting Oxford when this is a problem that can certainly be rectified given time. Oxford is a large university with a diverse student population with lost of students from working-class background who may well be in a similar situation. Support is at hand. It may take a while for these problems to ressolve maybe longer than one academic year but they can be ressolved and only can be if the OP wants them to be ressolved.

The impression I get is that she is allowing herself to be driven out by these morons.

Now I appreciate the views of other users but I don't think simply telling her to leave and go to Birmingham is the solution to the problem. There will be many more obstacles to face in life in which university may well be the first of many.

She is afraid to follow the so-called desired option because she fears it may be the wrong decision. I haven't said that it would be. All I'm saying is that there are solutions to the problem that involve staying at Oxford and if academic results are not an issue then this more than any factor is a huge positive reason to remain at Oxford.

Not many people get to say they attended a university as famous or prestigious as Oxford and whilst that isn't the be all and end all, it is still something to be incredibly proud of. Birmingham whilst a great university cannot claim to match Oxford in terms of it's history and environment.

What the OP described about Oxford, it doesn't have to be like that if she doesn't want it to be. There is nothing to fear in countering the views of a snotty few. You are amongst equals and you as much as they do, also have a right to express an opinion. Dance or darrrrnce who cares? It's the same word, same meaning it's not like you're speaking in Ancient Greek or something.

Sometimes you just have to dig your heels into the ground, stand firm and show people that you mean business, that you have a right to be here and will continue to be here whether they like it or not and so they just have to learn to live with it. Also you will find that sometimes people will make comments without actually realising the hurt or distress it may cause. You could always approach them and tell them this and if they're decent human beings they will realise the mistakes they made and apologise.

It just seems to me that the OP's dreams are being dashed by a select few and sometimes if you really want something in life you have to stand firm and let that passion carry you onwards despite the obstacles.