virgin

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I'm in the same situation. Except I'm not as upset about it as you I dont think. I seem to want the absolute perfect guy in every way or at the very least somebody who feels right for me. Havent met them, and really not sure if I ever will, but I'd prefer to keep me to myself than go with someone I dont really like that much just because of loneliness. Maybe when I reach 30 I'll change my mind but at 21 I'm still not desperate yet. So yeah really dont have any advice for you as there really isnt anything you can do about it.

good that there is someone else in the same situation but i don't really understand your line about not being desperate yet...i wouldn't say i'm desperate at all, but i'm just a bit annoyed with myself that other people seem to find guys almost instantly but with me i spend too long being critical of them and never get anywhere. when will you know when your no longer 'desperate'? xxx

Reply 21

minacolada

Original post by Alpharius

Did you not read my disclaimer? I was not telling her to spread her legs.

If she is not ready, she is not ready. My point will only apply when she is.

However ask yourself this; Why would she post here about it if she didn't think to herself that if she was in a relationship, she wouldn't be ready?

Thats just sence. I refuse to call it "common."

She seems to be posting because she's worried she's weird "when i came to uni i never thought i would be leaving as a virgin and i'm pretty shocked at myself for staying one and now that my 3 years are over...i'm scared that i'm just a frigid boring girl" NOT because she can't find a boyfriend. She said she's just never met anyone she fancies and I don't see that as a big problem.

All I'm saying is maybe she shouldn't lower her standards just for the sake of it; her post doesn't really imply she's desperate for a relationship, more that she's worried about the implications of such a label.

Look you seem very fussy, but that is not always a bad thing as you are a lot less likely to get hurt in the long run. To be honest, who cares if you are a virgin. Would you rather be a virgin who is yet to find the perfect guy and have that "special" night with, or would you rather be someone who lost it with somebody you didn't truely care about and ended up getting hurt?
My advice to you is, yes be fussy and make sure you choose the right person, but at the same time you have to understand that us men are not always there to hurt you, and some of us do truely care and look beyond what is on the outside.
I hope all goes well for you and look please don't let the virgin thing get you down one little bit. I mean look, you're finishing university and the degree should be all that matters right now :smile:

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 24

Alpharius

Original post by minacolada

Where did I say she was desperate for a relationship? She said it herself, she gets attention.

My advice still stands. She most certainly is not weird for being a virgin at that age, and I never implied otherwise.

Its only you disagreeing with me. I can't see why, either. Others are saying exactly the same thing. I just put it more bluntly and to the point than others.

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 25

Arnotts

Original post by Anonymous

Oh I wasnt calling you desperate. I mean at 30 I will probably become desperate for companionship and lower my standards if I havent met anyone by then, but I'm not that way yet is what I was trying to say. You are obviously not desperate or else you would have settled for someone by now. The question is when will you become desperate. I'm hoping I never do but for some reason I think leaving my 20's will be the thing that makes me go just give him (someone from the past that I sort of liked) a go.

Reply 26

Pindar

Being a virgin is probably going to hold you back in life, not many guys are going to be enthused with the idea that you're basically got the experience of a child in the bedroom.

I'd advise you not to tell anyone about, try not to act like a virgin, and lose it as soon as possible.

And maybe try lowering your standards a little, your first boyfriend doesn't have to be "Mr. Right" right away, how do you even know who your Mr. Right is? You need to experience life more.

Reply 27

Blueflare

Is it possible that you judge guys too quickly? You don't see yourself becoming their girlfriend when you first meet them, but maybe if you spent some more time with them and got to know them, you would begin to see them that way.

Reply 28

Anonymous #1

Original post by Stefan1991

eeeek ok not sure what i think now...

Reply 29

Anonymous #1

Original post by RamsFanNo1

Look you seem very fussy, but that is not always a bad thing as you are a lot less likely to get hurt in the long run. To be honest, who cares if you are a virgin. Would you rather be a virgin who is yet to find the perfect guy and have that "special" night with, or would you rather be someone who lost it with somebody you didn't truely care about and ended up getting hurt?
My advice to you is, yes be fussy and make sure you choose the right person, but at the same time you have to understand that us men are not always there to hurt you, and some of us do truely care and look beyond what is on the outside.
I hope all goes well for you and look please don't let the virgin thing get you down one little bit. I mena look, you're finishing university and the degree should eb all that matters right now :smile:

ok reading over all these messages..this is the best advice i've heard i think! gonna focus on finishing uni and getting my exams out the way...then once they finish...will see who i meet and see what happens! thankkk youuuu xxxx

Reply 30

ForeverGold

I understand you OP it's not really picky since I doubt you're waiting for Prince charming, like everyone said nobody is perfect, I know I'm 100% not.
But if I'm going to spend my love, time and effort with someone they better be worth it or I might as well stay single.
I've had opportunities to be in a relationship but I only knew them that night and they seem like the player types.
I'm the type that likes to get to know someone first to see if we are compatible, before I spread my legs to them.
I'm not going to go into a relationship for the sake of saying I've been in a relationship and lost my virginity. It should be your own choice not what society tells you to do.

Reply 31

ForeverGold

Original post by Stefan1991

Because 12 year olds that have sex are mature adults :facepalm:

Reply 32

Pindar

Original post by ForeverGold

Because 12 year olds that have sex are mature adults :facepalm:

That was relevant to what I was saying... how?

Reply 33

mattatca

Original post by Anonymous

hi everyone, I'm a 22 year old girl at uni, i'm a virgin and starting to worry about it !

i've never had a boyfriend but have been asked out by various guys in uni and sixth form etc, kissed lots of boys, get attention from guys on nights out, get asked for my number etc etc. all the boys that have asked me out are just not right for me...i know that sounds fussy but they genuinely are not the guys that i would want to be the girlfriend of.

when i came to uni i never thought i would be leaving as a virgin and i'm pretty shocked at myself for staying one and now that my 3 years are over...i'm scared that i'm just a frigid boring girl ! i never have guys stay round at my house, never go back to anyone elses, at the most i will flirt and maybe kiss on a night out or get someone's number and text them a few times but never really have the intention of eventually going out with them and becoming their girlfriend etc.....i'm worried that there's something wrong with me !

almost everybody i know has been out with someone and i'm shocked at myself that i literally have no ex's because i've never been out with anyone :frown:

without sounding arrogant, i'm not disadvantaged in the looks department or anything, i get lots of attention off guys anyway but i'm just scared that i'm never going to lose my virginity ! am i doing something wrong?
any help/advice would be appreciated please! XXX

I'm sure you will get a lot of advice about just going for it, or being less picky, but sex is a really important part of life. it is really intimate and if just rushed into with anyone (especially when you have been waiting) it can be really damaging...

I know it sounds odd but there are a good number of people who will not even have sex before marriage because they want it to be with one unique person and enjoyed in that safe environment. I know that might seem odd but it just shows how intimate and wonderful sex can be.

Even if you don't think anything i'm saying is making sense at least trust in yourself. I'm sure you're not rejecting these people because its just wrong and random but because you actually want it to be meaningful. You keep saying you don't feel the guys are bf material and that shows you are looking for something longer lasting!

I'm not sure if this will help or not, but feel free to PM if you like,
matt

Reply 34

AliceEM

In my opinion it's better to wait until the right person for you comes along (it's not being picky, it's just being sure that you're doing the right thing and proves that you're alot more sensible and mature than most people at uni these days! Haha)

If guys are naturally interested in you anyway then you're bound to find someone who you like just as much as they like you :smile:

Don't be embarrassed about being a virgin, tons of people regret their first time because they weren't with the right person or it was just a drunken mistake so keep looking for someone who you genuinly like and enjoy being with them because you like them and not JUST because you want to have sex!