Long term relationship.. missing out??

Basically, I'm wondering if anyone is / has been in a longterm relationship during uni and whether you feel like you're 'missing out' on the 'uni experience' of going out on the pull / dating etc 'the thrill' of it all.

Background: I'm been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now and we have a great relationship (also, we're both each others first bf/gf) and it dawned on me today that we could stay together for good and if that happened he would be the only person I had been with in my life (and same for him).

One of my friends said that its 'weird' and I should be using this time to 'play the field' and get 'experience' , not be in a serious relationship at the age of 19, so I'm wondering..
a. what your opinions are on that and
b. if you've been in this situation, have you felt like you missed out/ are missing out, and what did you do?

I also want to add that our relationship is fine, me asking this isn't a warning sign that I want to get it on with other people, I'm just curious to what people think

tl/dr: do you think you'd miss out on anything being in a LTR during uni?

Thanks :smile:

(edited 13 years ago)

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Reply 1

DannyBoy123

I'm in a LTR that I've been in since the start of my 3rd year (last September) and this is definitely the way I would have done it. First weeks/term/year is all about cutting loose and meeting new people...knowing you've got to phone later/organise a weekend etc. doesn't sound like much but I can see how it could easily erect a few barriers between you and the people you are meeting.

Not to worry you but most of the people I know who came to uni with long term relationships were all broken up within their first year (some within a few weeks).

Reply 2

BadRomance222

You obviously don't think much of your boyfriend, It seems to me that he'd be better off without you, so you can enjoy 'uni life.'

Reply 3

oh-bang

Original post by BadRomance222

You obviously don't think much of your boyfriend, It seems to me that he'd be better off without you, so you can enjoy 'uni life.'

I said that it isn't a case of not caring about my bf, I was just wondering if people think they're missing out.
I'm not asking if I should dump him to get it on with other people..

Reply 4

TheRealDarthVader

The most recent Mrs. Vader dumped me about eight weeks ago. Despite being with me since my second year of college, coming to the end of my course now, racking up a grand total of four and a half years, she will not see me graduate. She had to endure hard times with my half arsed studying sometimes having to take precedent. Balancing that and a part time job made it difficult at times. But I wouldn't change it for the world. The time I spent with her was far more precious than a few late nights with my friends.

Love is a wonderful thing, my child. Treasure it while its beauty shines.

Reply 5

Roo Bix

People will have mixed beliefs, but if you're happy together, what does another person's curiousity matter?

Reply 6

CoolBeans_Yeahh

I can relate to a certain extent.
I'm a first year fresher & i've been with my boyfriend for a good couple of months. Although we havent been together for a years & years its all very serious, he even wants us to move in together in a couple of months after he graduates (he's 21 & im 18)
Honestly I know I want this forever and all that mushy stuff but he is my only real 'first love' and only guy i've ever been with properly, however he's been with a few others before me.
Sometimes I think maybe I may miss out on being a real student like he had the opportunity to go crazy & i know he's worried i'll chuck him to experience other things and other people but when I think about it, long term I have everything I want & would be silly to throw that away for a couple of months of going out on the lash & having the 'single' label.
Sure its a strange feeling thinking he'll be the only guy I'll ever be with but I guess not many people can say that they stuck it out with there first & only love.
If everything is going great, why rock the boat?

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 7

LizzayBT

when i went into uni with a fiance, i didnt feel like i was missing out on anything at all. i was in a happy, secure, and beautiful relationship and i wasnt about to trade it for the world. trust me, being in a LTR is much better than going out and playing the field.

Reply 8

LostInLaw

Spent my 1st year single, my 2nd and 3rd years in a relationship, been far happier in the relationship.

I don't think I've missed out really. We both have completely separate groups of friends so we weren't in each others pockets all the time. I'd stay at his quite a lot in 2nd year but quite often after nights out separately. I do know people who were very "together" and probably have missed out but it's all about how you personally live your life. As long as you're not completely dependent on each other, then it doesn't make all that much different.

Always nice to have somewhere to escape to when housemates are driving you mad as well. :tongue:

No matter how much you love people, living with them can be very difficult at times!

Grass can always be greener. Sure, you could stay together and wonder what would have happened if you'd been single but if you break up, it's not certain you'll have some amazing year either. :tongue:

Reply 9

ArtemisRose

I have been with my boyfriend for four years, four years is a long time we have practically done all of our growing together.

I'm going to uni this year and I'll be moving about 3 hours away. We've talked and we are going to remain together.

We might do an "open relationship" type thing until we move in together next year.

I suppose that's odd to some people but it makes sense to us.

Reply 10

Sarurrr

I met my boyfriend and we got together before I started uni, when he was in his first year so he got to sleep around until I came along...

I started uni tied down, and I'm quite happy with that idea. I have considered what my life would be like if he wasn't around and I'm not the type to sleep around for fun so I don't think it would be much different, other than not having him there. That sounds quite cold, everything is great with my boyfriend. I'd miss cooking with him and waking up with him in the morning if he was gone. We have all the same friends other than our coursemates so that isn't much of an issue.

Reply 11

missaphrodite

Relationships are great, being single is great.
Honestly?
I think you need to give it a try and see how you feel.

Reply 12

Sarurrr

Original post by ArtemisRose

I don't have problems in my relationship but since we're at uni and we know we're both young, we've talked about an open relationship too. Not sure if I would want to try straight away but we've discussed it as "another option" is things start to fizzle out. Glad someone else doesn't think its odd!

Reply 13

oh-bang

Original post by Sarurrr

Would you not feel really jealous/paranoid about it though?

Reply 14

ArtemisRose

Original post by Sarurrr

Yeah it's a good option. My boyfriend is a very big part of my life and nothing will replace that but it's nice to know I have an option to experience more before I settle down to be with the same person since I was 14 basically.

Reply 15

matthewtaylor17

Do you feel like you're missing out? Don't be swayed by peer pressure... you'll hurt your boyfriend. Really bad. I should know, it's happened to me

Reply 16

oh-bang

Original post by matthewtaylor17

Do you feel like you're missing out? Don't be swayed by peer pressure... you'll hurt your boyfriend. Really bad. I should know, it's happened to me

I don't feel like I'm missing out, I'm really happy with the way everything is :smile:

I was just curious to know what other people thought

Reply 17

matthewtaylor17

Original post by oh-bang

I don't feel like I'm missing out, I'm really happy with the way everything is :smile:

I was just curious to know what other people thought

Ok, sorry if I sounded rude?
If you're happy with how things are then theres no point. Not worth losing what you have now for a few moments of fun.
Some people may say it's all about that at uni, but these are just my thoughts.

Reply 18

Smoosh

It's actually kind of why me and my first boyfriend broke up. We were both each other's first 'proper' boyfriend/girlfriend, and we were together for little over 3 years - a year of which he was at uni for. I honestly believe we could've stayed together forever and been content, but curiosity got too much for both of us and we both wanted to know what it would be like to be with other people. So here I am 18 months and 2 boyfriends later, very happily in an 11 month relationship :smile:

I think it's a hard thing to decide about because if you really love someone then experimenting with others seems kind of pointless, but at the same time that curiosity is always going to be there and I think it's better to "get it out of your system" at the age of 18/19/20 than at 30.

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 19

oh-bang

Original post by matthewtaylor17

I didnt think you sounded rude at all lol.
I agree, theres no point throwing something like that away just on the off chance that the grass is greener..!