The Student Room Group

This is for the guys...

??
(edited 12 years ago)

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Reply 1
Yeah, I would. He sounds quite immature.
He's probably feeling a bit upset because he thought he'd found someone but then hasn't. Just let is pass for now and if he wants to chat he'll open up to you later. I'd not stress about it unless he's an amazing mate you're gonna really miss for a bit
Reply 3
Original post by luce20
Guys mainly...would love your opinion. Been seeing this guy for the past three weeks, taking it slow, only had a first kiss yesterday, however for me there was no spark and I was honest and said that despite really liking the guy I couldn't understand why there was no spark. Fast forward to today, hes now completely blocked me on fb, won't have nothing to do with me.

This is a guy who with I have developed a close friendship since last september, only see during college, 6 hours a week and hes reacted like this??

Any ideas becasue hes treating me like i've cheated on him several times for years on end (bear in mind we both late-ish 20's) so its not like we immature teenagers who have just ended their first relationship. Shall I just leave him to it?

He's probably just bitter and upset. Doesn't sound worth your time really.
Reply 4
He obviously thinks you're not too keen on the relationship and just using this 'spark' as an excuse.
Reply 5
As suggested earlier, he may think you're making excuses or he may just be upset that you don't feel the same way as he does. He may feel that the chemistry was there and is p****d off that you don't feel the same way.

What ever his reasoning is though, he's acting like a child. I'd ditch him if he doesn't get his act together.
Reply 6
Original post by luce20
Thats what I don't get, I've liked this guy for months (everyone else around us had noticed it) and I thought the kiss was going to be fantastic but when it happened there wasn't the chemistry that you get. Maybe I'd overdone it in my head but given our previous honest and open chats, I stupidly believed he was older enough to deal with it. Feeling pretty s***ty about the whole thing now to be honest and wondered if should have just kept my mouth shut and hoped the spark or whatever would have happened in the nr future.


Just text/call him asking to meet. I'm sure he'll come round soon enough.
are you sure you're telling us the full story, what else happened, is that really all you said 'there's no spark' did you suggest that you wanted to end your relationship, did you talk about how you feel and where you think your relationship is going? did you walk off after you told him there's no spark? it just seems a weird a grown man will act like this after just being told that:dontknow: good luck anyway
Reply 8
Original post by luce20
Guys mainly...would love your opinion. Been seeing this guy for the past three weeks, taking it slow, only had a first kiss yesterday, however for me there was no spark and I was honest and said that despite really liking the guy I couldn't understand why there was no spark. Fast forward to today, hes now completely blocked me on fb, won't have nothing to do with me.

This is a guy who with I have developed a close friendship since last september, only see during college, 6 hours a week and hes reacted like this??

Any ideas becasue hes treating me like i've cheated on him several times for years on end (bear in mind we both late-ish 20's) so its not like we immature teenagers who have just ended their first relationship. Shall I just leave him to it?


He obviously really liked you.
The fact that he took it so slow highlights that he has confidence issues.
Further evident in the fact that he has taken the rejection badly by blocking you.

If he is in his late 20's i think he realises that the chances of him finding someone to settle down with are running out.

I would leave him to it, but be approachable. Do not snap at him if he gets angry.

He will get over it, and be happy when you let him know you can be friends

Trust me
Reply 9
Original post by BlackVenom321
are you sure you're telling us the full story, what else happened, is that really all you said 'there's no spark' did you suggest that you wanted to end your relationship, did you talk about how you feel and where you think your relationship is going? did you walk off after you told him there's no spark? it just seems a weird a grown man will act like this after just being told that:dontknow: good luck anyway


Yeah I told him that I like him way more than mates, thought this could have gone the distance etc. I certainly just didn't walk off after saying there was no spark. As said earlier I was wondering whether not to say anything, just hope that the spark could have been built up and carried on. His relationship history hasn't been great but still, hes 25, ffs.
Reply 10
Original post by luce20
I've txted him, told him.. I'm going to end up looking like a bunny boiler if I get in touch again. Its bizarre the way he acting, I've never had it before, one thing I'm possibly thinking of is that he felt very strongly for me, but it was actually me that asked him out 3 weeks ago, not him so :confused: is all I am atm. Sigh.


How is he as a person? I mean is he shy, or quiet-ish, around you? I think that will say a lot about him and his behaviour in this situation.
Reply 11
Original post by lawbot
He obviously really liked you.
The fact that he took it so slow highlights that he has confidence issues.
Further evident in the fact that he has taken the rejection badly by blocking you.

If he is in his late 20's i think he realises that the chances of him finding someone to settle down with are running out.

I would leave him to it, but be approachable. Do not snap at him if he gets angry.

He will get over it, and be happy when you let him know you can be friends

Trust me


Hmm O.K, i'll leave him be.
Reply 12
Original post by Hey TSR
How is he as a person? I mean is he shy, or quiet-ish, around you? I think that will say a lot about him and his behaviour in this situation.


He openly admitted that he was shy when it came to girls and dating, but was always flirting with the gals in class (jk etc) but was comfortable with me.
Reply 14
3 weeks for a kiss? Sorry that's not taking it slow, that's taking the piss
Original post by luce20
Thats what I don't get, I've liked this guy for months (everyone else around us had noticed it) and I thought the kiss was going to be fantastic but when it happened there wasn't the chemistry that you get. Maybe I'd overdone it in my head but given our previous honest and open chats, I stupidly believed he was older enough to deal with it. Feeling pretty s***ty about the whole thing now to be honest and wondered if should have just kept my mouth shut and hoped the spark or whatever would have happened in the nr future.


There is one very simple answer to this OP - youve hurt his ego. Blokes like to think that we are all simply wonderful. You saying this kiss gave no spark when it should caused you to have the most mindblowing pants wetting knees knocking fainting orgasm possible from the very thought of it has damaged said ego.

We can be quite childish like that.

Give him time to come round and also give yourself time to decide it worth it
Original post by luce20
Guys mainly...would love your opinion. Been seeing this guy for the past three weeks, taking it slow, only had a first kiss yesterday, however for me there was no spark and I was honest and said that despite really liking the guy I couldn't understand why there was no spark. Fast forward to today, hes now completely blocked me on fb, won't have nothing to do with me.

This is a guy who with I have developed a close friendship since last september, only see during college, 6 hours a week and hes reacted like this??

Any ideas becasue hes treating me like i've cheated on him several times for years on end (bear in mind we both late-ish 20's) so its not like we immature teenagers who have just ended their first relationship. Shall I just leave him to it?


Sorry to say it but the deleting of facebook kind of tells the whole story.

You should probably forget him. In my experience girls are more likely to want to remain friends than guys. Maybe he's the kind of guy that doesn't want a friend in a girl so after there was no spark he gave up on you.

Or maybe you said something to someone about the lack of spark and he found out ?

Deleting you without a reason is annoying for me though. If you throw someone out of your life at least give them a decent reason to their face.
Reply 17
Original post by luce20
He openly admitted that he was shy when it came to girls and dating, but was always flirting with the gals in class (jk etc) but was comfortable with me.


There's a difference with dating a girl and joking around with one. I think from what you've written just now, he clearly has just been put off by what you said, but temporarily. However, you need to take control of this and initiate something, even if it means losing a bit of your pride, as clearly he will not.

I say text him again, explaining yourself, and even apologising, if necessary.

However, please don't try to resuscitate this if you don't want him or have another crack at it. To be honest, this 'spark' idea is a bit of a cheap shot from you. Guys have feelings too, and I wouldn't be surprised to learn that you've probably hurt his.
Reply 18
Original post by luce20
I didn't say it lightly, believe me. I told him that despite liking him a great deal, I couldn't understand why there wasn't that chemistry there and I really don't know why. I'm not a bitch, regardless of how it looks.


If that is true and you've known each other for six years, I'm sure, as I wrote earlier, come around to you, but you've got to show him that you genuinely want this.

You were friends for six years which is a long time, so moving up to a relationship level will always be awkward and the spark may not be there from the outset, but that's not to say give up.
Reply 19
Well hes found out that there is no future with you (in the relationship sense) so is there really anything wrong with him not speaking to you while he tries to get over you?

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