ive tried everything please help
Scroll to see replies
Original post by littlemissworry
Im upset because my bf watches porn and i dont know why i get so upset by it i just do. I understand that most men watches porn but it upsets me i think im ugly and blah blah..I just wanted some advice on how to stop feeling so hurt by it. Everyone here seems to be hurling abuse that im some kind of psycho just because i have feelings and dont know how to stop them. I wanted to try and solve the problem
What on Earth would you do if you guys actually had a real problem to work out?
Look, people will tell you all sorts of 'all men watch porn, it's nothing personal, don't be so silly' kind of answers, but the truth is if you don't quit whining and man up, your boyfriend will end up leaving you. And that in itself should be the incentive to stop worrying about something so trivial.
I thin kyou've got to look into why it hurts you. You say it makes you feel not good enough, and ugly. But has he ever chosen to watch porn over having sex/spending time with you? I doubt it. Has he ever said that he wishes you were more like the girls he sees in the videos? If he has, get rid of him.
Generally men use porn as a prop. It's not about the individual girls, it's about the general idea of sex in general. I very much doubt he's watching it wishing your sex life was more like the sex in the videos.
No-one is perfect, as you say and that's why you don' like people having a go at you for things...but he's not perfect either. Watching porn is a completely natural thing for men and women in our society. He's not being perverse in any way, and it's important that men can have their own space and time, just as women do as well.
Imagine there was something you enjoyed doing, which brought you relief and relaxation and was something you ultimately enjoyed...now imagine your boyfriend coming along and completely irrationally telling you not to do it anymore because it upset him - for no valid reason. You're not going to happy about it. You miught try, but chances are you'd give in at some point because you can't really see a reason not to. So you lie about it, then they find out and suddenly it's not just the activity, it's the fact that they're lied as well.
You've got to face up to the fact that he's not going to stop watching it. It's not hurting anyone [apart from you, and you've already recognised your feelings are irrational] and he's only going to lie to you about it if you 'ban' him from doing it. I think you've just got be rational with yourself and be strong enough to stop yourself getting silly over it.
You've had problems with cheating etc in the past...that's a whole big issue. I'd say that really if you can't separate those relationships from this one then you need to take some time out. Relationships don't work unless you're happy with yourself as a person. With such deep seated anxiety and self-esteem issues, it sounds like you maybe need some time out to work out stuff about yourself because I think it'd benefit you, and because it's not fair that you're putting YOUR problems onto someone else.
Generally men use porn as a prop. It's not about the individual girls, it's about the general idea of sex in general. I very much doubt he's watching it wishing your sex life was more like the sex in the videos.
No-one is perfect, as you say and that's why you don' like people having a go at you for things...but he's not perfect either. Watching porn is a completely natural thing for men and women in our society. He's not being perverse in any way, and it's important that men can have their own space and time, just as women do as well.
Imagine there was something you enjoyed doing, which brought you relief and relaxation and was something you ultimately enjoyed...now imagine your boyfriend coming along and completely irrationally telling you not to do it anymore because it upset him - for no valid reason. You're not going to happy about it. You miught try, but chances are you'd give in at some point because you can't really see a reason not to. So you lie about it, then they find out and suddenly it's not just the activity, it's the fact that they're lied as well.
You've got to face up to the fact that he's not going to stop watching it. It's not hurting anyone [apart from you, and you've already recognised your feelings are irrational] and he's only going to lie to you about it if you 'ban' him from doing it. I think you've just got be rational with yourself and be strong enough to stop yourself getting silly over it.
You've had problems with cheating etc in the past...that's a whole big issue. I'd say that really if you can't separate those relationships from this one then you need to take some time out. Relationships don't work unless you're happy with yourself as a person. With such deep seated anxiety and self-esteem issues, it sounds like you maybe need some time out to work out stuff about yourself because I think it'd benefit you, and because it's not fair that you're putting YOUR problems onto someone else.
Original post by littlemissworry
Im upset because my bf watches porn and i dont know why i get so upset by it i just do. I understand that most men watches porn but it upsets me i think im ugly and blah blah..I just wanted some advice on how to stop feeling so hurt by it. Everyone here seems to be hurling abuse that im some kind of psycho just because i have feelings and dont know how to stop them. I wanted to try and solve the problem
Hello
Why don't you start watching porn in front of your boyfriend ans see how he like it? see how he reacts, and when he ask's you upstairs for sex refuse and instead play your porn. he'll soon get the message perhaps?
EDIT: who bad repped me and why? at least have the decency to own up!
(edited 13 years ago)
Watch it with him 
/thread
/thread
The weird thing is actually im usually the calm one.He goes off on one about the smallest of things but just on this subject it upsets me so much. Awhile ago he went on some webcam sites too which i found out about which also hurt me.He promised not to go on them again but it still hurts.
To go a little deeper into the story we moved in together at another house and he got me in debt because he panics about everything he can be like jekyll and hyde. It was quite alot of debt and to solve this and to just get by he said i should go on some paying webcams sites.I did and earned some money from it. Not that i liked doing it. Then we started struggling for money again and he said to get another loan which was in my name. He told me i should carry on with doing the sites because we wouldnt manage with the repayments otherwise. With all the stress of that and his moods and him looking at porn i left him.
I did get back with him later because i do love him so much ive sorted out my debt which i will have to pay back for the rest of my life. He didnt look at the porn for ages since we got another house and now hes started again its just hit me really hard. I know that it sounds stupid to be upset about it but i am.I dont know what i need to do to stop being hurt.Hes got me to sleep with other men infront of him because he likes it i didnt really want to but i wanted to make him happy and i thought he would stop watching the porn. But he hasnt maybe i should just deal with him watching it but i can stop feeling hurt
To go a little deeper into the story we moved in together at another house and he got me in debt because he panics about everything he can be like jekyll and hyde. It was quite alot of debt and to solve this and to just get by he said i should go on some paying webcams sites.I did and earned some money from it. Not that i liked doing it. Then we started struggling for money again and he said to get another loan which was in my name. He told me i should carry on with doing the sites because we wouldnt manage with the repayments otherwise. With all the stress of that and his moods and him looking at porn i left him.
I did get back with him later because i do love him so much ive sorted out my debt which i will have to pay back for the rest of my life. He didnt look at the porn for ages since we got another house and now hes started again its just hit me really hard. I know that it sounds stupid to be upset about it but i am.I dont know what i need to do to stop being hurt.Hes got me to sleep with other men infront of him because he likes it i didnt really want to but i wanted to make him happy and i thought he would stop watching the porn. But he hasnt maybe i should just deal with him watching it but i can stop feeling hurt
Original post by fredscarecrow
I thin kyou've got to look into why it hurts you. You say it makes you feel not good enough, and ugly. But has he ever chosen to watch porn over having sex/spending time with you? I doubt it. Has he ever said that he wishes you were more like the girls he sees in the videos? If he has, get rid of him.
Generally men use porn as a prop. It's not about the individual girls, it's about the general idea of sex in general. I very much doubt he's watching it wishing your sex life was more like the sex in the videos.
No-one is perfect, as you say and that's why you don' like people having a go at you for things...but he's not perfect either. Watching porn is a completely natural thing for men and women in our society. He's not being perverse in any way, and it's important that men can have their own space and time, just as women do as well.
Imagine there was something you enjoyed doing, which brought you relief and relaxation and was something you ultimately enjoyed...now imagine your boyfriend coming along and completely irrationally telling you not to do it anymore because it upset him - for no valid reason. You're not going to happy about it. You miught try, but chances are you'd give in at some point because you can't really see a reason not to. So you lie about it, then they find out and suddenly it's not just the activity, it's the fact that they're lied as well.
You've got to face up to the fact that he's not going to stop watching it. It's not hurting anyone [apart from you, and you've already recognised your feelings are irrational] and he's only going to lie to you about it if you 'ban' him from doing it. I think you've just got be rational with yourself and be strong enough to stop yourself getting silly over it.
You've had problems with cheating etc in the past...that's a whole big issue. I'd say that really if you can't separate those relationships from this one then you need to take some time out. Relationships don't work unless you're happy with yourself as a person. With such deep seated anxiety and self-esteem issues, it sounds like you maybe need some time out to work out stuff about yourself because I think it'd benefit you, and because it's not fair that you're putting YOUR problems onto someone else.
Generally men use porn as a prop. It's not about the individual girls, it's about the general idea of sex in general. I very much doubt he's watching it wishing your sex life was more like the sex in the videos.
No-one is perfect, as you say and that's why you don' like people having a go at you for things...but he's not perfect either. Watching porn is a completely natural thing for men and women in our society. He's not being perverse in any way, and it's important that men can have their own space and time, just as women do as well.
Imagine there was something you enjoyed doing, which brought you relief and relaxation and was something you ultimately enjoyed...now imagine your boyfriend coming along and completely irrationally telling you not to do it anymore because it upset him - for no valid reason. You're not going to happy about it. You miught try, but chances are you'd give in at some point because you can't really see a reason not to. So you lie about it, then they find out and suddenly it's not just the activity, it's the fact that they're lied as well.
You've got to face up to the fact that he's not going to stop watching it. It's not hurting anyone [apart from you, and you've already recognised your feelings are irrational] and he's only going to lie to you about it if you 'ban' him from doing it. I think you've just got be rational with yourself and be strong enough to stop yourself getting silly over it.
You've had problems with cheating etc in the past...that's a whole big issue. I'd say that really if you can't separate those relationships from this one then you need to take some time out. Relationships don't work unless you're happy with yourself as a person. With such deep seated anxiety and self-esteem issues, it sounds like you maybe need some time out to work out stuff about yourself because I think it'd benefit you, and because it's not fair that you're putting YOUR problems onto someone else.
hi thanks ..i realise i have self esteem issues. Iam going to see a counsellor i just came here to see if there was something i could do in the mean time
Original post by Count Stefular
Watch it with him
/thread
/thread
Id compare myself with the other girls i just know i would. there all really slim the ones he watches and i feel ugly compared so id probably get upset.Im not fat myself im a size 8-10 uk. But i still feel ugly compared to most women
I think all you can do, is be satisfied that he likes you, because otherwise he wouldn't even attempt to stop and have you discover him at it, he wouldn't even bother if he didn't like you. Apart from that you just have to compromise, pretend it doesn't happen, if you can't deal with it, make sure you don't see any of the evidence, let him know that. I wouldn't advise you watch it though, I think it would be too much for you.
Original post by scireamortente
I think all you can do, is be satisfied that he likes you, because otherwise he wouldn't even attempt to stop and have you discover him at it, he wouldn't even bother if he didn't like you. Apart from that you just have to compromise, pretend it doesn't happen, if you can't deal with it, make sure you don't see any of the evidence, let him know that. I wouldn't advise you watch it though, I think it would be too much for you.
thanks i do realise i am being over the top about this issue and i do want it to stop.I contacted a counsellor and im going to go see him because im sick of it hurting so much. I have always had self esteem problems which doesnt help really.i just want the pain to stop
Original post by Lozza_00
Have sex with him at least once, preferably twice a day and it should stop.
im the one always bugging him for sex but with his job hes always too tired
Original post by littlemissworry
thanks i do realise i am being over the top about this issue and i do want it to stop.I contacted a counsellor and im going to go see him because im sick of it hurting so much. I have always had self esteem problems which doesnt help really.i just want the pain to stop
I think going to a counsellor is the right thing to do, you'll get someone to actually talk it out with, instead just thinking about it by yourself. Me too, I've always had self esteem problems too, I personally think this is a lot more to do with self esteem then the porn watching though, maybe you could work on that...
Sorry I can't help with this....I'm a guy and I love porn, its not that I don't like my gf she's great in bed and sexy, I just enjoy it, its nothing to do with her.
You gotta look at it like this a guy has spent many years before he met you looking at this stuff to help relive himself when he did not have a gf around, when he gets a gf the habit does not change and it just adds variety and guys like variety in that respect. At least he's not cheating its harmless
You gotta look at it like this a guy has spent many years before he met you looking at this stuff to help relive himself when he did not have a gf around, when he gets a gf the habit does not change and it just adds variety and guys like variety in that respect. At least he's not cheating its harmless
thanks for your replies i realise from what most people have said that its normal and that it isnt me. I think because of the way im feeling about it a counsellor would definatley be best for me as for making our own we have already lol
as for making our own we have already lol
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- missed a lot of studying due to illness, how to get an A in a level maths?
- Money Muling
- My anger is destroying me
- Isaac Physics Lorentz Transform 2 Help
- English language Paper 1 Q5
- Am i doomed?
- Feedback on English language Paper 1 Q5
- gold idea award ai inference step 2/7 section 4
- My girlfriend doesnt like our relationship is out
- iDEA researcher badge
- IN Y11 what do i do ab my english LIT?
- Failed dissertation, ordinary/ non- honours degree need help
- writing a systematic review
- HELP- UCLan physiotherapy MSc interview invite
- Help
- Need help with A Level Simple Harmonic Motion question
- is this normal?
- Help with calling a function - IDEA Silver award
- does anyone ever feel really behind in life?
- Sociology help
Latest
Trending
Last reply 3 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 3 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 2 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset aboutTrending
Last reply 3 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 3 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 2 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset about
