ive tried everything please help

Hi My problem is that he watches porn mainly ameteur porn..ive had a hard time with this as everytime i find out i end up in a state crying and hating myself.Hes promised to stop many times because of how i feel but ive always found out hes looked at it again.Well just recently he had stopped for a year and a half and our relationship has been the best ever.We hardly argued and my self esteem was getting better i started to trust him but the other day i found out hed started looking at it again and had been for weeks...Before you all start accussing me of being a bunny bolier im asking for help on how to let this not bother me because it does too much i feel depressed.Im a genuinely nice person who would do anything for anyone and im sick to death of being accussed of being controlling.I cant seem to find help with this because people seem to think i want to control everything he does.I dont ...i just find him watching ameteur porn extremely upsetting and dont know how to deal with it. I feel ugly and not good enough.This isnt just a thing thats happened in this relationship previous boyfriends have done the same and more tbh oogled other women in front of me even cheated i cant help but think its me.I love my current bf to bits but this is really killing me inside.

can you please help on how i can stop being so hurt?..please dont be nasty im really upset and theres no need for it..thankyou

I dont understand why i get like this either which is why im going to seek counselling. I have told him how i feel about it and he tries to understand but he doesnt. He says actually what most of you have been saying but for some reason in my head i think its because im ugly and when ive find out he has watched it i feel unnattractive. I know to many of you this wont make sense so please dont be nasty about it because im trying my best to stop being like this

I dont understand why i get like this either which is why im going to seek counselling. I have told him how i feel about it and he tries to understand but he doesnt. He says actually what most of you have been saying but for some reason in my head i think its because im ugly and when ive find out he has watched it i feel unnattractive. I know to many of you this wont make sense so please dont be nasty about it because im trying my best to stop being like this

I once dated a 9 (she was amazing as a person too, but whatever) and I still watched porn.

I actually watched it with her. It's not about you, unless he no longer shows interest in you. I haven't found that watching it decreases my attraction to women, or makes me more likely to have thoughts about other women.