arranged marriage
I'll try and make this as short as possible but there's a lot to fit in so please bear with me.
Please also note that the term "forced" doesn't come into this. if anything were to happen it would be consensual and neither of us will have been pressured into the marriage.
Ok so I'm a male and of Pakistani heritage (though I haven't been there in 18 years, since I was an infant). I've only had one girlfriend ever and she was stunning. I mean, and I'm not exaggerating, she really was a 10/10. This girl was of mixed race and my family are very culture orientated and would've never accepted her unless she convered to Islam and I really wasn't even considering asking her that because I didn't want to suggest that I'd only marry her if she was a Muslim and put pressure on. I was so infaturated with this girl that I was prepared to get disowned by my parents to stay with her even if that meant them kicking me out of the house and never speaking to me again.
All this was before I found out that in the 4 months that the girl was with me she had a threesome with two guys and a one night stand with another guy. I was obviously in shock because I couldn't believe that I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life and put a girl before my family. (My parents don't know of this girl and have no idea I was in a relationship btw). As devastated as I was I felt so relieved that I learnt this lesson early on and promised myself not to put a girl over my family again.
Aaagh I didn't want this to be so long so I'll just bulletpoint from now on
-mum brought up the topic of marriage to me and told me that someone her approached her about their daughter marrying me
-I'm leaving for uni and mum says as long as I'm in education I don't have to get married but that I would have to get "engaged" to this girl next year, my first year of uni
-met the girl, very good looking and friendly but shy
-her parents are super rich and she's their eldest daughter... her dad kept on telling me that all his wealth is mine for some reason... (I wouldn't take their money)
So now I have to tell my mum within the next couple of months if I want to marry this girl or not. Apparently she has said yes so they're only waiting for my answer. After what that girl did to me I feel very bitter about dating again and can't trust a girl...:/ and this girl will never cheat. A year ago I would've never considered arranged marriage but that girl really put me off dating and am now considering saying yes...
What should I do?
Please also note that the term "forced" doesn't come into this. if anything were to happen it would be consensual and neither of us will have been pressured into the marriage.
Ok so I'm a male and of Pakistani heritage (though I haven't been there in 18 years, since I was an infant). I've only had one girlfriend ever and she was stunning. I mean, and I'm not exaggerating, she really was a 10/10. This girl was of mixed race and my family are very culture orientated and would've never accepted her unless she convered to Islam and I really wasn't even considering asking her that because I didn't want to suggest that I'd only marry her if she was a Muslim and put pressure on. I was so infaturated with this girl that I was prepared to get disowned by my parents to stay with her even if that meant them kicking me out of the house and never speaking to me again.
All this was before I found out that in the 4 months that the girl was with me she had a threesome with two guys and a one night stand with another guy. I was obviously in shock because I couldn't believe that I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life and put a girl before my family. (My parents don't know of this girl and have no idea I was in a relationship btw). As devastated as I was I felt so relieved that I learnt this lesson early on and promised myself not to put a girl over my family again.
Aaagh I didn't want this to be so long so I'll just bulletpoint from now on
-mum brought up the topic of marriage to me and told me that someone her approached her about their daughter marrying me
-I'm leaving for uni and mum says as long as I'm in education I don't have to get married but that I would have to get "engaged" to this girl next year, my first year of uni
-met the girl, very good looking and friendly but shy
-her parents are super rich and she's their eldest daughter... her dad kept on telling me that all his wealth is mine for some reason... (I wouldn't take their money)
So now I have to tell my mum within the next couple of months if I want to marry this girl or not. Apparently she has said yes so they're only waiting for my answer. After what that girl did to me I feel very bitter about dating again and can't trust a girl...:/ and this girl will never cheat. A year ago I would've never considered arranged marriage but that girl really put me off dating and am now considering saying yes...
What should I do?
Scroll to see replies
How you asking us what to do? It's your decision.
Original post by TheProdigy2k9
How you asking us what to do? It's your decision.
Yes I know it's my decision but I just wanted some opinions on the whole situation.
Original post by kingkev
Mate go out with her, get to know her, keep the money thing aside when you're out with her. If after 6 odd months you're happy then go for it, if not then just let her know it's a no. You can't say yes without seeing and meeting her.
I guess that's the problem. I'm leaving for uni this year to Birmingham while they all live in London so I won't be able to see her. Even if I could I doubt her dad would let me just date her since they're also strict Muslims. :/ I'm getting the feeling that they don't want to be lead on and then risk me saying no and so want a definite answer and then to get us engaged.
Original post by Anonymous
I guess that's the problem. I'm leaving for uni this year to Birmingham while they all live in London so I won't be able to see her. Even if I could I doubt her dad would let me just date her since they're also strict Muslims. :/ I'm getting the feeling that they don't want to be lead on and then risk me saying no and so want a definite answer and then to get us engaged.
Okay if they're strict then fair enough there's not much you can do about it, but modern day arranged marriages ain't like the good old days where your parents forced your hand. Nowadays you go out with her get to know her, if you don't see it going anywhere just say so after the first time you take her out. Her family seem to still be living in the past, esp if she's already said yes. Idk mate that's all I got.
Original post by Anonymous
I'll try and make this as short as possible but there's a lot to fit in so please bear with me.
Please also note that the term "forced" doesn't come into this. if anything were to happen it would be consensual and neither of us will have been pressured into the marriage.
Ok so I'm a male and of Pakistani heritage (though I haven't been there in 18 years, since I was an infant). I've only had one girlfriend ever and she was stunning. I mean, and I'm not exaggerating, she really was a 10/10. This girl was of mixed race and my family are very culture orientated and would've never accepted her unless she convered to Islam and I really wasn't even considering asking her that because I didn't want to suggest that I'd only marry her if she was a Muslim and put pressure on. I was so infaturated with this girl that I was prepared to get disowned by my parents to stay with her even if that meant them kicking me out of the house and never speaking to me again.
All this was before I found out that in the 4 months that the girl was with me she had a threesome with two guys and a one night stand with another guy. I was obviously in shock because I couldn't believe that I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life and put a girl before my family. (My parents don't know of this girl and have no idea I was in a relationship btw). As devastated as I was I felt so relieved that I learnt this lesson early on and promised myself not to put a girl over my family again.
Aaagh I didn't want this to be so long so I'll just bulletpoint from now on
-mum brought up the topic of marriage to me and told me that someone her approached her about their daughter marrying me
-I'm leaving for uni and mum says as long as I'm in education I don't have to get married but that I would have to get "engaged" to this girl next year, my first year of uni
-met the girl, very good looking and friendly but shy
-her parents are super rich and she's their eldest daughter... her dad kept on telling me that all his wealth is mine for some reason... (I wouldn't take their money)
So now I have to tell my mum within the next couple of months if I want to marry this girl or not. Apparently she has said yes so they're only waiting for my answer. After what that girl did to me I feel very bitter about dating again and can't trust a girl...:/ and this girl will never cheat. A year ago I would've never considered arranged marriage but that girl really put me off dating and am now considering saying yes...
What should I do?
Please also note that the term "forced" doesn't come into this. if anything were to happen it would be consensual and neither of us will have been pressured into the marriage.
Ok so I'm a male and of Pakistani heritage (though I haven't been there in 18 years, since I was an infant). I've only had one girlfriend ever and she was stunning. I mean, and I'm not exaggerating, she really was a 10/10. This girl was of mixed race and my family are very culture orientated and would've never accepted her unless she convered to Islam and I really wasn't even considering asking her that because I didn't want to suggest that I'd only marry her if she was a Muslim and put pressure on. I was so infaturated with this girl that I was prepared to get disowned by my parents to stay with her even if that meant them kicking me out of the house and never speaking to me again.
All this was before I found out that in the 4 months that the girl was with me she had a threesome with two guys and a one night stand with another guy. I was obviously in shock because I couldn't believe that I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life and put a girl before my family. (My parents don't know of this girl and have no idea I was in a relationship btw). As devastated as I was I felt so relieved that I learnt this lesson early on and promised myself not to put a girl over my family again.
Aaagh I didn't want this to be so long so I'll just bulletpoint from now on
-mum brought up the topic of marriage to me and told me that someone her approached her about their daughter marrying me
-I'm leaving for uni and mum says as long as I'm in education I don't have to get married but that I would have to get "engaged" to this girl next year, my first year of uni
-met the girl, very good looking and friendly but shy
-her parents are super rich and she's their eldest daughter... her dad kept on telling me that all his wealth is mine for some reason... (I wouldn't take their money)
So now I have to tell my mum within the next couple of months if I want to marry this girl or not. Apparently she has said yes so they're only waiting for my answer. After what that girl did to me I feel very bitter about dating again and can't trust a girl...:/ and this girl will never cheat. A year ago I would've never considered arranged marriage but that girl really put me off dating and am now considering saying yes...
What should I do?
she's nice, she's good looking, she's rich. say yes
most people can grow to love each other if they live together, marry this girl.
as a Muslim, you should take a more practical approach to marriage. I'm afraid you shouldn't be having girlfriends at all, intimacy outside of marriage is haram
marriage will stop your illicit sexual urges and will also give you companionship, which is very important in life.
"it is better to love the woman you marry than marry the woman you love"
if you want to get to know her better, it is permissible to have meetings with mahrams present
(edited 13 years ago)
Original post by Refrigerator
she's nice, she's good looking, she's rich. say yes
most people can grow to love each other if they live together, marry this girl.
as a Muslim, you should take a more practical approach to marriage. I'm afraid you shouldn't be having girlfriends at all, intimacy outside of marriage is haram
marriage will stop your illicit sexual urges and will also give you companionship, which is very important in life.
"it is better to love the woman you marry than marry the woman you love"
if you want to get to know her better, it is permissible to have meetings with mahrams present
most people can grow to love each other if they live together, marry this girl.
as a Muslim, you should take a more practical approach to marriage. I'm afraid you shouldn't be having girlfriends at all, intimacy outside of marriage is haram
marriage will stop your illicit sexual urges and will also give you companionship, which is very important in life.
"it is better to love the woman you marry than marry the woman you love"
if you want to get to know her better, it is permissible to have meetings with mahrams present
Very well said!!
Original post by Refrigerator
she's nice, she's good looking, she's rich. say yes
most people can grow to love each other if they live together, marry this girl.
as a Muslim, you should take a more practical approach to marriage. I'm afraid you shouldn't be having girlfriends at all, intimacy outside of marriage is haram
marriage will stop your illicit sexual urges and will also give you companionship, which is very important in life.
"it is better to love the woman you marry than marry the woman you love"
if you want to get to know her better, it is permissible to have meetings with mahrams present
most people can grow to love each other if they live together, marry this girl.
as a Muslim, you should take a more practical approach to marriage. I'm afraid you shouldn't be having girlfriends at all, intimacy outside of marriage is haram
marriage will stop your illicit sexual urges and will also give you companionship, which is very important in life.
"it is better to love the woman you marry than marry the woman you love"
if you want to get to know her better, it is permissible to have meetings with mahrams present
The bold bit, why?
Not asking in an offensive way, I just like to understand different religions/cultures.
The question shouldnt be - Do I marry her or not? It's a case of "Am I ready to get married/engaged?"
From the tone of your post, it sounds like your not ready to be that committed yet.
Explain to your parents that Uni is where people change the most, whether you change or she changes and the last thing you want is for either side to lead the other on and then 3 years down the long (which is a very long time, especially when you're this young) someone to change their mind.
It's not a case that you're not willing, it's a case of not willing to yet. You want to forge your own path first, in what degree you get and what career you decide to do and prove to yourself first than you are able to do it and thereafter support yourself/her/a family.
From the tone of your post, it sounds like your not ready to be that committed yet.
Explain to your parents that Uni is where people change the most, whether you change or she changes and the last thing you want is for either side to lead the other on and then 3 years down the long (which is a very long time, especially when you're this young) someone to change their mind.
It's not a case that you're not willing, it's a case of not willing to yet. You want to forge your own path first, in what degree you get and what career you decide to do and prove to yourself first than you are able to do it and thereafter support yourself/her/a family.
Original post by Miss_Scarlett
The bold bit, why?
Not asking in an offensive way, I just like to understand different religions/cultures.
Not asking in an offensive way, I just like to understand different religions/cultures.
it's just a quote from an Islamic lecturer who I heard once
It's because often people are different once you marry them and when commitment is involved, which causes problems if you were in love with them I think.
Also, I think it's better to get to know someone the way they're going to be when you're married, rather than the way they are when it's no strings attached, because you avoid any unwanted surprises that way. It also strengthens the bond between the people if you overcome obstacles together, rather than living kind of separate lives in which you both kind of do your own thing and just spend a fair bit of time with each other, if you get what I mean
I just thought it was a neat little phrase to be honest :P
(edited 13 years ago)
Original post by Refrigerator
it's just a quote from an Islamic lecturer who I heard once
It's because often people are different once you marry them and when commitment is involved, which causes problems if you were in love with them I think.
Also, I think it's better to get to know someone the way they're going to be when you're married, rather than the way they are when it's no strings attached, because you avoid any unwanted surprises that way. It also strengthens the bond between the people if you overcome obstacles together, rather than living kind of separate lives in which you both kind of do your own thing and just spend a fair bit of time with each other, if you get what I mean
I just thought it was a neat little phrase to be honest :P
It's because often people are different once you marry them and when commitment is involved, which causes problems if you were in love with them I think.
Also, I think it's better to get to know someone the way they're going to be when you're married, rather than the way they are when it's no strings attached, because you avoid any unwanted surprises that way. It also strengthens the bond between the people if you overcome obstacles together, rather than living kind of separate lives in which you both kind of do your own thing and just spend a fair bit of time with each other, if you get what I mean
I just thought it was a neat little phrase to be honest :P
To be fair, that seems to be true....
And hehe
Original post by Refrigerator
she's nice, she's good looking, she's rich. say yes
most people can grow to love each other if they live together, marry this girl.
as a Muslim, you should take a more practical approach to marriage. I'm afraid you shouldn't be having girlfriends at all, intimacy outside of marriage is haram
marriage will stop your illicit sexual urges and will also give you companionship, which is very important in life.
"it is better to love the woman you marry than marry the woman you love"
if you want to get to know her better, it is permissible to have meetings with mahrams present
most people can grow to love each other if they live together, marry this girl.
as a Muslim, you should take a more practical approach to marriage. I'm afraid you shouldn't be having girlfriends at all, intimacy outside of marriage is haram
marriage will stop your illicit sexual urges and will also give you companionship, which is very important in life.
"it is better to love the woman you marry than marry the woman you love"
if you want to get to know her better, it is permissible to have meetings with mahrams present
...and this is why religion is stupid.
Original post by Wucker
...and this is why religion is stupid.
and of course, with all that evidence you provide to support your claim it seems like the logical conclusion
Original post by Refrigerator
and of course, with all that evidence you provide to support your claim it seems like the logical conclusion
Your quote just about does it, I think.
Original post by Wucker
Your quote just about does it, I think.
again, you're making a really good argument here without anything to back it up
Original post by Anonymous
Original post by Anonymous
I'll try and make this as short as possible but there's a lot to fit in so please bear with me.
Please also note that the term "forced" doesn't come into this. if anything were to happen it would be consensual and neither of us will have been pressured into the marriage.
Ok so I'm a male and of Pakistani heritage (though I haven't been there in 18 years, since I was an infant). I've only had one girlfriend ever and she was stunning. I mean, and I'm not exaggerating, she really was a 10/10. This girl was of mixed race and my family are very culture orientated and would've never accepted her unless she convered to Islam and I really wasn't even considering asking her that because I didn't want to suggest that I'd only marry her if she was a Muslim and put pressure on. I was so infaturated with this girl that I was prepared to get disowned by my parents to stay with her even if that meant them kicking me out of the house and never speaking to me again.
All this was before I found out that in the 4 months that the girl was with me she had a threesome with two guys and a one night stand with another guy. I was obviously in shock because I couldn't believe that I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life and put a girl before my family. (My parents don't know of this girl and have no idea I was in a relationship btw). As devastated as I was I felt so relieved that I learnt this lesson early on and promised myself not to put a girl over my family again.
Aaagh I didn't want this to be so long so I'll just bulletpoint from now on
-mum brought up the topic of marriage to me and told me that someone her approached her about their daughter marrying me
-I'm leaving for uni and mum says as long as I'm in education I don't have to get married but that I would have to get "engaged" to this girl next year, my first year of uni
-met the girl, very good looking and friendly but shy
-her parents are super rich and she's their eldest daughter... her dad kept on telling me that all his wealth is mine for some reason... (I wouldn't take their money)
So now I have to tell my mum within the next couple of months if I want to marry this girl or not. Apparently she has said yes so they're only waiting for my answer. After what that girl did to me I feel very bitter about dating again and can't trust a girl...:/ and this girl will never cheat. A year ago I would've never considered arranged marriage but that girl really put me off dating and am now considering saying yes...
What should I do?
Please also note that the term "forced" doesn't come into this. if anything were to happen it would be consensual and neither of us will have been pressured into the marriage.
Ok so I'm a male and of Pakistani heritage (though I haven't been there in 18 years, since I was an infant). I've only had one girlfriend ever and she was stunning. I mean, and I'm not exaggerating, she really was a 10/10. This girl was of mixed race and my family are very culture orientated and would've never accepted her unless she convered to Islam and I really wasn't even considering asking her that because I didn't want to suggest that I'd only marry her if she was a Muslim and put pressure on. I was so infaturated with this girl that I was prepared to get disowned by my parents to stay with her even if that meant them kicking me out of the house and never speaking to me again.
All this was before I found out that in the 4 months that the girl was with me she had a threesome with two guys and a one night stand with another guy. I was obviously in shock because I couldn't believe that I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life and put a girl before my family. (My parents don't know of this girl and have no idea I was in a relationship btw). As devastated as I was I felt so relieved that I learnt this lesson early on and promised myself not to put a girl over my family again.
Aaagh I didn't want this to be so long so I'll just bulletpoint from now on
-mum brought up the topic of marriage to me and told me that someone her approached her about their daughter marrying me
-I'm leaving for uni and mum says as long as I'm in education I don't have to get married but that I would have to get "engaged" to this girl next year, my first year of uni
-met the girl, very good looking and friendly but shy
-her parents are super rich and she's their eldest daughter... her dad kept on telling me that all his wealth is mine for some reason... (I wouldn't take their money)
So now I have to tell my mum within the next couple of months if I want to marry this girl or not. Apparently she has said yes so they're only waiting for my answer. After what that girl did to me I feel very bitter about dating again and can't trust a girl...:/ and this girl will never cheat. A year ago I would've never considered arranged marriage but that girl really put me off dating and am now considering saying yes...
What should I do?
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