arranged marriage

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Reply 20

username608503

Original post by Refrigerator

again, you're making a really good argument here without anything to back it up

I don't expect you to understand, as it is your words to which I refer. You are a true f**king believer.

Reply 21

Refrigerator

Original post by Wucker

I don't expect you to understand, as it is your words to which I refer. You are a true f**king believer.

how can you expect anyone to understand if you're just making wild claims, you retarded ****

Reply 22

username608503

Original post by Refrigerator

how can you expect anyone to understand if you're just making wild claims, you retarded ****

Aww, are you angry?

Why don't you go stone some people for having pre-marital sex, that will satisfy your God and make you feel better!

Reply 23

Andrii

Original post by Anonymous

I guess that's the problem. I'm leaving for uni this year to Birmingham while they all live in London so I won't be able to see her. Even if I could I doubt her dad would let me just date her since they're also strict Muslims. :/ I'm getting the feeling that they don't want to be lead on and then risk me saying no and so want a definite answer and then to get us engaged.

It's a big decision to make and it would be wrong to jump into it without getting to know a bit more about her as a person- is there anyway you could meet her with someone else present, for example family? You should also ask yourself if you're ready for marriage- it's a big step and it's not only about marrying the right person but if you, yourself, are ready to undertake this commitment at the present time.

Reply 24

Refrigerator

Original post by Wucker

Aww, are you angry?

Why don't you go stone some people for having pre-marital sex, that will satisfy your God and make you feel better!

why don't you get an education, it will cure your ignorance and get you a job!

Reply 25

Dream Weaver

Original post by Refrigerator

she's nice, she's good looking, she's rich. say yes

most people can grow to love each other if they live together, marry this girl.

as a Muslim, you should take a more practical approach to marriage. I'm afraid you shouldn't be having girlfriends at all, intimacy outside of marriage is haram :frown:

marriage will stop your illicit sexual urges and will also give you companionship, which is very important in life.

"it is better to love the woman you marry than marry the woman you love"

if you want to get to know her better, it is permissible to have meetings with mahrams present

You agree with everything you wrote there? Seriously? :lolwut:

Reply 26

Refrigerator

Original post by Dream Weaver

You agree with everything you wrote there? Seriously? :lolwut:

why not

Reply 27

Dream Weaver

Original post by Refrigerator

why not

You honestly don't see a problem with any of that? Normal people would. Try re-reading it...

Reply 28

Refrigerator

Original post by Dream Weaver

You honestly don't see a problem with any of that? Normal people would. Try re-reading it...

who's definition of 'normal' is that? The system in the west is pretty messed up in the eyes of most eastern cultures

Reply 29

DeepStar

Original post by Anonymous

You can still spend time with her in public and with someone else there without breaking any Islamic Law. If thats not possible, then the engagement period is there to get to know her and if it seems, this is not what you want then you are allowed to change your mind, thats according to the religion, I don't know how your or her family would react.

I'm sorry about your experience with your ex but honestly, not every girl is like that and I can speak for all the girls when I say we have all come across guys like that and know that not every guy is a prick either.
I understand why you would have trust issues but if this girl is a potential partner then you have to put what happened behind you and move on with your life. Trust will come by spending time her with and getting to know her but ultimately the decision has to be made based on whether you are ready for marriage or not.
Your also very young so if things after engagement don't work out then surely you can explain to your mum - at least your considering what she thinks is best for you unlike most guys in your position.

Reply 30

Dream Weaver

Original post by Refrigerator

who's definition of 'normal' is that? The system in the west is pretty messed up in the eyes of most eastern cultures

Be with someone you love? Sounds disgusting.

Reply 31

JongKey

OP you should definitely meet this girl. Don't be worried about strict parents, muslims nowadays are kinda laid back about the meeting thing because well - you're gunna spend the rest of your life with her! Lol, i'm pretty sure they should allow you two to get to know each other first and then you should make your decision. Don't just say yes without even properly getting to know her.

Reply 32

*mk92*

At the end of the day it's your decision, if you like her and want to spend the rest of your life with her then say yes but since you're young and can't decide or still want to go out with other girls (even though you shouldn't really) then you should say no to your mum. Don't just say yes to make your family happy, really think about what you're gonna do. Being engaged at a young age is not all that bad tbh.

Reply 33

Anonymous #1

Original post by blueray

How old are you?

I'm 18. My degree is 4 years long and I'll probably be doing a Masters after that do I won't get married until 24-25.

To the people saying meet her with people present:

She's very shy. It took me a while to make her feel comfortable and to get her talking freely. I seriously doubt that with another person present she would utter a word that gives me a clue on how she normally is. I wouldn't feel comfortable either having people with us. After I say yes to the engagement I can spend time with her but what if then I grow to not like her? I cant just break an engagement like that.

Reply 34

imperial maniac

Depends how lazy you are.

Sometimes I wish something like this would happen to me, I mean, I fail at dating.

Reply 35

ilovelife1234

I completely understand your situation, i'm a muslim girl whos had a few relationships in the past that haven't worked out but i would never have an arrange marriage (thats just my personal opinion). Fair enough she's good looking and rich but that says nothing about her personality. Are you willing to risk that? And also are you going to judge all the girls on one girl who let you down. They are some nice girls out there, she might be a great person but i would honestly get to know her first. What if yous have nothing in common, no spark there. You really need to think about it carefully, marriage is for life. I would advise you to try and get to know her better if you decide to go along with it. Good luck :smile:

Reply 36

fran.ha

Even thought the concept of arranged marriage seems really weird to me, surely this is a decision you have to make and I'm sure you could do worse? Can you not tell your parents you want to spend some time with her, get to know her more and then you can make a decision? I know a friend of mine did this with her arranged husband and I think she's doing OK now.

Reply 37

fran.ha

Original post by Anonymous

I cant just break an engagement like that.

And yes you can? You were considering leaving your parents behind to go with this other girl you had a relationship with, so if things were really bad with this arranged engagment then surely you could still do the same.

Reply 38

User570431

Original post by Anonymous

Yeah tell your parents to let you graduate then think about marriage. They will understand trust me :h:

Reply 39

username608503

Original post by Refrigerator

why don't you get an education, it will cure your ignorance and get you a job!

I can't help but laugh when religious people call me ignorant.

Though, it would probably make you angry if you knew what university I was going to next yeah, hah.