Not his type?

Okay, so this is probably going to sound very pathetic, but I could really use some advice. Anon because I know people who use TSR and I would feel very embarrassed if they read this...

A few months ago I met this guy who I really, really like. He's funny, sweet, and into all the same things as me. We always had a great time together, and I started to get feelings for him because he's pretty much everything I'm looking for in a guy. However, I soon found out that he already has a girlfriend. I didn't know before because she lives quite far away and he never mentioned her. I started hanging out with him a lot less because it's hard for me to be around him, knowing that he has feelings for another girl and not me. Some of my friends advised me to flirt with him and said I shouldn't care that he has a girlfriend, but I can't. I have been 'the other girl' once before (without even knowing it), and it lead to some much pain and trouble for the people involved that I would never try to break up a couple.

So lately I have been trying to forget about him, but since we have a lot of mutual friends it's hard to avoid him. I always figured that his girlfriend had to be a really sweet, caring girl, because that's what he deserves and that's the type of girl I imagine him with.

Last weekend, I finally met her. When I arrived at a friend's party my attention was immediately drawn to this really loud, extravagant girl - his girlfriend. She was the complete opposite of what I was expecting, and the complete opposite of me. I was wearing a casual dress and ballet flats, she was wearing a leather jacket, a miniskirt and fishnet tights. I already knew that she's in a band, but she had a real 'rockstar' look and attitude I really wasn't expecting. She was drunk before midnight, flirting with every single guy in the room, showing off a new tattoo on her thigh and just being the most loud person I have ever come across.

Sometime during the night I went to wash a spilled drink of my hands, and noticed her bending over the toilet, vomitting. I went to hold her hair back and made sure she was ok; seeing her that evening had really hurt my feelings, but it was hardly her fault. After a quick thanks she swaggered back into the living room and immediately started making out with him. I went to say goodbye to a few people and was about to leave, when he came over to thank me for helping out his girlfriend. He looked into my eyes and said 'you seriously are the sweetest girl I ever met', but before I could say anything back he turned around; his girlfriend had climbed onto the table to dance and he seemed completely mesmerized. I left, and I doubt he even noticed it.

I have been feeling really down ever since. I know I shouldn't care what his girlfriend is like, but is has really made me wonder if I will ever stand a chance with him. I thought we had perfectly matching characters, but I'm clearly not the kind of girl he wants a relationship with. One of my friends suggested I should 'release my inner rockstar' to get his attention, but that's not who I am.

Should I just give up all hope and accept that I'm not his type? Or is there a chance that he would fall for a completely different girl? Do guys always fall for a certain type of girl or can one girlfriend be radically different from the other? Should I try to get his attention more or would it be better to forget about him as soon as possible?

Sorry for the long story, but I could really use some advice!

I almost cried..

Original post by HedonisticMe

I almost cried..

Because it was so long? Is it worth my time reading it?

Reply 3

HedonisticMe

Original post by hatemylife

Because it was so long? Is it worth my time reading it?

no, it's actually quite moving.

Reply 4

Hanzing

That is a sweet post. Sadly the whole type things is a hard one to know, I have had guy friends who have gone for really different types of girls, wheras I have others that seem to pick the same girl over and over again (even if its no good or them!)
Definately dont try and change yourself for a guy, if he likes you it should be for who you are not what you think he wants you to be. Whatever the case, I would just do what your doing now, be friends with him and see what happens between him and his girlfriend..it doesnt sound the healthiest of relationships!

Reply 5

Hey TSR

OP, you sound like a lovely person, a lot better than his girlfriend for sure.

Please don't change your personality for him. If you're more a quiet, keep myself to myself person, stick to that; it's who you are and eventually you'll be rewarded with someone who not only shares those qualities, but also shares the same feelings for you.

Reply 6

goddogit

some guys just dont know what they want. they need to be shown that they've got better options.

Reply 7

Manc990

No offence but you may just be a bit of a munter

Zoned.

Original post by HedonisticMe

no, it's actually quite moving.

I agree. Never change yourself for anyone OP, especially not for someone like that.

Reply 10

Viridis

Aw chin up sweetie. As hard as it may sound at the end of the day he is just human. There will be flaws about him and I'm sure if you were together that 'wow he's so amazing' feeling will wear off. My point is, is that don't hold your life back for one guy. Get on with your life, if it's meant to be it WILL happen but in the mean time be happy, live your life and who knows somebody better might find their way into your life :smile:

Reply 11

Fumblenuts91

Man, what a buzzkill.

Reply 12

HarryA

Original post by Anonymous

One of my friends suggested I should 'release my inner rockstar' to get his attention, but that's not who I am.

Often times the best piece of advice we get is from our ourselves. And here you just proved it. You aren't a rockstar, you certainly don't sound like you ever will be. Because to you, that's not who you are. Just because something works for someone else, it doesn't mean it'll work for you. If you change your personality just for him, then you're lying to yourself. And lying to yourself is usually worse than lying to others.

The guy sounds like a decent guy, and most decent guys know the difference between someone good for them and someone bad for them. If he is into her, then that's his personal taste. You met her while she was drunk; very, very drunk. For all you could know she could be a really nice girl 9 nights out of ten, regardless of how unlikely it is. You don't know her, so take a step back before you judge her inside and out.

Don't ignore him, keep in contact regularly, and talk about issues which aren't related to a relationship, unless you feel comfortable.

Reply 13

Electronica

Original post by Anonymous

Tell him that you like him. He is probably with her out of habit. TELL HIM! :biggrin:

Reply 14

n1ch0las

dudes do go for different types of girl

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

Thanks for being so understanding guys, it really means a lot :smile:

A few of my friends know how I feel and the only advice they're giving me is to try to be a bit more like her, or just try to steal him away from her - but I don't want to do either. Thank you for the support and kind words, I really appreciate it!

Original post by Manc990

No offence but you may just be a bit of a munter

Haha, perhaps. I know for a fact he doesn't think so though; he told a friend once that I was one of the prettiest girls he knows. I personally think that says more about the girls he usually hangs out with than it does about me, but anyway...

Original post by HarryA

The guy sounds like a decent guy, and most decent guys know the difference between someone good for them and someone bad for them. If he is into her, then that's his personal taste. You met her while she was drunk; very, very drunk. For all you could know she could be a really nice girl 9 nights out of ten, regardless of how unlikely it is. You don't know her, so take a step back before you judge her inside and out.

Don't ignore him, keep in contact regularly, and talk about issues which aren't related to a relationship, unless you feel comfortable.

I agree; I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt and assume she is a nice girl when she's not drunk. That's why I won't try to steal him away from her - if I knew for a fact that she wasn't worth him I would consider making it clear how I feel towards him. What worries me is that he really seemed to be attracted by her drunk and, frankly, obnoxious behaviour, as well as her general attitude and style (she wasn't drunk when I arrived) and it just makes me wonder if he will ever think of me as more than just a friend. If that's what he likes in a girlfriend, I'll never stand a chance.

Reply 16

paella

If he's in a relationship, don't go there - I mean how would you feel if some girl flirted with your man and enticed him away from you.

He probably isn't ready for someone like you, and probably likes you, just likes the rockstar more. They'll break up eventually, she'll probably cheat on him, then you can move in.

Reply 17

username694843

Well OP, even though you've met his girlfriend, nothing's changed, even if you think it has. Keep going about the same way, live your life, and try to keep away from him. Tell him you like him if you want, but just to let him know. He'll decide whether he wants you or her.