Does it stop hurting?
23 year old guy here, was with my ex for over 3 years, very intense loving relationship but it ended very badly. She cheated, lost touch, acted very immature etc.
She was my first real relationship and I loved her so so much, I really can't put into words how important she was to me. I would spend so much time organising little things to make her happy and we'd spend hours just cuddling. I loved being there for her and she was always there for me.
Anyway like I say it ended spectacularly badly and really hurt me. We tried to get back together but it failed many times and now we've well and truly gone our seperate ways. We don't talk, I have a new girlfriend who I really care about, I have no idea what she is doing.
But I still get attacks of really intense nostalgia, almost like flashbacks. If I'm listening to some moving music, just thinking of her will trigger a full on breakdown of tears and depression. I cannot, cannot let myself see any photos of her, remember our relationship or go anywhere significant to my relationship with her without it seriously seriously hurting me.
Does this ever go away? Or is this one of those "life's a bitch" deals where you're basically living with the scar for the rest of your life and that's that?
She was my first real relationship and I loved her so so much, I really can't put into words how important she was to me. I would spend so much time organising little things to make her happy and we'd spend hours just cuddling. I loved being there for her and she was always there for me.
Anyway like I say it ended spectacularly badly and really hurt me. We tried to get back together but it failed many times and now we've well and truly gone our seperate ways. We don't talk, I have a new girlfriend who I really care about, I have no idea what she is doing.
But I still get attacks of really intense nostalgia, almost like flashbacks. If I'm listening to some moving music, just thinking of her will trigger a full on breakdown of tears and depression. I cannot, cannot let myself see any photos of her, remember our relationship or go anywhere significant to my relationship with her without it seriously seriously hurting me.
Does this ever go away? Or is this one of those "life's a bitch" deals where you're basically living with the scar for the rest of your life and that's that?
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You'll always be affected by her as she was a big part of your life for a long time BUT yes it does get easier as time goes on. Even the deepest of emotions can be conquered with time. Memories become more blurred, you forget the little things etc so things do ease up emotionally. How long ago was it when you split? With the whole photos issue etc, after having a very bad break up with my boyfriend of three years, I was the same and it took me just over a year and a half to move on properly and be happy again. Now I can see him in person, people can talk about him I could even see him getting on his current girlfriend and feel nothing because people do move on eventually. This WILL happen for you, you just have to give it more time. As always these things are easier said than done. In some ways your already half way there, you say you have another girlfriend who must care about you so focus on her as she deserves your feelings now 
Despite her being a dick and cheating, don't regret anything. At the end of the day, you may have learnt the hard way but you've probably learnt a lot from this relationship even if you can't see this now. View it as an experience and learning curve in your life and focus on the future with your new girlfriend
Good luck, I know how much it sucks and so do a lot of other people.
Despite her being a dick and cheating, don't regret anything. At the end of the day, you may have learnt the hard way but you've probably learnt a lot from this relationship even if you can't see this now. View it as an experience and learning curve in your life and focus on the future with your new girlfriend
Good luck, I know how much it sucks and so do a lot of other people.
(edited 13 years ago)
UHoly **** dude. Time will heal it (or atleast I hope it will!). I'm sprry I can't help you much, even though I watch Glee i'm still not very much in tune with my feelings :/
EDIT: I had another tsr window open and was responding to a different HR thread which went here instead - i'm sorry!! I hope you can find happiness and escape this horrible phase. :/ luck man!
Hope it works out man.
EDIT: I had another tsr window open and was responding to a different HR thread which went here instead - i'm sorry!! I hope you can find happiness and escape this horrible phase. :/ luck man!
Spoiler
Hope it works out man.
(edited 13 years ago)
x
Uurrrggggghhhhh. Get a grip.
Original post by SimpleJane
You'll always be affected by her as she was a big part of your life for a long time BUT yes it does get easier as time goes on. Even the deepest of emotions can be conquered with time. Memories become more blurred, you forget the little things etc
This is what I'm afraid of, knowing that somebody I once knew so well, so intimately, is fading away. It's not even that I miss, her I don't, it's just that feeling of loss.. loss of time, loss of life, loss of love. It just feels so tragic..
We broke up about 6 months ago, believe me I am not dwelling and I have done everything to move on. I would say I am "moved on" now, it's just that that relationship is a no go area in my mind now.
I worry that even as an old man some little thing could trigger a memory of some little moment with her; waking up beside her, watching her as she sleeps, and it'll only hurt more with the passage of time no matter how complete my life has been without her.
You never really leave someone when you love them. Somehow they are always a part of you regardless of how things may have ended between you.
Like above posts, it does get easier but to say you'll forget it all - that I can't tell you. Memories might get mixed, the little things won't stick out anymore but some things, smells, songs, etc will trigger memories. Learning to live with that but also moving on, is a part of growing up I guess.
Time heals all or at least it makes things go easier. No matter how bad we feel about things, life goes on.
Like above posts, it does get easier but to say you'll forget it all - that I can't tell you. Memories might get mixed, the little things won't stick out anymore but some things, smells, songs, etc will trigger memories. Learning to live with that but also moving on, is a part of growing up I guess.
Time heals all or at least it makes things go easier. No matter how bad we feel about things, life goes on.
Original post by DeepStar
Learning to live with that but also moving on, is a part of growing up I guess.
Time heals all or at least it makes things go easier. No matter how bad we feel about things, life goes on.
Time heals all or at least it makes things go easier. No matter how bad we feel about things, life goes on.
I guess there are just some people in life that feel like this and some who never do no matter what, and will wonder what those that do are on about.
I consider myself quite a no-bs, macho kinda guy but this is just ****ed up levels of pain. I am sure you're right and with time it'll fade but on the other hand life isn't set up to be fair or ultimately work out for us, I guess you just have to appreciate the fact that you have loved someone enough to be left with a scar like that.
Original post by DeepStar
You never really leave someone when you love them. Somehow they are always a part of you regardless of how things may have ended between you.
Like above posts, it does get easier but to say you'll forget it all - that I can't tell you. Memories might get mixed, the little things won't stick out anymore but some things, smells, songs, etc will trigger memories. Learning to live with that but also moving on, is a part of growing up I guess.
Time heals all or at least it makes things go easier. No matter how bad we feel about things, life goes on.
Like above posts, it does get easier but to say you'll forget it all - that I can't tell you. Memories might get mixed, the little things won't stick out anymore but some things, smells, songs, etc will trigger memories. Learning to live with that but also moving on, is a part of growing up I guess.
Time heals all or at least it makes things go easier. No matter how bad we feel about things, life goes on.
You see the first part of the first quote in your sig? That was what it was like when I first met her. That's why it's so hard I think.
You know all those dreams you have of meeting someone perfect for you and doing everything you wanted to do with them and explore loving someone with them etc. It all came true when I met her, I felt like I had waited so long and I couldn't have asked for more when she suddenly appeared.
Lmao, life really is a complete and utter bitch. Oh well.
Original post by Anonymous
You see the first part of the first quote in your sig? That was what it was like when I first met her. That's why it's so hard I think.
You know all those dreams you have of meeting someone perfect for you and doing everything you wanted to do with them and explore loving someone with them etc. It all came true when I met her, I felt like I had waited so long and I couldn't have asked for more when she suddenly appeared.
Lmao, life really is a complete and utter bitch. Oh well.
You know all those dreams you have of meeting someone perfect for you and doing everything you wanted to do with them and explore loving someone with them etc. It all came true when I met her, I felt like I had waited so long and I couldn't have asked for more when she suddenly appeared.
Lmao, life really is a complete and utter bitch. Oh well.
I think the quote in pink applies to you more than ever before
I know exactly what you mean. But its like you said in your other post - you have to appreciate what you have experienced, even if it hurts a lot now. The experience has clearly taught you a lot and when you find someone who loves you as you love them, you'll see the bigger picture.
There are some people you meet and they leave a footprint in your heart and then never cross your path again. But for sure, they came in you life for a reason and like all experiences, part of that reason is to help you grow as a person.
It sucks now, it hurts now but when it happens again for you, it will feel all the greater, stronger and you'll understand why you felt the way you feel now.
Original post by Anonymous
This is what I'm afraid of, knowing that somebody I once knew so well, so intimately, is fading away. It's not even that I miss, her I don't, it's just that feeling of loss.. loss of time, loss of life, loss of love. It just feels so tragic..
We broke up about 6 months ago, believe me I am not dwelling and I have done everything to move on. I would say I am "moved on" now, it's just that that relationship is a no go area in my mind now.
I worry that even as an old man some little thing could trigger a memory of some little moment with her; waking up beside her, watching her as she sleeps, and it'll only hurt more with the passage of time no matter how complete my life has been without her.
We broke up about 6 months ago, believe me I am not dwelling and I have done everything to move on. I would say I am "moved on" now, it's just that that relationship is a no go area in my mind now.
I worry that even as an old man some little thing could trigger a memory of some little moment with her; waking up beside her, watching her as she sleeps, and it'll only hurt more with the passage of time no matter how complete my life has been without her.
It's not liike that though. Them always leaving a mark on you isn't necessarily a bad thing. My ex will always mean something to me just because I spent so much of my life with him. You learn with time not to view it as a loss or a waste of time liike you do when you're still trying to get over the hurt and the loss of someone you were arguably closer to than anyone else. You begin to grow more as a person from the experience of being liike that with someone else. It makes you wiser, less naive, arguably more independent as your more cautious not to become too reliant on someone else. It makes you learn how to love someone in a healthier way in my opinion. The first proper relationship is always going to be the hardest and messiest.
Original post by SimpleJane
It makes you wiser, less naive, arguably more independent as your more cautious not to become too reliant on someone else. It makes you learn how to love someone in a healthier way in my opinion.
Definitely definitely, this is obvious to me already, I am hoping to achieve the level of intensity I had with my ex though.
Btw guys, just so we're clear, I don't miss my ex or want to be with her at all, it's just dealing with the memories.
Thanks peeps!
Original post by Anonymous
23 year old guy here, was with my ex for over 3 years, very intense loving relationship but it ended very badly. She cheated, lost touch, acted very immature etc.
She was my first real relationship and I loved her so so much, I really can't put into words how important she was to me. I would spend so much time organising little things to make her happy and we'd spend hours just cuddling. I loved being there for her and she was always there for me.
Anyway like I say it ended spectacularly badly and really hurt me. We tried to get back together but it failed many times and now we've well and truly gone our seperate ways. We don't talk, I have a new girlfriend who I really care about, I have no idea what she is doing.
But I still get attacks of really intense nostalgia, almost like flashbacks. If I'm listening to some moving music, just thinking of her will trigger a full on breakdown of tears and depression. I cannot, cannot let myself see any photos of her, remember our relationship or go anywhere significant to my relationship with her without it seriously seriously hurting me.
Does this ever go away? Or is this one of those "life's a bitch" deals where you're basically living with the scar for the rest of your life and that's that?
She was my first real relationship and I loved her so so much, I really can't put into words how important she was to me. I would spend so much time organising little things to make her happy and we'd spend hours just cuddling. I loved being there for her and she was always there for me.
Anyway like I say it ended spectacularly badly and really hurt me. We tried to get back together but it failed many times and now we've well and truly gone our seperate ways. We don't talk, I have a new girlfriend who I really care about, I have no idea what she is doing.
But I still get attacks of really intense nostalgia, almost like flashbacks. If I'm listening to some moving music, just thinking of her will trigger a full on breakdown of tears and depression. I cannot, cannot let myself see any photos of her, remember our relationship or go anywhere significant to my relationship with her without it seriously seriously hurting me.
Does this ever go away? Or is this one of those "life's a bitch" deals where you're basically living with the scar for the rest of your life and that's that?
Ofcourse it does...you're just not fully over her yet. I guess it's kind of awkard that you have a new gf, but yet still feel a lot for your ex, you probably shouldnt have rushed in to another relationship? until you were fully happy with yourself. That way you would've given yourself a chance to be at your best and meet more different girls and eventually someone better whom you like more.
I think the nostalgia aspect will always be there, but over time it stops hurting when you think about the past and it just becomes a fond, interesting (or in some cases funny/cringy) memory. 6 months isn't an overly long time to "get over" a 3 year relationship, so don't beat yourself up about it!
Original post by Georgiahoneybee
. 6 months isn't an overly long time to "get over" a 3 year relationship, so don't beat yourself up about it!
Agreed. As said, took me liike a year n a half
OP............ Reading your post.. was just so weird. Sounded like the relationship with my ex. We broke up in July, he's with someone else now. Still texts me. I'm still hung up on him, we tried getting back together lots of times but it just didn't work. He told me he loves me while he's still with his new girlfriend..... I wish I could just forget about him as well but I can't. Hearing a tune on tv, visiting a place we've been to brings back all the memories and it is painful. Doesn't help the fact that I still keep our cinema tickets from years ago and other little things like his drawings of makka pakka he done for me. Sounds so sad, I know. I just feel bad about the time I have wasted, we were together for nearly 4 years and it's such a shame that it had to be thrown away. My mate who started going out with a guy at the same time as me is now happily married, and I'm single. I guess the memories will always be there like people have said but it gets easier, at least you have your new gf to keep your mind off things.
Also weirdness of post is that he's 23 also and our relationship ended because I cheated, and so did he. Was a mess, very painful and sad though. I feel your pain.
Also weirdness of post is that he's 23 also and our relationship ended because I cheated, and so did he. Was a mess, very painful and sad though. I feel your pain.
(edited 13 years ago)
Original post by Agony Aunt
OP............ Reading your post.. was just so weird. Sounded like the relationship with my ex. We broke up in July, he's with someone else now. Still texts me. I'm still hung up on him, we tried getting back together lots of times but it just didn't work. He told me he loves me while he's still with his new girlfriend..... I wish I could just forget about him as well but I can't. Hearing a tune on tv, visiting a place we've been to brings back all the memories and it is painful. Doesn't help the fact that I still keep our cinema tickets from years ago and other little things like his drawings of makka pakka he done for me. Sounds so sad, I know. I just feel bad about the time I have wasted, we were together for nearly 4 years and it's such a shame that it had to be thrown away. My mate who started going out with a guy at the same time as me is now happily married, and I'm single. I guess the memories will always be there like people have said but it gets easier, at least you have your new gf to keep your mind off things.
Also weirdness of post is that he's 23 also and our relationship ended because I cheated, and so did he. Was a mess, very painful and sad though. I feel your pain.
Also weirdness of post is that he's 23 also and our relationship ended because I cheated, and so did he. Was a mess, very painful and sad though. I feel your pain.
Pretty similar, I think we're probably going through the same thing.
I hope you guys have learnt that cheating is about the biggest mistake a person can make in life! It wasn't ultimately why me and my ex broke up but it's easily the worst thing that has ever happened to me and I will never stop hating her for it.
Also, to the peeps saying anyone feeling this way is a bitch and to man up, grow the **** up, never having loved someone like this does not make you a big man it makes you a naive little brat
A real man is passionate.Quick Reply
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