This discussion is now closed.
Check out other Related discussions
- Changing Oxford college
- Unhappy at Sixth Form
- If I hated Oxford will I also hate Cambridge?
- Is it worth resitting any of my gcses with these results?
- UCL vs Oxford for Politics
- Should I reject oxford?
- Offer from LSE, rejected it and reapplying.
- Regretting degree choice
- Why is student satisfaction so low for some of these top unis?
- Depressed over the uni I ended up in
- feel like I have chosen the wrong uni
- I really hate college and don’t know weather to transfer back to my old college?
- I hate college, should I transfer back to my old college?
- St Andrews vs Cambridge psychology
- Gender equality struggles? misogyny? something like that
- Transfer Medical Schools
- Is it possible as a first year student to travel to uni from Liverpool to Manchester?
- firm choice?
- Regret living alone 3rd year
- Oxford 2020 Applicants official thread! (PART 2)
Very unhappy at Oxford :(
Scroll to see replies
Original post by MrsCrackFox
Can I ask, what was it that made you feel like Oxford wasn't for you? Just the general atmosphere or something?
I wasn't a big fan of the atmosphere, true, although I did like playing spoons after the interviews.
But then I got to know about what the workload looks like, about the posh dinners, about the rare but still irritating snobs that like to stick to themselves, about the fact I would be stuck without a car for about four years, about the short and intense terms which are nothing like my usual style of studying and working.. but I kept saying 'come on, it's Oxford, you have to sacrifice some things if you want to go there.' I realised I probably wouldn't fit in and I would probably end up working my socks off just to keep my mind off the social stress and the loneliness and the lack of PS3, but hey, it's Oxford.
And then they told me I have to actually, physically move to Oxford to study there and that was it. Fini. I lived with my grandma for ten years and only moved to England to actually live with my parents for some time, so I'm not giving it up. Maybe I would if I actually liked the place more, but.. no.
Aaand besides.. Birmingham just seemed more like.. home to me. I can't really say what it was exactly about it, but I just knew I want to go back there. Hey, people are allowed to listen to their hearts once in a while, aren't they?
Original post by lissi08
I think my year is just really cliquey. Half the people you honestly do not see. and the others are all very similar minded people and choose not to be friends with me. im involved in a couple of societies but havent really found I've especially met good friends through. I've met people i can talk to but not friends.
The problem isn't constant bullying as some people on here are suggesting. People have said horrible things to me or about me. but its more that i havent clicked with a single person. I'm the kind of person that if i had a couple of strong friendships i could take anything off people i couldnt stand.
There doesnt seem a lot of difference in the two courses really. It just really is a shame to leave Oxford and its really a last resort as i had my heart set on it for so long. i really was expecting it to be the best three years of my life and a place where anyone can fit in. how wrong i was.
The problem isn't constant bullying as some people on here are suggesting. People have said horrible things to me or about me. but its more that i havent clicked with a single person. I'm the kind of person that if i had a couple of strong friendships i could take anything off people i couldnt stand.
There doesnt seem a lot of difference in the two courses really. It just really is a shame to leave Oxford and its really a last resort as i had my heart set on it for so long. i really was expecting it to be the best three years of my life and a place where anyone can fit in. how wrong i was.
I know it might seem hard to believe now and that it doesn't make what you're going through any easier to think of this, but it's worth bearing in mind that your first two terms or even your first three terms need not define your whole time at Oxford. I was fortunate in having friends in first year but I have to say that some of the Oxford friends I am closest to now were made in my second year; equally, the friendships I had or made in the first two years were really cemented in my third year and after I left, and these are friendships I know will stay with me for life.
It's never too late to make new friends or meet new people. Finding people you can be yourself around inevitably takes time. Don't be too hard on yourself and don't lose hope altogether
I'd echo what others have suggested about approaching welfare tutors in your college, or the student peer support team if that would be better for you. They can really work wonders and it helps to have attention from more than one member of senior welfare/academic staff
Again, do feel free to PM me if that would help at all. I think I can probably legitimately claim to be the TSR Oxford queen of difficult times, but I still feel it was worth it and that great times were had
Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd
I know it might seem hard to believe now and that it doesn't make what you're going through any easier to think of this, but it's worth bearing in mind that your first two terms or even your first three terms need not define your whole time at Oxford. I was fortunate in having friends in first year but I have to say that some of the Oxford friends I am closest to now were made in my second year; equally, the friendships I had or made in the first two years were really cemented in my third year and after I left, and these are friendships I know will stay with me for life.
It's never too late to make new friends or meet new people. Finding people you can be yourself around inevitably takes time. Don't be too hard on yourself and don't lose hope altogether
I'd echo what others have suggested about approaching welfare tutors in your college, or the student peer support team if that would be better for you. They can really work wonders and it helps to have attention from more than one member of senior welfare/academic staff
Again, do feel free to PM me if that would help at all. I think I can probably legitimately claim to be the TSR Oxford queen of difficult times, but I still feel it was worth it and that great times were had
It's never too late to make new friends or meet new people. Finding people you can be yourself around inevitably takes time. Don't be too hard on yourself and don't lose hope altogether
I'd echo what others have suggested about approaching welfare tutors in your college, or the student peer support team if that would be better for you. They can really work wonders and it helps to have attention from more than one member of senior welfare/academic staff
Again, do feel free to PM me if that would help at all. I think I can probably legitimately claim to be the TSR Oxford queen of difficult times, but I still feel it was worth it and that great times were had
Can you explain to me a bit more about your time at Oxford? It would help
Original post by lissi08
Can you explain to me a bit more about your time at Oxford? It would help
I will PM you. I agree with shoshin that specifics of my time at Oxford shouldn't be in a public forum (the only forum I talk about it openly is in the PS Help tearoom, which only certain people can read and applicants definitely can't)
Original post by lissi08
Can you explain to me a bit more about your time at Oxford? It would help
WHATEVER you do, do not drop out without speaking to your College, my sister and I went on to Uni ( she went to Cambridge, I went to a non-oxvbridge uni in the south) we're from a very working class background and I know my sister had a NIGHTMARE at Cambridge in the early days, I had a really crap time in my first two terms at Uni.
Even at my Uni I was studying history and seemed surrounded by kids from totally different backgrounds to me, I know my sister found it really hard to find like minded people and feel 'settled' at her Cambridge College.
The key is to stick it out, I don't think you'll find it that different at Birmingham, my sister was a few years older than me and after visiting her loads, I made I sure I applied to read at anywhere that seemed non-oxbridge ( so I didn't apply to certain london colleges, uni's like Durham etc, although having a strong academic record. I was still surrounded by public school kids and people from far wealthier backgrounds than me ( council estate)
BUT this story has a happy one, both my sister and i eventually found our feet and both of us ending up making life long friends and earning degrees. My sister thrived at Cambridge by her second year.
Uni for people from non trad Uni backgrounds take longer to settle, you can always finish your 1st year and tranfer next year if you still really hate it.
I bet you wont though....speak to your College and trust in yourself
Have you spoken to your tutor? Or to the welfare team at your college? Not just the JCR team, but further up.
I hope you haven't been struggling with this for two terms without speaking to anyone
Have you considered migration? I know it's very rare and can be hard to do, but I think wishing to leave is a good reason to at least try and see if it's possible.
My college is relatively large, but friendship groups have changed so much over these two terms! Groups who seemed to be glued together have dispersed, and people have got to know others. Maybe the same thing will happen at your college, but it's just taking a bit longer because of the size. You say you don't ever see half the people, maybe some of them are feeling the same way as you. Have you tried working in the library? I got chatting to loads of people in there - after 10pm ours is hardly a silent work place! Keeps you out your room, and the more time you're around people the more chance there is to get to know them!
Finally, the comments that were made were probably in good humour. This is Oxford - everyone is looking for a debate (especially in the bar), whether it's over implementing AV, involvement in Libya or whether girls should be drinking wine! Also, I'm from the south and went to a public school. I've had people say stuff about me, but I really think it's just joking around. You just need a good retort, and hold your head up high as if it doesn't bother you!
I don't want to belittle your problems, and if you feel leaving is the only way you'll be happy then do it. But speak to your college first, they'll probably be horrified to know you're feeling like this if they don't already know.
I hope you haven't been struggling with this for two terms without speaking to anyone
Have you considered migration? I know it's very rare and can be hard to do, but I think wishing to leave is a good reason to at least try and see if it's possible.
My college is relatively large, but friendship groups have changed so much over these two terms! Groups who seemed to be glued together have dispersed, and people have got to know others. Maybe the same thing will happen at your college, but it's just taking a bit longer because of the size. You say you don't ever see half the people, maybe some of them are feeling the same way as you. Have you tried working in the library? I got chatting to loads of people in there - after 10pm ours is hardly a silent work place! Keeps you out your room, and the more time you're around people the more chance there is to get to know them!
Finally, the comments that were made were probably in good humour. This is Oxford - everyone is looking for a debate (especially in the bar), whether it's over implementing AV, involvement in Libya or whether girls should be drinking wine! Also, I'm from the south and went to a public school. I've had people say stuff about me, but I really think it's just joking around. You just need a good retort, and hold your head up high as if it doesn't bother you!
I don't want to belittle your problems, and if you feel leaving is the only way you'll be happy then do it. But speak to your college first, they'll probably be horrified to know you're feeling like this if they don't already know.
Original post by lissi08
I phoned Birmingham up and explained my situation to the Head of Admissions. I spoke to the Senior Tutor at my college at Oxford as well. Birmingham told me to send my UCAS form and they would give me an offer. That's what I did. The reason I have to make my mind up quickly now is for Student Finance reasons.
I'd rather not say what college but my college is one of the smallest in the university. It's very insular and people tend to just mix with each other.
I am glad some people here don't think leaving Oxford is such a stupid idea though. I certainly had many illusions and really built up my hopes before I came. I came expecting to have the best three years of my life and to make friends easily.
There is another boy that is quite similar to me I think but he's rusticating. I've heard the others talking about him behind his back many a time though. I think being a small college makes it really cliquey.
There's no option for living out in second or third years.
I'd rather not say what college but my college is one of the smallest in the university. It's very insular and people tend to just mix with each other.
I am glad some people here don't think leaving Oxford is such a stupid idea though. I certainly had many illusions and really built up my hopes before I came. I came expecting to have the best three years of my life and to make friends easily.
There is another boy that is quite similar to me I think but he's rusticating. I've heard the others talking about him behind his back many a time though. I think being a small college makes it really cliquey.
There's no option for living out in second or third years.
Is the college by any chance yellow and has a lot of lawns - if it is, PM me? If it's corpus, please do that as well - I'd really like to know if small college size correlates to the atmosphere. Anyway, my advice - make friends with canadians and americans, if you find the english insufferable. Anyway, the way you describe the college it sounds a lot like the one I am at, but I get the benefit of meeting plenty of people at lectures and practicals.
(edited 13 years ago)
hey there
as i read through the posts here, i felt confused because some say transfer others say stay, but at the end its a matter of scaling between fun and your future career.
I say why pay attention to losers ? you should be proud of yourself that you are a hard worker and that you achieved your way to such a proud university while that rich kid talking about how cheap Carlsburg drink is only made it with his dad's money and I bet he knows not a bit how this girl made it to Oxford...you should never feel down, you should be proud of yourself, because only you know yourself and your past, others don't.
Besides, why don't you amaze everyone and get a top place ? everyone will want to be your friend because you proved your self there.
I say don't transfer, keep working hard and don't pay attention to losers. Oxford is a great chance and not to be missed.
as i read through the posts here, i felt confused because some say transfer others say stay, but at the end its a matter of scaling between fun and your future career.
I say why pay attention to losers ? you should be proud of yourself that you are a hard worker and that you achieved your way to such a proud university while that rich kid talking about how cheap Carlsburg drink is only made it with his dad's money and I bet he knows not a bit how this girl made it to Oxford...you should never feel down, you should be proud of yourself, because only you know yourself and your past, others don't.
Besides, why don't you amaze everyone and get a top place ? everyone will want to be your friend because you proved your self there.
I say don't transfer, keep working hard and don't pay attention to losers. Oxford is a great chance and not to be missed.
Hi, I'm sorry to hear you've been feeling so bad at Uni. I'd say don't feel like you should stay at Oxford just because of the status if you're really unhappy, like others have said these are the best years of your life and nothing is worth making them a living hell but at the same time I don't think you should be too quick to rush into any decisions about jumping ship. My boyfriend also went to Oxford and is a Working class Northerner (from Durham, ex-mining family background), I think the college you go to really can make a difference. He went to St. John's which I believe has one of the higher intake rates of state school students which I imagine would really change the atmosphere of the place, maybe you just got unlucky. I know a lot of people have already said that migrating college is pretty rare but it could still be worth discussing with your tutor about maybe switching to one of the bigger colleges with a higher rate of state school students. He also said that he didn't really make any proper friends until second year either. I think you'd be surprised how common this is with most students.
I've done four different courses at two different Universities in the four years it's taken me to finish my degree and I never made a single good friend on my course. I remember crying to my friends in first year because a group of people I would try to chat to had decided to completely ignore me to the point that they would just walk away to the opposite side of the room without a word and I had no idea what I had done wrong. It wasn't until my second year when I got involved in societies and clubs and political activism that I made friends at my University from other courses and years and they've turned out to be absolutely amazing people that have made my time there really fun.
I think you'd be surprised how many people are at your college/University that feel exactly like you do and how many people would love to be your friend if you just get out there and meet them. Like loads of people have already said on here getting involved in societies/clubs/activities that interest you is almost certain to get you meeting people you'll get on with and be able to spend time with and make things seem infinitely better.
If you really don't think you can stay at Oxford then Birmingham is a good University too and I really don't imagine it would have all that much of a negative impact on your job prospects if you moved there. But I would say that you're going to get ignorant bell ends and closed off cliquey groups at absolutely every University, and there's absolutely no guarantee that the same kind of thing wouldn't happen there too. It's all about just finding those few people that you can have a good time with and equally they're going to be at every University in the country too! So please consider some of your options before you make any serious decisions. It really doesn't always have to be so tough there.
Good Luck,
Emily
I'd say don't feel like you should stay at Oxford just because of the status if you're really unhappy, like others have said these are the best years of your life and nothing is worth making them a living hell but at the same time I don't think you should be too quick to rush into any decisions about jumping ship. My boyfriend also went to Oxford and is a Working class Northerner (from Durham, ex-mining family background), I think the college you go to really can make a difference. He went to St. John's which I believe has one of the higher intake rates of state school students which I imagine would really change the atmosphere of the place, maybe you just got unlucky. I know a lot of people have already said that migrating college is pretty rare but it could still be worth discussing with your tutor about maybe switching to one of the bigger colleges with a higher rate of state school students. He also said that he didn't really make any proper friends until second year either. I think you'd be surprised how common this is with most students. I've done four different courses at two different Universities in the four years it's taken me to finish my degree and I never made a single good friend on my course. I remember crying to my friends in first year because a group of people I would try to chat to had decided to completely ignore me to the point that they would just walk away to the opposite side of the room without a word and I had no idea what I had done wrong. It wasn't until my second year when I got involved in societies and clubs and political activism that I made friends at my University from other courses and years and they've turned out to be absolutely amazing people that have made my time there really fun.
I think you'd be surprised how many people are at your college/University that feel exactly like you do and how many people would love to be your friend if you just get out there and meet them. Like loads of people have already said on here getting involved in societies/clubs/activities that interest you is almost certain to get you meeting people you'll get on with and be able to spend time with and make things seem infinitely better.
If you really don't think you can stay at Oxford then Birmingham is a good University too and I really don't imagine it would have all that much of a negative impact on your job prospects if you moved there. But I would say that you're going to get ignorant bell ends and closed off cliquey groups at absolutely every University, and there's absolutely no guarantee that the same kind of thing wouldn't happen there too. It's all about just finding those few people that you can have a good time with and equally they're going to be at every University in the country too! So please consider some of your options before you make any serious decisions. It really doesn't always have to be so tough there.
Good Luck,
Emily
Original post by AnonymousPenguin
Is the college by any chance yellow and has a lot of lawns - if it is, PM me? If it's corpus, please do that as well - I'd really like to know if small college size correlates to the atmosphere. Anyway, my advice - make friends with canadians and americans, if you find the english insufferable. Anyway, the way you describe the college it sounds a lot like the one I am at, but I get the benefit of meeting plenty of people at lectures and practicals.
Nooo its not. Exactly, as an arts student, I don't get that opportunity. Are most of your friends on your course?
Original post by RedEija
Hi, I'm sorry to hear you've been feeling so bad at Uni. I'd say don't feel like you should stay at Oxford just because of the status if you're really unhappy, like others have said these are the best years of your life and nothing is worth making them a living hell but at the same time I don't think you should be too quick to rush into any decisions about jumping ship. My boyfriend also went to Oxford and is a Working class Northerner (from Durham, ex-mining family background), I think the college you go to really can make a difference. He went to St. John's which I believe has one of the higher intake rates of state school students which I imagine would really change the atmosphere of the place, maybe you just got unlucky. I know a lot of people have already said that migrating college is pretty rare but it could still be worth discussing with your tutor about maybe switching to one of the bigger colleges with a higher rate of state school students. He also said that he didn't really make any proper friends until second year either. I think you'd be surprised how common this is with most students.
I've done four different courses at two different Universities in the four years it's taken me to finish my degree and I never made a single good friend on my course. I remember crying to my friends in first year because a group of people I would try to chat to had decided to completely ignore me to the point that they would just walk away to the opposite side of the room without a word and I had no idea what I had done wrong. It wasn't until my second year when I got involved in societies and clubs and political activism that I made friends at my University from other courses and years and they've turned out to be absolutely amazing people that have made my time there really fun.
I think you'd be surprised how many people are at your college/University that feel exactly like you do and how many people would love to be your friend if you just get out there and meet them. Like loads of people have already said on here getting involved in societies/clubs/activities that interest you is almost certain to get you meeting people you'll get on with and be able to spend time with and make things seem infinitely better.
If you really don't think you can stay at Oxford then Birmingham is a good University too and I really don't imagine it would have all that much of a negative impact on your job prospects if you moved there. But I would say that you're going to get ignorant bell ends and closed off cliquey groups at absolutely every University, and there's absolutely no guarantee that the same kind of thing wouldn't happen there too. It's all about just finding those few people that you can have a good time with and equally they're going to be at every University in the country too! So please consider some of your options before you make any serious decisions. It really doesn't always have to be so tough there.
Good Luck,
Emily
I'd say don't feel like you should stay at Oxford just because of the status if you're really unhappy, like others have said these are the best years of your life and nothing is worth making them a living hell but at the same time I don't think you should be too quick to rush into any decisions about jumping ship. My boyfriend also went to Oxford and is a Working class Northerner (from Durham, ex-mining family background), I think the college you go to really can make a difference. He went to St. John's which I believe has one of the higher intake rates of state school students which I imagine would really change the atmosphere of the place, maybe you just got unlucky. I know a lot of people have already said that migrating college is pretty rare but it could still be worth discussing with your tutor about maybe switching to one of the bigger colleges with a higher rate of state school students. He also said that he didn't really make any proper friends until second year either. I think you'd be surprised how common this is with most students. I've done four different courses at two different Universities in the four years it's taken me to finish my degree and I never made a single good friend on my course. I remember crying to my friends in first year because a group of people I would try to chat to had decided to completely ignore me to the point that they would just walk away to the opposite side of the room without a word and I had no idea what I had done wrong. It wasn't until my second year when I got involved in societies and clubs and political activism that I made friends at my University from other courses and years and they've turned out to be absolutely amazing people that have made my time there really fun.
I think you'd be surprised how many people are at your college/University that feel exactly like you do and how many people would love to be your friend if you just get out there and meet them. Like loads of people have already said on here getting involved in societies/clubs/activities that interest you is almost certain to get you meeting people you'll get on with and be able to spend time with and make things seem infinitely better.
If you really don't think you can stay at Oxford then Birmingham is a good University too and I really don't imagine it would have all that much of a negative impact on your job prospects if you moved there. But I would say that you're going to get ignorant bell ends and closed off cliquey groups at absolutely every University, and there's absolutely no guarantee that the same kind of thing wouldn't happen there too. It's all about just finding those few people that you can have a good time with and equally they're going to be at every University in the country too! So please consider some of your options before you make any serious decisions. It really doesn't always have to be so tough there.
Good Luck,
Emily
I think it's just a risk either way. Either accept that Oxford is miserable now, but stay and take the risk that things might get better in time and I might meet other people outside of my college that are like me and make me feel a lot less lonely... but at the same time it might not get better.
Or take an even bigger risk and start afresh in Birmingham where, even if I think i will be happy, there is the chance that it might not work out. And in that case I will be left wishing I had just stayed in Oxford.
What universities were you at? What made you move from one to the other?
Original post by lissi08
...
Dont you have student counsellors? What if this happens again in a different university? You need another perspective here. Talk to a counsellor or a therapist before you make any huge decisions. May be its a new place some people take a little longer than others to settle in. think about it
Original post by lissi08
Nooo its not. Exactly, as an arts student, I don't get that opportunity. Are most of your friends on your course?
It's a general small college issue then. I wouldn't say most of my friends are on the course, but it's definitely been easier to make friends on the course.
Then again, even if I would feel lonely at the college, that really wouldn't be enough to make me give up the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. 8 week terms aren't that horribly long anyway.
Original post by lissi08
I think it's just a risk either way. Either accept that Oxford is miserable now, but stay and take the risk that things might get better in time and I might meet other people outside of my college that are like me and make me feel a lot less lonely... but at the same time it might not get better.
Or take an even bigger risk and start afresh in Birmingham where, even if I think i will be happy, there is the chance that it might not work out. And in that case I will be left wishing I had just stayed in Oxford.
What universities were you at? What made you move from one to the other?
Or take an even bigger risk and start afresh in Birmingham where, even if I think i will be happy, there is the chance that it might not work out. And in that case I will be left wishing I had just stayed in Oxford.
What universities were you at? What made you move from one to the other?
Exactly, I think it depends on how bad things are whether that risk might be worth taking. It'll be easier to stay at Oxford where you know the tutors and the city than move somewhere new, and of course Oxford does have 'the status' that a lot of people think it's worth staying just for that. I honestly do think things will get better for you there, there are thousands of students there and you just need to find one of two you get on with. Stay positive and open to the fact that there are a lot of nice people out there, make sure you don't get defensive and worry that everyone might not like you and then be reluctant to try to make conversation with them. I know it's easy to feel like that when people have made comments to you like they have done and I think that's one of the reasons I found University to horrible at times. Keep getting involved in groups and activities that you're interested in, it'll give you something to do that you enjoy and eventually you'll get to make some really good friends. However, only you know how unhappy you are at the minute and can make the decision. If you absolutely don't think you can stay at Oxford and you know that despite the fact there is no guarantee that things will be easier at Birmingham if you still feel like you moving will be the best thing then go for it. University is meant to be fun not a torture and for the sake of a line on your CV which no one will even care about 5years after graduating then just move. Please do think really hard about it tho, if you think things can still get better at Oxford then I would advise you to give it another chance rather than live to regret it.
I've been to two ex-poly's, Sunderland and Northumbria (this kind of thing really will happen regardless of what University you go to!). I felt the same as you do at my first University, I felt really lonely and left out and found it really difficult to make any good friends so I decided to move to somewhere else. But exactly the same thing happened there too, everyone was already in their cliques from being together in first year and if anything it was even harder to make friends. I didn't know any of the tutors so it was harder to discuss my problems with them too. It was only by chance one day that I got talking to a couple of people that ran a film and book society who I had loads in common with from different courses. After that I got really involved in different activities made lots of new friends and really enjoyed my time there. The people in my classes are still bitchy and cliquey but it doesn't seem nearly as much of a problem when you have some friends at the University that you know you're going to go for lunch or a drink or whatever with after class. You just need to find that one person you get on with and can do things with and meet more people as a result. There will be thousands of people like that at every University, including Oxford, you just have to be open to it and willing to try a few different societies, groups or other things like that to find them. Sometimes I really wish I had stayed at my first University and made more of an effort to get involved in other things and meeting new people rather than let the idiots in my class make me feel so downtrodden and unhappy and forced out.
I really hope things work out for you whatever you decide to do, please let me know how you get on
Original post by lissi08
I'm thinking about leaving Oxford.
I've done two terms of my first year and have been unhappy from very early on. I am very lonely. I have no close friends and find my college very gossipy and cliquey. I'm friendly and sociable but most of the people in college are very indifferent to me. Some purposely choose not to include me. I find I go whole days without seeing a soul.
Sometimes I wonder whether the world I come from and my outlook on life makes me unappealing as a friend to Oxford students. I've been brought up in a totally working-class family. I'm one of few in my family that did A Levels and the first to go on to higher education.
Some little things that have happened are stupid but have really hurt me and knocked my confidence.
Once I was talking to an American student about Strictly Come Dancing and a girl standing adjacent to our conversation suddenly butted in and said "In England we say DARNCE not dance."
Another time I went to the college bar and ordered half a lager and the boy next to me rolled his eyes. He proceeded to sit down at the table I was sat at and make a speech about how girls should drink wine and how Carlsberg was the cheapest ****test drink he'd ever tasted. I've been drinking Carlsberg since I was 15 and funnily enough, I actually like the taste of it. But in saying something in situations like these maybe it just puts more people off including me rather than them realising that there is a world outside of middle-class London.
It makes me very sad when I see my home friends at other places having the time of their life. More often now when I phone them they are always too busy for a chat. I feel like I am relying on them and they don't really need me any more.
I am getting more and more depressed and downheared and I wish I had never applied to Oxford. Because once I got in I felt I couldn't possibly turn it down.
I made a few phonecalls and I have a place at the University of Birmingham if I want it.
Being honest with myself I know I would be much happier in the completely different atmosphere at Birmingham.
But at the back of my mind...and my parents... is job prospects. People are telling me no matter how miserable I am I can't drop out because its oxford.
I'm running out of time to tell Birmingham if I want the place. I have absolutely hated the time I have spent at Oxford but for job reasons only am hesitant to firm Birmingham. I don't know what to do.
I've done two terms of my first year and have been unhappy from very early on. I am very lonely. I have no close friends and find my college very gossipy and cliquey. I'm friendly and sociable but most of the people in college are very indifferent to me. Some purposely choose not to include me. I find I go whole days without seeing a soul.
Sometimes I wonder whether the world I come from and my outlook on life makes me unappealing as a friend to Oxford students. I've been brought up in a totally working-class family. I'm one of few in my family that did A Levels and the first to go on to higher education.
Some little things that have happened are stupid but have really hurt me and knocked my confidence.
Once I was talking to an American student about Strictly Come Dancing and a girl standing adjacent to our conversation suddenly butted in and said "In England we say DARNCE not dance."
Another time I went to the college bar and ordered half a lager and the boy next to me rolled his eyes. He proceeded to sit down at the table I was sat at and make a speech about how girls should drink wine and how Carlsberg was the cheapest ****test drink he'd ever tasted. I've been drinking Carlsberg since I was 15 and funnily enough, I actually like the taste of it. But in saying something in situations like these maybe it just puts more people off including me rather than them realising that there is a world outside of middle-class London.
It makes me very sad when I see my home friends at other places having the time of their life. More often now when I phone them they are always too busy for a chat. I feel like I am relying on them and they don't really need me any more.
I am getting more and more depressed and downheared and I wish I had never applied to Oxford. Because once I got in I felt I couldn't possibly turn it down.
I made a few phonecalls and I have a place at the University of Birmingham if I want it.
Being honest with myself I know I would be much happier in the completely different atmosphere at Birmingham.
But at the back of my mind...and my parents... is job prospects. People are telling me no matter how miserable I am I can't drop out because its oxford.
I'm running out of time to tell Birmingham if I want the place. I have absolutely hated the time I have spent at Oxford but for job reasons only am hesitant to firm Birmingham. I don't know what to do.
Could I ask which College you're at? I often get quite similar feelings to you, but be assured that there are other people like us there! At some other colleges, I've definitely got the feeling that I'd be massively unwelcome and would absolutely hate it there, so I can see how it must suck
See it out for the rest of the year, at least. I've found this year that hanging out in Cowley helps a lot - everyone else hates it because it's full of crime and general suckiness but it reminds me of home a lot more so I love it (Just seen that you don't wanna say which College - feel free to PM me!)
(edited 13 years ago)
I dropped out of my first degree, and ended up doing something I loved in a completely different field. So leaving and moving on positively can be hugely advantageous, and can lead to fantastic and unforeseen opportunities. But, in all honesty, it took me 5 or 6 years to really get over that 'failure'.
But you should also consider that you're only 18 or 19 (I'm assuming), and that how you feel about things might change massively over the next couple of years. I'd be hesitant to jump part-way through first year - maybe working your arse off and focusing on your studies would be a better way to cope? Particularly if you're only jumping ship because of the university, rather than changing subject / direction entirely.
The other thing might be looking for exchange opportunities so you can experience somewhere else for a bit, without having to actually leave Oxford (although I must admit as a non-UK student I have no clue if exchanges can be done on scholarships or grant funded or whatever... so forgive the overly middle-class suggestion....).
Also, re the pronunciation comment - I mean, how ignorant can you be? "In England we say.." - the very idea of a unified British pronunciation is utterly ridiculous. Utterly. What a complete moron.
But you should also consider that you're only 18 or 19 (I'm assuming), and that how you feel about things might change massively over the next couple of years. I'd be hesitant to jump part-way through first year - maybe working your arse off and focusing on your studies would be a better way to cope? Particularly if you're only jumping ship because of the university, rather than changing subject / direction entirely.
The other thing might be looking for exchange opportunities so you can experience somewhere else for a bit, without having to actually leave Oxford (although I must admit as a non-UK student I have no clue if exchanges can be done on scholarships or grant funded or whatever... so forgive the overly middle-class suggestion....).
Also, re the pronunciation comment - I mean, how ignorant can you be? "In England we say.." - the very idea of a unified British pronunciation is utterly ridiculous. Utterly. What a complete moron.
It's easy for everyone here to tell you to leave but you are the one who might turn round one day and regret turning down this opportunity because of other people. If you were finding the course too overwhelming then that would be different, but you are letting yourself be bullied into running away.
I would say: try and find some new friends. Go to a uni club/society or even a non-uni one - one of the things I look forward to the most is escaping the Oxford bubble twice a week by doing just that. Once you have a couple of people you can go out with, it'll be easier - you might meet new people at events (Wadstock's coming up) or even clubs (some Brookes people at Kukui?) Easier sad then done but there are loads of people in Oxford and most of them aren't pricks.
By the way, the girl commenting on your accent probably wasn't being malicious. She was probably trying to start up some light hearted banter and just miscalculated massively.
I would say: try and find some new friends. Go to a uni club/society or even a non-uni one - one of the things I look forward to the most is escaping the Oxford bubble twice a week by doing just that. Once you have a couple of people you can go out with, it'll be easier - you might meet new people at events (Wadstock's coming up) or even clubs (some Brookes people at Kukui?) Easier sad then done but there are loads of people in Oxford and most of them aren't pricks.
By the way, the girl commenting on your accent probably wasn't being malicious. She was probably trying to start up some light hearted banter and just miscalculated massively.
Although I've never had anyone be rude to me and the posh folk at my college are generally nice enough, I often feel a bit estranged from the whole thing due to being from a working class background. Especially when it comes to holiday time, oddly. You'd think being away from the place would help but seeing everyone off on their lovely holidays which I just can't afford with their pictures up on facebook makes things worse.
I've been thinking for a while of trying to set up some sort of support group/society for working class people. I mean, there are societies for ethnic minorities and so on because they may feel alienated at Oxford and I think it's probably almost as big a culture shock, if not more, for a working class person going there as it would be for someone who was pretty well off but happened to be an ethnic minority. Jesus, that sounds a bit borderline BNP or something. Erm, I don't mean it like that, I'm not some staunch defender of the white working class or anything, it kind of looks that way as I've set the working class against ethnic minorities but obviously ethnic minorities are also contained within the working class too. I mean it more in a sense that working class people are a minority at Oxford and could probably do with some support/friends with people that have similar backgrounds.
God, I hope some of that makes some sense to someone.
I've been thinking for a while of trying to set up some sort of support group/society for working class people. I mean, there are societies for ethnic minorities and so on because they may feel alienated at Oxford and I think it's probably almost as big a culture shock, if not more, for a working class person going there as it would be for someone who was pretty well off but happened to be an ethnic minority. Jesus, that sounds a bit borderline BNP or something. Erm, I don't mean it like that, I'm not some staunch defender of the white working class or anything, it kind of looks that way as I've set the working class against ethnic minorities but obviously ethnic minorities are also contained within the working class too. I mean it more in a sense that working class people are a minority at Oxford and could probably do with some support/friends with people that have similar backgrounds.
God, I hope some of that makes some sense to someone.
Have you tried going to some societies?
If you aren't happy there, obviously that's not ideal. Though the two comments you mentioned you could get anywhere, they aren't Oxford-specific.
If you aren't happy there, obviously that's not ideal. Though the two comments you mentioned you could get anywhere, they aren't Oxford-specific.
So OP what have you decided to do?
Related discussions
- Changing Oxford college
- Unhappy at Sixth Form
- If I hated Oxford will I also hate Cambridge?
- Is it worth resitting any of my gcses with these results?
- UCL vs Oxford for Politics
- Should I reject oxford?
- Offer from LSE, rejected it and reapplying.
- Regretting degree choice
- Why is student satisfaction so low for some of these top unis?
- Depressed over the uni I ended up in
- feel like I have chosen the wrong uni
- I really hate college and don’t know weather to transfer back to my old college?
- I hate college, should I transfer back to my old college?
- St Andrews vs Cambridge psychology
- Gender equality struggles? misogyny? something like that
- Transfer Medical Schools
- Is it possible as a first year student to travel to uni from Liverpool to Manchester?
- firm choice?
- Regret living alone 3rd year
- Oxford 2020 Applicants official thread! (PART 2)
Latest
Last reply 1 minute ago
Official UCL Offer Holders Thread for 2024 entryLast reply 2 minutes ago
CLEARING???: KCL, QMUOL, ST Andrews, BATH , ROYAL HOLLOWAYLast reply 15 minutes ago
Edexcel GCSE English Literature Paper 1 (1ET0 01) - 13th May 2024 [Exam Chat]Last reply 16 minutes ago
Will an IVA cause my Civil Service pre employment check to fail?Last reply 1 hour ago
How I get an A in A-Level Business StudiesPosted 2 hours ago
Will I receive funding for my full 3 year degree if I repeat first year?Posted 2 hours ago
Repeating first year and last maintenance loan paymentLast reply 2 hours ago
Jaguar (JLR) Degree apprenticeships 2024Trending
Last reply 2 hours ago
Oxbridge applicants for modern languages - 2025 entry (applying in 2024)Last reply 21 hours ago
Weidenfeld Hoffmann Trust (WHT) Scholarship Notification (2024-2025)Last reply 2 days ago
Will I get into Oxford with my GCSE results? - EngineeringLast reply 2 weeks ago
will 5 a levels give me a better chance at getting into oxford?Trending
Last reply 2 hours ago
Oxbridge applicants for modern languages - 2025 entry (applying in 2024)Last reply 21 hours ago
Weidenfeld Hoffmann Trust (WHT) Scholarship Notification (2024-2025)Last reply 2 days ago
Will I get into Oxford with my GCSE results? - EngineeringLast reply 2 weeks ago
will 5 a levels give me a better chance at getting into oxford?
