Fiancé's brother told me he can't stand me =(

Scroll to see replies

Like a few other people have said, he probably just wants to be able to be himself when at home and feels that he can't do that around you.

I used to get on alright with my sister's partner but after a couple of weeks of living together you've ran out of small talk, realise you don't have much in common with this person and everything they do starts to get on your nerves. Remember he didn't ask you to move in, your boyfriend did and he probably feels he got this forced upon him. Trust me when you've had a bad day the last thing you want is some stranger in the house, whom you have to pretend to get on with, it just becomes so tiring.

He should apologise though, but you could be a tad more understanding. He usually had the place to himself before and now your always there, it would annoy anyone.

If I were you, I'd casually bring it up the next time you're alone together and just say that you understand he must have been used to more of his own space before and you don't mean to stop that. Tell him he should do whatever he wants in his own home (as long as he isn't rude or inconsiderate) and that you appreciate his family letting you stay. If he doesn't apologise for his actions at this point then he is a d**k and you should't waste any more time thinking about him.

Reply 41

TheFlyingDutchman

Original post by anonstudent1

Not everyone has those views. The way i see it, my brothers wife (or if i had a sister-her husband) become part of the family unless they act in a way which makes it impossible for that to happen.

So just because someone marries into your family (which the OP hasn't yet btw) you trust them completely ? After "knowing" them for a few years ? I say knowing like that because you don't really know them do you ? I mean how much time do you spend with one of your siblings partner ? It's that kind of ridiculous blind trust that led to a good friend of mine being abused by their uncle for 5 years and her mother (his sister) still doesn't know about it.

Once my sister brought a boy home and left my goddaughter alone with him for a while and I flipped about it. I don't trust people and I don't trust most people's judgement of other people either. I wish I wasn't that way but I'm also glad I am that way sometimes. Especially when it comes to my family.

Reply 42

lilac!!

Original post by Reml

yawn boring attention seeking, didn't read
Then why post? :wtf:

Don't worry about it OP, he's 17 and immature, hormones are probably at a high .. he'll come around and hopefully apologise too

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 43

el pollo diablo

Original post by TheFlyingDutchman

I'm gonna get negged for this but whatever. The point I want to make is what are you doing there ? That's the family house. You don't belong there.

If my sister tried to move her bf/fiance/husband into my family house I wouldn't even accept it. It's not like you're staying for a few days is it ? You're living in somebody elses house. I can't blame him. There is nobody that I would be comfortable with living in my house apart from my own gf but even though she gets on really well with the family I still wouldn't do that to them. A family is a unit, you've probably really displaced him from the situation. Fair enough his brother used to just go and see you on dates or you'd even stay over for a few days but he would always get his brother back. Now you're always there.

Tbh with you I'm never comfortable in my house with someone I don't really know there because let's face it how well does he really know you ? I would not feel good at all about my brother moving a girl in or my sister bringing a boy in and I would probably start spending a lot of time away from home which I would resent the person for regardless of how nice they were.

He doesn't even know you does he ? You're his brothers person not his. I doubt his parents are that happy about it either regardless of what they show.

Obviously it was a bit harsh for him to say it like that but I'm trying to give the point of view from his perspective. My family is very close and I have no issue with my brother or sister bringing someone home for a day or two. Moving in on the other hand is too far. It's my house and I know it's theirs too but that doesn't give them the right to bring someone into it.

QFT

Reply 44

imzir

Original post by The_Goose

I don't really know why I'm making a thread about it - I guess I'm just really upset. I've been living with my fiancé and his mum and his brother and sister (when she's not at uni) for over a year now and we're getting married in march.

I'd always though me and his brother got on quite well, but we went out last night (sort of a belated engagement celebration - because it's the first time his sisters been back since we got engaged) and his brother had been in a pretty bad mood all day and his sister asked him why and we were just chatting and having a joke and stuff and then he just started on me saying "piss off piss off piss off, I can't stand you, I actually can't stand you".

I just don't know how he could say something like this - I have never done anything to him and my fiancé had even asked him to be a grooms man at the wedding and he seemed happy and now apparently he can't stand me?

I know he'd been in a bad mood, but it really felt like he meant it. It's just really awkward now, he hasn't apologised, and a lot of the time it's just me and him in the house and now I don't even want to be here.

I just don't know what to do now - it really hurts.

tl;dr: My fiancé's brother told me he can't stand me, and I'm upset because I always thought we got on alright and he was supposed to be an usher at the wedding, now everythings awkward and I don't want to be in a room with him.

The TRUTH is EVERYONE hates aspects of all their friends - even if they are very close. However social people tend not to state the aspects they hate about their friends in front of them. However when you are not in the correct mental state (ie. in depression etc.) then you feel in the position to express those views.

IF you ignore him or move away you are going to make him really upset. Its NOT WHAT HE WANTS.

Reply 45

-honeybee-

People may disagree but imo it sounds like he resents having you living with his family. I can kind of understand it really, you're not his family (I know you soon will be but I mean you haven't had the same shared experiences as his other siblings), he didn't choose to bring you into the family/house, he might feel he's 'lost' his brother, he might feel uncomfortable around you, do your fiance's parents really like you/give you a lot of attention? He's probably jealous. Don't really know what you can do to change this though, will you be moving out after the wedding? I imagine your relationship will improve (or at least become more civil) when this happens. I would still be waiting for an apology though, he was clearly out of order.

Reply 46

Apagg

What were you joking about?

Reply 47

Cinamon

Maybe because you've moved into their home and he wants you to just piss off and find your own?

Reply 48

Jackso

Original post by TheFlyingDutchman

Once my sister brought a boy home and left my goddaughter alone with him for a while and I flipped about it. I don't trust people and I don't trust most people's judgement of other people either. I wish I wasn't that way but I'm also glad I am that way sometimes. Especially when it comes to my family.

You sound a bit psychotic tbh. Just relax... People that paranoid about everything and also over-protective of their family don't last well in the long run.

Reply 49

emmi_lou

maybe he's just a little put-out by you being there, because I should imagine people are paying a lot of attention to the wedding and you two the 'happy couple'...

failing that he just has a major teenage crush on you, and it annoys him you being there all the time because he knows he can't act on it not get away from it :s

Hope this helps :smile:

Reply 50

Hopple

Original post by The_Goose

Do you and his brother keep him awake at night with various noises? If so, the whole family might be annoyed, but being a young male he's going to be kept awake for longer.

Reply 51

-honeybee-

Original post by Hopple

but being a young male he's going to be kept awake for longer.

Why?

Reply 52

Carnivores

Original post by soutioirsim

Just get "haters gonna hate" on the back of your wedding dress.

THIS.

Reply 53

why-hello-there

Maybe he secretly fancies you :wink:

Reply 54

Hopple

Original post by -honeybee-

Why?

An active imagination for that sort of thing.

Reply 55

-honeybee-

Original post by Hopple

An active imagination for that sort of thing.

This is his brother we're talking about...

Reply 56

Tk-Mike

i think it was the alcahol tlking
why dont you ask him when hes sober

Reply 57

The_Goose

Original post by Tk-Mike

i think it was the alcahol tlking
why dont you ask him when hes sober

I've said like three times now. He hadn't been drinking.

Reply 58

Converse

Original post by The_Goose

I've said like three times now. He hadn't been drinking.

It was probably just the drink talking :smile:

Ask him when he sobers up.

Reply 59

fredscarecrow

Maybe it's just sunk in that you're really getting married, and that means you're stealing his older brother away from him [how he might view it]. Her might have been hurt and upset and felt the only way to react was the hurt the person he thought was to blame?