Fiancé's brother told me he can't stand me =(

Scroll to see replies

Gutted.

Directly go up to him and calmly say "I'm sorry if I've done something you don't like or if you have a problem with me, but the way you spoke to me was rude and humiliating. If there's something we need to talk about fine, but otherwise I'd like an apology."

He probably won't apologise, he'll probably argue, but at least it will embarrass him and hopefully he'll spill about what his problem is.

Reply 62

The_Goose

Original post by BlueJoker

He'll probably tell to piss off and slam the door in my face, although at least that would mean he was treating me like he does eeryone else in the house.

I've been feeling slightly better about it since I heard him being horrible to his mum earlier for no reason. I think he's probably just an arse.

Reply 63

BlueJoker

Original post by The_Goose

Probably, but it will show him up and he'll know that he can't act like that. You can't expect an apology, but you can make him feel awkward.

Reply 64

TickTockBoom

I think if you live with anyone there are going to be things that start to piss you of after a while. Your family are family so its different, plus you are comfortable enough to tell them if anythings annoying you. With your partner you care about them enough to make the annoying things seem unimportant, and with friends it can go either way depending on how annoying they are and how much you actually like them.

With your fiances boyfriend you are just some random girl he has been forced to live with, so its not suprised you might be pissing him off. I think you should probably try talking to him about it, saying you are sorry if you have been difficult to live with, and asking what the problems are so you can try and work on it. Yes he was out of line shouting at you like that, but theres no point going in on the offensive becuse it won't help anything. Better to be diplomatic.

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 65

amiparanoid

My advice is to just chill out.

He's stressed for goodness knows what reason... He has exams (maybe)? He's just.. 17...?
Maybe, as others have said, he doesn't enjoy having someone outside the family living in his house, screwing his brother? No matter what, you didn't grow up together, and to some extent you'll always be a stranger, stealing his brother away.

He doesn't always have to like you. But that comes with the territory. I'm sure you'll have highs and lows, like everyone does with each other.

Tbf this just sounds like life. 11 months comes around and who knows?

tl;dr, chill out, nothing to worry about or really that unexpected, comes with the territory.

Reply 66

BROMO

Ask him again when his is sober.. :biggrin:

Reply 67

alice4thamoon

Original post by The_Goose

I don't really know why I'm making a thread about it - I guess I'm just really upset. I've been living with my fiancé and his mum and his brother and sister (when she's not at uni) for over a year now and we're getting married in march.

I'd always though me and his brother got on quite well, but we went out last night (sort of a belated engagement celebration - because it's the first time his sisters been back since we got engaged) and his brother had been in a pretty bad mood all day and his sister asked him why and we were just chatting and having a joke and stuff and then he just started on me saying "piss off piss off piss off, I can't stand you, I actually can't stand you".

I just don't know how he could say something like this - I have never done anything to him and my fiancé had even asked him to be a grooms man at the wedding and he seemed happy and now apparently he can't stand me?

I know he'd been in a bad mood, but it really felt like he meant it. It's just really awkward now, he hasn't apologised, and a lot of the time it's just me and him in the house and now I don't even want to be here.

I just don't know what to do now - it really hurts.

tl;dr: My fiancé's brother told me he can't stand me, and I'm upset because I always thought we got on alright and he was supposed to be an usher at the wedding, now everythings awkward and I don't want to be in a room with him.

This is harsh but maybe you're just an irritating and draining person? I mean your sig is loaded with information about you and in-your-face gifs that come across as a bit "look at my life everybody"... I know I shouldn't judge a book by its cover; I've never met you and you might actually be likeable, but I'm just throwing out suggestions.

Reply 68

The_Goose

Original post by alice4thamoon

It's hardly loaded with information about me - got my academic bits and my feeling towards jurisprudence, but I certainly don't bore his brother with that.

I never though of the gifs as being 'in your face' but whatever. I'm a relatively quiet person, I don't make enemies or get peoples backs up. I'm just a go with the flow type person.

Reply 69

TickTockBoom

Original post by The_Goose

Nobody is liked by everyone. Maybe your personality just happens to rub him up the wrong way, try not to take it personally.

Reply 70

The_Goose

Original post by TickTockBoom

Nobody is liked by everyone. Maybe your personality just happens to rub him up the wrong way, try not to take it personally.

maybe - just makes everything a bit awkward. barely left our room today at all. I used to feel welcome, and I still do with his mum and his sister but the fact that he doesn't like me is making me feel really uneasy. I just wish that if he didn't like me and didnt want me here he hadn't waiting this long to say anything - I'm not in a position where I can leave now, until me and my fiancé can afford something together. Just don't know whether to carry on as normal, or make myself scarce or spend most of my time in our room or what at the minute. It feels really weird to be sat up here on my own when his mum and his brother are downstairs watching tv (fiancé is at work). I feel really anti social and a bit upset - I don't want to live like this, but I don't really have a choice.

Reply 71

TickTockBoom

Original post by The_Goose

Yeah I wouldn't like to be in that situation either. If you don't feel up to asking him about it yourself get your boyfriend to. At least then you will know what the problem is.

Reply 72

-honeybee-

Original post by The_Goose

Maybe just wait a bit until you feel less upset (a day or two) then go back to normal. I do agree with all the people saying the brother probably sees you as an intruder to his family/house/relationship with his brother though and maybe leaving him and his mum to watch TV/whatever else alone occasionally might be a good thing.

Reply 73

BeanofJelly

He's probably just angry that you're getting married. Maybe he doesn't like his brother growing up. Maybe he's always fancied you and he doesn't like you getting married. Maybe he was just pissed off with you on that particular night, and it was like "I can't stand you right now" with the "right now" left off :tongue:

Maybe you've been around too much and he can't stand you "anymore" because he just wants a little break with his brother alone.

Something makes me doubt he genuinely hates your personality. Wouldn't it have become obvious by now? What is there really to hate about you, if his brother thinks you're okay (doesn't sound like you're horrible/unreasonable)?

I mean what he said was very rude, but in a way that he spoke to you like that could indicate a kind of family-closeness (because many reserve their most rude behaviours/words for family members) that is actually a sign that he does really like you/ feels close to you.

I think you are getting too worried about this. Just have a word with him to prompt an apology, forgive and move on. I think this will blow over. He's a 17 year old boy who lost his temper, at that age some don't even need a reason.

If your fiance talks to him, make sure he isn't confrontational. I would recommend a friendly/"I'm worried about you/ what's going on?" approach. Then once whatever issue it is has been sorted out/resolved he can ask for an apology for you.