Communication is key here. Basically you just have to reassure him a lot that everything is OK whenever you see your partner is mentally affected by something. Same goes with him to you.
Finally, you both have to keep on being honest with each other, tell each other exactly how things are at all times, even if it is something your partner/or you don't want to hear.
It pays in the long run, because it helps build trust between you both, and as a result makes your r/ship more secure. As eventually what happens, you both feel that you can be yourselves with each other without the fear of being perceived differently, hence become not only "lovers" but "best friends" too. A lot of people get into r/ships but do not express themselves fully, so often feel unfulfilled emotionally, which leads couples to break up - because they find that sense of fulfilment elseware. When a good r/ship imo is one where you both can accept the good and bad qualities of each other. It's about team work , compromise, respecting each other and being understanding.
It's normal, I do it too. So does my girl. When you find yourself in a rut like that, best thing to do is to talk to your bf about your feelings - if you are unable to deal with them alone. Same goes for him.
If misunderstandings arise from expressing yourself, which can happen, you work through them. Misunderstandings are always good btw, because they test the strength of the r/ship and once you work through them together, you will find that your r/ship becomes stronger as you both start to feel confident in knowing that you can go through difficult times and survive.
I'm still shy and awkward around him, mainly because we only started going out this february and only see each other once a week. Hopefully I'd be comfortable around him soon though, maybe if we spend more time together. He's leaving this May and also busy with school so I might have to figure things out soon. Its just hard to ask him out first really, my confidence is really low so it kinda backs me off a bit but I'll give it a shot. Yeah, way I dealt with that was easy. I never spoke about her ex (as I didn't want her to start associating me with her ex), and I didn't convey my interest too early aside from flirting here and there, keeping thing's a bit sexual. Rather what I did was, I got her out for one or 2 dates where I basically showed her another side to the city which left her with positive emotions when thinking about me. This resulted in her to keep coming back for more, a bit like a drug. In the early days (and even now for that point) if she spoke about her ex, or leaving the country, or something negative. I will reframe her thought patterns with things like:
"Forget about your ex, you are with the coolest guy ever right now. Enjoy the night with me"
And back it up with actually taking to her a REAL COOL place.
Ok here's the thing, I may want to bring him to a cool place but I don't know if he would like it or not. Like, I don't know if that's his cup of tea if you know what I mean. We're still getting to know each other and so thats making me think like crazy because I don't know that much about him, I know almost half of him but not completely yet though and I'm a negative thinker so I'm still trying to work that out. Russia atm.
Yeah she was very hard work, but it's paid off. Even if we never ended up hooking up, by being with me during that period I basically rebuilt this girl's confidence. She went from being a girl who hated her life, to one that is now loving life and is keeping herself busy trying to accomplish as many personal goals as possible. Complete transformation. And that alone gave me a lot of happiness, because of the way I could change someone's life for the better, gave me confidence with women and people in general.
Getting into a r/ship with her was just a bonus tbh, I first saw it as a fling. But I have stayed with her because we click immensely, and are pretty similar personality wise.
Yeah we speak everyday, SMSing, Skype. Even over the distance, we never get bored of each other because of the way our dynamic is. Although being away is frustrating sexually at times, isn't so bad now, as she will be back in a couple of weeks.
Yeah, normally it is the guy who leads the girl, not the other way round. From dates, to making the move. One of the differences between men and women. But this aint set to stone. In my case with my girl I used to be the one that always set up the "dates". But at the same time the way I did it, was I would basically send her
one (maximum two) SMSes, and typically it would go like this:
"Hey babe, I feel like going to the movies on the weekend to watch <insert name of movie here>, want to join me? Should be a blast
"
Then I will basically leave the ball in her court. She can either reply with a yes or no, or ignore. In which case the way I saw it, it was her loss if she declined, because I know I am an awesome guy anyway.
She never did decline, because as written previously, she knew we would have an awesome time together, so we used to hang out 2 times a week when dating. More after officially hooking up.
Typical things I would do, would be:
- movies (choose a movie you know you will BOTH like rather then what you will like. Can't see your boy surviving "Bridget Jones Diary", "never say never" justin beiber)
Been to movies twice now, you know what's bothering me? Like what if he doesn't want to see the movie with me? I know i know, I'm overthinking things again but omfg it's killing my brain like crazy!! haha Idk, inside me feels like maybe he's not completely falling for me yet so maybe I should just wait for him to ask me out whenever. What do you think? Do you think what I'm thinking right now is normal or should I stop it? But bare in mind you can't talk in the cinema, so it's better to use bodylanguage when conveying your sexuality. Like with your boy you could get your legs and put it on him, like if you are sitting on the couch at home with him watching a dvd.
If I wanted to have a chat:
- walking around the city; I would take my girl to romantic spots in the city that only natives know about. By the river (thames), parks overlooking the city, buildings where you can go up to the top, and you can see the whole scenery of the city.
Okay, whenever we're walking going somewhere it's a bit awkward. We wouldn't hold hands or something like that. He would try and reach for my hand but once it touches his hands after a minute he would take it off and we would just continue walking. I'm like left there thinking what the hell was that about? Even while he's driving, he'd touch my hand and once I get to hold it he would take it back and continue back on driving. Isn't that odd? I asked him before why he wouldn't hug me or kiss me whenever I meet up with him like you know when you see your girl and kiss them once they are close to you? He told me it's rude. I'm like how is that rude? Idk, maybe he's just not used to that because he's never had anything like that before. And then romance her under the right setting. Keeps me out of the FZ and more in the dating/r/ship zone, whilst blowing her mind away.
That kind of thing. You can still do this in a r/ship, but it's more effective in the courting phase, because she is still trying to figure out how much she likes you.
-Dinner
Not McDonalds, but in our case we for a period basically played a game up where we tried every type of food around the world.
- Take a trip away from the city. Your in the US, so maybe checking out another state with him?
I wish I could, maybe idk. We'll see. I have to figure it out first though because he's leaving pretty soon.- Shopping.
Always a laugh. You can play a game where you can dress each other up by picking out outfits for each other.
- Staying in and cooking.
Cooking together, romantic. Creating a bigger bond that way.
- dancing, salsa etc.
- bars - going to different types of bars, from your local pub, to a classy bar drinking cocktails.
- strip clubs , yes for a laugh I went to one with my girl. I can't remember the strippers tits,. attention was diverted elseware
hahaha!thats funny, how did it go for her? lol Was she surprised?Just be imaginative. Only rule I go by with my girl, is to make sure when we do things together we are both actively involved; and doing something that I know we will both like/or are curious about. So for example; I probably won't take her to a football/soccer match for example. (although knowing me I probably would) That is more of a guy thing, unless the girl is into it. In which case you need to figure out what your preferences are, and which one's of those you share.
Here's the thing, he's a sports obsessed type of guy and I feel terrible because I know nothing about baseball. The only sports we both like is golf and we played one last week. But thats about it. I just hate the way he thinks sometimes. He thinks that relationships should be based on similarities. Like a couple should be COMPLETELY similar.I'm not even kidding. I mean, i just want him to at least change that mind set and open up his mind to other things and not just full on himself. I'm not a Californian girl, where almost all the girls here are sports obsessed. I guess I'm gonna have to figure it out by myself and see if he'd like what I do to him once we meet up. Thanks for all of the list btw, it's really helpful and thanks for your time writing all of that for me If I ever need something, I'll pm you