Being a 'gentleman'

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I'm all for doing gentlemanly things for girls - opening doors, carrying heavy stuff etc. - but does it ever get to the point where it's actually kinda demeaning for the guy? Making him seem like some kind of servant?

Anyone get what I mean?

I actually agree. Women these days don't deserve that kind of treatment.

I've said it before. Chivalry is dead because women killed it.

Women want everything plus more. Why should men be chivalrous to them when they're not doing anything in return? Nor do they appreciate it.
What does the modern woman do to deserve chivalry? Not much, I'm afraid. This is just another example of women expecting relationships to be a one way street in their favour.
The problem here is that most women in this day and age simply don't deserve it. There seems to be this underlying idea that men are inherently inferior and therefore, have to "prove", through arbitrary and utterly meaningless actions such as chivalry, that we are not. That is why chivalry seems to have died.

Chivalry in today's society is very excessive. Women are constantly adored and adorned with affection and gifts and so on. They wanted liberation and equality and they got it - in most places. And adding chivalry to the mix seems just logically wrong.
Why does the man constantly have to make all the effort; spend all the money; support her; change his ways and so on. Just watch all the holiday gift ads: the women get diamonds and cars, the men get razors. The problem with gender equality is that most women just want the benefits of equality without all the red tape

Reply 21

Milky Milk

Original post by wavey93

*sigh* ¬_¬

Care to elaborate?

Reply 22

SchadenfreudeDude

Acting polite is only half the battle.

You need to DRESS like a gentleman!

Reply 23

twinklestar

that depends, what do you think would be demeaning? like, you say "at some point" but what does a guy have to do to reach that pont?

Reply 24

No Future

Original post by Milky Milk

It's not just gender employment.

I don't personally believe that this douche should be complaining about 'being a gentlemen' which hardly carries any demeaning activities as opposed to how women used to be and relatively still are second class citizens to an extent. Bareing in mind however he is most probably a troll.

I'm not a raging feminist however, but this post really is ridiculous.

Women couldn't vote on the same terms as men until 1928

Reply 25

Milky Milk

Original post by No Future

Women couldn't vote on the same terms as men until 1928

Was this quote meant for me?

Reply 26

Sweat.it.out

I always notice when guys do things like that. Open the door, let me out the car first, offer to buy me drinks etc etc, you'll go up in my estimations immediately. You might not like it men, but truth be told, you get a hell of a lot closer to getting some with me if you act the gentleman first.

However, I'm not saying men SHOULD do that. I don't like letting men buy me drinks, though I like them offering. It's just to your advantage if you do act that part imo :smile:

Reply 27

Onwards and Upwards!

Original post by surina_xxx

am i the only girl who hates it when a guy pulls out a chair for u and opens the door for you!

You must either be a feminist (who has taken it waaaay too far), a chav, or frankly just rude?

How can you possibly not appreciate such a compliment or a sign of decency as one person opening a door for another? I would still open the door for you, not to annoy but because your a lady... and as modern and hip as Britain may be, there is still a way of doing things...

Reply 28

Xhotas

Original post by Milky Milk

You sure about that? You seem to be hinting away at it though.

It gets demeaning if I see a guy running on a girls heel, finding an attractive girl and leeching onto her. She goes to the bathroom, you see him open the door for her. She coughs, you see him run over to pat her on the back.

I'm a gentlemen to most people, I'll apologise for bumping into someone, opens doors, offer to carry heavy things but I wouldn't do it for just females, I'd do it for males as well. Being a gentlemen doesn't mean just doing polite things for girls.

Reply 29

ohokay

Original post by TheFlyingDutchman

I also don't let her walk on the outside of the pavement (part closest to all the traffic) and if she ever ends up there I'll just do my "guiding" thing and move her in. She gives me a little smile when I do it even though it's a bit far really.

.

Sounds like my mother when I was a little kid.

Erm, anyway.
If anything it's demeaning for women, if it's done too often, because it's taking charge, pittying us, making a statement that says "I'm more capable than you, let me do it".

If it happens naturally then cool, but when guys go out of their way to do it, it's like... no im not retarded and i'm not disabled.

Reply 30

idontthinkso

Unless people repay the favour I say **** them.
Be good to those that are good to you. Why should I help someone I never saw in my life?

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 31

Bslforever

Original post by Milky Milk

Since when was being polite demeaning?

Try having a permanent glass ceiling ahead of you because you have a vagina.

You have a glass ceiling ahead of you?

Perhaps you shouldn't work lying on your back then...

Reply 32

Milky Milk

Original post by Xhotas

I agree with what you're saying, I previously posted that excessie politeness/care and attention isn't favourable in the slightest.

Yes being a gentleman isn't just being polite to girls, another factor is not whining like a complete bitch over things you're not forced to do.

And yes I am sure that I'm not a complete feminist. As I said, idiotic posts like this annoy me.

Reply 33

Milky Milk

Original post by Bslforever

You have a glass ceiling ahead of you?

Perhaps you shouldn't work lying on your back then...

You should be proud of that remark. It doesn't make you sound completely childish at all... :rolleyes:

Reply 34

twelve

Original post by Mr Sparkles

Well I certainly wouldn't do it for anyone but my girlfriend. Otherwise you look like a bit of a desperate slime.

Maybe I've just bought too hard into this "gender equality" thing girls have kept pushing for the past 100 years, but IMO girls are perfectly capable of carrying heavy things, opening doors themselves (not that I'd slam it in their face), and pulling out their own chairs. It's just seems a bit patronising to do all that for them as if they're too delicate to do it themselves, indeed I don't know anyone who actually does this for their girlfriend, let alone any random ho.

Its true we can do it ourselves, but I like it when a guy does any of these things. I can do it myself, but its nice that someone else will offer. Its sort of a tradition anyway - that the men do all these things. I guess its also a tradition that women are weak and second class citizens etc, but that isn't a ncie tradition. Its not really demeaning for the man, because its not like he has to suffer to do any of it. So if he's carrying something heavy, he isn't going to struggle with it as much as a woman - just because its afact that in general, men are stronger than women (obviously, not counting really muscley women)

Original post by NaturalDisaster

If there's someone behind me I generally leave the door open for them, or help them open the door if they're carrying something heavy, and I'm a girl. I see both guys and girls do this so I wouldn't really consider it a thing that a guy has to do. Lots of people just do it. Or maybe my town's just really polite. But I see what you mean, if a guy is pretty much waiting on a girl it seems almost snivelly, if they're acting like a servant. But opening doors and stuff doesn't make you like that. Pulling out chairs for girls is a bit far imo, and unless I'm falling over carrying heavy things or dropping them everywhere I can usually carry them myself. Then again, I'm a feminist and hate to be waited on.

It isn't just men who do this either - its just tradition that it has always been men. If a woman held open a door for a man, it would just be taken as being polite, but if a man did it, its being a gentleman. I do see the other point though, about going too far with it - but thats all it is, its going too far. There's a difference between opening the door for someone, and rushing ahead to open EVERY door for them.

Original post by surina_xxx

am i the only girl who hates it when a guy pulls out a chair for u and opens the door for you!

Why?

Reply 35

im so academic

Original post by Anonymous

Being a gentleman is not about opening ****ing doors.

It's about caring for your girl and spending time with her and enjoying her company.

Men who think being a gentleman is doing stuff for her - :rolleyes:

Reply 36

PendulumBoB

Original post by Milky Milk

Since when was being polite demeaning?

Try having a permanent glass ceiling ahead of you because you have a vagina.

What glass ceiling?

Reply 37

JaiiStarh

Original post by TheFlyingDutchman

I sort of get what you mean. I was in a restaurant the other day and the waiter pulled the chair out for my gf. Something I usually do, so I was thinking how must I look when I do that.

I think the important thing to do is do the really nice stuff. I always give my gf my jacket/blazer, even if it's not that cold. She hardly ever brings jumpers because she knows this.

I also don't open the door for her like a doorman would. I sort of open it then put my hand on the small of her back and "guide" her through.

Obviously if your girl is carrying something really heavy then you do it for her, that's just nice.

I also don't let her walk on the outside of the pavement (part closest to all the traffic) and if she ever ends up there I'll just do my "guiding" thing and move her in. She gives me a little smile when I do it even though it's a bit far really.

Tbh these days if you just do those little things you will be a step above most guys.