I feel weirdly depressed and it frightens me

2010 was a very weird year for me. My parents split at the beginning of the year because my mum was having an affair and I went through a range of emotions. For a while, I was numb and felt like I was simply existing, but then the sadness started to kick in. I was in a very vulnerable place and because of this, I made a lot of stupid decisions with friends and ended up losing a whole group. All the drama that was going on with my family made the friendship problems feel 1000 times worse than they were. I didn't try with my AS levels and although I still got pretty good grades, I didn't do as well as I could've done.

I got a job and then things started to look up from there. I still felt quite down sometimes, but I felt I was getting stronger. Over summer, my parents got back together and I went on holiday with a friend, which was the confidence and happiness boost I needed. When I came back from this holiday, I was honestly the happiest I've ever felt in my life. My parents unfortunately split again in September time, but it didn't really affect me... I became immune to pain and felt so positive and happy about uni and myself in general for many months.

But recently, I've felt so depressed. Even when my parents split, I didn't feel like this. I've felt so bad some days that I've had to call a friend to pick me up because the feelings I felt were frightening me. The feeling is overwhelming and it scares me, because I don't have any reasons that are bad enough to be that depressed and I don't know how to get rid of it. I'm beginning to think it's the strain of being in limbo for so long. I've realised my happiness was all due to the excitement of uni and being able to start a new great life. But I've been waiting so long, that I think it's starting to drive me mad. I've lost my close family I used to have here, 2 family members are dying, I don't have hardly any friends I'm close to anymore and I have nothing CURRENTLY that makes me happy. All I have that made me happy was thoughts of the FUTURE. Why is it that before I could be happy knowing i was going to uni, but now I feel more anxious about it than happy? Even having a job helped me but I lost it at the end of last year and I can't find one since.

I don't know whether to just wait this out until uni or get some medication. I don't know if it's normal to feel this way being in limbo for so long. How did I not care about my parents split from september til december, but now I suddenly care so much? I've had weird thoughts about death and worrying about dying which I've never thought about before? I keep worrying my dad is going to die or I don't have long left etc... is this just stress?

I don't understand what's going on in my mind, this isn't like me.

Reply 1

MrsCrackFox

Aaaw, it sounds like you have been through a harsh time and thinks have finally taken their toll on you. :hugs:

My advice, go see your GP, get some help. Trust me it's best to seek help right now rather than wait because instead of waiting to get better you might watch yourself get progressively worse.

A lot of people go through a stage like this, you just have to stay strong and seek help!
Good luck. :smile:

Reply 2

jackmyswag

Original post by MrsCrackFox

Aaaw, it sounds like you have been through a harsh time and thinks have finally taken their toll on you. :hugs:

Thanks

I'm gonna make an appointment as soon as I can. I feel a bit better right now which is odd, but this happens on and off each day and I suddenly get really low again... I hope this better feeling lasts :/

I feel weirdly depressed and it frightens me

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