I cry myself to sleep every night

SORRY THIS IS LONG, BUT I HAD TO LET IT OUT

I was going to make this post anonymous but it took too long to be moderated so I'm just going to post it.

I have been writing many similar things in my diary but it doesn't help get the load off my chest so I want to post it here too, to see if it helps me.

Right now I am 16 and I am female and I cry myself to sleep all the time, the reason for this is my two eldest sisters. Who currently are 19 and 22. The one who is 22 has recently moved out to become room-mates with another girl for university but the other one still lives at home. And I am not lying nor do I have any doubt in what I say when I say I purely hate them from the bottom of my heart, I hate them and I cannot love them at all. I hate, hate, hate, hate them and I am aware that this is a strong word.

The reason to this is that in the earlier years and still now (although I am trying to ignore them and stop talking to them), they have always been abusing me in many ways. When I was a little girl, probably around the age of 8/9/10 the one who is currently 19 has beaten me up many times scarring me emotionally and physically, she has slapped me, threw me off couches and kicked me. I never said anything because I was scared. And as I got older she always called me names like; whore, sket, slut and many things similar to this. Both of them are overweight and I am very skinny and the reason they call me names like this because I wore shorts, dresses and skirts usually just above the knee. But I never ever had a boyfriend like the two of them have but yet they still swear at me and call me those names.

Furthermore, the one who is currently 22 has always told me that I am stupid and can't achieve anything in life and that I won't be successful and I have come to believe what she has said. In my GCSE's when I would be revising she'd tell me that I was stupid and couldn't achieve anything; my highest result was A for History and lowest D for Spanish and everything else was at B grade. When she saw my grades she laughed at me and said I'd go to a crap college. I am now at college and it's my first year and I am failing because I know I am a failure and I have now come to believe that I will fail everything I do... everyone says I am smart and can achieve the grades I want but I laugh it off and tell them that I don't think I will.

At night I always sleep with my dolly which I have come to love more then my eldest two sisters. My little sister tells me that she doesn't even sleep with a toy and that I shouldn't but if I don't have my dolly I can't sleep because I feel scared and lonely. I always cry myself to sleep because I always think of how crappy my life has been and I just want to run away from home and go start my own family and do everything I can to be happy.

I don't know what's wrong with me... Will I ever be happy and successful? Well, I don't think so.

The thing is I wan't to do good in life, but I have to motivation or strength to do anything.

Sorry for it's length...

It sounds like your sisters are jealous of you, OP.

First of all, they constantly hurl abuse at you for being the slim one. Blatantly obvious sign of jealously. Don't listen to what they say. Just because you wear dresses and skirts does not make you a slut/whore etc. Thats just ridiculous. Also, like you said, they come to ''just above the knee''.

Secondly, what are your sisters' academic achievements like? There is nothing wrong with the grades that you got. You're just being silly if you genuinely believe them when the say you're a failure. You say that everyone says you are smart, yet you believe your sisters over everyone else?

One other thing: have your parents been completely oblivious all this time to the physical and emotional abuse that these girls have inflicted upon you? I think its about time that you said something to them about it. Perhaps you are reluctant to do this in case it might land you in more trouble with your sisters, but when you think about it, you'll still have to put up with this abuse from them if you dont say anything.

So, in my opinion, I think you should just do it. It has to make things significantly better than what they are right now.

Good luck!

SORRY THIS IS LONG, BUT I HAD TO LET IT OUT

I was going to make this post anonymous but it took too long to be moderated so I'm just going to post it.

I have been writing many similar things in my diary but it doesn't help get the load off my chest so I want to post it here too, to see if it helps me.

Right now I am 16 and I am female and I cry myself to sleep all the time, the reason for this is my two eldest sisters. Who currently are 19 and 22. The one who is 22 has recently moved out to become room-mates with another girl for university but the other one still lives at home. And I am not lying nor do I have any doubt in what I say when I say I purely hate them from the bottom of my heart, I hate them and I cannot love them at all. I hate, hate, hate, hate them and I am aware that this is a strong word.

The reason to this is that in the earlier years and still now (although I am trying to ignore them and stop talking to them), they have always been abusing me in many ways. When I was a little girl, probably around the age of 8/9/10 the one who is currently 19 has beaten me up many times scarring me emotionally and physically, she has slapped me, threw me off couches and kicked me. I never said anything because I was scared. And as I got older she always called me names like; whore, sket, slut and many things similar to this. Both of them are overweight and I am very skinny and the reason they call me names like this because I wore shorts, dresses and skirts usually just above the knee. But I never ever had a boyfriend like the two of them have but yet they still swear at me and call me those names.

Furthermore, the one who is currently 22 has always told me that I am stupid and can't achieve anything in life and that I won't be successful and I have come to believe what she has said. In my GCSE's when I would be revising she'd tell me that I was stupid and couldn't achieve anything; my highest result was A for History and lowest D for Spanish and everything else was at B grade. When she saw my grades she laughed at me and said I'd go to a crap college. I am now at college and it's my first year and I am failing because I know I am a failure and I have now come to believe that I will fail everything I do... everyone says I am smart and can achieve the grades I want but I laugh it off and tell them that I don't think I will.

At night I always sleep with my dolly which I have come to love more then my eldest two sisters. My little sister tells me that she doesn't even sleep with a toy and that I shouldn't but if I don't have my dolly I can't sleep because I feel scared and lonely. I always cry myself to sleep because I always think of how crappy my life has been and I just want to run away from home and go start my own family and do everything I can to be happy.

I don't know what's wrong with me... Will I ever be happy and successful? Well, I don't think so.

The thing is I wan't to do good in life, but I have to motivation or strength to do anything.

Sorry for it's length...

SORRY THIS IS LONG, BUT I HAD TO LET IT OUT

I was going to make this post anonymous but it took too long to be moderated so I'm just going to post it.

I have been writing many similar things in my diary but it doesn't help get the load off my chest so I want to post it here too, to see if it helps me.

Right now I am 16 and I am female and I cry myself to sleep all the time, the reason for this is my two eldest sisters. Who currently are 19 and 22. The one who is 22 has recently moved out to become room-mates with another girl for university but the other one still lives at home. And I am not lying nor do I have any doubt in what I say when I say I purely hate them from the bottom of my heart, I hate them and I cannot love them at all. I hate, hate, hate, hate them and I am aware that this is a strong word.

The reason to this is that in the earlier years and still now (although I am trying to ignore them and stop talking to them), they have always been abusing me in many ways. When I was a little girl, probably around the age of 8/9/10 the one who is currently 19 has beaten me up many times scarring me emotionally and physically, she has slapped me, threw me off couches and kicked me. I never said anything because I was scared. And as I got older she always called me names like; whore, sket, slut and many things similar to this. Both of them are overweight and I am very skinny and the reason they call me names like this because I wore shorts, dresses and skirts usually just above the knee. But I never ever had a boyfriend like the two of them have but yet they still swear at me and call me those names.

Furthermore, the one who is currently 22 has always told me that I am stupid and can't achieve anything in life and that I won't be successful and I have come to believe what she has said. In my GCSE's when I would be revising she'd tell me that I was stupid and couldn't achieve anything; my highest result was A for History and lowest D for Spanish and everything else was at B grade. When she saw my grades she laughed at me and said I'd go to a crap college. I am now at college and it's my first year and I am failing because I know I am a failure and I have now come to believe that I will fail everything I do... everyone says I am smart and can achieve the grades I want but I laugh it off and tell them that I don't think I will.

At night I always sleep with my dolly which I have come to love more then my eldest two sisters. My little sister tells me that she doesn't even sleep with a toy and that I shouldn't but if I don't have my dolly I can't sleep because I feel scared and lonely. I always cry myself to sleep because I always think of how crappy my life has been and I just want to run away from home and go start my own family and do everything I can to be happy.

I don't know what's wrong with me... Will I ever be happy and successful? Well, I don't think so.

The thing is I wan't to do good in life, but I have to motivation or strength to do anything.

Sorry for it's length...

It is alright. We all need emotional support and I can imagine not having especially at 16 (i am not judging you personally but confidence can be very fragile at this point) and going through a tough time at college it could really get you down. Do you have any close friends that you can confide in? Just remember that any problems you have are fixable and there are lots of people out there who want to make things better for you if you just reach out and ask them.

Don't beg it.

i just want to give you a massive hug and a shoulder to cry on

i know how you feel, in a way, though i don't think my situation sounds that bad, as it wasn't all the time. i won't go into it as this isn't about me, but trust me when i say things DO get better, and you need to work hard and prove them wrong, but not so much it effects you adversely. you'll move out when you go to university, and you'll enjoy yourself, and you'll meet people who will support you through anything.

trust me when i say things have away of nearly always working out alright in the end :hug:

The eldest one who is 22 is studying to become a dietician and has already landed herself in hospitals to shadow other dieticians.
The one who is 19 is a drop-out and has failed almost everything.

I will talk to my parents about this but my eldest two sisters don't really listen to anything they say so I am not sure what help that would be.

Thank you so much.

I hope they do get better. Thank you

At college I do have friends but I am not very close with them.
But out-of-college I have one friend I am close with but I'm a bit too embarrassed to tell her about all these things.

SORRY THIS IS LONG, BUT I HAD TO LET IT OUT

I was going to make this post anonymous but it took too long to be moderated so I'm just going to post it.

I have been writing many similar things in my diary but it doesn't help get the load off my chest so I want to post it here too, to see if it helps me.

Right now I am 16 and I am female and I cry myself to sleep all the time, the reason for this is my two eldest sisters. Who currently are 19 and 22. The one who is 22 has recently moved out to become room-mates with another girl for university but the other one still lives at home. And I am not lying nor do I have any doubt in what I say when I say I purely hate them from the bottom of my heart, I hate them and I cannot love them at all. I hate, hate, hate, hate them and I am aware that this is a strong word.

The reason to this is that in the earlier years and still now (although I am trying to ignore them and stop talking to them), they have always been abusing me in many ways. When I was a little girl, probably around the age of 8/9/10 the one who is currently 19 has beaten me up many times scarring me emotionally and physically, she has slapped me, threw me off couches and kicked me. I never said anything because I was scared. And as I got older she always called me names like; whore, sket, slut and many things similar to this. Both of them are overweight and I am very skinny and the reason they call me names like this because I wore shorts, dresses and skirts usually just above the knee. But I never ever had a boyfriend like the two of them have but yet they still swear at me and call me those names.

Furthermore, the one who is currently 22 has always told me that I am stupid and can't achieve anything in life and that I won't be successful and I have come to believe what she has said. In my GCSE's when I would be revising she'd tell me that I was stupid and couldn't achieve anything; my highest result was A for History and lowest D for Spanish and everything else was at B grade. When she saw my grades she laughed at me and said I'd go to a crap college. I am now at college and it's my first year and I am failing because I know I am a failure and I have now come to believe that I will fail everything I do... everyone says I am smart and can achieve the grades I want but I laugh it off and tell them that I don't think I will.

At night I always sleep with my dolly which I have come to love more then my eldest two sisters. My little sister tells me that she doesn't even sleep with a toy and that I shouldn't but if I don't have my dolly I can't sleep because I feel scared and lonely. I always cry myself to sleep because I always think of how crappy my life has been and I just want to run away from home and go start my own family and do everything I can to be happy.

I don't know what's wrong with me... Will I ever be happy and successful? Well, I don't think so.

The thing is I wan't to do good in life, but I have to motivation or strength to do anything.

Sorry for it's length...