Year 12s: what will be the first way you research your future options? >>

If you dont believe in sex before marriage - is there any point in dating....

Scroll to see replies

yeah but you guys are having the nasty right? if you were celibate theres no way you would date for 5 years and not Do It. and even if you managed it, it wouldnt be healthy

Yes we are having sex, but I think it is possible to have a celibate relationship for 5 years, why would it be unhealthy, surely you are still allowed to masturbate. But I think getting married too soon into the relationship simply so you can have sex is totally the wrong reason for getting married and will inevitably end in resentment and divorce.

Reply 21

cooper21

Original post by shinytoy

If you dont believe in sex before marriage - is there any point in dating........before you are ready to marry???

well no one wants to stay a virgin 35 years

Reply 22

NaturalDisaster

I don't want to have sex before I get married either, but if I fancied the guy and he fancied me I'd at least give a relationship a go. I mean, sure, there's a high chance you won't be together for 10+ years until you're ready to get married, but what if it did work out for that long without actually having sex? If you can make a relationship work for that long without having sex, you could probably handle anything. And who says you have to marry every person you date? I'd just take the relationship for as long as it lasted, and I doubt I'd be much worse off than couple who do have sex before marriage. However, I sincerely hope I'm married before I'm 30. Being a virgin for 30 years would be boring as ****. Although there was a woman who was about 105 or something ridiculous who had vowed she'd stay a virgin her whole life, never get married and have a career. I reckon she was lying to make herself sound like some kind of super-career woman, but there you go.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 23

Deema

You do need to date, not just so that you can find a marriage partner, but so that you can understand what you want and what you like. Someone you are attracted to now and get on with now you may be unable to stand in a couple of months of dating. It's such a serious step that you have to take it slow. For instance, I could date now whilst I'm 17 and learn what I want in a man. Because really, most of what you think you want is just predetermined by what you've been brought up to want. The reality of the situation is that what you think you want could be very different from what you actually want! Take the time, date loads of men. I don't see the harm if you aren't sleeping together and he knows your intentions.

Reply 24

slavetosociety

You know, when some of the hottest women on Earth like Adriana Lima, a strict catholic who plays the "no sex before marriage card" and yet has had many boyfriends in the past and present - she is obviously ****ing lying.

Reply 25

BeyondandAbove

To be honest, I don't want to get married.

But if I did, then I'd want to know if they're good in bed or not before marrying them. :colondollar:

I know it's not all about sex, but sex is important in a relationship. At least that's my opinion. :colonhash:

Edit: my first neg :teehee:

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 26

LostInLaw

Original post by shinytoy

yes but if you met your perfect huband when you were say 17, both in 6 form, living with mom and pop. you have no money and both want to go to uni. neither of you wants to fall into sin unmarried. but you also want to own a home, and have a decent wedding rathr than a £50 front lounge one with a brighton beach honeymoon. you want a stable job too, to support any kids which might happen.

so you have 2 choices. 1) date celibately and chastely for 6 years util you finish uni and get a job. 2)fall into unmaried sin

If they were that perfect you'd compromise. I'd rather have the cheap wedding, the domestic honeymoon and the marriage. You can't plan your life to such a definite timeline.

Reply 27

im so academic

Original post by cooper21

well no one wants to stay a virgin 35 years

No one technically "wants", but I couldn't give a damn if I stay a virgin all my life. And so what?

Just because I won't have a dick inside of me, it doesn't mean I'm worthless.

And if you see me as worthless for being virgin, so be it.

Reply 28

JGR

Vowing to have no sex before the marriage just for the sake of it needlessly cuts down your options.
You're assuming that you'll be able to find a suitable partner at fairly short notice, and then marry him before he gets fed up and goes to another lass for sex.

Too many things could go wrong in that scenario, for me at least.

Reply 29

User570431

Life is more than just the above...look here
dancing pandas, thats cool :biggrin:

Reply 30

steve collins

Blowjobs. Lots of Blowjobs.

Reply 31

notastampcollector

Original post by shinytoy

....before you are ready to marry???

I mean its all good and honorable saying you dont want to until you are married. but then if you KNOW you want to finish school, go uni, get a decent job with stable income, own a car, afford a wedding and honeymoon (circa £9000 at least), and have enough money to get your own place for you and your wife (mortgage = £20,000 deposit) and support any accidental children once you are married then this puts the age of marriage at around 30.

i mean most of you with those beliefs arent gonna be cool with getting married in your moms front lounge with a honeymoon in Southend on Sea paid for out your student loan. you prob arent gonna be cool with taking your wife to live in your moms house, or claiming incorm support to raise kids.

so if you arent ready for these things then why are you dating at all? surely the purpose of dating, if you want to avoid sex before marriage is to find a husband/wife?

but i meet alot of guys and girls who are age 11 - 21 who dont want sex before marriage, wear purity rings etc but date alot and have lots of boyfriends but say 'oh, i dont want to get married until im at least 30'. do they really think they can have a chaste relationship for 10-20+ years?

i have these beliefs, and want a small but decent wedding, a stable professional job, and enough money to afford a place together. im 25 and going to be at that stage when im about 26 - 27. So im going to start dating seriously soon.

but i've met a guy who shares my beliefs regarding sex before marriage and is 27 BUT totally broke, still lives with mom and pop and is still a student (he did alot of qualifications and lived with family abroad for a while dossing etc). he's been dating etc since he was 17 because even though he wasnt ready to get married, 'in his heart he was ready to be married' and St Paul said it is better to marry in haste than burn with passion etc. this sounds like rubbish to me.

should i tell him to come back in 5 years when he has a job and is ready to marry? and am i alone in thinking if you have these beliefs you should only date to find a spouse?

Surely it would take a few years of going out with him before you'd consider marriage anyhow...? Unless you're suggesting starting dating as soon as your ready to marry and then looking to marry ASAP.

Reply 32

Travelling_Girl

I think it all depends on what you call as "sex before marriage". Maybe it's a little contradictory but me and my boyfriend have been together almost 4 years without having sex. It doesn't mean we have a completely celibate relationship, we are just waiting until we are married to to have full intercourse. It may seem pointless to some, but for me I can't think of anything better than giving my "virginity" to my husband on our wedding night.

Reply 33

Dirac Delta Function

No-sex dating seems pointless to me.

Original post by shinytoy

should i tell him to come back in 5 years when he has a job and is ready to marry?

Don't marry a loser just because he shares your beliefs. Don't tell him to come back either, that will just give him hope.

Reply 34

katyness

How many threads are you going to create about this same issue?

We get it, you're hot, 27, single and virgin. Now leave TSR alone.

Reply 35

shinytoy

Original post by im so academic

go girl ! you have awesome values for a kid so young. very strong minded and independant. im sure you will go far in life. wow. i hope my daughters can grow up to be like you. though i have to find a husband before i have any :tongue:

Original post by blueray

Life is more than just the above...look here
dancing pandas, thats cool :biggrin:

that is indeed very awesome.

Original post by notastampcollector

no im suggesting not dating until you are foreseeably able to marry (ie in 18 months), then start dating. if a guy was 100% not husband material i would rather chuck him asap after date 2 than have a short term fling and waste my fertile singleness on him.

Reply 36

GeorgeLegg

Original post by BeyondandAbove

To be honest, I don't want to get married.

But if I did, then I'd want to know if they're good in bed or not before marrying them. :colondollar:

I know it's not all about sex, but sex is important in a relationship. At least that's my opinion. :colonhash:

Edit: my first neg :teehee:

You've said what I was about to say.

Sex is incredibly important, it's not even shallow to say so. If you're going to follow the route of getting married and buying the packaged ideal of spending all that cash on 'happiness', you might even want to trade it all in upon finding out how the other half performs in bed.

That said, there is no purely definitive 'good in bed' and 'not good in bed'.

And of course you've got the flip side of the coin that other TSR users have highlighted: you're building up companionship and pretty much making the other person your 'best friend'. People who pursue many months of relationship before sleeping together don't do so just for the anticipation of sleeping together.

For your own personal situation OP, I would say you're banking on ideals that stretch too far into the future. It's good for people to have long-term goals, but it shouldn't be that you believe them to be the only thing that will make you happy. Date this guy; find out what sort of companion he is; if it doesn't work then leave him; all in all: communicate.

On a side note: I personally think an interesting study would be to see if asexual people sought relationships.

Reply 37

Bibushka

If we see on nowdays,the way of surviving the relationships, there's no point in dating without having sex. This kind of dating( without sex) is past,the end,it doesn't exist anymore.