Poems From Different Cultures Essay - Please Mark/Grade

It's a bit shot, could go into bit more detail. More quotes needed

I'd say Solid B - Low A with more quotes

Good Luck ; Still room for improvement!

Way to short, not enough analysis, and more quotes needed. I'm going to say a mid/high C

Okay, thanks. It's two sides of A4 when handwritten though which is the reccomended amount. But, I agree that I need to go into more detail, it's just hard because I'm a slow writer lol.

Get extra time, extra 25% of the exam time....

Don't you have to be dyslexic or whatever to apply for that?

It's a bit shot, could go into bit more detail. More quotes needed

I'd say Solid B - Low A with more quotes

Good Luck ; Still room for improvement!

Way to short, not enough analysis, and more quotes needed. I'm going to say a mid/high C

How does the poet present conflict in .Not my Business? Compare his methods with the ways conflict is presented in one other poem.

‘Not my Business’ and ‘Half Caste’ both include the theme of conflict. However, both poets address this theme in different ways. In ‘Not My Business’, the poet regularly witnesses injustice in regard to the violent authority in his country but turns a turns a blind eye, fearing the consequences. Whereas in ‘Half Caste’, Agard approaches the controversial subject of racism and offensive language in a humorous and light hearted way.

Both poems effectively use language to present conflict. In ‘Not my Business’, imagery is successfully used to convey the violent nature of the military regime. He describes how they ‘beat him soft like clay’ showing the immoral, aggressive and forceful methods used. The poet then uses a metaphor to describe the ‘waiting jeep’ as they ‘stuffed him down the belly’. This gives the jeep a predatory animal characteristic, which could perhaps show the savage techniques used which have no placed in a ‘civilised’ modern world. ‘Half-Caste’ uses language a different way to approach conflict. Agard uses repetition of the word ‘half’ to emphasise the ridiculousness of the derogatory term ‘half-caste’. He demands the reader – “Explain yuself” – which he also uses repetitively. The effect this has on the reader is guilt as ‘explain yuself’ has an reprimanding tone to it as he presumes everyone who reads his poems uses the term ‘half-caste’. I think this is an effective technique as it emphasises the offense the word has on people, which I think would persuade people, in future, to not use the term.

Structure is also used to convey conflict. In ‘Not my Business’, the poem is split into four stanzas. The first three stanzas feature three people being taken away in the jeep and then the last stanzas is the persona being taken away. These events take place at different times in each stanzas: “one morning”, “one night”, “one day” and “one evening”. This shows that the injustice can happen at any time of the day and shows the random occurrences of the visits, adding to the fear as they live in suspense. The first three stanzas also feature the poet’s attempt to justify his ignorance:
“What business of mine is it
So long as they don’t take the yam
From my savouring mouth?”
Each of these explanations are indented from the text above describing the attacks, perhaps showing how he feels unaffected by the actions and he doesn’t want to get involved. This emphasises his ignorance and selfishness as he watches his neighbours get unfairly treated, ridding me of any possible empathy felt towards him.
Structure in half-caste is also used to present his argument. In the first stanza, standard English is used. However, in the following stanzas the poem uses phonetic Caribbean dialect with occasional standard English. This emphasises the message that he is from two cultures, the Carribean and England, but he is still a whole person, just as the poem is still a full poem. This could have also been used as an argument against society’s small-mindedness. Why should he be viewed as ‘half-caste’ (insinuating that he is a ‘half-caste human being’) and why should his version of English be viewed any different from standard English. I think this is an effective technique as it encourages the reader to question society’s judgements which is what Agard was aiming for.

In ‘Not my Business’, the poets thoughts are that ‘so long as they don’t take the yam’, he’ll ignore the antics. This shows his insensitive and selfishness. However, after witnessing the violence of the authorities it is clear that it is his fear controlling him and he is only acting out of self-preservation. ‘Half-Caste’’s poet’s thoughts are a lot different. In contrast to the fearful persona in ‘Not my Business’, Agard is much more light hearted and humorous but with a strong underlying message. His methods highlight the ridiculousness of the term and embarrass the reader of the stupidity of the word. I think this is a more effective technique than approaching the subject with an angry tone as it creates more empathy towards mixed race people.

In conclusion, I think that both poems are successful in presenting conflict. However, I think the humorous tone of ‘Half-Caste’ was much more effective at engaging me, as a reader, and it provoked an emotional response from me as I felt empathy towards people of mixed race who are referred to using this term by people who do not realise the insult beneath it of them being half a person.

Nope...

You can just brag your way into getting it...

1. Say you need extra time
2. I did some test, they didn't tell me what it was for, but it was OBVIOUSLY a test of speed, so I purposely wrote slow.
3. Got extra time
4. Profittt

I didn't need it, but the hour and 45 min exam you get 25% extra time so you get about 25/26 minutes extra, that's about 1/2 sides of A4 if you're rushing towards the end of an exam...

Don't suppose either of you would mark (out of 27) or grade this answer, please?

Ooh, I might look into that. How did you get put in for the speed test?

I can't remember I went to a specialist school for anger management in year six, so that could have some correlation, maybe they thought I was dumb, still got BB for English :P

Just tell the head you write slow, and it's effecting your exam practices and fear it will effectyou in the real thing...

OMGGGG ! - I don't know actually because I had the extra 25% of exam time for maths, infact every exam.....

If I am gradiing this, it would be a low B...

Thanks so much Would you suggest putting the language devices in a seperate paragraph or just in the language paragraph?

Would you be able to grade this one, too? Thanks.

How does the poet present conflict in .Not my Business? Compare his methods with the ways conflict is presented in one other poem.

‘Not my Business’ and ‘Half Caste’ both include the theme of conflict. However, both poets address this theme in different ways. In ‘Not My Business’, the poet regularly witnesses injustice in regard to the violent authority in his country but turns a turns a blind eye, fearing the consequences. Whereas in ‘Half Caste’, Agard approaches the controversial subject of racism and offensive language in a humorous and light hearted way.

Both poems effectively use language to present conflict. In ‘Not my Business’, imagery is successfully used to convey the violent nature of the military regime. He describes how they ‘beat him soft like clay’ showing the immoral, aggressive and forceful methods used. The poet then uses a metaphor to describe the ‘waiting jeep’ as they ‘stuffed him down the belly’. This gives the jeep a predatory animal characteristic, which could perhaps show the savage techniques used which have no placed in a ‘civilised’ modern world. ‘Half-Caste’ uses language a different way to approach conflict. Agard uses repetition of the word ‘half’ to emphasise the ridiculousness of the derogatory term ‘half-caste’. He demands the reader – “Explain yuself” – which he also uses repetitively. The effect this has on the reader is guilt as ‘explain yuself’ has an reprimanding tone to it as he presumes everyone who reads his poems uses the term ‘half-caste’. I think this is an effective technique as it emphasises the offense the word has on people, which I think would persuade people, in future, to not use the term.

Structure is also used to convey conflict. In ‘Not my Business’, the poem is split into four stanzas. The first three stanzas feature three people being taken away in the jeep and then the last stanzas is the persona being taken away. These events take place at different times in each stanzas: “one morning”, “one night”, “one day” and “one evening”. This shows that the injustice can happen at any time of the day and shows the random occurrences of the visits, adding to the fear as they live in suspense. The first three stanzas also feature the poet’s attempt to justify his ignorance:
“What business of mine is it
So long as they don’t take the yam
From my savouring mouth?”
Each of these explanations are indented from the text above describing the attacks, perhaps showing how he feels unaffected by the actions and he doesn’t want to get involved. This emphasises his ignorance and selfishness as he watches his neighbours get unfairly treated, ridding me of any possible empathy felt towards him.
Structure in half-caste is also used to present his argument. In the first stanza, standard English is used. However, in the following stanzas the poem uses phonetic Caribbean dialect with occasional standard English. This emphasises the message that he is from two cultures, the Carribean and England, but he is still a whole person, just as the poem is still a full poem. This could have also been used as an argument against society’s small-mindedness. Why should he be viewed as ‘half-caste’ (insinuating that he is a ‘half-caste human being’) and why should his version of English be viewed any different from standard English. I think this is an effective technique as it encourages the reader to question society’s judgements which is what Agard was aiming for.

In ‘Not my Business’, the poets thoughts are that ‘so long as they don’t take the yam’, he’ll ignore the antics. This shows his insensitive and selfishness. However, after witnessing the violence of the authorities it is clear that it is his fear controlling him and he is only acting out of self-preservation. ‘Half-Caste’’s poet’s thoughts are a lot different. In contrast to the fearful persona in ‘Not my Business’, Agard is much more light hearted and humorous but with a strong underlying message. His methods highlight the ridiculousness of the term and embarrass the reader of the stupidity of the word. I think this is a more effective technique than approaching the subject with an angry tone as it creates more empathy towards mixed race people.

In conclusion, I think that both poems are successful in presenting conflict. However, I think the humorous tone of ‘Half-Caste’ was much more effective at engaging me, as a reader, and it provoked an emotional response from me as I felt empathy towards people of mixed race who are referred to using this term by people who do not realise the insult beneath it of them being half a person.

If I was to mark this, solid A (even A* hmmmm).

This is what I meant with the identifying language devices. You managed to say stuffs like, the repetition... metaphor etc... I like you connective words as well - pleasant to the readers.

You could add in Half Caste that Agard's use of thin/narrow structure signifies people's narrowmindedness (just to get some points for structure).

I think this is better than the first one. Good luck!

Thank you so much, you've been really helpful.

No problemo. keep em coming.

Another?
I'm not proud with of this one. You can really see the difference between the quality of the ones I handwrite (original one posted on first page and the one below) compared to the ones typed up (one above). So annoying.

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B/C . Sorry to say that. Structure was way too short.. and not a lot of quotes for the language section and no mention of language devices? The thing though as well is that I have not done the other poem (the Unrelated Incidents) so I cannot really help you with points you can say on there. What was the question for this essay by the way, you seem to have miss that out..? Let me know what it is and I will tell you points that you can use for the Half Caste.