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The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre

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Original post by Anonymous
How is everyone coping in their LDRs during exam season?
It's not the easiest time, and for me, it feels like I'm probably going to be barely keeping in touch with my boyfriend for a good 6 weeks as we both have lots of exams .... :s-smilie:

I haven't seen my boyfriend nor talked to him properly for 3 weeks now because I've been trying to get all my stuff done urgh. I cope by just looking forward to seeing him again ... gives me something positive to look forward to
Original post by jessk1
I really need some help. For a long time my boyfriend was undecided between the university that I'm going to, Sheffield and Imperial College. I could tell although he wanted to be with me, he really wanted to go to Imperial, and deep down I thought he should too, as it would be the better place for his degree. So now he's firmed it, and I'm really trying to be supportive, I love him so much and I want him to be happy, but the thought of being away from him is really getting me down and I'm finding myself taking it out on him and then feeling horrible about it :frown: I really don't mean to hurt him but I just feel horrible at the moment and I really don't know how to deal with it :frown: I know everyone will probably think I'm being stupid and that everyone is in the same boat so why should I deal with it so badly but I just really needed to get it all off my chest.. Thanks if anyone bothered to read that and sorry for rambling... :P :smile:


LDRs are hard work you have to really trust each other... but i believe there are decent trains running that you would be able to get fairly cheaply, either from sheffield itself or definitely donny (ive had to get that myself, my LDR is Hull - London) But just try it out and see how it works out for you. It's not for everyone but if you love each other enough you can make it work :smile:

Original post by thesweatyfox
Christ, I've been looking for a thread like this to help me for as long as I can remember. Me n my gf are gonna be in a LDR next year... Scary stuff. She's gonna notts uni and I'm either at Leicester Uni or in Sheffield taking a gap year depending on what grades I get... Anyone in a similar situation? What's it like? Any help appreciated here :redface:


See above... I can't be as sure about the trains but look into it, get a railcard and hopefully it'll be a decent price! As for the emotional side, as long as you love and trust each other you will be fine! communication really is key!

Original post by bacforever3
Im really struggling atm.... My boyfriend is at Durham, Im at York, which isnt far but we only meet evvery 2 or 3 weeks and in between we text and fb message but thats about it... he has his routine, we are both first years with new friends (neither of us like the other persons friends) and this term, whilst hes keen to talk more because his friends are going out less, Ive finally decided to start living my life and socialising, which he doesnt understand, despite the fact hes been doing it the last two terms!!

I suppose we never really had much to go on, we started a month before uni began, he was away all christmas, between us we only had 2 hectic weeks at easter, im just lost and tired and trying to have a life so im not the jealous gf waiting for him to talk to me... but I dont exactly want to push him away... soo... Its so hard and he thinks I dont love him as much because I struggle more with getting by without him, whilst he can do what he wants and not think about me and then is happy to text when not much is happening... :s-smilie:
I didnt mean to rant when I started... oops!


Haha tell me about it! Rant all you want thats what this thread is here for! Whenever i'm busy, my boyfriend is bored and wants to see/talk to me and vice versa. But just make sure you both make time for each other, its pretty tough if you dont, and one will start to feel like the other is drifting away, so if you feel like that you need to talk to him and tell him that. On the other hand, you are still more than entitled to have a life (especially if he's been doing the same) so don't feel guilty for going out and having fun! But you guys can still find that happy medium where you talk but have you own lives :smile:

Original post by Anonymous
How is everyone coping in their LDRs during exam season?
It's not the easiest time, and for me, it feels like I'm probably going to be barely keeping in touch with my boyfriend for a good 6 weeks as we both have lots of exams .... :s-smilie:


I'm going spare here :/ being driven crazy!! Its like its one rule for me and another for him! when he was constantly wanting to talk to me in the hols even though i was soooo busy, i made time for him and made sure i sat and had a decent convo with him, but now uni and all his friends are back, it feels like he cant be bothered to sit down and have a decent convo with me. We havent had a decent convo since i got back to uni. He said to me earlier when i brought it up that cos everyones been back he cant be bothered to text or facebook. Its not hard! its really infuriating me and getting me down :frown: his comeback was how hes coming up to see me this weekend, but he doesn't seem to get that thats not the point :frown: oh well! Sorry not hugely relevant to your post, but it is a little i hope :redface: just needed a little rant of my own :smile:
Original post by Jellybean91
LDRs are hard work you have to really trust each other... but i believe there are decent trains running that you would be able to get fairly cheaply, either from sheffield itself or definitely donny (ive had to get that myself, my LDR is Hull - London) But just try it out and see how it works out for you. It's not for everyone but if you love each other enough you can make it work :smile:



See above... I can't be as sure about the trains but look into it, get a railcard and hopefully it'll be a decent price! As for the emotional side, as long as you love and trust each other you will be fine! communication really is key!



Haha tell me about it! Rant all you want thats what this thread is here for! Whenever i'm busy, my boyfriend is bored and wants to see/talk to me and vice versa. But just make sure you both make time for each other, its pretty tough if you dont, and one will start to feel like the other is drifting away, so if you feel like that you need to talk to him and tell him that. On the other hand, you are still more than entitled to have a life (especially if he's been doing the same) so don't feel guilty for going out and having fun! But you guys can still find that happy medium where you talk but have you own lives :smile:



I'm going spare here :/ being driven crazy!! Its like its one rule for me and another for him! when he was constantly wanting to talk to me in the hols even though i was soooo busy, i made time for him and made sure i sat and had a decent convo with him, but now uni and all his friends are back, it feels like he cant be bothered to sit down and have a decent convo with me. We havent had a decent convo since i got back to uni. He said to me earlier when i brought it up that cos everyones been back he cant be bothered to text or facebook. Its not hard! its really infuriating me and getting me down :frown: his comeback was how hes coming up to see me this weekend, but he doesn't seem to get that thats not the point :frown: oh well! Sorry not hugely relevant to your post, but it is a little i hope :redface: just needed a little rant of my own :smile:


really good advice + rep :smile:
Original post by Jellybean91


I'm going spare here :/ being driven crazy!! Its like its one rule for me and another for him! when he was constantly wanting to talk to me in the hols even though i was soooo busy, i made time for him and made sure i sat and had a decent convo with him, but now uni and all his friends are back, it feels like he cant be bothered to sit down and have a decent convo with me. We havent had a decent convo since i got back to uni. He said to me earlier when i brought it up that cos everyones been back he cant be bothered to text or facebook. Its not hard! its really infuriating me and getting me down :frown: his comeback was how hes coming up to see me this weekend, but he doesn't seem to get that thats not the point :frown: oh well! Sorry not hugely relevant to your post, but it is a little i hope :redface: just needed a little rant of my own :smile:


hahhaaa.... rant of your own! Why is it that they see home as being fine, a place where one another should be more important than anything else, yet at uni they struggle to take you into consideration?! :P
Original post by bacforever3
hahhaaa.... rant of your own! Why is it that they see home as being fine, a place where one another should be more important than anything else, yet at uni they struggle to take you into consideration?! :P


We don't even come from the same home town complicated but im from the south and at uni in the north and hes the complete opposite. But he was so bored and i made time to talk to him even though i had essays, revision, babysitting etc but now his friends are back he's barely talking to me and its not fair! Makes me feel like i'm just there to fill up some time!
nice initiative.....I am also in LDR and most important thing is trust and respect to each other to keep going.
Original post by thesweatyfox
Christ, I've been looking for a thread like this to help me for as long as I can remember. Me n my gf are gonna be in a LDR next year... Scary stuff. She's gonna notts uni and I'm either at Leicester Uni or in Sheffield taking a gap year depending on what grades I get... Anyone in a similar situation? What's it like? Any help appreciated here :redface:


Not a great distance. You can get there in less than an hour on the train for less than £20. Go and see each other every weekend. Split the cost if necessary. Sorted.
(edited 12 years ago)
Hi all,

Just looking for a bit of advice really.

It could be a serious possibility that I could be going into a LDR.

The situation, myself and my gf are living in Aberdeen, she studies, I work, I studied for a year, didnt like the course, dropped out, and have been working in a dead end retail job I hate.

I could be able to get into the second year of a degree I would like in London, so would graduate the same time as my gf, she is in 2nd year of a 4 year course now.

We love each other very much, have been going out for a year and a half. I'm just worried about not seeing her often, and I don't think she would be supportive about me going to London, when I mentioned it, she started pointing out all the reasons why it wasn't a good idea, I know she loves me very much, and it would be hard to be apart, however I think it would be horrible for me to stay here working, going to uni here isnt a possibility, as I've applied and got rejected, she suggested doing a HND, but it would be teaching me lots I already know.

How would we manage living apart for two years, bearing in mind, I would need to work, so probably would work on the weekends, so couldnt really visit her on them, maybe could request the occasional weekend off, and visit her then.

It could be expensive for us to visit each other, and I don't know what toll it will have on out relationship.

She is the one, and I will marry her, no question, I just feel staying in Aberdeen is not wise, I'm fed up and depressed of it.

Cheers for readin :smile:
Oh sorry I wasn't too clear, we dont live together, but just in the same city, I see her maybe every second night!
Original post by Becca-Sarah
Hey :smile: I'm a medic halfway through a six year LDR (My boyfriend graduates this summer, but for complicated reasons he can't work in Scotland where I'm at uni). You'll have more free time than you think you will, honest. Both being medics will help cos you'll understand each others workload and stresses :yes:


thank you! you have given me hope :biggrin: xx
Anyone else feel that during this stressful exam time that they have forgotten to talk their other half ?
I haven't talked to mine properly for about a week now. :s-smilie:
Exams are driving me crazy, cannot wait for summer, only three more weeks! :smile:
right, here's my story

my boyfriend and i met on A level results night 2010, immediately we became involved rather casually and physically.

by the time i was about to leave for uni, we decided to start officially going out. im at reading uni, and he was taking a gap year

however, in september, he will be starting medicine at glasgow uni, which is very far from reading!

we both care about each other and want it to work

but i dont know whether trying to stay together will cause more pain than its worth

advice/thoughts would be good :smile:
feeling fed up and annoyed :frown: he doesn't see the importance of communication! even though i tell him but he just thinks im trying to argue when all i want to do is discuss the problem :/ really riles me, just feeling down and out.
Original post by charmed1309
Anyone else feel that during this stressful exam time that they have forgotten to talk their other half ?
I haven't talked to mine properly for about a week now. :s-smilie:
Exams are driving me crazy, cannot wait for summer, only three more weeks! :smile:


Taking 20 minutes out of your revision to call him isn't going to doom your exam results.
Original post by Cicerao
Taking 20 minutes out of your revision to call him isn't going to doom your exam results.


Well yeah I know that. (also whenever I do call him, he always busy, so its basically an unwritten rule that he calls me cause I have such bad luck when calling him) I have been in contact with him just not as much . With being so busy its easy to sideline them by accident.
My girlfriend of 2 years moved away to University (over 200 miles away) around 7 or 8 months ago, and I can tell you now it isn't for everyone. It will either bring you together or push you apart. The hourly bus/train journeys to get to see each other, the weeks on end that you're apart - It's awful if I'm being honest. When she first left, we were the closest we'd ever been, and it was the same for the first couple of months she was away, but slowly things just fizzled out, and unfortunately we broke up at the weekend :frown: Being honest I think that we're stronger than this, and I believe me and her can work through anything, but obviously she doesn't agree lol.

Alls I can say is don't let your relationship fizzle out the way ours did. You're either meant to be together or you're not, and if you are you'll work through it all no matter what happens whilst you/your partner is away at University. Don't let your relationship come between you and your education though, don't not go because of your partner, or don't go somewhere you'd rather not because you'll be closer to them, if it's meant to work out it will work out no matter how far apart you are.
Original post by Anonymous
How is everyone coping in their LDRs during exam season?
It's not the easiest time, and for me, it feels like I'm probably going to be barely keeping in touch with my boyfriend for a good 6 weeks as we both have lots of exams .... :s-smilie:


Same, it's nice to hear other people are in the same boat. I study at cambridge and he's a medic elsewhere, both in our first year. Haven't seen him for two weeks and we've still got another 4 weeks to go :frown:

Just about surviving on brief emails and weekly skype sessions. Luckily I don't think either of us are very insecure so we are coping quite well thus far. Can't wait to see him again though.
I have a great deal of admiration for people who commit to a long distance relationship and make it work for the long term. Something along the lines of this has probably already been asked and answered but this forum is just massive and it would take me forever to find it! (I've tried the search box but nothing comes up.

How did you make your long distance relationship work?
What was the distance?
How long were you together?
Are you still together?
Original post by Anonymous
I have a great deal of admiration for people who commit to a long distance relationship and make it work for the long term. Something along the lines of this has probably already been asked and answered but this forum is just massive and it would take me forever to find it! (I've tried the search box but nothing comes up.

How did you make your long distance relationship work?
What was the distance?
How long were you together?
Are you still together?


Me and my boyfriend started our LDR last September when we both started uni. We're both in our first year at the moment. At the time that we started our LDR, we'd been together for 7 months. So it wasn't that long really but we wanted to make it work.

Initially the distance was only going to be about a 1 hour straightforward train journey. But due to things not working out on results day, the distance between us is now 3 hours on the train, with 1 train change. So it's a bit of a hassle. For the first term, we saw each other once every 3 weeks. Second term was once every fortnight. But now with exams, I won't be seeing him for 6 weeks which will be a real test. It's just not very nice :frown:
Original post by Anonymous
I have a great deal of admiration for people who commit to a long distance relationship and make it work for the long term. Something along the lines of this has probably already been asked and answered but this forum is just massive and it would take me forever to find it! (I've tried the search box but nothing comes up.

How did you make your long distance relationship work?
What was the distance?
How long were you together?
Are you still together?


It isn't easy, but it is worth it :smile:. Maybe its a little easier for me cos me and my gf have always been long distance (we met online). But yeah, of course it will be hard. But you just have to carry on.

1 - Communication, Communication, Communication. I know it can be hard to get the balance between it and being clingy, but communication is key IMO.

2 - Its only around 100 miles, but ****ty public transport mean its 5 hours.

3 - Currently 18 months

4 - Yes.

edit - why the hell have I been negged for this??
(edited 12 years ago)

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