She kissed me, I hit her, she's left me - HELP!

Is there any sort of help she could get to stop touching my neck?

I realise I have to do something about my over-action to neck touching, but if we both felt in control of our actions and knew that the other one was too, maybe I could persuade her to come back to me...?

Sorry but I believed it until the last paragraph. Don't you get bored of continuing this story? It's like a really bad short novel.

'johnny' means 'condom' hehehe.

you have to be ****ing kidding here!

you sound like a ticking time bomb, go and see your GP so he can put you in touch with a mental health care professional.

Hi, been a while since I posted on this topic; you may remember my previous posts:
http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=1433359
http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=1485816
The simplified story is: many years ago, a friend was in a bad mental state and tried to strangle me - that left me with a hatred of having my neck touched, although I forgave my friend. My girlfriend liked touching necks and, one time, she did it and I accidentally hit out at her. We worked through that incident, with an agreement that she would stop touching my neck. I never told her the full story of why I didn't like it - I sort of did, but pretended it was my weird alcoholic cousin that did it and not my friend.

Well... It happened again. We were in the 'throes of passion' when she kissed my neck. Only this time, I didn't just hit out accidentally. It's not like I backed her against a wall and broke her jaw, but it wasn't just my general flailing. I meant to get her away from me. I'm not that sure if I hit her or just pushed her away, but I did something.

And it didn't just stop there. Last time, I felt so guilty immediately. This time, I went absolutely mental. Shouting, screaming, yelling all about what the **** did she think she was doing and why the **** didn't she learn from last time, why must she keep on trying to assault me. She was crying the whole time.

I eventually calmed, which is when I realised what I'd done (and surveyed the mess; apparently I'd thrown a vase at the wall at some stage, I didn't even realise I had), and started crying myself. I tried to hug her in comfort, but she stood up, sadly and tearfully said, "You're just messed up, Johnny" ... and left.

What am I going to do? I've realised now that this is some misplaced anger towards my friend and what he did ... but I can't take it out on him, I found out a few days ago that he was off of his medication and killed himself. I even identified the body (his only friend in the world, and his mother was too distraught.) And now I've ruined my relationship with my girlfriend - she can't trust me, she has no way of knowing what I'm going to do next time she accidentally kisses or touches my neck.

I need help ... but I don't know where to get it.

I said you had no right to do that **** to her when you made that post last time, and I got negged to hell for being insensitive... now everyone's going "GOSH GET IT TOGETHER BRO."

Seriously, it's so unfair to treat your girlfriend this way, and you need to get over the fact that she isn't going to hurt you for Christ's sake. If it's such a massive problem that you just "can't help", go see a professional, instead of making posts whimpering about how traumatic the incident was. I think she's a gem for sticking it out after the first time.

She has every right to leave you. I wouldn't feel safe with you. Who knows whether you might lash out at her again?

Agreed.

OP, stop playing the "poor me" card and seek help.

God knows what will happen next time, and yes, it could potentially lead to an A&E visit.

Is there any sort of help she could get to stop touching my neck?

I realise I have to do something about my over-action to neck touching, but if we both felt in control of our actions and knew that the other one was too, maybe I could persuade her to come back to me...?

I obviously didn't mean instead of me, but as well as.

I know she has every right. I can't chain her up in my basement, can I? I'm asking what I can do to help - I'm hoping that, if I show her I'm changing, she'll come back one day.

youve got a bloody cheek, let me tell you. dont even think of saying that to her, unless you want her to fly back and fist you in neck.

the problem is yours. people had sympathy for you until you started trying to shift blame.

does your neck click?