Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.
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Original post by Aemiliana
Go back to getting treatment - recovery is hard and help makes it a lot easier. The odd emotions are probably more to do with the incredibly difficult time you're going through right now, but it will get easier, so stick to getting better and you won't regret it 
thankyou,
i think i might go to the doctor next month once my exams are over. the eating disorder centre is just so far from my house and so i want to avoid the journeys if i can help it.
x
Does anyone have any advice on how to cope with the feelings of guilt after having eaten? I'm a 'recovered' anorexic, but I'm struggling with returning home from university from the summer, and having to pretend to my family that I can cope with the normal eating they're expecting of me.
I'm doing my best to go along with a normal eating pattern in order not top upset anyone, but I'm experiencing severe guilt and distress as I'm having to eat more than I normally would.
Thanks in advance.
I'm doing my best to go along with a normal eating pattern in order not top upset anyone, but I'm experiencing severe guilt and distress as I'm having to eat more than I normally would.
Thanks in advance.
Original post by squiff93
Original post by squiff93
thankyou,
i think i might go to the doctor next month once my exams are over. the eating disorder centre is just so far from my house and so i want to avoid the journeys if i can help it.
x
i think i might go to the doctor next month once my exams are over. the eating disorder centre is just so far from my house and so i want to avoid the journeys if i can help it.
x
Make sure you go - I know you could be lying, I know you'll try to talk yourself out of it but you need to get better - you've admitted you have a problem, now you need the help.The ED centre was ages away from me too but going was really helpful - getting that targeted help was a massive boost.
However, I must admit that I never got to the bottom of my issues - I'm not the best person to try and give therapy (as became horribly clear when I developed depression) but I've made it my goal this year to conquer it head on and try to beat it 100%.
One of the huge issues that needs to be addressed right away is that mental disorders in general - not necessarily even EDs - are very much a credible, REAL problem!
"I'm not REALLY ill". "I don't REALLY have a problem, I'm just messed up."
NO.
INCORRECT.
Any mindset that subconsciously or consciously seeks to damage your body is a mental disorder, and a real illness that needs to be addressed. You should accept that you are unwell, and that you need to be cured, and at a rate far more urgent than if you had the flu or an infection. A mental illness is one that is perhaps just as dangerous as some of the more sinister physical viruses; It may not attack you directly, but it is a trojan horse that enters your mind and tries to destroy you from the inside out. It convinces you to kill yourself.
Please do not underestimate the power of the Eating Disorder. Even in the early stages it can devastate you; in the later stages, you're left a total wreck.
"I'm not REALLY ill". "I don't REALLY have a problem, I'm just messed up."
NO.
INCORRECT.
Any mindset that subconsciously or consciously seeks to damage your body is a mental disorder, and a real illness that needs to be addressed. You should accept that you are unwell, and that you need to be cured, and at a rate far more urgent than if you had the flu or an infection. A mental illness is one that is perhaps just as dangerous as some of the more sinister physical viruses; It may not attack you directly, but it is a trojan horse that enters your mind and tries to destroy you from the inside out. It convinces you to kill yourself.
Please do not underestimate the power of the Eating Disorder. Even in the early stages it can devastate you; in the later stages, you're left a total wreck.
Original post by Aemiliana Make sure you go - I know you could be lying, I know you'll try to talk yourself out of it but you need to get better - you've admitted you have a problem, now you need the help.
The ED centre was ages away from me too but going was really helpful - getting that targeted help was a massive boost.
However, I must admit that I never got to the bottom of my issues - I'm not the best person to try and give therapy (as became horribly clear when I developed depression) but I've made it my goal this year to conquer it head on and try to beat it 100%.
Make sure you go - I know you could be lying, I know you'll try to talk yourself out of it but you need to get better - you've admitted you have a problem, now you need the help.The ED centre was ages away from me too but going was really helpful - getting that targeted help was a massive boost.
However, I must admit that I never got to the bottom of my issues - I'm not the best person to try and give therapy (as became horribly clear when I developed depression) but I've made it my goal this year to conquer it head on and try to beat it 100%.
good luck with beating your depression
, i struggle with that and its horrible eventhough mines pretty mild. i'm trying to convince myself to actually go doctors this time, i've been considering it since about february, and even when i went back with flu i decided against telling them about other stuff that was going on. i feel like my doctor doesn't really know what she's talking about but she's the only one i like enough to see
Original post by TotoMimo
One of the huge issues that needs to be addressed right away is that mental disorders in general - not necessarily even EDs - are very much a credible, REAL problem!
"I'm not REALLY ill". "I don't REALLY have a problem, I'm just messed up."
NO.
INCORRECT.
Any mindset that subconsciously or consciously seeks to damage your body is a mental disorder, and a real illness that needs to be addressed. You should accept that you are unwell, and that you need to be cured, and at a rate far more urgent than if you had the flu or an infection. A mental illness is one that is perhaps just as dangerous as some of the more sinister physical viruses; It may not attack you directly, but it is a trojan horse that enters your mind and tries to destroy you from the inside out. It convinces you to kill yourself.
Please do not underestimate the power of the Eating Disorder. Even in the early stages it can devastate you; in the later stages, you're left a total wreck.
"I'm not REALLY ill". "I don't REALLY have a problem, I'm just messed up."
NO.
INCORRECT.
Any mindset that subconsciously or consciously seeks to damage your body is a mental disorder, and a real illness that needs to be addressed. You should accept that you are unwell, and that you need to be cured, and at a rate far more urgent than if you had the flu or an infection. A mental illness is one that is perhaps just as dangerous as some of the more sinister physical viruses; It may not attack you directly, but it is a trojan horse that enters your mind and tries to destroy you from the inside out. It convinces you to kill yourself.
Please do not underestimate the power of the Eating Disorder. Even in the early stages it can devastate you; in the later stages, you're left a total wreck.
Definitely. I hope all is well with your recovery BTW
Original post by squiff93
good luck with beating your depression, i struggle with that and its horrible eventhough mines pretty mild.
i'm trying to convince myself to actually go doctors this time, i've been considering it since about february, and even when i went back with flu i decided against telling them about other stuff that was going on. i feel like my doctor doesn't really know what she's talking about but she's the only one i like enough to see
, i struggle with that and its horrible eventhough mines pretty mild. i'm trying to convince myself to actually go doctors this time, i've been considering it since about february, and even when i went back with flu i decided against telling them about other stuff that was going on. i feel like my doctor doesn't really know what she's talking about but she's the only one i like enough to see
Go back, fight this disease and live a normal and happy life. Don't ever convince yourself that life with an eating disorder isn't horrid.
Try and tell them everything, I know I'm a hypocrite but please try to learn from my mistake - yes, it's horribly embarrassing telling them everything but trust me, it's not going to shock them. Only by being honest can you get the full help you need. Don't close your mind to the help.
Thanks, it's mostly cured now - I was at my absolute worst about a year ago and again that's not something I want to go back to. I hope you're seeing your GP about that too.
You are an inspiration.
I was sexually abused as a young child by a close family friend, up until the age of 13, when I finally told my Mum what was being done to me. Since, I have had several suicide attempts, self-harmed, and at my worst point refused food and drink for 10 days, resulting in me being detained/sectioned under the Mental Health Act. Finally, after 5 years of struggling with the consequences of the abuse, including my eating disorder, I am fully recovered.
Next year, I am going to be supporting peoples aged eighteen and under who are survivors of any kind of abuse, including sexual, domestic, and ritual as well as supporting them through the court process. I also have a place at Uni in September 2012 to begin studying Mental Health Nursing.
Things can get better; keep fighting.
I was sexually abused as a young child by a close family friend, up until the age of 13, when I finally told my Mum what was being done to me. Since, I have had several suicide attempts, self-harmed, and at my worst point refused food and drink for 10 days, resulting in me being detained/sectioned under the Mental Health Act. Finally, after 5 years of struggling with the consequences of the abuse, including my eating disorder, I am fully recovered.
Next year, I am going to be supporting peoples aged eighteen and under who are survivors of any kind of abuse, including sexual, domestic, and ritual as well as supporting them through the court process. I also have a place at Uni in September 2012 to begin studying Mental Health Nursing.
Things can get better; keep fighting.
Original post by Aemiliana
Definitely. I hope all is well with your recovery BTW
Go back, fight this disease and live a normal and happy life. Don't ever convince yourself that life with an eating disorder isn't horrid.
Try and tell them everything, I know I'm a hypocrite but please try to learn from my mistake - yes, it's horribly embarrassing telling them everything but trust me, it's not going to shock them. Only by being honest can you get the full help you need. Don't close your mind to the help.
Thanks, it's mostly cured now - I was at my absolute worst about a year ago and again that's not something I want to go back to. I hope you're seeing your GP about that too.
Go back, fight this disease and live a normal and happy life. Don't ever convince yourself that life with an eating disorder isn't horrid.
Try and tell them everything, I know I'm a hypocrite but please try to learn from my mistake - yes, it's horribly embarrassing telling them everything but trust me, it's not going to shock them. Only by being honest can you get the full help you need. Don't close your mind to the help.
Thanks, it's mostly cured now - I was at my absolute worst about a year ago and again that's not something I want to go back to. I hope you're seeing your GP about that too.
i was and getting anti-depressants for it but then i couldn't be bothered to go back because everytime i go to the doctors i come out with a blood test form and i don't like blood tests, i've built up quite a collection of them in my room, after the 4th i think i just stopped going because whats the point they should test everything in one go to save my arms from the needle and my purse from the transport money!
i do feel pretty motivated to go to the doctor though, maybe next month and when i've dieted a bit more because there only going to tell me to stop
and thats good,
because life would be so much better without being constantly and uneccessarily negative about every situation!Original post by squiff93
Original post by squiff93
i was and getting anti-depressants for it but then i couldn't be bothered to go back because everytime i go to the doctors i come out with a blood test form and i don't like blood tests, i've built up quite a collection of them in my room, after the 4th i think i just stopped going because whats the point they should test everything in one go to save my arms from the needle and my purse from the transport money!
i do feel pretty motivated to go to the doctor though, maybe next month and when i've dieted a bit more because there only going to tell me to stop
and thats good, because life would be so much better without being constantly and uneccessarily negative about every situation!
i do feel pretty motivated to go to the doctor though, maybe next month and when i've dieted a bit more because there only going to tell me to stop
and thats good,
because life would be so much better without being constantly and uneccessarily negative about every situation!Maybe you should have those blood tests - see if there's an underlying physical reason for your depression (which means they can treat that and stop any other symptoms).
See, you have to stop dieting. You can not carry on like this - life like this isn't what life is supposed to be. It is so, so much better after recovery. Bite the bullet and go ASAP and get the help you need and deserve.
Original post by Aemiliana
Maybe you should have those blood tests - see if there's an underlying physical reason for your depression (which means they can treat that and stop any other symptoms).
See, you have to stop dieting. You can not carry on like this - life like this isn't what life is supposed to be. It is so, so much better after recovery. Bite the bullet and go ASAP and get the help you need and deserve.
See, you have to stop dieting. You can not carry on like this - life like this isn't what life is supposed to be. It is so, so much better after recovery. Bite the bullet and go ASAP and get the help you need and deserve.
thankyou, and i think i'm going to dedicate this summer to getting better physically and mentally!
i don't know why i want to diet i think i'm scared to stop i just have no idea what that feels like. i don't know if i want to or need to, i just like the way that it can be so personal when you don't have a dr to see or therapists to go to.
Original post by squiff93
Original post by squiff93
thankyou, and i think i'm going to dedicate this summer to getting better physically and mentally!
i don't know why i want to diet i think i'm scared to stop i just have no idea what that feels like. i don't know if i want to or need to, i just like the way that it can be so personal when you don't have a dr to see or therapists to go to.
i don't know why i want to diet i think i'm scared to stop i just have no idea what that feels like. i don't know if i want to or need to, i just like the way that it can be so personal when you don't have a dr to see or therapists to go to.
I'm not gonna lie, it'll be hard to start with. Please try to see the GP etc - I tried on my own, in secret the first time and had a massive relapse totally out of the blue for my A levels - I had started eating and gained weight but I had not dealt with the underlying issues, which need to be dealt with!
Original post by Aemiliana
I'm not gonna lie, it'll be hard to start with. Please try to see the GP etc - I tried on my own, in secret the first time and had a massive relapse totally out of the blue for my A levels - I had started eating and gained weight but I had not dealt with the underlying issues, which need to be dealt with!
thats kind of similar to what happened to me, my a levels are starting now and its all blown up in my face
my friend was the one who took me to the doctor, i actually lay on her bed crying and pushing her away from me and refusing to go but i'm glad i did go because if i never went in the first place i don't think the issue would even be addressed yet. i saw a psychiatrist and was convinced i was never going to tell my mum or dad about anything, until one day it just all came out.
Original post by squiff93
Original post by squiff93
thats kind of similar to what happened to me, my a levels are starting now and its all blown up in my face
my friend was the one who took me to the doctor, i actually lay on her bed crying and pushing her away from me and refusing to go but i'm glad i did go because if i never went in the first place i don't think the issue would even be addressed yet. i saw a psychiatrist and was convinced i was never going to tell my mum or dad about anything, until one day it just all came out.
my friend was the one who took me to the doctor, i actually lay on her bed crying and pushing her away from me and refusing to go but i'm glad i did go because if i never went in the first place i don't think the issue would even be addressed yet. i saw a psychiatrist and was convinced i was never going to tell my mum or dad about anything, until one day it just all came out.
Please, go to your GP! I've seen this from the friend perspective too (and I fear that I'm going to have to face it again when I go home from uni) - it really is heart breaking! I really just want to grab you and force you in front of a GP but 1) that's impossible and stalkery and 2) this recovery demands that you put your all into it.
Original post by Aemiliana
Please, go to your GP! I've seen this from the friend perspective too (and I fear that I'm going to have to face it again when I go home from uni) - it really is heart breaking! I really just want to grab you and force you in front of a GP but 1) that's impossible and stalkery and 2) this recovery demands that you put your all into it.
the last doctor at the eating disorder place i saw simply told me to 'eat more' and take my anti-depressants and said do you need more CBT i said no and he said yeah you know how it works now you probably don't need it. i walked out of the place chuffed with his and my decision but looking back it didn't do me a lot of good.
i will go to my doctor the one i like and tell her some stuff but i honestly don't think she'll have a lot to say
Original post by squiff93
Original post by squiff93
the last doctor at the eating disorder place i saw simply told me to 'eat more' and take my anti-depressants and said do you need more CBT i said no and he said yeah you know how it works now you probably don't need it. i walked out of the place chuffed with his and my decision but looking back it didn't do me a lot of good.
i will go to my doctor the one i like and tell her some stuff but i honestly don't think she'll have a lot to say
i will go to my doctor the one i like and tell her some stuff but i honestly don't think she'll have a lot to say
Wow, that was pretty ****. I hate doctors that are too easy to convince that you're okay but I guess that they know it needs your dedication to work
That's a good idea, she'll probably refer you to someone with more expertise.
---
Also, just a note to anyone who thinks that because they're X weight, they won't be taken seriously: by the time I finally sought help, I was a totally healthy weight but when I told my family doctor, I'd never seen him look so concerned. They will take you seriously.
Original post by Antiaris
Can I just ask, does anyone else feel like that sometimes?
Also, curious, what are the people in your families like weight wise?
Can I just ask, does anyone else feel like that sometimes?
Also, curious, what are the people in your families like weight wise?
I definitely get that. I've always been very close to my brother - he's three years younger than me and I've had too 'look after him' for much of my life as my mum was often ill/in hospital. So I've always cooked him dinner/picked him up from school/to clubs etc. Since learning to drive I've also done much of the shopping/driving him around too. He's a totally healthy weight - does a lot of exercise so is actually slim for his build - and can therefore eat totally normally. He thinks nothing of standing in the kitchen with a bacon sandwich in one hand and a glass of full-fat milk in the other, or eating three packets of crisps in a day just because they're there, whereas for me, a packet of crisps would be permissible only if it was the only thing I ate all day, and even then I'd have to work myself up to them and eat them slowly, divide up the packet over a couple of hours.
It's a very weird situation because, on the one hand, I'm so jealous of him that I can become horrifically vindictive, accusing him of being fat, telling him he'll get heart disease if he eats *that* bacon sandwich, deliberately 'forgetting' to buy food for his lunches. On the other hand, I'm kind of fascinated with how much he can eat: he's like my experiment, and I'll go through phases of cooking him huge pasta dishes, forcing sandwiches on him, because he's like a reflection of a healthier 'me' and I'm desperate for him to grow properly and be healthy. It's bizarre and I am incredibly proud of him for taking it all on the chin and trying to laugh off how totally mental I am!
In terms of family, my dad is very 'special' about what he will and will not eat and when, and my Grandma has been anorexic for as long as I can remember and was certainly so in my dad's childhood - like I do with my brother, she would often deliberately restrict what they ate, and still calls any one of her sons 'piggy boy' if he dares to eat something she can't - it's one of those things that nobody mentions but everyone knows. So I would definitely say there's a link there.
Original post by squiff93
thats kind of similar to what happened to me, my a levels are starting now and its all blown up in my face
Totally in this position right now. There's me thinking I was 'recovered' and I'm right back to square one, at just the time when I really don't need to be dealing with it. Ugh.
Hi all 
I'm here! At the Fat Farm
. .
God it's been hard. But very reassuring too... They are taking things VERY slowly with me. Right now I'm on 24hr obs (ick), showers sitting down (ick, and supervised), bed rest. Allowed onto balcony to smoke in wheelchair. At the moment I'm on 500 calories of liquids. This is meant to be being reviewed soon though - I've been told I'll probably next be put on half-sandwiches for meals etc and stay on that a while. Apparently because of how disturbed my eating has been I am at very high medical risk.
I didn't have my electricals yesterday but got my computer back today
which has really helped my mood. I had 3 sobbing fits earlier - once when I was weighed and measured (I've shrunk a cm which means my BMI this morning was 13.1 instead of 12.9, Toto you will relate to the 'weight cap' thing only this is a BMI one...), once when I had breakfast (200ml semi-skim milk) and once when in the shower on the chair with my thighs spread out and belly overhang (I'd thought to bring a bikini at least).
I've met some of the other patients who seem really nice, they've popped into my room to say hi and invite me out for smokes, which has been.
I managed yesterday without puking and am going to do the same today and the same tomorrow. Tbh the constant supervision is really helping with that; even though my bathroom was locked on my previous admission to an EDU I found all manner of receptacles to puke into...
I brought my offer letter from Reading with me.
I'm here! At the Fat Farm
. .God it's been hard. But very reassuring too... They are taking things VERY slowly with me. Right now I'm on 24hr obs (ick), showers sitting down (ick, and supervised), bed rest. Allowed onto balcony to smoke in wheelchair. At the moment I'm on 500 calories of liquids. This is meant to be being reviewed soon though - I've been told I'll probably next be put on half-sandwiches for meals etc and stay on that a while. Apparently because of how disturbed my eating has been I am at very high medical risk.
I didn't have my electricals yesterday but got my computer back today
which has really helped my mood. I had 3 sobbing fits earlier - once when I was weighed and measured (I've shrunk a cm which means my BMI this morning was 13.1 instead of 12.9, Toto you will relate to the 'weight cap' thing only this is a BMI one...), once when I had breakfast (200ml semi-skim milk) and once when in the shower on the chair with my thighs spread out and belly overhang (I'd thought to bring a bikini at least).I've met some of the other patients who seem really nice, they've popped into my room to say hi and invite me out for smokes, which has been
.I managed yesterday without puking and am going to do the same today and the same tomorrow. Tbh the constant supervision is really helping with that; even though my bathroom was locked on my previous admission to an EDU I found all manner of receptacles to puke into...
I brought my offer letter from Reading with me
.
