Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.

It's ok, you can't pretend to be doing well just because everyone else is doing really well. I'm here, i'm the same. Please don't self harm unless you absoloutely have to, there is obviously something inside of you telling you not to do it, so trying to focus on that. It's not a good way to start coping - I know that too well hun.

here for you x

It's ok, you can't pretend to be doing well just because everyone else is doing really well. I'm here, i'm the same. Please don't self harm unless you absoloutely have to, there is obviously something inside of you telling you not to do it, so trying to focus on that. It's not a good way to start coping - I know that too well hun.

here for you x

:'( thankyou it means a lot,

i don't want to hurt myself but i don't want to be here anymore, i don't know whats its like to feel happy anymore

i just look at myself and i feel ashamed im a mess and everything in my life relects that, i used to actually have a chance at a future now i just feel like i'm settling for something else all the time, i don't feel like i'll ever be happy and i feel like i'm only alive because i'm too scared to hurt my parents.

it sounds stupid but its like i sit in my room and just look at the mess, all the food wrappers of today bowls and paper that started off as revision and is now just thrown all over the room, all the tracksuit bottoms and pjs which smell like sick its disgusting, im disgusting and such a failure :'(

Nope, you are not a failure, you are ill. You are really ill and you need help. Your parents aren't important right now - you are. Please please get some professional help. Everything you are feeling is not you, it's your illness, your ED - and as other people have shown, with a little help, ED can be beaten.

You do have a chance of a future, no matter how bad it is at the moment. There is help out there, but you have to go get it xx

also what are you going to do? are you going to talk to people about how you feel or hope that it'll just pass?

xx

I get weighed tomorrow though and I can tell I've gained. My boobs are bigger and my upper arms are bigger . I should be able to get out the damn wheelchair though

Squiff, don't SI, please. I've a friend who can go months without doing it, but when something tips her over the edge, she proper goes for it,*

We've had quite nice weather recently and shes HAD to wear long sleeved t-shirts or a cardi because of her arms. She darent not too, epecially when we've got German, if he sees her arms, that'll certainly be a phonecall home about it.

thanks, i don't think i will do it, its so difficult to hide and it'll end up backfiring and remind me of today for longer than i need to think about it.

sorry about crap answers i feel detatched from everything and my head feels somewhere else i dont exactly feel alive

Dude. its ok. Thats how I can tell my friend wants to cut/ has done in the past day or so, she seems completely spaced out and not really on this planet.

Please don't SI . It never leads anywhere good . My arms are an absolute trainwreck. They're basically so covered in scar tissue I have little sensation in my forearms . It starts off smaller and then escalates and it will keep on escalating .

:'( thankyou it means a lot,

i don't want to hurt myself but i don't want to be here anymore, i don't know whats its like to feel happy anymore

i just look at myself and i feel ashamed im a mess and everything in my life relects that, i used to actually have a chance at a future now i just feel like i'm settling for something else all the time, i don't feel like i'll ever be happy and i feel like i'm only alive because i'm too scared to hurt my parents.

it sounds stupid but its like i sit in my room and just look at the mess, all the food wrappers of today bowls and paper that started off as revision and is now just thrown all over the room, all the tracksuit bottoms and pjs which smell like sick its disgusting, im disgusting and such a failure :'(

Nope, you are not a failure, you are ill. You are really ill and you need help. Your parents aren't important right now - you are. Please please get some professional help. Everything you are feeling is not you, it's your illness, your ED - and as other people have shown, with a little help, ED can be beaten.

You do have a chance of a future, no matter how bad it is at the moment. There is help out there, but you have to go get it xx

Right, let me say this again to everyone: **** weight. Seriously, weight is one symptom among many of the evil disease loads of us on here are suffering from. I don't care if you're 50lbs or 500lbs, an eating disorder is an eating disorder. You will be taken seriously by the doctors and it is imperative that you try to go and see them. Life with an ED is horrible and you need the help and support of people qualified to do just that in order to get better and live a happy, healthy and beautiful life.

No, I most DEFINITELY do not want to be part of team tit . *huge issues*.
Not helped by the fact that even at a BMI 12.2 I was a ****ing C-cup, I kid you not. .

*****************

Please don't SI . It never leads anywhere good . My arms are an absolute trainwreck. They're basically so covered in scar tissue I have little sensation in my forearms . It starts off smaller and then escalates and it will keep on escalating .

This. And that's why I really dislike the weight criteria for AN, because it doesn't ****** matter. Yes, you're probably 'more likely' to die at a sub 17.5 BMI but you can die as a result of ED behaviour at any weight if you do it for long enough, you can have all the thoughts at any weight. It's a symptom- ONE symptom and focusing on it just makes you feel like you're not ill enough to warrant any help because tbh there's always going to be someone who weighs less than you. If you're struggling with this illness, get help whatever your weight.

Don't EVER feel bad for saying how you feel on here hun, we all care about you and don't want you to bottle things up.
Don't dwell on this. This is a bad day. There's always tomorrow to make a new start and try and put things right. You are not disgusting and you're not a failure. You have a mental illness affecting your rationalision and perception. You do have a future. The illness makes you feel like you don't. It makes you feel like you're worthless, makes you physically weak, makes you lose all sight of everything. It's all a lie. All I want to do is get that horrible illness away from you but I can't. You HAVE to get some help.

This time a little over a year ago, I was a suicidal mess, I didn't think I had a future, I didn't want to fight the illness, I was resigned to dying. I think in a way, the AN was just me trying to kill myself really slowly in a way no-one could hate me for. But I didn't die. I got shoved in hospital, screamed down the phone to my parents telling them to get me out of hospital or let me die (don't know what that did to them...) I fought the nurses and fought recovery at every step. Got put in the halfway house for when your weight was deemed ok, overdosed on my antidepressants- I've never told anyone that- and the staff didn't know because I lied to them and I got let out and felt worse than I did before I got admitted because I had to deal with this new body that felt wrong and huge that I didn't want to be in and then I had to start my A levels. I wanted to die every single day and like you, the only reason I carried on was for my family. But, you know, it's been 9 months(?) since I left hospital and I'm still here. The food didn't kill me, even though I thought it would and more surprisingly, I didn't kill myself. I don't know why or how but somewhere along the way I realised I was stronger than I thought. I'm not going to lie and say I particularly want to live or that I'm all 'Yay recovery' because you've seen most of my posts- I'm not. But I can see that I have some sort of future and for now, that's enough for me. I don't need to be happy all the time, I don't think anyone is but at least I'm not hopeless. I'm not hopeless because that **** voice in my head doesn't have as much power over me as it did before. And that's not even from therapy or anything, it's just having a brain that isn't shruken from lack of fat and fluid and a body that isn't going to keel over anytime soon.
Of course this isn't 'real' recovery and it's not a viable way of living for a very long time but it's a damn sight better than before. Malnutrition makes you MORE depressed and suicidal. Imagine where you'll be in a year's time if you get help and imagine where you'll be in a year's time if you don't. You may say you want to die and genuinely feel like you do but it's ******* scary when you get told you might. And do you want to be a victim of this illness? It's a horrendous waste of life. You have so much potential and you can be anything and you can do anything- the possibilities are limitless. But you'll be dead if you carry on this path without getting help. I'm sorry to be blunt but it's true.

When I was losing weight and doctors were telling me what I was doing to myself I was like 'meh, whatever, nothing's going to happen to me.' and then everything happened all at once. My dad randomly mentioned it a few days ago and said that if I'd been at home for another week, I would have died. I don't know how true that is- actually my brain is doing --> right now but I don't know what I was like at that point. I can't remember because my brain wasn't working very well but right now I have the voice in my head telling me 'Everyone was exaggerating, you were fine, your weight wasn't THAT low, you could have lasted for another few years.' I was yellow ffs. And bearing in mind I'm black, it's pretty hard to go yellow! See, the voice lies to you. It's so hard to trust everyone else when you feel so cut off from everyone and it feels safe but the fact is, in your head is a voice that forces you to do self destructive things- would you tell a two year old girl that she's fat and disgusting and worthless for eating and make her starve herself? It's the ED, not you. It wants you dead. This is such an evil insidious illness and it tells you that you're not ill when you so obviously are, it tells you you deserve to die for eating and makes you feel like a horrible worthless subhuman... how is that something to hold on to?

I'm begging you, please please try and talk to your mum again, get some professional help. You don't deserve to die and not from anything as painful as multiple organ failure. This isn't control of any sort and it's not a life. You're ill and you desperately need help.

There's hope, there's ALWAYS hope as long as you're not dead. If you're dead there is no way anything will ever get better. When you're starving you're pretty damn close to death so is it any wonder you feel hopeless and suicidal? You can fight this. You can. The only way your life will be ruined irreparably is if you stop fighting. So please please start fighting.


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