Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.
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Original post by .snowflake.
DD, Squiff do either of you find your ankles become unbearably painful, i.e. ache when its cold/ they get cold?
Yup. I cried. The school knew about the name calling, the shoving into walls, trying to push me down the stairs, touching me in places I didnt want to be touched i.e. my thighs. School did bugger all because the lad doing it had aspergers.
Yup. I cried. The school knew about the name calling, the shoving into walls, trying to push me down the stairs, touching me in places I didnt want to be touched i.e. my thighs. School did bugger all because the lad doing it had aspergers.
Thats almost the opposite of what happened to me at school I was called slow despite getting high grades as I was quiet(I found out after I left I had aspergers) and the school just assumed it was down to me being from council estate.
I was bulled to the point that once I pushed a girl who was harassing me daily and used to kick me a lot and the police came round as they said I beat her up and they ahd photos of her entire body covered in bruises(which I found out a year later her parents were alcoholic pedophiles so that got me thinking they are guilty of it and wanted to blame me)
I was bullied badly by the girls and a girl got 2 guys to beat me up and break my shouler where I get arthritis for life(and it main reason I went quiet)
Original post by Linweth
Original post by Linweth
I can't. I just can't. If by some miracle I managed to I would only hurt myself over it, it is pathetic, I am pathetic.
I can't. I just can't. If by some miracle I managed to I would only hurt myself over it, it is pathetic, I am pathetic.You are NOT pathetic! You have an ED and it's hard, just keep fighting
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I'm not sure if I'm about to binge or if maybe I actually am just hungry and should eat some food...
I don't know if some of these posts are tongue-in-cheek but it's not frivolous matter. My ED has left me with heart, liver, kidney damage and porous bone degeneration. My doctors said to me that if I'd have been left to starve myself further I would've killed myself within a matter of months.
The fact is I'm a 26 year old man and I have the bones of someone thirty years my senior.
Yeah, EDs make you special, right?
Yeah. Special in the sense of "I have slowly destroyed myself" way.
The fact is I'm a 26 year old man and I have the bones of someone thirty years my senior.
Yeah, EDs make you special, right?
Yeah. Special in the sense of "I have slowly destroyed myself" way.
Original post by diamonddust
Thank you hun. I hope you're feeling ok. Pre exam breakfast!
You know what? Screw trying to revise anymore, think I'm going to go to bed and wake up really early tomorrow. You've cheered me up. It's only 25%. *breathes*
Love you honey, don't you worry either! It'll be fine!
Thank you hun. I hope you're feeling ok. Pre exam breakfast!
You know what? Screw trying to revise anymore, think I'm going to go to bed and wake up really early tomorrow. You've cheered me up. It's only 25%. *breathes*
Love you honey, don't you worry either! It'll be fine!
Thank youu
how was your paper? Ours was awful beyond belief. Literally thrown away all hopes of uni in one exam. And of course the stupid pooey piece of poo is telling me that this is all because I had toast this morning and I had pasta last night and there is no way on earth I am consuming anything other than diet coke between now and the English exam tomorrow.Sorry for being whiny but today is ****, I just want to curl up and sleep for a couple of weeks tbh
About the circulation thing, definitely. My grandma is anorexic and has severe Reynaud's, currently in hospital because her left food has literally turned black over the past year from her lack of circulation and they're considering amputating it. It's awful because she gets even worse about eating when she's in hospital - she's just like me, very systematic about her cooking and method-eating and has to know exactly what it is, down to the last gram, or she can't eat it at all.
Sorry to be a bit graphic but it is scary, have to admit she is my major inspiration in recovery because I do quite like having two feet
I have a weird relationship with food. Like it excites me when I used to comfort eat but now I value my body more but I still do things like compulsively buy food; I just went to the Co-op and spent 11£ and then another 3£ in the petrol station on chocs and stuff 
Original post by squiff93
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ive not slept much think im getting ill as thats not normal lol
Original post by NotSoCool.Fly
ive not slept much think im getting ill as thats not normal lol
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ive not slept much think im getting ill as thats not normal lol
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Original post by NotSoCool.Fly
ive not slept much think im getting ill as thats not normal lol
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ive not slept much think im getting ill as thats not normal lol
and i woke up at about 5 but didn't get up till half 8 :/
Original post by squiff93
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hun dont worry youre not alone rest assured
ive already had a bowl of cereal two packets of crisps tried each of the chocci bars i bought 3 forrero roches water coffee bagels !!! see you're not alone but i feel for you
because throwing up is never good -stating the obvious. maybe try and control your impulsion next time and use your mind to control your behaviours in the sense that remind yourself how bad and guilty youre going to feel after youve binged unnecessarily how its not going to do you any good and instead try smaller portions of what you want so you feel safe to keep it down so to speak. and you wont feel guilty. what do you mean you wont be allowed to eat? i hate food too
something insides me says go try it eat everything under the sun even if i dont even like the taste of it hate that voice i like to indulge' spend money on food
god knows what ima gonna do at uni
god knows what ima gonna do at uni
Original post by NotSoCool.Fly
hun dont worry youre not alone rest assured
ive already had a bowl of cereal two packets of crisps tried each of the chocci bars i bought 3 forrero roches water coffee bagels !!! see you're not alone but i feel for you because throwing up is never good -stating the obvious. maybe try and control your impulsion next time and use your mind to control your behaviours in the sense that remind yourself how bad and guilty youre going to feel after youve binged unnecessarily how its not going to do you any good and instead try smaller portions of what you want so you feel safe to keep it down so to speak. and you wont feel guilty. what do you mean you wont be allowed to eat?
i hate food too something insides me says go try it eat everything under the sun even if i dont even like the taste of it hate that voice
ive already had a bowl of cereal two packets of crisps tried each of the chocci bars i bought 3 forrero roches water coffee bagels !!! see you're not alone but i feel for you
because throwing up is never good -stating the obvious. maybe try and control your impulsion next time and use your mind to control your behaviours in the sense that remind yourself how bad and guilty youre going to feel after youve binged unnecessarily how its not going to do you any good and instead try smaller portions of what you want so you feel safe to keep it down so to speak. and you wont feel guilty. what do you mean you wont be allowed to eat? i hate food too
something insides me says go try it eat everything under the sun even if i dont even like the taste of it hate that voice i know its just that i know i should have had 1 weetabix or half a piece of toast because anything more than that and i just feel guilty, 2 rice crackers with nutella constitutes as the start of a binge in my head because it feels like too much, one biscuit is too much, a lot of the time unless i eat half of something its too much, everythings too much
and i'm not allowed to eat because if i do i'll feel too bad about it and lose control all over again i'm not allowed to eat because i already showed that i'm weak and can't do it so its like a punishmentyeah i know what you mean, its like when i binge i'm not me anymore and theres no real thought behind it, it just happens, i know that it happens because if you starve yourself your body just needs it at some point but i can't stop restricting because i'm scared and i'm scared it'll make me binge all the time, like at the moment its worse because of exam stress and i have 2 tomorrow and one on friday which is probably why i woke up stressed this morning but i can go without food and i can go without binging its kind of easier if food isn't an option
Original post by Kebabbi
Thank youu how was your paper? Ours was awful beyond belief. Literally thrown away all hopes of uni in one exam. And of course the stupid pooey piece of poo is telling me that this is all because I had toast this morning and I had pasta last night and there is no way on earth I am consuming anything other than diet coke between now and the English exam tomorrow.
Sorry for being whiny but today is ****, I just want to curl up and sleep for a couple of weeks tbh
About the circulation thing, definitely. My grandma is anorexic and has severe Reynaud's, currently in hospital because her left food has literally turned black over the past year from her lack of circulation and they're considering amputating it. It's awful because she gets even worse about eating when she's in hospital - she's just like me, very systematic about her cooking and method-eating and has to know exactly what it is, down to the last gram, or she can't eat it at all.
Sorry to be a bit graphic but it is scary, have to admit she is my major inspiration in recovery because I do quite like having two feet
how was your paper? Ours was awful beyond belief. Literally thrown away all hopes of uni in one exam. And of course the stupid pooey piece of poo is telling me that this is all because I had toast this morning and I had pasta last night and there is no way on earth I am consuming anything other than diet coke between now and the English exam tomorrow.Sorry for being whiny but today is ****, I just want to curl up and sleep for a couple of weeks tbh
About the circulation thing, definitely. My grandma is anorexic and has severe Reynaud's, currently in hospital because her left food has literally turned black over the past year from her lack of circulation and they're considering amputating it. It's awful because she gets even worse about eating when she's in hospital - she's just like me, very systematic about her cooking and method-eating and has to know exactly what it is, down to the last gram, or she can't eat it at all.
Sorry to be a bit graphic but it is scary, have to admit she is my major inspiration in recovery because I do quite like having two feet
Oh hun.
Your pooey piece of poo is just that, you shouldn't listen to excrement, it talks ****! I know how it feels when you're kicking yourself and wanting to cry and wanting to die and wanting to hide away and it's worse when it's because of an exam but you know what? Before this exam today, you'd done 75% of your A level. One 'bad' exam shouldn't bring your whole grade down and the beauty of essay exams is you get credit for almost anything if you write well. All isn't lost hun, it WILL be ok. 
And try not to let it ruin your motivation for tomorrow. And please please please try and eat something, even if it's just something small. You don't want to be all dizzy and not able to think very quickly in the exam tomorrow. Plus, you're awesome and you don't deserve to starve for one stupid ****** exam. Funny you should mention diet coke, have a bottle in my bag waiting for me. I swear I'm addicted to it. As for my exam, I started giggling when I saw the passage because it was so 'WTF universe?' I think it went *ok* though. 
I'm just exhausted now. The English exam had better be easy tomorrow because I can't deal with thinking anymore! About your grandma, that's ****** terrifying.
It's definitely motivation to recover. Yeah, I quite like having two feet too. My friend told me she went blind for a few months when her weight got really low. That's terrifying too. I've always been really really scared of going blind because I don't know what I'd do or how I'd live. I think the ED health effect I'm worried the most about is psychosis. I don't know if that was actually what I had but I definitely think my brain was broken by the ED when I was more physically ill. I was constantly thinking people were following me and thinking people were poisoning me and seeing things that weren't really there, I didn't trust anyone and it sounds so stupid but I thought there were calories in the air and was constantly dodging 'calorie atoms' only I could see and I would hold my breath and shut my eyes if I walked past a McDonalds (still do, actually 
). There are SO many health problems that come with an ED and you always forget or disregard them when you're *in* it but I do not want to be 50 and have bones that are virtually porous. Because you can't usually see what's going on inside your body, you don't realise what you're doing until it's too late. I don't want to die earlier than I should do either. I met women who were like 50 in hospital and there was this one patient who was in her 70s, I always (mistakenly) assumed you just magically got better. It's not fair that people have to battle with this for so long. squiff93
xx
even though my BMI was healthy i werent happy constantly wore baggy clothes and just felt fat yet still spent loads of chocolates like i do now so its hard to break that cycle
binge disorder is the most common disorder surprisingly
people binge some not even enjoying it but obviously it's an illness so they cant control it i feel like that at times like all the stuff i bought this morning has made me feel sick
at least i know ym favourite foods arent my favourite anymore cos i dont want to over indulge and make my body fat anymore
i hate stress im a constant worrier
i know what you mean though about the guilty and half foods thing
nutella is yummy though lets smile and agree to that
forrero roches have nutella think thats why i love em lol tomorrow is another day hon calm down and stick to what you planned and if you follow it youll feel so much more in control and happier and relaxed
but you need to concentrate on your exam but please for the love of god eat something nutritional at least some pasta maybe or rice remember one portion wont kill i promise but im saying this cos food is fuel for the brain to get that A
try stay away from chocolate -i am a hypocrite here cos i just spent a tenner on various chocolate bars
but you know what i mean. one biscuit is not too much i promise it aint it;s the ED talking cos i promise you you cant put a lb of weight on from one biscuit so calm down k xxxxx
you purged there is no food in you atm so please stop worrying yes it was bad aand its not right to take good from doing a ''bad act'' but to feel positive and not negative i am trying to help you see that youre ok and to calm down cos youre fine k
dont binge all the time please binging is the worst ever
hate it myself urgh cringe at my past days when i binged / over indulgedwhy is it food can be your happiness but also your worst enemy
and it's right what they say food is an everyday thing thus just as hard as over addictions if not worse cos we have to face it everyday cant just cut it out
i jjust need to get to uni so i can get away but im worried about my food situaation
in the past i would study and eat but now i cant eat so im worried il just not know what to do with myself tbh how to pass my time how to comfort myself
hope i find waysOriginal post by NotSoCool.Fly
i just remember when i was studying for my a levels my mums cooking was my comfort id be so happy when asking her after school what she'd cook and if she'd say my favourite dishes but i got to 9 stone ten lbs and for my height i should really be 8 and a half stone apparently
even though my BMI was healthy i werent happy constantly wore baggy clothes and just felt fat yet still spent loads of chocolates like i do now so its hard to break that cycle
binge disorder is the most common disorder surprisingly
people binge some not even enjoying it but obviously it's an illness so they cant control it i feel like that at times like all the stuff i bought this morning has made me feel sick
at least i know ym favourite foods arent my favourite anymore cos i dont want to over indulge and make my body fat anymore
i hate stress im a constant worrier
i know what you mean though about the guilty and half foods thing
nutella is yummy though lets smile and agree to that forrero roches have nutella think thats why i love em lol
tomorrow is another day hon calm down and stick to what you planned and if you follow it youll feel so much more in control and happier and relaxed
but you need to concentrate on your exam but please for the love of god eat something nutritional at least some pasta maybe or rice remember one portion wont kill i promise but im saying this cos food is fuel for the brain to get that A
try stay away from chocolate -i am a hypocrite here cos i just spent a tenner on various chocolate bars but you know what i mean.
one biscuit is not too much i promise it aint it;s the ED talking cos i promise you you cant put a lb of weight on from one biscuit so calm down k xxxxx
you purged there is no food in you atm so please stop worrying yes it was bad aand its not right to take good from doing a ''bad act'' but to feel positive and not negative i am trying to help you see that youre ok and to calm down cos youre fine k
dont binge all the time please binging is the worst ever hate it myself urgh cringe at my past days when i binged / over indulged
why is it food can be your happiness but also your worst enemy
and it's right what they say food is an everyday thing thus just as hard as over addictions if not worse cos we have to face it everyday cant just cut it out
i jjust need to get to uni so i can get away but im worried about my food situaation
in the past i would study and eat but now i cant eat so im worried il just not know what to do with myself tbh how to pass my time how to comfort myself hope i find ways
even though my BMI was healthy i werent happy constantly wore baggy clothes and just felt fat yet still spent loads of chocolates like i do now so its hard to break that cycle
binge disorder is the most common disorder surprisingly
people binge some not even enjoying it but obviously it's an illness so they cant control it i feel like that at times like all the stuff i bought this morning has made me feel sick
at least i know ym favourite foods arent my favourite anymore cos i dont want to over indulge and make my body fat anymore
i hate stress im a constant worrier
i know what you mean though about the guilty and half foods thing
nutella is yummy though lets smile and agree to that
forrero roches have nutella think thats why i love em lol tomorrow is another day hon calm down and stick to what you planned and if you follow it youll feel so much more in control and happier and relaxed
but you need to concentrate on your exam but please for the love of god eat something nutritional at least some pasta maybe or rice remember one portion wont kill i promise but im saying this cos food is fuel for the brain to get that A
try stay away from chocolate -i am a hypocrite here cos i just spent a tenner on various chocolate bars
but you know what i mean. one biscuit is not too much i promise it aint it;s the ED talking cos i promise you you cant put a lb of weight on from one biscuit so calm down k xxxxx
you purged there is no food in you atm so please stop worrying yes it was bad aand its not right to take good from doing a ''bad act'' but to feel positive and not negative i am trying to help you see that youre ok and to calm down cos youre fine k
dont binge all the time please binging is the worst ever
hate it myself urgh cringe at my past days when i binged / over indulgedwhy is it food can be your happiness but also your worst enemy
and it's right what they say food is an everyday thing thus just as hard as over addictions if not worse cos we have to face it everyday cant just cut it out
i jjust need to get to uni so i can get away but im worried about my food situaation
in the past i would study and eat but now i cant eat so im worried il just not know what to do with myself tbh how to pass my time how to comfort myself
hope i find wayshonestly i can't eat, my bmi is 17.8 i think atm or 17.6 but either way its not where i'd like it to be and it means i'm not actually anything, i'm not bulimic because i don't binge 3+ times a week, i'm not anorexic because my bmi is not less than 17.5 which kind of makes me think i can carry on as i am. i just really really don't want to gain anymore weight. i can't eat today because of that binge because i know the voice in my head will tell me i've failed and i'm going to get huge and to be honest because i've binged i'll be full for a long time my head feels like i've got food too much so i feel bad but i'm not thinking about what to eat and stuff because i know i can't.
i used to be overweight a few years ago i think my bmi was 25.1 but yeah it was weird i never thought about what i was eating and i ate alll the time, whenever i saw food i'd eat it, to be honest i don't think my relationship with food then was actually any better than it is now. i don't think i've ever had a food relationship with food -
love my gran to death but she kept telling me not to eat all the chocolate bars cos it'll catch up to me i.e i'll get fat. i said to her im not fat and not to worry i wont be eating them all; she was like oh you just stocking up...something like that. then she was like you hibernate for a while then suddenly come out all at once and stock up on your food like a hedgehog or something lol
Original post by squiff93
honestly i can't eat, my bmi is 17.8 i think atm or 17.6 but either way its not where i'd like it to be and it means i'm not actually anything, i'm not bulimic because i don't binge 3+ times a week, i'm not anorexic because my bmi is not less than 17.5 which kind of makes me think i can carry on as i am. i just really really don't want to gain anymore weight. i can't eat today because of that binge because i know the voice in my head will tell me i've failed and i'm going to get huge and to be honest because i've binged i'll be full for a long time my head feels like i've got food too much so i feel bad but i'm not thinking about what to eat and stuff because i know i can't.
i used to be overweight a few years ago i think my bmi was 25.1 but yeah it was weird i never thought about what i was eating and i ate alll the time, whenever i saw food i'd eat it, to be honest i don't think my relationship with food then was actually any better than it is now. i don't think i've ever had a food relationship with food -
i used to be overweight a few years ago i think my bmi was 25.1 but yeah it was weird i never thought about what i was eating and i ate alll the time, whenever i saw food i'd eat it, to be honest i don't think my relationship with food then was actually any better than it is now. i don't think i've ever had a food relationship with food -
omg youre so like me then.....last year id eat any food in sight - well good wholesome food IMO and only the best quality from the best restaurants or my mums trusted food id get so angry if mum would forget my choccie bar but looking back i was ridiculously overweight tbh for my height well ive never been over ten stone in my life so i wasnt that overweight i still visibly looked slim but i just covered up cos never felt fit so to speak
you do have an ED hun dont think you dont thats the Ed talking seriously you do because your bmi is scarily low and youre not far off from that under weight category
me on the other hand atm im a normal weight so no one knows or can tell any differentyoure so like me though...never had a good healthy relationship with food and never will till my fat arse vanishes
sorry but im being serious i feel so fat urgh cos i am people remmeber that dont mean to be triggerish btu atm im a healthy weight and healthy bmi but i just have lots of fat on my and i hate itSpoiler
like someone else was saying just cos youre a healthy looking weight or even over weight doesnt mean you dont have an ED which people forget and presume only though visibly looking ill are messed up
