Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.
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Original post by diamonddust
I read this post on the med thread but I didn't know what to say. I still don't know what to say. I think it's amazing that you've come back from all of that.
I tried to cut the events down to the ones actually relevant to education.. it wasn't meant to be a look how awesome i am sort of thing.
thank you for being so lovely to me =)
Original post by NotSoCool.Fly
i promise you you aren't fat even if you dont believe it yet all those around you know you arent and so do we and hopefully one side of you knows youre not either your beautiful inside and out ok!!!!!!! im the fat one and im not even kidding. always looked pregnant 
dont know what im gonna do at uni. i have always been a picky eater and only ate the best of foods / most expensive/ high quality
so a) i wont have enough money and even if i do i doubt il buy or eat anything frozen so how on earth will i cope without mums cooking the only foods i seem to like are spicy foods which mum cooks and il be away from home .......
the ED is the ****ing horrid **** not you you don't want to die please hun
i promise you you aren't fat even if you dont believe it yet all those around you know you arent and so do we and hopefully one side of you knows youre not either your beautiful inside and out ok!!!!!!! im the fat one and im not even kidding. always looked pregnant dont know what im gonna do at uni. i have always been a picky eater and only ate the best of foods / most expensive/ high quality
so a) i wont have enough money and even if i do i doubt il buy or eat anything frozen so how on earth will i cope without mums cooking the only foods i seem to like are spicy foods which mum cooks and il be away from home .......the ED is the ****ing horrid **** not you you don't want to die please hun
i do want to die, and its just everything together that has done this to me, i've given up i don't give a **** anymore
as for the university thing i was assuming that when i go i'll just be eating cereal and i dont think fruit or veg is that expensive so maybe some of that but that really dont matter anymore
Original post by NotSoCool.Fly i promise you you aren't fat even if you dont believe it yet all those around you know you arent and so do we and hopefully one side of you knows youre not either your beautiful inside and out ok!!!!!!! im the fat one and im not even kidding. always looked pregnant
dont know what im gonna do at uni. i have always been a picky eater and only ate the best of foods / most expensive/ high quality so a) i wont have enough money and even if i do i doubt il buy or eat anything frozen so how on earth will i cope without mums cooking the only foods i seem to like are spicy foods which mum cooks and il be away from home .......
the ED is the ****ing horrid **** not you you don't want to die please hun
i promise you you aren't fat even if you dont believe it yet all those around you know you arent and so do we and hopefully one side of you knows youre not either your beautiful inside and out ok!!!!!!! im the fat one and im not even kidding. always looked pregnant dont know what im gonna do at uni. i have always been a picky eater and only ate the best of foods / most expensive/ high quality
so a) i wont have enough money and even if i do i doubt il buy or eat anything frozen so how on earth will i cope without mums cooking the only foods i seem to like are spicy foods which mum cooks and il be away from home .......the ED is the ****ing horrid **** not you you don't want to die please hun
You don't happen to be African/Jamacian/Asian? /stereotyping
Because ditto to the bit in bold. When I was in IP, the staff thought it was an ED thing that I was crying for pepper sauce but in reality it's a 'everything I eat is covered in pepper and bland things are disgusting' thing.What are you going to study at uni?
I'm half Asain - not east 
!!!!!!!!!
I was just thinking I will have to ask mum what she puts in her curries
but I don't know what on earth to add i cant eat meat so vegetables? chickpeas maybe potatoes 
Yeah my tastebuds only seem to favour spicy foods atm tbh.
I'm studying Pharmacy
youve got a good eye diamond
lol
squiff please there is a way out of this **** mind state are you at uni. going? hugs x x x x x
!!!!!!!!! I was just thinking I will have to ask mum what she puts in her curries
but I don't know what on earth to add i cant eat meat so vegetables?
chickpeas maybe potatoes Yeah my tastebuds only seem to favour spicy foods atm tbh.
I'm studying Pharmacy
youve got a good eye diamond
lol
squiff please there is a way out of this **** mind state are you at uni. going?
hugs x x x x x squiff93
xx
(edited 12 years ago)
Original post by forsaken_earth
I tried to cut the events down to the ones actually relevant to education.. it wasn't meant to be a look how awesome i am sort of thing.
thank you for being so lovely to me =)
thank you for being so lovely to me =)
Don't be silly, it didn't come across that way at all! I'm just awed by your resilience and the way you just refuse to give up!
And majorly impressed by you doing 2 full A levels in a year! I just finished one intensive A level and I'm exhausted. I hope you get where you want to be! And yay to being in the English Lit club! I can really identify with the over achieving and under achieving thing. It still gets me down when I look at my GCSE and AS level grades because I was meant to get much better grades than I managed. Aw well. I think what annoys me about this illness is my concentration is so bad I've gone from reading a book a day to a book every 4 months.
How are you doing now?
My body is crying out for a good spicy curry but the last one mum made she put spinach in and it wasnt spicy cos no one else likes it too hot 
Original post by NotSoCool.Fly
I'm half Asain - not east !!!!!!!!!
I was just thinking I will have to ask mum what she puts in her curries
but I don't know what on earth to add i cant eat meat so vegetables? chickpeas maybe potatoes
Yeah my tastebuds only seem to favour spicy foods atm tbh.
I'm studying Pharmacy
youve got a good eye diamond
lol
squiff please there is a way out of this **** mind state are you at uni. going? hugs x x x x x
!!!!!!!!! I was just thinking I will have to ask mum what she puts in her curries
but I don't know what on earth to add i cant eat meat so vegetables?
chickpeas maybe potatoes Yeah my tastebuds only seem to favour spicy foods atm tbh.
I'm studying Pharmacy
youve got a good eye diamond
lol
squiff please there is a way out of this **** mind state are you at uni. going?
hugs x x x x xMy radar works quite well!
And chickpea and sweet potato curry with spinach stirred in with loads of pepper (scotch bonnet ) and brown rice is always good. And very healthy. You can't eat meat as in you're a vegetarian or you can't eat meat as in your ED won't let you but you want it? No judgements, don't worry!Original post by NotSoCool.Fly
My body is crying out for a good spicy curry but the last one mum made she put spinach in and it wasnt spicy cos no one else likes it too hot
My sister always complains whenever me or my mum cook because she's sweating at the pepper and my mum and I are like
'More pepper!'. Well I can only eat halal meat but thatll be expensive all the time.
Was thinking quorn but urgh.
And whats point when I'll only manage probbably 1/8 of what the butcher will give
seriously im gonna have to stick to veggies and brown rice is a great idea
then look forward to come home to mums cooking which is always a good thing and might tempt me home more
but il ask her for some recipes and have to substitute meat for boring vegetables
or just screw it altogether and stick to my crunchy nut cereal obssession even though i dont actually eat them and theyre hardly very nutritional except for the iron is it..........
gonna have some of that curry mums made but without the potatoes cos il just end up feeling guilty tbh
Was thinking quorn but urgh.
And whats point when I'll only manage probbably 1/8 of what the butcher will give
seriously im gonna have to stick to veggies and brown rice is a great idea
then look forward to come home to mums cooking which is always a good thing and might tempt me home more
but il ask her for some recipes and have to substitute meat for boring vegetables
or just screw it altogether and stick to my crunchy nut cereal obssession even though i dont actually eat them and theyre hardly very nutritional except for the iron is it..........
gonna have some of that curry mums made but without the potatoes cos il just end up feeling guilty tbh
diamond do you like chicken? chicken fajitas 
with spicy spicy seasoning
not had in a while
with spicy spicy seasoning not had in a while
dont know what happened to me at one point i disliked chicken on its own i.e. in a fajita cos i was more like ew animally veins ew lol
i swear im odd.........
i swear im odd.........
Original post by NotSoCool.Fly
squiff please there is a way out of this **** mind state are you at uni. going? hugs x x x x x
squiff please there is a way out of this **** mind state are you at uni. going?
hugs x x x x xi wanted to go to essex, but i doubt i'll be going now tbh
1. i haven't revised enough i either felt too ill, too tired or making myself sick
2. its a while away and i can't look at my life that far in the future because i hate thinking it'll last that long
3. can't end on an even number
xxx
i dont understand what you mean by number 3?
looking into the future i was the same i was like whatever if it happens itll happen but i dont believe it till it does....hon you are bright you will make it i promise you you just need to focus get a grip of the ED and think **** if im alive i might as well make the best of my future as opposed to letting the ED win and me being miserable
we always feel like we havent revised enough but maybe deep down you know your stuff im sure youll pass please revise if you feeel you dont know enough i want u to get those grades!!!!!!!!!!
im gonna have that curry later when mums friend goes but i just feel so guilty because right now my belly is so fat i look bloated and feel pregnant but i know the sensible side of me is saying eat which despite feeling fat is surely good cos i need energy and it might help me sleep better but urgh
xxxxxxxxx
looking into the future i was the same i was like whatever if it happens itll happen but i dont believe it till it does....hon you are bright you will make it i promise you you just need to focus get a grip of the ED and think **** if im alive i might as well make the best of my future as opposed to letting the ED win and me being miserable
we always feel like we havent revised enough but maybe deep down you know your stuff im sure youll pass please revise if you feeel you dont know enough i want u to get those grades!!!!!!!!!!
im gonna have that curry later when mums friend goes but i just feel so guilty because right now my belly is so fat i look bloated and feel pregnant but i know the sensible side of me is saying eat which despite feeling fat is surely good cos i need energy and it might help me sleep better but urgh
xxxxxxxxx
Original post by NotSoCool.Fly
i dont understand what you mean by number 3?
looking into the future i was the same i was like whatever if it happens itll happen but i dont believe it till it does....hon you are bright you will make it i promise you you just need to focus get a grip of the ED and think **** if im alive i might as well make the best of my future as opposed to letting the ED win and me being miserable
we always feel like we havent revised enough but maybe deep down you know your stuff im sure youll pass please revise if you feeel you dont know enough i want u to get those grades!!!!!!!!!!
im gonna have that curry later when mums friend goes but i just feel so guilty because right now my belly is so fat i look bloated and feel pregnant but i know the sensible side of me is saying eat which despite feeling fat is surely good cos i need energy and it might help me sleep better but urgh
xxxxxxxxx
looking into the future i was the same i was like whatever if it happens itll happen but i dont believe it till it does....hon you are bright you will make it i promise you you just need to focus get a grip of the ED and think **** if im alive i might as well make the best of my future as opposed to letting the ED win and me being miserable
we always feel like we havent revised enough but maybe deep down you know your stuff im sure youll pass please revise if you feeel you dont know enough i want u to get those grades!!!!!!!!!!
im gonna have that curry later when mums friend goes but i just feel so guilty because right now my belly is so fat i look bloated and feel pregnant but i know the sensible side of me is saying eat which despite feeling fat is surely good cos i need energy and it might help me sleep better but urgh
xxxxxxxxx
its just weird to end on point number two its weird i can't do it, feels wrong...
and i don't feel bright i feel stupid, if i was bright i would have spent the whole of today revising instead of being sick and then just feeling **** about it feeling guilty and hurting myself ....
i'm just going to **** up all my chances tomorrow because i'm first going to fail english then maths, the idea of eating tomorrow seems so out of the question i'm going to have like no energy and do the whole writing stuff that doesn't make sense and writing things i don't mean, putting words in the wrong order and writing the same word like 3 times in a row .....
**** **** **** ****
My mum just got home, I went downstairs to tell her that I don't need dinner because I had my sushi mini box thing, but I would still cook for her and my brother if she wanted... she just ignored me and went to the freezer and started pulling out all these different boxes of food, like two boxes of fishcakes and veggie burgers. I said 'what are you doing, you can't eat all those' and she was like 'yes you are and we can, they need eating up' and I kept saying 'we can't eat all of that food' until she turned round and yelled that I was ****ing pathetic and slapped me.
I know she's stressed because of some crap that's going on at work but seriously, she knows I did really badly in my exam today and I'm really worried about the one tomorrow as well, I appreciate she doesn't understand my ED properly but why does she think now is a good time to start force-feeding me?! I just left her to it and now I can hear her putting it all in the oven and I'm not going to lie, I am ****ing terrified, she's going to make me eat it and then I'm not going to be able to throw it up because she's not going out tonight and I'm going to spend all tonight worrying about that instead of revising and I won't be able to sleep because I'll have eaten and I'm going to fail my ****ing English exam and I just don't know what to do.
Really, really don't want to be conscious right now.
My mum just got home, I went downstairs to tell her that I don't need dinner because I had my sushi mini box thing, but I would still cook for her and my brother if she wanted... she just ignored me and went to the freezer and started pulling out all these different boxes of food, like two boxes of fishcakes and veggie burgers. I said 'what are you doing, you can't eat all those' and she was like 'yes you are and we can, they need eating up' and I kept saying 'we can't eat all of that food' until she turned round and yelled that I was ****ing pathetic and slapped me.
I know she's stressed because of some crap that's going on at work but seriously, she knows I did really badly in my exam today and I'm really worried about the one tomorrow as well, I appreciate she doesn't understand my ED properly but why does she think now is a good time to start force-feeding me?! I just left her to it and now I can hear her putting it all in the oven and I'm not going to lie, I am ****ing terrified, she's going to make me eat it and then I'm not going to be able to throw it up because she's not going out tonight and I'm going to spend all tonight worrying about that instead of revising and I won't be able to sleep because I'll have eaten and I'm going to fail my ****ing English exam and I just don't know what to do.
Really, really don't want to be conscious right now.
Original post by squiff93
its just weird to end on point number two its weird i can't do it, feels wrong...
and i don't feel bright i feel stupid, if i was bright i would have spent the whole of today revising instead of being sick and then just feeling **** about it feeling guilty and hurting myself ....
i'm just going to **** up all my chances tomorrow because i'm first going to fail english then maths, the idea of eating tomorrow seems so out of the question i'm going to have like no energy and do the whole writing stuff that doesn't make sense and writing things i don't mean, putting words in the wrong order and writing the same word like 3 times in a row .....
and i don't feel bright i feel stupid, if i was bright i would have spent the whole of today revising instead of being sick and then just feeling **** about it feeling guilty and hurting myself ....
i'm just going to **** up all my chances tomorrow because i'm first going to fail english then maths, the idea of eating tomorrow seems so out of the question i'm going to have like no energy and do the whole writing stuff that doesn't make sense and writing things i don't mean, putting words in the wrong order and writing the same word like 3 times in a row .....
but i promise you hun it's not your fault WHATSOEVER and it does not make you stupid at all. what is stupid is the act yes but you're not i promise. do you think even the smartest person in the world doesnt have issues? we all have them it doesn't mean youre stupid it just means youre a bit ill but you can pull through it. are you in year 11? or 12? if you cant eat at least have some coffee or an energy drink to give you energy for the exam you need it we all did/do when studying in order to maximise our brains !!!!!!!!! honestly no im the opposite in that i have to eat in order to feel like il pass an exam even though ive not sat an exam for almost a year i think il be the same come september.
you know how its going to effect you so i thknk you should eat something
you already know the negative effects of not eating anything so eat something i promise you it wont kill nor will it make you in any way different in size xxxxxxxxx
Original post by diamonddust
Crap school layout!
I think it's really weird when you look back and try to trace it. I think I've always had disordered eating/ED behaviours and far far too many awful experiences with food for someone who never liked eating in the first place but I was functional (well, ignoring the depressive staying in bed months) and it never actually turned into a full ED until I went to this really academic college where everyone else seemed to do well and I was determined to do just as well but ended up making myself even more ill by studying too hard and not really dealing with my depression.
I'm too tired to revise and I either need to have a nap or drink my coke. I haven't slept properly for 2 days so I think it needs to be a nap but coke's so tasty... think it's gonna be another late night/early morning tonight.
How many exams do you have left after English?
I keep watching the video in my sig to make myself laugh and take my mind off exams. After tomorrow I only have one more exam left! And I can afford to semi flop Psychology- I'll try not to though, I want an A* because it will get on my nerves that I've got over 90% for each exam and then not the last one. I haven't even looked at Psychology because of RS so I'm going to have to cram it all in 5 days- at least it's not a day like RS! Oh God, my eyes are burning and glazing over at the same time. Half an hour nap it is. Or maybe I should try and stay awake? I don't know!
I think it's pretty good that our posts are more exams than ED stuff! As stressful as this is, it's sort of refreshing...
I think it's really weird when you look back and try to trace it. I think I've always had disordered eating/ED behaviours and far far too many awful experiences with food for someone who never liked eating in the first place but I was functional (well, ignoring the depressive staying in bed months) and it never actually turned into a full ED until I went to this really academic college where everyone else seemed to do well and I was determined to do just as well but ended up making myself even more ill by studying too hard and not really dealing with my depression.
I'm too tired to revise and I either need to have a nap or drink my coke. I haven't slept properly for 2 days so I think it needs to be a nap but coke's so tasty... think it's gonna be another late night/early morning tonight.
How many exams do you have left after English?I keep watching the video in my sig to make myself laugh and take my mind off exams. After tomorrow I only have one more exam left! And I can afford to semi flop Psychology- I'll try not to though, I want an A* because it will get on my nerves that I've got over 90% for each exam and then not the last one. I haven't even looked at Psychology because of RS so I'm going to have to cram it all in 5 days- at least it's not a day like RS! Oh God, my eyes are burning and glazing over at the same time. Half an hour nap it is. Or maybe I should try and stay awake? I don't know!
I think it's pretty good that our posts are more exams than ED stuff!
As stressful as this is, it's sort of refreshing...Ohh same, I haven't slept properly since my first exam last Friday... probably why I'm so bloody whiny today! A nap is definitely a good plan, I want to sleep for 24 hours tbh but that might clash with English a tiny bit...
Psychology will be a relief then! That is exciting. English is my last one
so tomorrow will be lovely. But right now my head is just mental Original post by NotSoCool.Fly
but i promise you hun it's not your fault WHATSOEVER and it does not make you stupid at all. what is stupid is the act yes but you're not i promise. do you think even the smartest person in the world doesnt have issues? we all have them it doesn't mean youre stupid it just means youre a bit ill but you can pull through it. are you in year 11? or 12? if you cant eat at least have some coffee or an energy drink to give you energy for the exam you need it we all did/do when studying in order to maximise our brains !!!!!!!!! honestly no im the opposite in that i have to eat in order to feel like il pass an exam even though ive not sat an exam for almost a year i think il be the same come september.
you know how its going to effect you so i thknk you should eat something you already know the negative effects of not eating anything so eat something i promise you it wont kill nor will it make you in any way different in size xxxxxxxxx
you know how its going to effect you so i thknk you should eat something
you already know the negative effects of not eating anything so eat something i promise you it wont kill nor will it make you in any way different in size xxxxxxxxxyear 13 and yeah i'll probs stick to black coffee,
and yeah i used to always make sure i had porridge before an exam it was like an exception and on the day of an exam i was allowed, but i know that if i did that now then my mind wouldn't stop thinking about the 'porridge' and i wouldn't actually be able to think about the test....
****KKKKKKKKKK just trying to think of ways to not go to this exam, i almost burst into tears in front of my mum earlier and i don't even know why
keep considering overdosing but i know that i'd probably still end up sitting the exam i'd just do EVEN worse than i'm already going to do.
well uni is not that away at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!
omg do not overdose. you have come so far already im sure you got good grades last year
stop beating yourself up please.
omg do not overdose. you have come so far already im sure you got good grades last year
stop beating yourself up please.
